Got a Case of the Lonelies, Anyone Else?

[RandomName]

Anyway, I got a date yesterday! Woohoo! I asked out a woman my age that I already know since we go to the same concert place, alone. We are going to see "Elvis". Her son is coming along also, so it's not a 100% date. I offered to buy her ticket, but she refused. Anyway, I am counting it as a date. She is someone I am attracted to emotionally.
The point is, I am "getting out there" as someone here said.

It really is hard "getting out there". At a concert yesterday a beautiful young woman half my age was making repeated eye contact with me. It stressed me out, lol. I made eye contact back each time and she smiled at me, but I didn't approach her. I'm wondering what would have happened if I had talked to her.

To all the lonely people who are "getting out there", I hear you! It's rough. At least it is for me.

Bella, about the "pouncing" dudes, yes, that is a thing. I have seen that happen.

Oh, and about the "hitting on" thing. I love to be hit on by women. It is rare, by the way. The last affair I had was when a cute young blonde started bumping her leg against mine at a picnic table. If you hit on me you have a good chance of getting the response you want, lol.

I know it's different when men hit on women. It sounds like it could get annoying.

Again, Bella, thanks for reminding me that there are lots of people who are just looking for affection and an emotional connection !

 

[Bella]

Anyway, I got a date yesterday! Woohoo! I asked out a woman my age that I already know since we go to the same concert place, alone. We are going to see "Elvis". Her son is coming along also, so it's not a 100% date. I offered to buy her ticket, but she refused. Anyway, I am counting it as a date. She is someone I am attracted to emotionally but not too much sexually.
The point is, I am "getting out there" as someone here said.

It really is hard "getting out there". At a concert yesterday a beautiful young woman half my age was making repeated eye contact with me. It stressed me out, lol. I made eye contact back each time and she smiled at me, but I didn't approach her. I'm wondering what would have happened if I had talked to her.

To all the lonely people who are "getting out there", I hear you! It's rough. At least it is for me.

Bella, about the "pouncing" dudes, yes, that is a thing. I have seen that happen.

Oh, and about the "hitting on" thing. I love to be hit on by women. It is rare, by the way. The last affair I had was when a cute young blonde started bumping her leg against mine at a picnic table. If you hit on me you have a good chance of getting the response you want, lol.

I know it's different when men hit on women. It sounds like it could get annoying.


Again, Bella, thanks for reminding me that there are lots of people who are just looking for affection and an emotional connection !

You've got a not-%100 date! Have a great time! You like this woman but aren't really interested in her romantically. She's bringing her son along, so it sounds like she might also be interested in friendship. That works because it gets you out there to possibly make other connections. Just a thought, is it possible that your emotional attraction could eventually make her more sexually attractive to you? Just tread carefully because she might be romantically interested in you and just being careful at first by bringing her son along. I dunno, just throwing it out there.

It is hard to "get out there," but while you were "out there" at a concert by yourself, you made repeated eye contact with a young woman you found attractive. You didn't approach her because it stressed you out, and you wonder what would've happened if you had approached her. Here's where it gets tough, Bucko. You'll never know unless you get off the dime and bust a move. That's right, walk on over there and smile, ask her how she liked the concert. Next time, do it! It's scary, yes, but you're a big boy and you want to meet someone. If she backs off, that's OK. If not, chat her up! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The hitting on thing. Yes, I wish an attractive guy my age would hit on me. He'd have a good chance of me hitting him back!

Bella

 

[RandomName]

You've got a not-%100 date! Have a great time! You like this woman but aren't really interested in her romantically. She's bringing her son along, so it sounds like she might also be interested in friendship. That works because it gets you out there to possibly make other connections. Just a thought, is it possible that your emotional attraction could eventually make her more sexually attractive to you? Just tread carefully because she might be romantically interested in you and just being careful at first by bringing her son along. I dunno, just throwing it out there.

