How well do you “read” people?

applecruncher

applecruncher

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Location
Ohio USA
Upon meeting or interacting with someone (in real life), are you able to assess their character and decide whether or not you want to associate with the person?

Sometimes we have no choice. A friend or relative dates or marries someone who you just don’t feel comfortable about…..even without hearing them say much or knowing about something they’ve done. Or, you have a new co-worker and you have a feeling in your gut that you need to be on your guard. But you have to work together.

Intuition is a powerful, valueable thing. When I've gone against my intuition I've usually gotten into trouble. I don’t feel that you should necessarily give everyone the benefit of the doubt. (Mainly for safety/security reasons). Sometimes red flags and warning lights are flashing, but not always.
 

Yup I have quite a highly tuned intuitive nature...but on the odd occasion it's thrown me a curve ball, and I've ignored my intuition thinking I must have got it wrong , mainly to my detriment...
 
I noticed that you put "read", not "judge" people, but, IMO, they are both the same.
I judge, ok-"read", people:
By the way they talk, IOW, the language they use (cussing/swearing).
How they dress.
Tattoo's and/or body piercings.
Where they live, if I find that out.
If they smoke.......don't like being around smokers.
I listen to what people like and don't like.

In order to stay away from, what could be called "bad people", I think most people do have to judge others.
Wife and I don't want to associate with drug users, heavy drinkers and so on.

When I was involved with rodeo, I was "read"/"judged" by some folks quite often. No yelling, fighting or anything like that. I'd just walk away from them when they would start verbally talking bad about the sport I was in and loved.
 

Having spent the majority of my working life in financial sales & sales/management I think I have been able to read people pretty well, however, I must meet and talk with them in person. It's virtually impossible to read people on this forum by just reading their posts, however, some folks like to think they can.
 
I noticed that you put "read", not "judge" people, but, IMO, they are both the same.
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I do feel there is a difference between “read” and “judge”.

Reading someone (imo) involved getting a general feeling about them (good or bad) without knowing their thoughts or without knowing what they do for a living, where they live, things they’ve done, etc.

Judging (imo) is based on something specific such as cursing, using drugs, political or religious beliefs, organizations they belong to, etc.
 
Josiah said:
I think I'm probably not very good at reading people, but after following the Ex-spouse thread recently, I've seemingly done a whole lot better than a lot of members.
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Re Ex Spouse posts Josiah .. I think it shows how much abuse/ Pain we put up with while younger, Many of us whether we realise it or admit it to our selfs have grown into stronger more independent ladies in a lot of cases, I'm one of them I have my own bank account if I want to buy anything I have my own money ( I worked part time untill I was 65) hubby finished work at 47 , and I will say cautiously hubby spends without thinking about it I'm a saver, (and he is not getting my hard earned money to spend on trivial things to put in abox in the shed )I have my own car and always will (like my independence)
Oh I never intended marrying again after the one I have mentioned.
 
I’ve had a few situations where people (relative or friend) deeply disappointed or hurt me. After having what I saw as a great relationship with them for many years (decades) something happened which I just could not accept or overlook. For example, I found out they had been stabbing me in the back, or lying about something important, or something along those lines.

But…….when I sat down and tried to wrap my head around it, I was forced to admit that I always had a feeling in my gut that something was “off”. I choose to ignore that gut feeling, that little voice that was trying to warn me, until they went too far.

There was also a situation with a former co-worker. She came on board at a place I used to work at. She was friendly, energetic, smart, interesting to talk to – I wanted so badly to like her. But from the get-go that little voice said “be very careful”. Within a few weeks I found out she was a phoney and major league trouble.
 
After some pretty damaging betrayals committed by the EX, I learned to pay attention to my gut feelings. I'm not saying that gut feelings are 100% accurate, but they do alert on behavior or actions that merit further scrutiny.
 
I think I've done a pretty good job of reading people over the years. There have been a couple times I've been surprised-someone that I expected to be "less than desirable" fooled me and was a very honorable person and vice versa. But over all I think I've done a pretty good job.
 
I someone who generally takes people at face value but every so often I have a reaction that makes me hold back. Subsequent events have usually proved my reaction to be valid. This "gut feeling" is intuition, perhaps even instinct, at work. It has nothing to do with judgement IMO.
 
I think I read people quite well. I have a very empathetic nature, good pattern recognition, recognize visual and verbal tells, can 'feel' people. That said, from time to time, I get hung on my compassion, many emotional vampires out there. Also there are individuals who are simply better at conning me than I am at reading them. We are all under construction, aren't we? Love it, when men embrace the intuitive aspect of their nature, enhances their masculinity, in my opinion.
 
"Reading" is just a politer way of saying the word, "judging"! A lot of people will criticize people who "judge", but in the long-run, those folks are doing the same thing. They just don't want to admit it.

Just think, when you are "reading" someone, you are listening to them, watching their body language, etc...........are they lying about something, being deceitful, whatever? It all comes under "judging" the person and if you really want to know them or not.
 

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