Is love the answer?

Love as a word connotes a variety of definitions to different folks. As an emotion it can come and go like feather floating on a breeze. But it brings to mind that it always better to love than lost, or not to have loved at all. Thus, in the long run, I'd say absolutely.
 

Warrigal said:
A change of thinking about the nature of love can be very useful.

We cannot command people to love us but each of us can decide to love, or not to love.
Think of love as a verb, an action word rather than a feeling. Feelings come and are not really under our control. They are, as Irwin has stated, autonomous reactions to outside stimuli.

That is one kind of love but there is another kind - unconditional love. Unconditional love is enduring and involves a certain amount of sacrifice and empathy. It is not automatic and requires a decision on our part.

An example that I have often used is the night my husband arrived home very drunk and went straight to bed. Not long after that he felt sick but was too legless to get out of bed and he vomited on the carpet next to the bed.

At that time I did not experience loving feelings towards him at all. I felt disgust but I thought for a minute and got stuck in cleaning up the mess. That was something that needed to be done and was not really praiseworthy. However, next morning I did not abuse him although I did think he deserved a few harsh words. Caring for him without rebuke was a decision I made. It was love as an action.

Today I continue to practise unconditional love as much as possible. My daughter and her husband are separated because my son in law broke his marriage vows. I continue to acknowledge him as a son and have not excluded him from the family. They may not be able to remain married but there is no reason for me to punish either of them. Both remain in my love.

When people hurt us badly, as a number of people have attested, it may not be possible to always respond with love. It may never be possible. However, when we come to the point where forgiveness seems possible we have a decision to make. We can continue to hold on to our hurt and resentment. The better decision would be to find some way to lay down the heavy emotional baggage and move forward without it. It's not easy to do but once done we are free to love ourselves and to absorb the love we do receive from others.

Love does make a difference. That is why mothers comfort little children with hugs and kisses. "Let me kiss it better", is love as an action. Love as a verb.
Click to expand...
Very well said.

The only person I have ever met who loves unconditionally is my son with Downs Syndrome, and others with DS of course. They are amazing individuals and its a shame everyone could not know such a person. They love the entire world. I think when the Bible says man was made in God’s image, he meant those with DS.
 
Hav
Lewkat said:
Love as a word connotes a variety of definitions to different folks. As an emotion it can come and go like feather floating on a breeze. But it brings to mind that it always better to love than lost, or not to have loved at all. Thus, in the long run, I'd say absolutely.
Click to expand...
Having recently learned that my husband, of 50 years, truly hates me and was not only willing to let me die while he watched, but wanted me to die; certainly made me reconsider the whole love you thing.

I disagree with your statement “always better to love than lost, or not to have loved at all.” Would have been better to have not loved at all. I am certain many other woman/men in my position feel the same.
 

Love is a verb to me. Words can be meaningless if there is no verb attached. Love is taking your husband to chemo for 1-1/2 years. Waiting out in frigid cold Minnesota winter in truck for 4 hours because of covid. Now I go in with him to either 12 hour days in hospital for chemo or short 4 hours. Knowing that he would do the same for me. Marriage of 44 years hasn’t always been smooth but knowing when the chips are down they will be there. I think that’s a verb.
 
Aneeda72 said:
Having recently learned that my husband, of 50 years, truly hates me and was not only willing to let me die while he watched, but wanted me to die; certainly made me reconsider the whole love you thing.

I disagree with your statement “always better to love than lost, or not to have loved at all.” Would have been better to have not loved at all. I am certain many other woman/men in my position feel the same.
Click to expand...

What happened? Was he actively involved in trying to harm you?

When I said "love" in my original post, I was not thinking of romantic love or love between couples but of people loving and respecting other people.
How sad for you, this terrible experience. Hugs.
 
chic said:
What happened? Was he actively involved in trying to harm you?

When I said "love" in my original post, I was not thinking of romantic love or love between couples but of people loving and respecting other people.
How sad for you, this terrible experience. Hugs.
Click to expand...
Thanks and yes.
 
chic said:
Was he arrested?
Click to expand...
No having him arrested would serve no purpose and besides it would be a he said she said situation. I managed to call the paramedics and save myself, as I was dying at the time. 🤦🏻‍♀️ I finally told our adult children what happened , 50 year old son came over and gave him a reality check which seems to have worked somewhat.

Both my son and daughter offered to let me live with them, but that’s a no go. The only interesting thing is that although I am stuck with him, after talking to my son, he realizes he is stuck with me. Plus, if there is a repeat of what occurred, and I do die, my kids will see him rot in prison. As my son is my birth son and his adopted son.

You can read the story at conversations with my husband thread. But it’s egg shells at my house right now and we are staying away from each other. @chic
 
Last edited:
Is love the answer to what I must ask. Hate should be replaced with tolerance at least. You can't love everyone. Spreading what some call love around too broadly cheapens it. It should only be used for a special circumstance.
 