It is hard to "get out there," but while you were "out there" at a concert by yourself, you made repeated eye contact with a young woman you found attractive. You didn't approach her because it stressed you out, and you wonder what would've happened if you had approached her. Here's where it gets tough, Bucko. You'll never know unless you get off the dime and bust a move. That's right, walk on over there and smile, ask her how she liked the concert. Next time, do it! It's scary, yes, but you're a big boy and you want to meet someone. If she backs off, that's OK. If not, chat her up! Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The hitting on thing. Yes, I wish an attractive guy my age would hit on me. He'd have a good chance of me hitting him back!

Bella

Wow, great to have an experienced female to talk to!

Hey, I don't know if you mean you would deck the guy who hit on you with a right cross to the jaw, or you would be interested in him, lol.

About the beautiful young thing at the concert. I was just too scared, frankly. I thought she would see how scared I was, see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice, and get turned off. But, maybe she would be OK with it, and try to get me to relax. You are right, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have approached women in the past who scared me, even though I must have looked scared, and I never ended up dating them, for some reason. I end up with the girls I'm not afraid of, even they are less attractive. And that's OK with me. Just the way it is, I guess.

The woman I'm going out with to Elvis hit on me a couple years ago, at the concert place we go to. I had been undecided about her, but now, in my "getting out there" mode, I decided to "just do it" (there's another cliche for us all).

Part of my fear of dating and "just do it" is that people have to "reject" other people if it doesn't feel right. I know it's OK to do that, and necessary, but I just don't want to be rejected, or reject someone.

Yes, I think it's possible I could get romantic with the movie date woman, and it is kind of a worry for me, actually, since it doesn't make sense to me in some way.

Thanks for the counseling session (Just kidding). The check is in the mail, ha ha.

 

[Bella]

Wow, great to have an experienced female to talk to!

Hey, I don't know if you mean you would deck the guy who hit on you with a right cross to the jaw, or you would be interested in him, lol.

About the beautiful young thing at the concert. I was just too scared, frankly. I thought she would see how scared I was, see it in my eyes, hear it in my voice, and get turned off. But, maybe she would be OK with it, and try to get me to relax. You are right, nothing ventured, nothing gained. I have approached women in the past who scared me, even though I must have looked scared, and I never ended up dating them, for some reason. I end up with the girls I'm not afraid of, even they are less attractive. And that's OK with me. Just the way it is, I guess.

The woman I'm going out with to Elvis hit on me a couple years ago, at the concert place we go to. I had been undecided about her, but now, in my "getting out there" mode, I decided to "just do it" (there's another cliche for us all).

Part of my fear of dating and "just do it" is that people have to "reject" other people if it doesn't feel right. I know it's OK to do that, and necessary, but I just don't want to be rejected, or reject someone.

Yes, I think it's possible I could get romantic with the movie date woman, and it is kind of a worry for me, actually, since it doesn't make sense to me in some way.

Thanks for the counseling session (Just kidding). The check is in the mail, ha ha.

You're cute, lol. I don't think of it as "counseling", more of a sharing of thoughts, ideas, and experiences. When you're not sure of yourself, it helps to bounce things off of one another. We can let our hair down because we're among friends here.

As far as being scared to approach someone, I get it. No one wants to be rejected. Being rejected isn't pleasant, and if you have to reject someone, be as kind and gentle as you can be.

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

The woman you're taking to the concert has romantic possibilities, eh? Something interesting that I've found is that people that I haven't been physically or romantically attracted to at first become more attractive as I get to know them. Some have turned out to be downright beautiful.

And no, I wouldn't deck the right guy who hit on me, lol. I'd sock it to him in the best way possible!

Bella

 

[RandomName]

You're cute, lol. I don't think of it as "counseling", more of a sharing of thoughts, ideas, and experiences. When you're not sure of yourself, it helps to bounce things off of one another. We can let our hair down because we're among friends here.

As far as being scared to approach someone, I get it. No one wants to be rejected. Being rejected isn't pleasant, and if you have to reject someone, be as kind and gentle as you can be.

