Has anyone you really liked, change and start liking your "enemy"?

[AnnieA]

Sorry for that happening, Annie. Unfortunately, it seems to be kind of common: a few years back, I saw an online argument on a liberal forum. A white male who lived in the Amer. South was taken to task for describing himself as a "liberal" by a white male who lived in New York City. The NYC guy told the Southern guy that there was no way he could rightfully call himself a liberal if he "insisted on" living in the South, that the South should never have even become a part of the U.S. due to its "Caribbean, plantation-based, racist economy." The Southern guy kept trying to defend himself but the NYC guy was really sh*tty to him. Welp, the comments had been closed but if they weren't I think I might've pointed out the the Amer. South has no corner on being racist; in fact, there was a profitable slave-returning service being run out of NYC for all or most of the 19th Century up 'till the Civil War, for crying out loud! (Try telling some people that, though, sigh.)

I'm not surprised. It isn't just a world view misconception. A girl from Indianapolis who came to my college in the South in the 80s brought a big box full of mixed tapes she'd made. She thought we didn't have radio stations lol.

As far as racism today, I've had black friends tell me they have experienced more racism in parts of the country that don't have a significant black population than in the South. Totally makes sense now that we study, work and play alongside each other and have blended families. It's by no means perfect, but now that there's no longer enforced segregation, the walls for some fell quickly; black and white at first had to get along ...for a lot of people that then progressed to enjoying getting along.

The Southern prejudice doesn't stop with whites. Black people in the South are often perceived as being backwards for staying regardless of how successful and fulfilling their lives may be here.

 

[Paco Dennis]

A question that begs to be asked. To my way of thinking a friend is someone you have met and associate with in person, have outings with, share confidences with, go out with. With that in mind, how can people on a public forum be described as "friends" so much so, they have a hold on someone. I simply do not understand.

Good insight. What you say is true. There is "real" life, and then there is our "virtual" life. The problem is that within us all we react to how people respond to us. It is in our genes. It doensn't matter which place your words /actions are reacted to...we FEEL the same way's. I know some people who used to behave in person, the same way they do virtually, and if we all didn't have the time lag and animosity we would be stipped of writing about "being ourselves", and have to perform it in real time in someone's face.

 

[Paco Dennis]

Whew, try to walk the tight rope of family politics and you'll probably fail. Everybody is either opinionated or in a relationship for a reason. Then there are the family connivers & manipulators.

If one is truely surprised in situations like this they probably never had people or the relationship dynamics figured out. Sometimes by design with those putting on an act.

I am 69 and still don't! Ha! Please stand up if you have this "figured out."

 

[horseless carriage]

I am 69 and still don't!

Me neither! Soixante neuf, indeed!

 

[Warrigal]

I may walk around with blinkers on all the time but I have never really felt that anyone was my personal enemy in school although I did get a pretty strong feeling that my Year 7 maths teacher didn't like me very much. That may not have been personal to me. I don't think she liked many of us.

In adult life and online I know by the responses that my posts on certain topics have irritated some people but I don't take their reactions personally. However, I abhor cruelty. Some children may like pulling the legs off crickets but I could never contemplate doing such a thing and would not like or respect someone who enjoyed such pastimes.

It is the same on forums. I have witnessed instances of mean girl (and nasty man) behaviour and I know exactly what Lara experienced because of her posts. I don't know what satisfaction people get from targeting someone for online bullying. I seem to remember writing a very long post some time ago on this very subject. None of us know what is going on in someone else's life or what happened to them in the past, just as we have no idea what pain is caused to a harmless cricket when its legs are pulled off. For that reason I am friendly to all and if my posts seem unfriendly it is unintentional. However, my real friends are few and they are people I have known for years, in the flesh.

Luke 6:31

 

[Dana]

Online friendships just go by a different definition than Real Life in-person friends. That said, I've met several "online" friends in-person, had lunch with a couple, went to a computer software/technology convention with another. I am "friends" on Facebook with several other online friends from various forums. All these folks have turned out to be just like their online personas, which I find some comfort in.