Chet said:
Is love the answer to what I must ask. Hate should be replaced with tolerance at least. You can't love everyone. Spreading what some call love around too broadly cheapens it. It should only be used for a special circumstance.
Click to expand...
By love I mean treating people kindly, honestly and with respect. It was popular in the sixties amongst the flower children. It's rare now.
 
Chet said:
Is love the answer to what I must ask. Hate should be replaced with tolerance at least. You can't love everyone. Spreading what some call love around too broadly cheapens it. It should only be used for a special circumstance.
Click to expand...
You are lucky to have love in your life, not many will disagree with that argument I'd have thought, and at the same time I'd argue there is no limit to the love you might feel for someone, or it isnt a detriment if you "overdo it", plus it doesn't stop or minimise others love for the person you're thinking of, (nor make them less likely to love that person in return, if you see what I mean).

I agree however, anyone declaring they love "everybody" is either trying to make fools of us all, or fooling themselves to be charitable, (unless perhaps they are truly holy).
 
Another example of love in action.

During WWII the Nazis were about to arrest and deport all the Jews in Denmark.

The Danish resistance movement, with the assistance of many Danish citizens, managed to evacuate 7,220 of Denmark's 7,800 Jews, plus 686 non-Jewish spouses, by sea to nearby neutral Sweden.[1] These efforts started before Hitler's order due to the plans being leaked on September 28, 1943 by German diplomat Georg Ferdinand Duckwitz.

The rescue allowed the vast majority of Denmark's Jewish population to avoid capture by the Nazis, and is considered one of the largest actions of collective resistance to aggression in the countries occupied by Nazi Germany. As a result of the rescue, and of the following Danish intercession on behalf of the 464 Danish Jews who were captured and deported to the Theresienstadt transit camp in the Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia, over 99% of Denmark's Jewish population survived the Holocaust
Click to expand...

IMO this is an example of sacrificial love in action. The people who were involved did so at great risk to themselves. The icing on the cake was that their Christian neighbours looked after the vacated homes, tending to the gardens and mowing the grass. After the war when the owners returned their homes were waiting for them.

Love like this really does make a difference.
 
Warrigal said:
Another example of love in action.

During WWII the Nazis were about to arrest and deport all the Jews in Denmark.



IMO this is an example of sacrificial love in action. The people who were involved did so at great risk to themselves. The icing on the cake was that their Christian neighbours looked after the vacated homes, tending to the gardens and mowing the grass. After the war when the owners returned their homes were waiting for them.

Love like this really does make a difference.
Click to expand...
We've have similar acts in the U.S., most recently with the George Floyd protests, but also with the civil rights protests of the '50s and '60s where people risked arrest and bodily harm to help the downtrodden and underprivileged. Sometimes, people will do the right thing, even if it means sacrifice because it would be tough to live with yourself if you hadn't acted.
 
sb10064839ah-001-57a2b8815f9b589aa980ee21.jpg
175033-Love-Is-Always-The-Answer.jpg
 
Aneeda72 said:
Hav

Having recently learned that my husband, of 50 years, truly hates me and was not only willing to let me die while he watched, but wanted me to die; certainly made me reconsider the whole love you thing.

I disagree with your statement “always better to love than lost, or not to have loved at all.” Would have been better to have not loved at all. I am certain many other woman/men in my position feel the same.
Click to expand...
I believe I stated first that love connotes different things to different people. I was not referring to romantic love. That following remark should have been put in quotation marks since it was a quote.
 
Elsie said:
I was just thinking.........what rate would you give your belief that love could be a cure all, even if it came from a sexually abusive stepfather whose love gave you an STD?
Click to expand...
IMO I do not believe it is a 'cure-all' but just a different way of coping and accepting that we all have failings due to our own life experiences. For whatever reason, some have more severe and harsh challenges than others.
The situation you present is horrific...I could not begin to understand the feelings involved, but from everything I have read those who can accept forgive and move on, personally benefit greatly.
 
Keesha said:
A couple of years ago I was where you were.
I sent you a ‘private message’ by the way.
I’d had a no contact relationship with my family and a life full of peace & solitude. Having a no contact relationship and not knowing what was going on with my family was the most therapeutic thing I’ve ever done for myself in my life.

I purchased all the books and information I could written by the biggest spiritual gurus like: Louise Hay, Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Depak Chopra, Cheryl Richardson etc…. I journaled and meditated daily. In this journal I was able to focus on all the positive things being with this family taught me and my perception of them softened.

If this is definitely something you can’t do or aren’t ready for then you still need to forgive yourself for having to deal with this animosity otherwise the bitterness will eat you alive.
You can’t hate and resent others without it substantially affecting you.

Everyday we get a fresh new slate to begin again. Being in harmony with your surroundings including your thoughts and emotions is worth the effort. Trust me.
Click to expand...
Beautifully written Keesha! Thank you for sharing...
I have read the authors u mentioned..except Richardson..I'll look her up. TY
So much wisdom in that post of yours!!
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top