I'm Incredibly Depressed

Nihil

Nihil

Member
Location
Earth
My now ex girlfriend told me last night that whenever I touched her, she felt violated. I too have felt this way about other women. She's been giving me the cold shoulder for a longtime. Her interactions with me have been obviously disingenuous. She didn't appreciate my abilities and interests. She would only do something with me if it's what she wanted to do. I didn't appreciate her interests and abilities either. A while back, I let her know that I pretended to enjoy doing the things she likes, but she wouldn't do the same for me. That made her uncomfortable. We were together 16 years. Her daughter graduated high school, so I guess we're no longer staying together for the child.


I have no one to talk to. People seem like some combination of superficial, oblivious, and controlling. I'm too old to put up with people. I can't be a happy go lucky absurdist anymore. I'm stuck in hard cold reality by myself.
 

Falcon said:
Looks like you're posting a "Pity Party". Be like me:.....I don't allow myself to get depressed ! Such a waste
of time.
Click to expand...

I'm looking for some conversation and comfort. You've shown me that I don't want to be like you.
 

Do you not have any free 1-800 numbers you could call?
Im not sure how to help you. I do know that sometimes hearing startling news that’s difficult to digest can instantly darken our reality.

When I go through these types of phases I take one day at a time and make sure to treat myself with unconditional love and kindness. Sometimes to get my thoughts away from myself and the depression I focus my attention on others instead.
 
Nihil said:
It's too bad that I'd have to pay someone to talk to me about depression.
Click to expand...

Nihil there are many people you might talk to without paying for it. You must have some friends or family that would. If not, well.... you still have us.

I know that lonely depression well. Sometimes it seems overwhelming, especially at our age. But hang in there. Try not to dwell but instead make plans, or even one plan. Better days are coming for you!
 
Nihil said:
My now ex girlfriend told me last night that whenever I touched her, she felt violated. I too have felt this way about other women. She's been giving me the cold shoulder for a longtime. Her interactions with me have been obviously disingenuous. She didn't appreciate my abilities and interests. She would only do something with me if it's what she wanted to do. I didn't appreciate her interests and abilities either. A while back, I let her know that I pretended to enjoy doing the things she likes, but she wouldn't do the same for me. That made her uncomfortable. We were together 16 years. Her daughter graduated high school, so I guess we're no longer staying together for the child.


I have no one to talk to. People seem like some combination of superficial, oblivious, and controlling. I'm too old to put up with people. I can't be a happy go lucky absurdist anymore. I'm stuck in hard cold reality by myself.
Click to expand...

I don't mean to be rude or seem cold but this seems more like a tantrum than depression to me.

IMO the decription of your relationship over the last 16 years does not sound healthy.

Accept the fact that your girlfriend has decided to move on and begin building a new life for yourself.

I hope that you both find what you are searching for.
 
RadishRose said:
Nihil there are many people you might talk to without paying for it. You must have some friends or family that would. If not, well.... you still have us.

I know that lonely depression well. Sometimes it seems overwhelming, especially at our age. But hang in there. Try not to dwell but instead make plans, or even one plan. Better days are coming for you!
Click to expand...

I've got 7 cats. Thanks for being there for me.
 
Just keep in mind that clinic depression isn’t a mood you can snap out of.
Its more complex than that. Try and love and accept yourself just as you are including all your thoughts and emotions, no matter how negative they are. You are allowed to feel depressed.

When I’ve been in deep stages of depression one of the very first steps of healing for me was to accept that I was a valuable human even while being depressed. It’s human nature to reject the things we don’t like and in doing so we reject ourselves yet don’t quite see it. Accept yourself as you are, including your depression. It’s not a separate entity. It’s a part of you and it’s ok to feel depressed.
 
Keesha said:
Just keep in mind that clinic depression isn’t a mood you can snap out of.
Its more complex than that. Try and love and accept yourself just as you are including all your thoughts and emotions, no matter how negative they are. You are allowed to feel depressed.

When I’ve been in deep stages of depression one of the very first steps of healing for me was to accept that I was a valuable human even while being depressed. It’s human nature to reject the things we don’t like and in doing so we reject ourselves yet don’t quite see it. Accept yourself as you are, including your depression. It’s not a separate entity. It’s a part of you and it’s ok to feel depressed.
Click to expand...

