Just senior humor

After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said ........, "Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.

Now .... I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 63-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things."

My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would personally make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.

Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems! 😉
 

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The IRS decided to audit Grandpa, and summoned him to the IRS office. The IRS auditor was not surprised when Grandpa showed up with his attorney.

The auditor said, “Well, sir, you have an extravagant lifestyle and no full-time employment, which you explain by saying that you win money gambling. I’m not sure the IRS finds that believable.”

“I’m a great gambler, and I can prove it,” says Grandpa. “How about a demonstration?”
The auditor thinks for a moment and says, “OK. Go ahead.”
Grandpa says, “I’ll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye.”
The auditor thinks a moment and says, “It’s a bet.”
Grandpa removes his glass eye and bites it. The auditor’s jaw drops.
Grandpa says, “Now, I’ll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye.”
The auditor can tell Grandpa isn’t blind, so he takes the bet.
Grandpa removes his dentures and bites his good eye. The stunned auditor now realizes he has wagered and lost three grand, with Grandpa’s attorney as a witness. He starts to get nervous.
“Want to go double or nothing?” Grandpa asks. “I’ll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on one side of your desk, and pee into that wastebasket on the other side, and never get a drop anywhere in between.”
The auditor, twice burned, is cautious now, but he looks carefully and decides there’s no way this old guy could possibly manage that stunt, so he agrees again.
Grandpa stands beside the desk and unzips his pants, but although he strains mightily, he can’t make the stream reach the wastebasket on the other side, so he pretty much urinates all over the auditor’s desk.
The auditor leaps with joy, realizing that he has just turned a major loss into a huge win. But Grandpa’s attorney moans and puts his head in his hands.
“Are you OK?” the auditor asks.
“Not really,” says the attorney. “This morning, when Grandpa told me he’d been summoned for an audit, he bet me twenty-five thousand dollars that he could come in here and pee all over your desk and that you’d be happy about it.”
Don’t mess with old people!
 

An old man goes to his doctor, complaining about a pain in his leg that
doesn't heal and wants a diagnosis and explanation. The doctor checks
out his leg, but can't find anything wrong. So he gives the old guy a full
physical exam, and still can't come up with any possible explanation for the pain.
The doctor hands the patient his bill and says, "I'm sorry but the pain in your leg
is simply caused by old age, there's nothing I can do about it."
The old man replies with a look of disbelief, "That's impossible! That can't be!"
The doctor says, "What do you mean? I'm the expert here; if you know so much,
how can you say it's NOT old age?"
The patient answers, "I'm no doctor but it doesn't take a medical degree
to tell that your diagnosis is wrong. Clearly you're mistaken.
After all my other leg feels just fine."
"So what?" says the doctor "What difference does that make?"
"Well it doesn't hurt a bit, and it's the SAME AGE!" replied the old man.
 
An old man walks into the doctor's waiting room and goes straight to reception. The receptionist asks what is the problem? He says “ I've got a problem with my dick “ .Embarrassed, the receptionist says “ you shouldn't say things like that in a crowded waiting room. Much more discreet would be to say that you have something wrong with your ear. Now go back out and come in again and try that “ He scratches his head but goes out the door. Comes straight back in again goes straight to the receptionist and says “ I've got something wrong with my ear “ “That's better “ she says. “ what's wrong with your ear?” “I can't pee out of it!
 
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