"Courage is being scared to death but saddling up anyway." - John Wayne

The woman you're taking to the concert has romantic possibilities, eh? Something interesting that I've found is that people that I haven't been physically or romantically attracted to at first become more attractive as I get to know them. Some have turned out to be downright beautiful.

And no, I wouldn't deck the right guy who hit on me, lol. I'd sock it to him in the best way possible!

Bella

Well, I went on the date with the woman and her son and saw Elvis. She has deteriorated a lot physically , and maybe mentally too, since I met her 2 years ago. I got the impression from her that she is not interested in being romantic in the future. Maybe she's just not that into me anymore.

We saw the movie, talked about it amongst the three of us for a few minutes afterwards, then went our separate ways. I was sort of a third wheel.

So I'm going to move on to other women.

 

[Bella]

Well, I went on the date with the woman and her son and saw Elvis. She has deteriorated a lot physically , and maybe mentally too, since I met her 2 years ago. I got the impression from her that she is not interested in being romantic in the future. Maybe she's just not that into me anymore.

We saw the movie, talked about it amongst the three of us for a few minutes afterwards, then went our separate ways. I was sort of a third wheel.

So I'm going to move on to other women.

Thanks for the update @RandomName , I'm sorry it didn't pan out. Don't be too hard on yourself or too down about it. I don't think it was you. She just might not be able to sustain any type of relationship. Who knows what happened to her physically and mentally? It was a bit strange that she wanted to bring her son along. I wonder what that was about.

You're already out of the gate. I have no doubt the more you keep at it, the more confident and better you'll get at it. I have a feeling you'll do just fine in the future.

Bella

 

[Leann]

Very similar here..... and since husband left a year ago, I'm totally on my own.. living in a semi rural area, there's no clubs to join ... so it's desperately lonely... if it wasn't for everyone on here.. I'd have barely anyone to interact with...

Sorry for what you're going through. And I don't say that lightly. I recall going through many of the same feelings when my ex and I split. You are such a delightful, engaging person whom I am convinced I am somehow related to because there are so many intersections in our lives. You add so much to this forum. Thank you for that!

 

[Leann]

You are not alone Ruthanne, been a bit down in the dumps myself lately. I've been doing fairly well living on my own, but not what I would prefer. If it wasn't for the dog, and this forum, it could get pretty bleak at times. Thanks for the pie.

GG, life changes in a single breath. You never know when someone interesting will come into your life. And I hope it happens for you.

 

[Leann]

First of all Bella..I'm so sorry about the loss of your friend, coming right after the death of your husband as well must have been horrendous for you.. just the deepest heartbreak ever even tho' your friend was platonic, he saved you from the hell pit of deep depression.. and that loss must have taken your legs from under you.. ... this last year if it hadn't been for some really understanding, loyal and trustworthy friends here behind the scenes .. who just nursed me through month after month..day after day , and some outside therapy for the first time in my life .. I wouldn't have made it through , and that's not being dramatic, I was never in my life at such a low Ebb... . I'm still not right now.. but things will evntually pass.. I just think being alone, is not helping at all...which brings me to..

your post......When you tell people you're lonely, it can be difficult for them to relate because they haven't really experienced it in the truest sense. At least that's what I've found. They tell you to "get out." There are plenty of people to meet, "just get out there".....is exactly word for word what people tell me to do... my daughter is like a broken record saying it... she's just not getting it.. and she doesn't want to hear me saying I'm lonely, because she tells me I should just go out and talk to people.. so I have to pretend everything is ok... ...

She doesn't realise that alone it's hard to ''meet people''...when I no longer work.. and because my friends were ''our friends'' by and large so their loyalties are split... try and make new friends when one lives rurally.. and there are no clubs to join..( not that I'm a club person) ..but even my own female friends are not as comfortable having me near their husbands without my own being there...like I'd be after theirs???..I wouldn't but ..it just makes everything so much harder to come to terms with living alone..