.
At least you have actually met them in the flesh. I have a bunch of friends, I met on a professional women's site and we have met, lunched together and two years ago, we all met for a convention and it turned into a beautiful weekend of friendship. We are now real friends.

 

[Dana]

If people feel they have to make "enemies" on an anonymous site such as this one, then there is something very wrong with their internal compass.
Makes no sense to me to form cliques to fight an imaginary battle with phantom "enenies."

 

[MarciKS]

 

[Gaer]

Not "enemies" but I've lost" friends/aquaintences" as soon as they find out I am a painter, sculptress and have written books.
As long as they don't know what I do, they like me. As soon as I show them my art or my books, they want nothing more to do with me.
Also, they turn away if I say anything metaphysical; anything outside their limited beliefs. I don't understand it.
Guess I'm an odd duck!
So, I can only be their "friend" if i speak only of meaningless crap and hide who I am. just nod and smile.

 

[Aunt Marg]

Not "enemies" but I've lost" friends/aquaintences" as soon as they find out I am a painter, sculptress and have written books.
As long as they don't know what I do, they like me. As soon as I show them my art or my books, they want nothing more to do with me.
Also, they turn away if I say anything metaphysical; anything outside their limited beliefs. I don't understand it.
Guess I'm an odd duck!
So, I can only be their "friend" if i speak only of meaningless crap and hide who I am. just nod and smile.

How sad that is, because in speaking for myself, I would be even more inclined to befriend a person like yourself, Gaer, account your interesting life through your hobbies.

 

[Devi]

Not "enemies" but I've lost" friends/aquaintences" as soon as they find out I am a painter, sculptress and have written books.
As long as they don't know what I do, they like me. As soon as I show them my art or my books, they want nothing more to do with me.
Also, they turn away if I say anything metaphysical; anything outside their limited beliefs. I don't understand it.
Guess I'm an odd duck!
So, I can only be their "friend" if i speak only of meaningless crap and hide who I am. just nod and smile.

In my experience, some folks aren't comfortable with artists. Or anything metaphysical. Or anyone accomplished.

I know it can be a drag. But may I suggest finding a better quality of friend?

 

[JonDouglas]

As you well know, we all change over time as do the social dynamics of those we interact with. Friendships are different from familial relationships because we choose to enter into them without the benefit of structural norms. Friends become friends for a variety of reasons (e.g., shared interests) and over time, other demands (e.g., job, health, family needs, etc.) can easily become more pressing than friendships. People go their separate ways over time and friendships seem to diminish as we get older..

 

[Sassycakes]

The only person I was friends with and now I do not bother with was my sister's husband's sister. When he was young his parents divorced. The father took 3 of the kids and the mother only kept the baby. Neither of them wanted the oldest child who my sister later married. He lived in his grandmother's basement. When he was 11yrs old he was hit by a bus and spent months in the hospitol. When he got out neither parent wanted him so he went to a boy's home. He got out when he was 16yrs old. He met my sister 2 yrs later. They fell in love instantly and eloped. After they were married for a while she tried to get his family back in his life. One of his sisters became friends and since she had a son she wanted him to have family around him. So she asked my sister and her family to go see her and spend weekends together. They invited me and my family also. She preferred my kids over her brother's kids and showed it Then when my BIL passed away she made fun of my Husband when she saw how sad he was over the loss of my BIL. Then last year my sister's youngest son passed away and she didn't even attend the wake. That was the end of my relationship with her and my sister also doesn't bother with her anymore either.

 

[grahamg]

Whew, try to walk the tight rope of family politics and you'll probably fail. Everybody is either opinionated or in a relationship for a reason. Then there are the family connivers & manipulators.

If one is truely surprised in situations like this they probably never had people or the relationship dynamics figured out. Sometimes by design with those putting on an act.

Very astute responses and insights, if you don't mind my saying.

(I'm one of those who took my time figuring those things too )