Looking for a 55+ community and would like to talk with some folks with experience and recommendations.

officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Thanks, RadishRose; I have tried that but he refuses to; he plays golf with a guy whose wife convinced him to sell their home & move into a condo & he hates it, misses their nice big house, he wishes he'd never let her talk him into it, keeps telling Hubby "whatever you do, don't let your wife talk you into it, you'll be miserable, wah wah." I said, "Well, if he hates the condo they moved into, why don't they go look at other condos? There are actually a lot of condos here." He says, "Oh, his wife just loves that darn condo & the neighbors & the neighborhood." I said, "Well, gee, then I guess the condo they're in must not be that bad then."

Sometimes I wonder: do some people ever actually grow up? One wonders...
 

RadishRose

SF VIP
Location
CT USA
Thanks, RadishRose; I have tried that but he refuses to; he plays golf with a guy whose wife convinced him to sell their home & move into a condo & he hates it, misses their nice big house, he wishes he'd never let her talk him into it, keeps telling Hubby "whatever you do, don't let your wife talk you into it, you'll be miserable, wah wah." I said, "Well, if he hates the condo they moved into, why don't they go look at other condos? There are actually a lot of condos here." He says, "Oh, his wife just loves that darn condo & the neighbors & the neighborhood." I said, "Well, gee, then I guess the condo they're in must not be that bad then."

Sometimes I wonder: do some people ever actually grow up? One wonders...
You make perfect sense @officerripley . My thought was to sneak him in!

Maybe get him over to the golf buddy's place for coffee.

If you are the one cleaning that big house; quit. Insist he clean half of it or pay to have it done.

Good luck!
 

officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
I actually have just about quit cleaning the house (up to his standards anyway) except if some1 is coming over. And he does keep saying we should hire some1 to come in and clean; my prob is I keep wishing we were in a place with much less (or no) yard work, so we wouldn't have to have some1 to come in and clean the house; he & I could manage it us both doing it. But I think that's one of the reasons he doesn't want to hire some1 to do all of our yard work or move to somewhere with little or no yard because then he'd be expected to help with housework & doesn't wanna, lol. Some like most men don't; 1 of the other ol' guys he plays golf with was always griping about how he & his wife were on such a fixed income, really gotta watch the budget, etc. So they did move to a place with just about no yard & that was great: his wife did all the housework (even though she worked outside the home just as much as he did!); then his wife passed away & this guy, this guy so worried about $$ hires some1 to come in & clean for him because he's not about to do housework, ick ick. (I tell ya: sometimes it feels like it's the 19th century around here...)
 

fancicoffee13

Member
Location
Texas
I wish I could persuade my husband to downsize from this too big place (3 bedrm house on 1 acre) that's in a lonely neighborhood that most every1 is younger than us & still working so the place is a ghost town 40 hrs/wk and we're 4 miles away from a grocery store of any size or pharmacy so what in the world are we gonna do when we can't drive anymore. And sure, if you can afford it, you can hire more stuff (yard work, etc.) done which we've started doing. But then again, you hear so much about financial abuse of the elderly, sigh.

I would love to move into a nice little condo or apt.; there are some nice but inexpensive ones within walking distance of groc. stores, pharmacies, the library (my favorite place), etc. But Hubby says he's gonna have to be carried out of here feet first. We've discussed/argued about it for about 10 years and I've finally given up. It worries me all the time, espec. since I think our driving days won't last much longer and we never had kids who might be able to help. But he's determined to stay here and I'm sympathetic as to why: not only is this house the nicest place he's ever lived, it's the *only* nice place he's ever lived; he grew up very poor, they lived in their car sometimes (in a place where it gets up over 100 in the summer! And his poor mom was pregnant!). It's a constant worry to me but I don't know what else I can do; we've discussed it 'till we're blue in the face but he's not moving. Period.

One thing I've discovered: I'm a member of a really large club; I keep talking to & hearing about more & more women in my age group who are in the same position. I told a middle-aged gal on a caretakers site who was venting about having to run back & forth to take care of both her and her hubby's parents and why oh why didn't they downsize out of their great big, now-unmanagable houses; I told her that I could really sympathize--I was about the only caretaker for 5 elderly parents altogether over a 10-year period--but that it was possible that at least 1 parent (usually the wife) on each side did want to downsize/see the need for downsizing years earlier but the spouse (usually the husband) wouldn't hear of it so that is a lot of the time the reason for what she's was going through.