I hear you, HD. Well-intended advice to "just get out there" doesn't work for everyone. It certainly didn't for me. You do far more than I do to keep busy and remain interesting. When my ex left, I still had work during the day to help stave off loneliness but nights were like one long dark tunnel I had to get through. I'm more of an introvert than extrovert so it was even more of a challenge. You're much more gregarious. I know it's been discussed elsewhere on this board about your moving to a city or to another country and if I recall correctly, you mentioned that options were limited. But I do hope you find the answer that is best for you.

 

[FastTrax]

I thought I was busy until I landed here at "South Shady Pines". Since I no longer drive, Stinky brings Kirin and she drives me around during the weekend since Kirin is suffering from separation anxiety they bed down in one of the "first night free" studio guest apartments. Pretty active and animated group and a large majority of us are Noo Yawkas and Jerseyites. I already ramped up "Club Noo Yawk" and the club and group meet policy is very liberal but no exclusivity, hard liquor. Just beer, white and red wine. They have an excellent resident support staff addressing "All things senior" especially for married residents who's spouse passes on. Hot miked cameras are everywhere so the safety teams know who's sneaking from apartment to apartment at night. Emergency assist buttons are everywhere and in every room in the apartments. Alert necklaces are free but GPS implants are expensive. I love this place though. It's a laugh riot.

 

[RandomName]

Has anyone here decided not to date, even though you are lonely?

I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship. But I like socializing in groups just fine.

Is it worth being lonely just to avoid all the possible negatives of a relationship? In reality, until recently, that is what I have been doing. Avoiding going out on dates, to avoid the problems.

But as you know if you have been reading here, I've finally been out on two dates. No relationship yet, but that's OK. I just don't know if I will ever be in another relationship, even short term.

What about you guys?

 

[Bella]

Has anyone here decided not to date, even though you are lonely?

I, myself, am afraid of getting into a relationship. But I like socializing in groups just fine.

Is it worth being lonely just to avoid all the possible negatives of a relationship? In reality, until recently, that is what I have been doing. Avoiding going out on dates, to avoid the problems.

But as you know if you have been reading here, I've finally been out on two dates. No relationship yet, but that's OK. I just don't know if I will ever be in another relationship, even short term.

What about you guys?

I haven't decided not to date. I need to meet someone and be asked out in order to date. Since the pandemic has been in full swing and even now, I've limited my exposure to others. I'm still not comfortable being with groups of people. That limits the possibilities of meeting someone. If I was OK with groups, I'd be going to the gym, be involved in other activities, and at least have an opportunity to meet people. So, I really haven't had the opportunity to meet anyone new. Hopefully, that won't last forever, and, in the not too distant future, things will change. Most of the people I know already have significant others.

I'd like to meet someone, but I'm not interested in being with just anyone. I don't want to be with just another warm body or a group of bodies. That won't do it for me. It would have to be someone I'm interested in getting to know who's also interested in getting to know me. I'd have to take it from there to see if it was relationship worthy. If you truly don't want to be lonely, you have to be willing to take a risk. How could I possibly know there'd be a problem unless I'm willing to get to know someone and let them know me?

The last thing I want is for a man to ask me out and "date" me, to the point where we really like each other, and then for him to tell me he's not interested in a relationship. Don't bait and switch on me, and don't make any kissy-face romantic moves if you're really not interested. If you want only friendship with a woman, be kind and state that right out of the gate so she has no expectations.

It sounds like you want to alleviate your loneliness without getting involved in a relationship. If that's what you want to avoid, perhaps the best thing would be for you to find groups to join with people who have a common interest. You could be involved in activities without becoming involved with anyone in particular. That's the opposite of what I want. I want intimacy. Whether I'll be able to find it this late in life, under the veil of COVID, is the question.

Does that answer your question, @RandomName ?

I wish you luck in finding and getting what you want.

Bella

 

[Packerjohn]

I am a pretty sociable guy since I have been in the field of education for my working years and you know how teachers love to talk. Hmmmmmm! Anyway, since my late wife left the planet, I have been living in this awful senior apartment with most folks wearing those terrible masks. No one to talk to and no one to share laughs with. So, you wouldn't blame too much if I have a 2nd strong "Captain Morgan" rum, will you?

