I'm Incredibly Depressed

. Again I reiterate, depression is not a choice, nor just some selfish act of self absorption. If I had just ignored my symptoms and tried to immerse myself in externals when I was severely depressed, I would be dead. To admit vulnerability requires strength.
 

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Depression, from my understanding, is narcissistic by its very nature. Thatā€™s one of the things about it that makes it seem so pathetic but one of the reasons why a person needs help.


Feelings of despair and sadness over an extended period of time can physically change our brain chemistry so even if we wanted to think differently, we canā€™t. This is why clinical depression becomes more than just a ā€˜boo hooā€™ feeling.


Getting out of this self indulgent behaviour is a lot more difficult than some here suggest. There have been times in my life where I have had to resort to taking medication to help change my brain chemistry but even taking this medication can cause some radical adjustments. Medications like these need to be started off slowly and monitored well to help the patient but when they work, they can make a huge difference.


A drug that did help change my brain chemistry was called Effexor. Of course, like any man made pharmaceutical drug, it doesnā€™t come without unwanted side effects so although my thinking was changing for the better, it did create unwanted weight gain but when you are this depressed, itā€™s a side effect that can be dealt with at a later date.


Clinical depression isnā€™t socially acceptable at all. As you can see from some of the comments on this thread, many will expect you to just pull up your socks and get over it and itā€™s not only unhelpful but difficult, if not impossible to do. Being mocked and ridiculed while depressed just adds insult to injury.


Itā€™s almost impossible to engage in any type of interaction with others while in a depression.
The mind isnā€™t functioning normally.
When a person breaks their arm, they can clearly understand that their arm is broken and go to the right people for help to get it fixed. When a persons brain is broken, there is no common sense reasoning. that the person can understand and if THEY canā€™t understand it then how are WE to.


The brain is an organ in our body that can get damaged. Poking fun of members who donā€™t have normal healthy brain functioning is not only unhelpful but is somewhat sadistic.
Expecting someone to think better when they simply canā€™t is unreasonable.


Oddly enough I have yet to come across a thread where a member complains about an injury where other members jump in and ridicule them. Itā€™s no wonder thereā€™s such a stigma attached.
 

On a somber note, the severity of depression in older men often leading to suicide ideation has been brought home to me in horrid fashion during the past year. Three physically healthy male friends killed themselves because they could not face the stigma of clinical depression aka mental illness, and subsequent loss of control over their own minds and the terrible strain on their personal lives.
 
I have been diagnosed with seasonal depression. Every year since my Dad died and then when my mom died it worsened. There is no rhyme or reason for it, but it just comes over me; ā€œAnother Christmas season without mom and dad.ā€

I donā€™t let it show or allow it to interfere with the family holiday festivities. I kind of block it the best I can, but when I am alone, thatā€™s my time to mourn and feel sad. My parents were my best friends.

When I was 8 years old, I made my dad promise that he would never leave me, unless he had to go away because he was in the Army and he agreed. As I got older, I knew that was an impossible promise for him to make, but he did and when he died when I was 24, I reflected back on that promise. (My dad died in a fire.)

Itā€™s strange how depression sneaks up on a person. My therapist told me that it is in my unconscious and that the holidays trigger it and that is what makes it appear. He suggested to keep busy during the holidays, which is easy, and to keep myself healthy and to keep around friends that are happy.

When I was still flying and I would fly on Christmas Eve (every so often) I would feel at peace up in the sky and looking in the Heavens. I felt close to Mom and Dad. To some, it sounds weird, I guess, but it was really nice and a very calm feeling.

So, my suggestion would be to keep busy, make a new best friend and just do things with the friends that you already have. Being around people and sharing time with those that have a positive attitude will help. My therapist also told me something that I thought was very prophetic: ā€œTime does not heal all wounds. Itā€™s what you do with the time that will heal the wounds.ā€
 
Daughter is disrespectful? If she's a teen, yeah. Teens do that. Just FYI, it really is nothing personal; it's the nature of the teen beast.

Sixteen years with your SO? I hope at least some of them were good, but it sure sounds like it's time to part ways because you don't seem any more enamored of her than she with you. And guess what? Your depression could very well start to lift by simply "splitting the blanket" as we used to say. Never mind finding someone else. Learn to live with yourself first.

When I recognize the signs of the black cloud of gloom descending, I make myself do something...walk, turn on my favorite music dig in the garden, sit in the sun, read any book that isn't a ponderous, philosophical tome. Something light and preferably humorous. Just do something. One of my responses to myself used to be "I'm too depressed to do anything."

I wish I could help, but unfortunately, we each need to find our own way. Sometimes that means seeking out a professional to point us in the right direction. I only know MY right direction.

Good luck...and please keep posting, whether you feel like you're making progress or not. In the meantime, don't pull down the shades/close the curtains and sit in the dark, don't get too...too tired, too hungry, too anything.
 
Shalimar said:
On a somber note, the severity of depression in older men often leading to suicide ideation has been brought home to me in horrid fashion during the past year. Three physically healthy male friends killed themselves because they could not face the stigma of clinical depression aka mental illness, and subsequent loss of control over their own minds and the terrible strain on their personal lives.
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What a terrible shame this is. It shows how depression is still heavily stigmatized( not accepted) by mainstream society.
We live in a ā€˜physical pain suffering only pleaseā€™ society. Displaying any acts of mental distress is forbidden. Then we wonder why there are so many suicides.
note: this isnā€™t to say that there arenā€™t those who are kind and accepting of depression as a mental illness because there are.
 
If your relationship is worth saving, work on it. Get out of the doldrums. Do something fun and exciting together.

If it is not worth saving, move on. It is far better to travel alone than with an unpleasant companion.
 