Thanks for letting me vent; most of the women around here in my age group are divorced or widowed or of a fund. religious thing that the wife (even if she worked outside the home her whole adult life) must always do what the husband wants. So I mostly feel alone in this except for online. Thanks for listening.
It is very good to journal your thoughts as well. Theraputic in some ways. Being able to talk about it to someone, and in a way, you are journaling by writing about it here. But, there are agencies out there for help, here in the town I live in we have Area Agency on Aging and in that organization are other areas of help. Respite help and other phone numbers. Check into your area.
 

Colleen

Member
Location
Arizona
Boy, that's a tough one. If you are both on the same page as to what you want, that's half the battle...believe me! I was content with my home in beautiful NW PA, but hubby just couldn't stand shoveling (actually, he had a snowblower) snow any more, so he got a wild hair to move to AZ. That was in 2014 and he dragged me here kicking and screaming. I absolutely hate it here! We live in a golfing community and these are the most unfriendly people you'd ever want to meet. Everyone here is from some place else (mostly CA) and if you don't think, act, or agree with everything they are about, then you're shunned and no one wants to associate with you. I've tried to talk him to going back to PA but he refuses. I tell him we could live in a house in the town we came from that is maintained by the HOA. We have friend's that live there and they love it. Nope. I honestly get very depressed thinking about spending the rest of my life here...and dying here! There are so many other reasons this is a terrible place to live, but my point is.....be sure you both want the same thing. Good luck.
 

DGM

Member
Location
Indianapolis
I don't want to hijack this thread about +55 communities but I'd like to offer some of the best advice ever given to me about "downsizing". When I visited on of my postal patrons after she had a mild stroke at age 105 she said "ya know David.....when I moved from a five bedroom home to a one bedroom apartment it was SO stressful; what to keep, what to donate etc. All that stress and all that worry and THIS is what we all wind up with (she points to each item as she lists it): A bed, a dresser, a TV and a chair". This was our mantra when we downsized.
Again I apologize of wandering off of the +55 original question.
 

Kathleen’s Place

Senior Member
Location
Wisconsin
We are both 77, wife uses a walker 100%. We currently live in a townhouse area in Boise and would like to move closer to Meridian or Nampa.
Welcome from WI, stoker! My husband and I are in our 70’s as well. We’ve looked at a couple of 50+ places but they are too far out of our price range for a decent one. And now, with covid, I would worry about getting locked in there with no way to see our family. Good luck with your hunt. Hope you find a place that is perfect for the two of you 💕
 

Kathleen’s Place

Senior Member
Location
Wisconsin
I wish I could persuade my husband to downsize from this too big place (3 bedrm house on 1 acre) that's in a lonely neighborhood that most every1 is younger than us & still working so the place is a ghost town 40 hrs/wk and we're 4 miles away from a grocery store of any size or pharmacy so what in the world are we gonna do when we can't drive anymore. And sure, if you can afford it, you can hire more stuff (yard work, etc.) done which we've started doing. But then again, you hear so much about financial abuse of the elderly, sigh.

I would love to move into a nice little condo or apt.; there are some nice but inexpensive ones within walking distance of groc. stores, pharmacies, the library (my favorite place), etc. But Hubby says he's gonna have to be carried out of here feet first. We've discussed/argued about it for about 10 years and I've finally given up. It worries me all the time, espec. since I think our driving days won't last much longer and we never had kids who might be able to help. But he's determined to stay here and I'm sympathetic as to why: not only is this house the nicest place he's ever lived, it's the *only* nice place he's ever lived; he grew up very poor, they lived in their car sometimes (in a place where it gets up over 100 in the summer! And his poor mom was pregnant!). It's a constant worry to me but I don't know what else I can do; we've discussed it 'till we're blue in the face but he's not moving. Period.

One thing I've discovered: I'm a member of a really large club; I keep talking to & hearing about more & more women in my age group who are in the same position. I told a middle-aged gal on a caretakers site who was venting about having to run back & forth to take care of both her and her hubby's parents and why oh why didn't they downsize out of their great big, now-unmanagable houses; I told her that I could really sympathize--I was about the only caretaker for 5 elderly parents altogether over a 10-year period--but that it was possible that at least 1 parent (usually the wife) on each side did want to downsize/see the need for downsizing years earlier but the spouse (usually the husband) wouldn't hear of it so that is a lot of the time the reason for what she's was going through.