I'm accepting that I'm depressed. It doesn't feel OK. Thanks for your feedback.
 
Nihil said:
I'm accepting that I'm depressed. It doesn't feel OK. Thanks for your feedback.
Click to expand...
You’re welcome.
No it doesn’t at all and won’t for a while but each day that goes by that you love and accept yourself , including your depression is a step closer to transforming it within you. It isn’t easy but resistance can make it even more difficult.
 
Keesha said:
You’re welcome.
No it doesn’t at all and won’t for a while but each day that goes by that you love and accept yourself , including your depression is a step closer to transforming it within you. It isn’t easy but resistance can make it even more difficult.
Click to expand...

It's not easy to resist. That's why I'm looking for friendly distraction.
 
We're adjusting to going through a terrifying night. We had pent up disrespect for each other and ourselves. We had a box of wine. We learned that my daughter's subtly building disrespect for me has bloomed into a full blown power play. I remember that angst. It hurts. I kept going back to visit my dad as he aged. We'll see.
 
Nihil said:
My now ex girlfriend told me last night that whenever I touched her, she felt violated. I too have felt this way about other women. She's been giving me the cold shoulder for a longtime. Her interactions with me have been obviously disingenuous. She didn't appreciate my abilities and interests. She would only do something with me if it's what she wanted to do. I didn't appreciate her interests and abilities either. A while back, I let her know that I pretended to enjoy doing the things she likes, but she wouldn't do the same for me. That made her uncomfortable. We were together 16 years. Her daughter graduated high school, so I guess we're no longer staying together for the child.


I have no one to talk to. People seem like some combination of superficial, oblivious, and controlling. I'm too old to put up with people. I can't be a happy go lucky absurdist anymore. I'm stuck in hard cold reality by myself.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry to hear that you two broke up after all those years Nihil. I have to tell you my feelings about those who need to divorce also. Life is too short to stay with someone who you're not really happy with, and that includes partners who aren't really happy being with you.

Staying together in those situations is not healthy for either party. If my husband wanted to leave me because another woman made him happier, I would let him go and not hold a grudge. I love him enough to want him to be content with his life.

We were all born on this earth alone, none of us were born to please any other particular person. If it so happens that we meet someone we click with, have similar interests and feel that we love each other, that's fantastic. Then living together and dedicating our lives to one another is close to perfection.

But even if things start out good and then years later they turn sour, it's time to part and go our separate ways. Living alone is better than living with someone who doesn't really appreciate you for who you are or love you completely.

Once you're on your own, if you happen to meet someone else of interest, that's great....potential for a new relationship that may work out well and make you happy. Hang in there, just accept it and try to be positive. Do you have to move into another place, or is she leaving?
 
One of the prevalent and damaging myths in our culture is that depression is a choice. No wonder people, men in particular, are loathe to admit that is how they feel. Imagine if you will, having a serious physical ailment and dealing with negative reactions from people. Seventy percent of the population will experience some form of severe depression at least once in their lives. It is an illness my friends, not a character defect. Perhaps if we learned to listen to each other more effectively, the rate of suicide among male seniors might not be so high. I applaud the op for his courage in speaking out. This is your first step toward healing.
 
Nihil said:
I didn't appreciate her interests and abilities either. A while back, I let her know that I pretended to enjoy doing the things she likes


I have no one to talk to. People seem like some combination of superficial, oblivious, and controlling. I'm too old to put up with people. I can't be a happy go lucky absurdist anymore. I'm stuck in hard cold reality by myself.
Click to expand...

Guess what just got freed up?

Hey, yer thinking too much about yerself
Quit lookin' in the mirror
Look around
Steer yer thoughts toward others

Just go to the mall, and sit at wunna those benches
Watch folks
It’s not only entertaining, but…..OK, well, it’s just entertaining

Anyway, it works
It gets yer mind off you
‘Cause, right now you sound freaking pitiful

Reading over yer older posts, you got a lotta good sh*t goin’ on
Knock off the booze and get the ef outside

Then, the only thing you’ll pour is into knew creations

Yer prolly wunna those guys that can really create when yer down

That’s all I’ve got

I really can’t identify because I can’t even do dew
Too naturally high already
 


Back
Top