 

[Bella]

I am a pretty sociable guy since I have been in the field of education for my working years and you know how teachers love to talk. Hmmmmmm! Anyway, since my late wife left the planet, I have been living in this awful senior apartment with most folks wearing those terrible masks. No one to talk to and no one to share laughs with. So, you wouldn't blame too much if I have a 2nd strong "Captain Morgan" rum, will you?

Not at all @Packerjohn . May I join you?

 

[Ruthanne]

The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship. I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine. I love to cook for one thing. It also helps having my pets. Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again. It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore. I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.

COVID still concerns me too. Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.

 

[Teacher Terry]

I don’t think I ever want to live with anyone again. I have spent most of my life married but I do miss the companionship. I would love a partner where we each had our own house.

 

[RandomName]

The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship. I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine. I love to cook for one thing. It also helps having my pets. Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again. It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore. I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.

COVID still concerns me too. Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.

Ruthanne, that's the feeling I get a lot. That half of the women out there only want to be with other women (socially). Sitting around a table at a restaurant, all women. You almost never see guys doing that.

Not criticizing you women, just noting it. And yes, sometimes I think I should just give up the whole dating thing. Not worth it, lol.

At church a few weeks ago the lady pastor mentioned that a lot of the women in the congregation had given up on dating, since they feel they will never find the right guy.
It's a thing !

What's that Eagles song, "we're all learning to be loners" ?

 

[RandomName]

Not at all @Packerjohn . May I join you?

I hear you Packerjohn. I am a dude, but I hoist a pint of Lionshead pilsener with you.

 

[hollydolly]

The answer to being lonely is not always a relationship. I have my lonesome days but am not always lonely...I find that when I get busy doing some projects I'm fine. I love to cook for one thing. It also helps having my pets. Don't know if I'll ever be in a relationship with the opposite sex again. It really doesn't appeal to me much anymore. I'd rather have a nice lady friend to have lunch with at times.

COVID still concerns me too. Still need to get the second booster but may just wait till autumn since it's close now.

well it's early days for me, he's only been gone a year and we're still married... but eventually when the ties are undone, I can't see me with another man... maybe casual friendships.. certainly, I've always been a person whose had more male friends than female.. but marriage?.. nope I can't see that in my future..

After I divorced my first husband it sickened me off marriage, and out of all my friends, I stuck to my guns and despite several proposals over the years , was determined not to marry again..

However I gave in 16 years later and Married my now husband.. , I won't say I should have stuck to my resolve because there's a lot of good in him ..as well as the not so good... but twice bitten?... time to sit up and pay attention.. so I'll be happy with casual friendships.. male or female...

trouble is these days it's hard to make new friendships.. everything is done online now, like with social media, and online forums...

 

[MickaC]

well it's early days for me, he's only been gone a year and we're still married... but eventually when the ties are undone, I can't see me with another man... maybe casual friendships.. certainly, I've always been a person whose had more male friends than female.. but marriage?.. nope I can't see that in my future..

After I divorced my first husband it sickened me off marriage, and out of all my friends, I stuck to my guns and despite several proposals over the years , was determined not to marry again..

However I gave in 16 years later and Married my now husband.. , I won't say I should have stuck to my resolve because there's a lot of good in him ..as well as the not so good... but twice bitten?... time to sit up and pay attention.. so I'll be happy with casual friendships.. male or female...

trouble is these days it's hard to make new friendships.. everything is done online now, like with social media, and online forums...

Don’t mean to be nosey, Holly. Are you at all proceeding to a legal separation or divorce. A year without legal papers, can be somewhat stressful.

 

[hollydolly]

Don’t mean to be nosey, Holly. Are you at all proceeding to a legal separation or divorce. A year without legal papers, can be somewhat stressful.

