Got a Case of the Lonelies, Anyone Else?

Pepper said:
Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads? Insufferable.
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hollydolly said:
Yes...*ugh*....
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Shalimar said:
Ohhh yes. The arrogance!
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I think that there might be some "alone, not lonely" people. I also think it's difficult for some people to admit that they're lonely and they don't want to say it out loud. Some people see it as a weakness and keep it to themselves, while others keep it silent because they don't want to be pitied. Nothing could be further from the truth. It takes a lot of strength to deal with on-going loneliness. I see it as simply accepting and facing reality and dealing as best I can with circumstances that are difficult to change.

Bella ✌️
 
Pepper said:
Remember those 'alone, not lonely' threads? Insufferable.
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True. And you know what else I've seen recently that was insufferable and arrogant: I've read some books talking about how social connections are harder in this modern world since people no longer live in the small towns or same neighborhoods all their lives except for very few exceptions here in the U.S. and other countries and that it's hard to find and be able to afford (since few jobs) to live in such a place, etc., etc. So if you really want human connection, you'll have to take the initiative and go out and join clubs, etc. And that's true; things really have changed in the way people live, espec. since after World War 2.

But you know what? I've read a couple of these books that came right out and said that if you found going out and "hustling" like that to try to make friends difficult, it wasn't because you're shy or it feels kind of unnatural. Oh no, these authors said it meant you were lazy; that you should get up off your rear end and just do it! Are they kidding me?! Humans spent at least 25,000 years in those hunter/gathering tribes where when not hunting they were gathered around the campfire and around others; if they wanted alone time they had to walk out into the bush or whatever alone. So the default setting for almost all of human history has been your other people to socialize with was close to hand; you didn't have to get out there & hustle for it. So if it feels awkward and unnatural to be out there hustling, it means you're normal, I think; so phooey on that theory of it means you're lazy. An unhelpful, unkind, literally inhuman take on it, I think. Okay, I'm done ranting now. :censored:
 
@officerripley Sounds like those authors are selling snake oil. I agree with you on tribes. Most societies today are compartmentalized. We are isolated. People in their own walls or their little or bigger plot of land. Interacting only in their closed circles. I've thought of how people in tribes were together. Probably because I've been isolated a lot. Not so sure we've gained so much society wise.
 
My problem is when I get lonely it can be a trigger to depression for me. And I have been very prone to depression for most of my life. Do not get me wrong, just because I get lonely does not mean it will lead to depression but if I am not careful it can and once depression takes over it feels like it is one of of those friends I feel comfortable hanging around with but I know is not good to hang around with. . So I do try to let that lonely feeling flow through me and most times it will fade but if I feel it fester for too long then I need to find a way to get rid of that feeling. Many of the methods mentioned here I do also along with those things I mentioned earlier.
 
Patricia said:
Was the online support group a different set up? I thought this was a senior forum but didn't realize it's a social media site. How to tell the difference before joining and signing in?
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Some people class forums as social media. I tend to think of places like FB, Twitter, and the like as social media. Forums, OTOH, stick to interest groups. Senior Forums, Democratic Underground, MobileRead, Puppy Forum and Dog Forums, and the like. City Data and Reddit are forums that have a lot of special interest sub-forums. I am a member of all those forums, but I have some I visit a lot more than others - like here.
 
@Ruthanne, I'm not going to tell you to get diversions. Making potholders doesn't take away the hollowness in the heart.
Don't know about you but I'd love the thrill of a kiss from a real man, the intimacy. At my age, I guess "romantic love" is
all over for me and as strong as I try to be, sometimes it gets to me and I succumb to the sadness of being alone.
I try so hard to not ever feel sad , to be so positive but sometimes it just hurts. You just have to FEEL THE HURT.
Get through it. Stand up, shake yourself off and start again. it's hard but you are an extraordinary woman and you can
do this! Remember, any wonderful thing can happen at any moment! A lot of us are going through the same feelings you
are experiencing.

Haha! I've had men come up and flirt with me in the grocery store; ask me out! Stupid me, I just laugh and walk away.
I'm kind of an idiot a lot of the time! I'm my own worst enemy!
 
officerripley said:
?
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Two things that are elements of happiness are ties to the community, and having close friends and a social life. Humans, from what I've read, are not designed to be hermits. We are social animals.

I've felt hermit-like for the past 2.5 years, and I don't like it. One of the things I'm looking forward to is having someone my age (my cousin) to live with. A major part of this is that he lives in a small town (pop. 1,800) in which he knows everyone. I'm looking forward to meeting people.

Before I got married to my husband and moved to Boston, I had a very active social life, a large friendship group, and we did things together all the time. I loved it. My husband hates having a social life or guests in our home. I've really missed that. When I am in Atlanta, I have an active social life with many of those people.

Here, I used to be in a group of friends (10+ people) who met for breakfast twice weekly. Since Covid & Cancer, that hasn't happened for me, although the group still gets together.

I've gotten used to being a hermit. I don't like it, though, because every day seems to be the same. I like seeing people in person a whole lot more than I like talking on the phone. Coming here has really been beneficial to me. You all are great!

I don't like doing things alone, but I got used to it during my marriage.
 
officerripley said:
This is all so true, so true. I hear that some other countries are starting to address the loneliness issue, especially for the elderly, but not the U.S. it doesn't appear. As you've said, there seems to be a real stigma of "if you're lonely, it's your own fault!" And sure, sometimes it is the lonely person's own fault, but not always. It's like with those that don't understand, I guess they think that they and their families and their friends are all going to live and be healthy forever; human nature maybe.
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There are those that don’t understand, and sometimes those are the ones that make you feel bad about feeling lonely, and unless they travel that same road, they will never know.
 
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