All the "depression" discussion and I'll just say this; sometimes a situation caused by a change in our lives (such as the OP) cause us to feel anxious, lonely, etc. This is simply a reaction to circumstances. A relationship ending seems like a death, and in a way, it is.

Many posters here have lost a companion/spouse in the past year and I'm sure they are feeling alone and sad, but hopefully the pain will lessen with time.

As the OP was written, it seems to me that neither partner had much invested in the relationship, but cutting ties is difficult regardless.
 
C'est Moi said:
All the "depression" discussion and I'll just say this; sometimes a situation caused by a change in our lives (such as the OP) cause us to feel anxious, lonely, etc. This is simply a reaction to circumstances. A relationship ending seems like a death, and in a way, it is.

Many posters here have lost a companion/spouse in the past year and I'm sure they are feeling alone and sad, but hopefully the pain will lessen with time.

As the OP was written, it seems to me that neither partner had much invested in the relationship, but cutting ties is difficult regardless.
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Well said, C'est Moi.
Unfortunately, we have to go through the pain and not around it before we can heal & move on; no shortcuts, that's just part of the process which makes us a stronger, better version of ourselves, when all is said and done.
 
OP: Some folks never make 16 yrs in a marriage. There had to be some good years there, right or not right? Time is all you have OP unless you have some dread disease that takes you first. Why not be thankful for what you had and be still for some time now BY YOURSELF with your 7 cats (I would have been gone long time ago) -- not a cat fancier, maybe one but 7....ummmmm

Get into meditation to help bring up your mood and your depression as I see it is Situational...maybe you need your thyroid supported along the way but try to be thankful that you don't have a dread disease....

Get out in the fresh air, walk, in time meet new people in groups .... there is a lot to life than just 1 person for 16 yrs.

And box wine is not your answer, good clean water and maybe a glass of wine here and there.

Sorry to hear of your stuff, but many are alone in this life.
 
Just sympathizing.

I have no one to talk to. People seem like some combination of superficial, oblivious, and controlling. I'm too old to put up with people. I can't be a happy go lucky absurdist anymore. I'm stuck in hard cold reality by myself.
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I've had two serious episodes of depressionā€”one after divorce and one after unfairly losing a jobā€”but everyone's circumstances and resources differ and I wouldn't try to offer advice. I guess I had what they call situational depression and that is not the worst because situations can change. When your are really depressed nothing much helps, but I found some relief in exercise and in music. Reading too has always been a help to me.

The most annoying thing for me was people saying "snap out of it." That is just exactly what I could not do.
 
Keesha said:
Most people canā€™t relate to true clinical depression unless they have experienced it.
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All too true. And people who "remind" you that there are others who are worse off or who tell you to "get a hold on yourself" or "snap out of it" or "quit feeling sorry for yourself" are people you need to close your ears to. They don't know whereof they speak.
 
GeorgiaXplant said:
All too true. And people who "remind" you that there are others who are worse off or who tell you to "get a hold on yourself" or "snap out of it" or "quit feeling sorry for yourself" are people you need to close your ears to. They don't know whereof they speak.
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I agree. Thereā€™s nothing like not being able to function whatsoever and have others suggest that you are just weak or have a character defect.
 
The OP's depression comes across as Situational. I went thru a divorce and that was Situational and in time I healed and healed and healed. Life goes on and we make things work.

Then in 1991 I was in a 10 yr depression and it was Clinical and it was a Sluggish thyroid....10 yrs of Anti Depressants and it was thyroid.

I'll never tell anyone to snap out of it. We get over our issues in our time ....
 
At a quick glance the OP seems to be struggling through a depression due to the deterioration of his marriage which would make it situational and in the normal range of depression which everyone goes through. Itā€™s just part of life.
To make things worse it appears like he drank a box of wine which exaggerates current moods and is a depressant so perhaps felt much worse.

My following posts were written for the benefit of ANYONE going through a depression thatā€™s turned from normal depression into a clinical one which IS a serious disorder that affects both men and women. Unfortunately in our society itā€™s still not ok to show these types of emotions; especially not for men. Women often comfort each other to a certain point whereas men attack men who display these types of behaviour. I understand the ā€˜man upā€™ thing. I just think itā€™s an incredible amount of external pressure placed that could either push a severely depressed man over the edge.

I offer support for anyone suffering from severe clinical depression.
 
Right. So many people will tell you that others have it worse, or this is common
or look on the bright side. They are clueless, out of touch, twits.
They act like they care but they know nothing.
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Victor and All, my thought is they are not "twits" but agree (as others have explained), many people really are "clueless".

They just don't know; they can't. But a lot of these people are trying to help, do care and are trying to give you a better perspective. Some even get snappish about it because they are frustrated for you.

There may be more caring out here for you than you may realize, is all I'm saying. :)
 
This site is better than an hour session with my psychoanalyst. I read every post, all 44 of 44 and my spirit has been lifted. My psychoanalyst is the Thunderbird Bar. I lift my spirits with either hand. Cheer up our friend, nothing is forever.
 
So OFTEN the thyroid is missed by the MD's and I know that I went 10 yrs trying to get what I believed a sluggish thyroid supported, but no I was just their numbers and doweled out anti depressant drugs. Once I got to the right doctor and he knew about the thyroid, I was better in 4 days,,,,that was in 2002 and never depression since..thanks to desiccated thyroid support, food for the thyroid.
 
Falcon said:
Some folks just LOVE to be miserable.
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I don't believe that people LOVE misery...misery may love company but we'll just disagree on your comment.

I believe MANY have gone and are going thru life and not evolving to a well balanced being. So many too medicate themselves with drugs and alcohol and I've seen so many in the AA rooms talk about their New Lives since they are sober and found spirituality....sharing their experiences on "smelling the roses"... My dad missed that in his 95 yr life.
 

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