I assume, everyone reminisces the past at one time or another?

Mr. Ed

Mr. Ed

Be what you is not what you what you ain’t
Location
Central NY
I understand my past in greater detail than before of which I attribute to TMS therapy. Most of my years I hated my dad for abandonment. The truth is, after my 16th birthday incident he and I parted ways, however, it was not as black and white as I pictured it. Sure we parted ways but from reproach, my dad moved to the next church to preach at while my brothers and I completed the school year.
When we finally moved to our new house, my brother and I lived in the basement thereby reinforcing the distance between me and my dad. I've harbored such hatred and animosity toward my dad for far longer than I should. My dad did not have the makings of a good parent which complicated family relationships for us all.

I hope my former feelings toward my dad are resolved and never to surface again. Maybe the same will be said about trauma.
 

What a helpful insight you have had. I am glad that your memories are becoming more realistic for you. I like to "day" dream about the past. Sometimes things reveal themselves that I never recognized before. Some good some not so good. I enjoy it.
 
What I find intriguing is when my siblings or myself remember a thing differently. I was having a rare conversation with one of my brothers and was reminiscing about a visit we had paid a friend of my mothers. The way that I remembered it, was that we were out walking, and that my mother had happened to run into an old acquaintance by chance. My brother remembered that it was a planned visit. Funny about memories!
 

I think about the past many many times. My older sister and I talk about the past a lot. Just a little while ago we both remembered something about my Mom. My Mom would get the wooden spoon to hit me. My sister would stand in front of me because she knew my Mom would never hit her with the wooden spoon.
 
@Mr. Ed , your post is specific, but your subject line is general, so I'll go with that.

I've had so many losses and changes in my life, I've had to learn to forget about the past.

When I do find myself reminiscing, I end up realizing that it's just as well it ended (whatever it was).

For example, The one(s) that got away. One was a Catholic School teacher, and I'm an atheist. One's mother didn't like me. She just died last year, so we would have had 45 years of problems.

As for my father ... I had a lot of bad thoughts and feelings about him for years. But now I can see him as just another flawed human.

I'm interested in personality theory, and I think some of us are "wired" to think about the past, and some not so much.
 
“We leave something of ourselves behind when we leave a place, we stay there, even though we go away. And there are things in us that we can find again only by going back there.” Pascal Mercier, Night Train to Lisbon

I'm glad for you that you've chosen forgiveness and pray the trauma remains healed.
 
You can't help thinking too much about the past if you aint got much shakin' in the present. An idle mind is the devil's workshop. When younger, there was much more going on in a person's life, at least for me, than in retirement. You can think too much if there's not much to do as a distraction.
 
I have always tended to put things behind me quickly, but as I've gotten older I find myself frequently becoming nostalgic and reminiscing about the past. I don't think it's a bad thing. I simply have fewer years left on this earth than I've lived, so it is sometimes nice to look back.

Re: specific issues in the past, I have mentioned before that I was a chubby, effeminate young boy. I became determined in Junior High to lose weight and become more "straight acting". It got me through life and my career. Fast forward to my 40's when I went to a psychologist for depression and he told me I had "buried that 9 year-old boy" and needed to revisit that time. I bawled my eyes out, came to terms with who I used to be and realized that is also a part of who I am today. I've never looked back.
 
From time to time, I think of that day gone past. The flash of a moment in which words were said in haste. Someone who hurt me and took advantage of my innocence. The friend of mine that drove real fast. The rain and snow that chilled me to the bone. The dog that chased me home. The airplane that flew through the clouds so fast. That relative that dwelt too much time in the problems of the past. Mama would say “Dinners done” at last. The fad of the day that just would not go away. Getting stuck in a rut and the tire that went flat. Mom talking about the leprechauns that came at night and tied knots in my hair. Bubble gum on my shoe and the kid who went lunatic. That boy with the turtle that would bite you. Ma and Pa and the cousin called Brat. Remembering the day of the past and figuring out what went wrong. Looking for the good of the moment so to remember the best.
 
dseag2 said:
Fast forward to my 40's when I went to a psychologist for depression and he told me I had "buried that 9 year-old boy" and needed to revisit that time. I bawled my eyes out, came to terms with who I used to be and realized that is also a part of who I am today. I've never looked back.
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That's wonderful that you were able to find a good psychologist. The one time I tried therapy here, the therapist told me I should try attending church. When I told her I'm an atheist, she frowned and took a step back from me. (Seriously.) I didn't go back.
 
The past becomes less relevant to me in the present, I see people that cling to the past and I can't help but think they're shielding themselves from reality with a fantasy. Some people taking pride in being 'still the same', I don't see how learning and growth can occur like that. I've had to change my life and attitudes several times from life's experiences, I think helps in dealing with the future.
 
Queuing for ages outside shops in the late 40s and early 50s, with my Mum's ration book, then just before getting to the door of the shop, the owner would come out and say, "Sorry, ladies and gents, we're sold out."
Then he would walk down the line handing the people little numbered tickets, so that the next day you would resume the same place in the queue the following day. 😊
 
When I reflect back on my parents it's usually that they were meant for each other. Dad legally blind, mom stay at home doing the best she could with the limited earning my father made. Never went hungry & had decent clean clothes. Dad never asked for or got any social assistance. BTW legally blind to those that don't know the difference is he could see but the distance was limited.
We lived close to where he worked so he could walk to work using the same path or route to & from work. I didn't know we were poor just knew that home made bread & onion & ketchup sandwiches on the hot fresh made bread were great. Somewhere around age 8 or 9 I got a job at a mom & pop grocery store stocking shelves & cleaning the meat cases. That money helped supplement the family income. Life was good.
 
officerripley said:
That's wonderful that you were able to find a good psychologist. The one time I tried therapy here, the therapist told me I should try attending church. When I told her I'm an atheist, she frowned and took a step back from me. (Seriously.) I didn't go back.
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Some so called therapists out there do more harm than good. I had one who seemed helpful, but when I shared about my childhood and young adulthood, which had a hefty amount of abuse, she reacted as if I were boasting about how popular I was. Here I was looking to heal from it and she reacted like an idiot. I am now my own best therapist!
 

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