Long marriages - the secret?

One big factor for Misa and I being with each other since 1981 is that we both had been married twice before. This time we never discussed getting hitched seriously. So what is that, 44 years. We raised a kid, and many a farm animal together. She is my best friend. That is one of the supreme highlights of my life...her. :)
 

StarSong said:
While sometimes true, it's happening less often now than in earlier generations. Thank goodness.
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Yes, it seems earlier generations, such as my grandparents and even my parents generation simply didn't have the choice of divorce, especially women.

I have been married almost 50 years and my husband and I are suitably compatible people, which we didn't know that we would be in the beginning.
 
Krystal said:
Yes, it seems earlier generations, such as my grandparents and even my parents generation simply didn't have the choice of divorce, especially women.

I have been married almost 50 years and my husband and I are suitably compatible people, which we didn't know that we would be in the beginning.
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My maternal grandmother was divorced from my grandad... and I had a second grandfather on that side of the family because she married again...this was way back in the 50's.. before I was born , and so my paternal grandad was Granda G.. and my paternal Gran was now granny C and granda C..

It wasn't until after she died when I was in my late 20's that I discovered that she'd never got divorced and had in fact just co-habited with Granda C..... so on her death certicate she had to be known as Mrs G... she'd be rolling in her grave if she knew.. ...and sadly when I got a copy just recently of my ''Granda'' C's death certificate ( 1960's) it has him listed as a Bachelor.. found dead in bed by his ''friend'' Mrs G..( my granny who'd had 2 children by him and lived with him for years) .. .so sad !
 
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hollydolly said:
My maternal grandmother was divorced from my grandad... and I had a second grandfather on that side of the family because she married again...this was way back in the 50's.. before I was born , and so my paternal grandad was Granda G.. and my paternal Gran was now granny C and granda C..

It wasn't until after she died when I was in my late 20's that I discovered that she'd never got divorced and had in fact just co-habited with Granda C..... so on her death certicate she had to be known as Mrs G... she'd be rolling in her grave if she knew.. ...and sadly when I got a copy just recently of my ''Granda'' C's death certificate ( 1960's) it has him listed as a Bachelor.. found dead in bed by his ''friend'' Mrs G..( my granny who'd had 2 children by him and lived with him for years) .. .so sad !
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My grandmother left her husband not long after my mother was born in the 1920s. It wasn't until Grandma's "second husband" died in the late 1940s, that my mother learned G-ma had never divorced the first, but simply cohabited with the man my mother knew as her beloved stepfather.

edited for clarity
 
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I was going to say doubtless it cost a lot of money back in the 40's and 50's to pay for a divorce... which most working class people could never afford... I had no idea until I just googled it..that it cost the equivelent of a lifetime salary...for the average working person where the average salary was just under £5.00 per week in the uk


In the 1940s in the UK, the cost of a divorce was primarily determined by court fees and legal representation. While there were no specific legal fees, the cost of a divorce heavily depended on whether the divorce was contested or uncontested.

Uncontested Divorce:

  • Legal fees: If the divorce was uncontested, the legal fees could range from £800 to £2,000.
  • Court filing fee: There was a court filing fee of £612.
Contested Divorce:

  • Legal fees: If the divorce was contested, the legal fees could range from £2,000 to £30,000 or more.
  • Court filing fee: The court filing fee was the same as for uncontested divorces (£612).
  • Additional fees: A fee for financial order applications of £313.
Overall:

  • Uncontested:
    The total cost for an uncontested divorce could range from £800 to £3,813.
  • Contested:
    The total cost for a contested divorce could range from £2,000 to £30,000 or more.
 
StarSong said:
My grandmother left her husband not long after my mother was born in the 1920s. It wasn't until her "second husband" died in the late 1940s, that my mother learned she'd never divorced the first and cohabited with Mom's stepfather.
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I'm on my way to bed and having a hard time thinking. So I need a diagram to understand what you just said. Maybe in the morning....
 
I have watched some episodes of “Finding your Roots.” Bigamy was a fairly common finding in some trees. The expense of divorce, the social/religious stigma. It appears that leaving a spouse and moving far away, then marry someone new, was done quite often. Also, people living together stating they were married and were actually not.

I don’t have anything more to add to this thread. If someone starts one titled “Choose poorly and get divorced”, I could fill a volume.
 
On Marriage - Kahil GIbran

Then Almitra spoke again and said, And what of Marriage, master?
And he answered saying:
You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of your be alone,
Even as the strings of the lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.
 
The sad thing about my granny which broke her heart, was that her only daughter from the ''pretend marriage''... didn't find out about the fac that she was illegitimate util she was married herelf... and she cut my granny off and chose her husband's famiy as her own...

My granny who pretty much raised her alone after my pseudo grandad died.. was devastated, ..and all of her kids.. from her previous marriage to my paternal G.F except my father and ultimately us kids...cut her off when she left them way back in the 40's.. and never spoke another word to her..

..she'd had 16 kids in total..9 living, and ultimately 'lost'' 8 of them and their families...for the rest of her days...

I loved my granny... and I was never told the whole story, so I don't know exactly how or why it all happened before I was born , but I feel they all missed out on their mum .. and their children missed out on ever knowing their paternal grandmother
 
StarSong said:
My grandmother left her husband not long after my mother was born in the 1920s. It wasn't until Grandma's "second husband" died in the late 1940s, that my mother learned G-ma had never divorced the first, but simply cohabited with the man my mother knew as her beloved stepfather.

edited for clarity
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Once the knot is tied officially, untying it becomes a Federal project, especially if you're going to remarry. So forget the divorce, and just live with the next guy. Keep it simple.
 
Don M. said:
My wife and I had our 58th anniversary a few days ago. It's been a good marriage, and given us a nice family. We've had our fair share of "spats" over the years, but had the sense to keep them to a minimum. Now, at our ages, the priority is to try to stay healthy and active, so as to make our remaining years as enjoyable as possible.
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Happy Belated Anniversary!
 
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