No procedure in place yet ... I'm in a complicated position.. that's all I'm willing to say on an open forum.. ...and yes you're right, it is very stressful... but things will occur when they need to occur, and I'll deal with them then.. no choice tbh

 

[MickaC]

No procedure in place yet ... I'm in a complicated position.. that's all I'm willing to say on an open forum.. ...and yes you're right, it is very stressful... but things will occur when they need to occur, and I'll deal with them then.. no choice tbh

You know best of your situation…..just always hate seeing a long drawn out battles, where lawyers get rich.

 

[RandomName]

I haven't decided not to date. I need to meet someone and be asked out in order to date. Since the pandemic has been in full swing and even now, I've limited my exposure to others. I'm still not comfortable being with groups of people. That limits the possibilities of meeting someone. If I was OK with groups, I'd be going to the gym, be involved in other activities, and at least have an opportunity to meet people. So, I really haven't had the opportunity to meet anyone new. Hopefully, that won't last forever, and, in the not too distant future, things will change. Most of the people I know already have significant others.

I'd like to meet someone, but I'm not interested in being with just anyone. I don't want to be with just another warm body or a group of bodies. That won't do it for me. It would have to be someone I'm interested in getting to know who's also interested in getting to know me. I'd have to take it from there to see if it was relationship worthy. If you truly don't want to be lonely, you have to be willing to take a risk. How could I possibly know there'd be a problem unless I'm willing to get to know someone and let them know me?

The last thing I want is for a man to ask me out and "date" me, to the point where we really like each other, and then for him to tell me he's not interested in a relationship. Don't bait and switch on me, and don't make any kissy-face romantic moves if you're really not interested. If you want only friendship with a woman, be kind and state that right out of the gate so she has no expectations.

It sounds like you want to alleviate your loneliness without getting involved in a relationship. If that's what you want to avoid, perhaps the best thing would be for you to find groups to join with people who have a common interest. You could be involved in activities without becoming involved with anyone in particular. That's the opposite of what I want. I want intimacy. Whether I'll be able to find it this late in life, under the veil of COVID, is the question.

Does that answer your question, @RandomName ?

I wish you luck in finding and getting what you want.

Bella

Bella, I've reread your post a few times.

I am 'out there' and am not worrying about covid and it still s*cks, lol ! So you're not missing anything.

As far as knowing the score, and not being hurt by a guy, I think most woman know all about my motives and what kind of guy I am, after 60 seconds talking to me. They even know things about me I don't know, if you know what I mean. They are way ahead of the game in that department.

I don't want to hurt anyone, but it just happens, sometimes. Like you said, we all have to take a risk.

 

[officerripley]

That half of the women out there only want to be with other women (socially). Sitting around a table at a restaurant, all women. You almost never see guys doing that.

True. Maybe because of something I've noticed, both IRL and looking at stuff posted online: when women get older, we seem to be mainly interested in other people, usually family which usually means kids and grandkids,etc, but even women without any family whatsoever want to be somewhere where there is at least socializing if not friendship. What most men seem to want when they get older? Living just like they did when they were 40 (or whatever their favorite age was). So: women get more and more interested in people; men get more and more interested in proving they're still 40.

 

[RandomName]

True. Maybe because of something I've noticed, both IRL and looking at stuff posted online: when women get older, we seem to be mainly interested in other people, usually family which usually means kids and grandkids,etc, but even women without any family whatsoever want to be somewhere where there is at least socializing if not friendship. What most men seem to want when they get older? Living just like they did when they were 40 (or whatever their favorite age was). So: women get more and more interested in people; men get more and more interested in proving they're still 40.

OK, I may be trying to prove I can still be 40. But...

Today I was out and about socializing at various activities. I had the chance to hit on several women, but did not, for all sorts of good and bad reasons.

Remembering this thread is about loneliness, not dating, I must say my favorite part of the day was pickleball, when I felt accepted by the other people, part of the group, you're OK, Random, we like you. I must have a need to be liked by others. I know that's anathema to the self-reliant mantra, but whatever.