Long marriages - the secret?

R

Rose65

Senior Member
Location
United Kingdom
Marriage, not easy. Let's face it, the heady phase must fade away sooner or later. Reality sets in and soon sobers you up. The very things you thought so cute or that don't matter, do. Daily domestic drudgery comes along. It is that which can be the enemy to happiness.

Could it be said that those with the greatest patience, stamina, self discipline and ability to accept reality are the ones that last longest?

There probably comes a certain crossroads when you decide, maybe not even consciously, whether you will continue or cut your losses. If you can get past that time, that's when the rewards truly build and eventually become a treasure trove sustained into old age. Then only death will part you.

Sweet elderly couples married for an eternity get asked the question. What's the secret?
 

Rose65 said:
Marriage, not easy. Let's face it, the heady phase must fade away sooner or later. Reality sets in and soon sobers you up. The very things you thought so cute or that don't matter, do. Daily domestic drudgery comes along. It is that which can be the enemy to happiness.

Could it be said that those with the greatest patience, stamina, self discipline and ability to accept reality are the ones that last longest?

There probably comes a certain crossroads when you decide, maybe not even consciously, whether you will continue or cut your losses. If you can get past that time, that's when the rewards truly build and eventually become a treasure trove sustained into old age. Then only death will part you.

Sweet elderly couples married for an eternity get asked the question. What's the secret?
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ask @Pappy... or @Ken N Tx both of them have been in long happy marriages...
 
My wife and I had our 58th anniversary a few days ago. It's been a good marriage, and given us a nice family. We've had our fair share of "spats" over the years, but had the sense to keep them to a minimum. Now, at our ages, the priority is to try to stay healthy and active, so as to make our remaining years as enjoyable as possible.
 

Don M. said:
My wife and I had our 58th anniversary a few days ago. It's been a good marriage, and given us a nice family. We've had our fair share of "spats" over the years, but had the sense to keep them to a minimum. Now, at our ages, the priority is to try to stay healthy and active, so as to make our remaining years as enjoyable as possible.
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That's the thing, priorities must change to adapt. I used to keep wanting romance and ideal happiness. These things don't exist like in films.
Better focus on caring for your partner, being practical and being responsible for your own contentment. Don't expect your partner to provide everything for you. Nobody can fulfill your every need.
 
At 61 years and happy as ever there is no secret other than respect & honesty. Sure over the years differences did arise and resolving them wasn't always easy. But remembering the reason for getting married & what we thought was right at the time brought us back to a renewed commitment to making it work.

Like Don M at this stage in life good health & the love of a lifetime partner is all that really matters,
 
Years ago when I was in my fifties I attended a bridal shower with a twist. We were asked to write a hint for a happy marriage. These slips of paper were put into balloons which were later popped at intervals and the advice was read to the prospective bride. After some thought I had written "Buy your own flowers." Like Rose said, don't expect your partner to provide everything.
 
Don't know if there is any "secret"? Wife and I met in '53, married in '56, produced 4 kids who in turn provided us with 13 grandkids an 15 great grands at this point. Whole family is close and we share many large "get togethers".

I think a couple of years of dating, before marriage, to get to know each other is helpful. IMHO it's hard to fake good behavior for more than about 6 months. Dating (as it was once known) is preferable to shacking up when one can become blinded to their mates faults in the whirlwind of wild, unchecked sex.

Beyond that. I have no other thoughts. Wer'e approaching 90 and the end of the trail. Walking along holding hands has never gone out of style in our case, although, now-a-days, I do have to shift my cane to the other hand. :)
 
Be willing to be wrong. Recognize that the percentage of fault is fluid. This time, he's 75% wrong....next time you're 75% wrong. When you're wrong, admit it! If each of you give 75% effort to getting along, it will prove that there IS more than 100% of anything.

I only made it to 38 years before I lost my husband. We had to grow up together after we got married. It took a while, but we did it.
 
Hubby and I celebrated 60 years of marriage this year. For us the essential elements to our union have been fidelity to our vows, honest communication about our feelings and a desire not to inflict pain on each other. The latter two took a while to learn. We were very young when we wed and both of us needed to grow up, which we did together.

We have two children, six grandchildren and now two great grandchildren. These are the blessed fruits of our union and bring us much joy and happiness.
 
Rose65 said:
Marriage, not easy. Let's face it, the heady phase must fade away sooner or later. Reality sets in and soon sobers you up. The very things you thought so cute or that don't matter, do. Daily domestic drudgery comes along. It is that which can be the enemy to happiness.

Could it be said that those with the greatest patience, stamina, self discipline and ability to accept reality are the ones that last longest?

There probably comes a certain crossroads when you decide, maybe not even consciously, whether you will continue or cut your losses. If you can get past that time, that's when the rewards truly build and eventually become a treasure trove sustained into old age. Then only death will part you.

Sweet elderly couples married for an eternity get asked the question. What's the secret?
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I heard an elderly couple say that the secret to a long and happy marriage was 'they never had an argument'., I find this very hard to believe., unless they can't remember.
 
hollydolly said:
ask @Pappy... or @Ken N Tx both of them have been in long happy marriages...
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Knight said:
At 61 years and happy as ever there is no secret other than respect & honesty. Sure over the years differences did arise and resolving them wasn't always easy. But remembering the reason for getting married & what we thought was right at the time brought us back to a renewed commitment to making it work.

Like Don M at this stage in life good health & the love of a lifetime partner is all that really matters,
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We will have our 60th in Sept...Went together for 6 years prior to tying the knot..

No secret really...Just a lot of love...It still seems like it was yesterday!!

My children think this is our wedding picture.
FB_IMG_1500099437852.jpg
 
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Ken N Tx said:
We will have our 60th in Sept...Went together for 6 years prior to tying the knot..

No secret really...Just a lot of love...It still seems like it was yesterday!!

My children think this is our wedding picture.
View attachment 293901
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I love that photo... it's just the most adorable picture..🥰. and how many other people would have a photo of them and their spouse in such a pose as children ?... very few if any....
 

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