Thanks for letting me vent; most of the women around here in my age group are divorced or widowed or of a fund. religious thing that the wife (even if she worked outside the home her whole adult life) must always do what the husband wants. So I mostly feel alone in this except for online. Thanks for listening.
I know so many women in your same position, Office. My sister is one of them. She is 76, husband is 79 and there is no way on God’s green earth that he will move. Every year the yard work and home maintenance gets harder and harder for them. Why are men so stubborn? There is a whole lot to be said for sitting on your patio sipping lemonade while you watch someone else mow the grass on a hot summer day. Or looking out your window and seeing that it snowed two feet during the night and not really caring because you don’t have to shovel it. Not having to worry if the heat should go out or the central air break down...or the refrig or oven or washer and dryer...it’s all someone elses problem and expense, and at my age, I like it that way. I’ve had the home of my dreams, been there, done that, don’t need it anymore. I hpe your husband will see the bright shining light one of these days soon and agree to giving you the peace and security you want in this life too 💕
 

Packerjohn

Packerjohn
Location
Canada
I wish I could persuade my husband to downsize from this too big place (3 bedrm house on 1 acre) that's in a lonely neighborhood that most every1 is younger than us & still working so the place is a ghost town 40 hrs/wk and we're 4 miles away from a grocery store of any size or pharmacy so what in the world are we gonna do when we can't drive anymore. And sure, if you can afford it, you can hire more stuff (yard work, etc.) done which we've started doing. But then again, you hear so much about financial abuse of the elderly, sigh.

I would love to move into a nice little condo or apt.; there are some nice but inexpensive ones within walking distance of groc. stores, pharmacies, the library (my favorite place), etc. But Hubby says he's gonna have to be carried out of here feet first. We've discussed/argued about it for about 10 years and I've finally given up. It worries me all the time, espec. since I think our driving days won't last much longer and we never had kids who might be able to help. But he's determined to stay here and I'm sympathetic as to why: not only is this house the nicest place he's ever lived, it's the *only* nice place he's ever lived; he grew up very poor, they lived in their car sometimes (in a place where it gets up over 100 in the summer! And his poor mom was pregnant!). It's a constant worry to me but I don't know what else I can do; we've discussed it 'till we're blue in the face but he's not moving. Period.

One thing I've discovered: I'm a member of a really large club; I keep talking to & hearing about more & more women in my age group who are in the same position. I told a middle-aged gal on a caretakers site who was venting about having to run back & forth to take care of both her and her hubby's parents and why oh why didn't they downsize out of their great big, now-unmanagable houses; I told her that I could really sympathize--I was about the only caretaker for 5 elderly parents altogether over a 10-year period--but that it was possible that at least 1 parent (usually the wife) on each side did want to downsize/see the need for downsizing years earlier but the spouse (usually the husband) wouldn't hear of it so that is a lot of the time the reason for what she's was going through.

Thanks for letting me vent; most of the women around here in my age group are divorced or widowed or of a fund. religious thing that the wife (even if she worked outside the home her whole adult life) must always do what the husband wants. So I mostly feel alone in this except for online. Thanks for listening.
Gee but some men are stubborn. Can't your husband see that there would be many advantages of moving to a smaller place? I have heard these kinds of stories before & it proves to me that either: a) Women are smarter than men, b) Women have to wait until their stubborn husbands "kick the bucket" before they can sell & move. Shame on your husbands. He is no longer the young kid that he used to be. He needs to move on to another chapter in his life.
 

officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Gee but some men are stubborn. Can't your husband see that there would be many advantages of moving to a smaller place? I have heard these kinds of stories before & it proves to me that either: a) Women are smarter than men, b) Women have to wait until their stubborn husbands "kick the bucket" before they can sell & move. Shame on your husbands. He is no longer the young kid that he used to be. He needs to move on to another chapter in his life.
I appreciate all the support I've gotten from every1 here on SF about this. I've given up (for now anyway...aw heck, who'm I kidding, forever probably :ROFLMAO: ) mainly becuz Huzz's beloved brother has been diagnosed with a rare, terminal cancer (was told to get his affairs in order & given 2 months to live Apr. 2020--was 2020 a !@#$% year or what--so this has understandably thrown everybody so I've backed off on it. Ain't life grand sometimes...not.
 

OneEyedDiva

Well-known Member
Location
New Jersey
I wish I could persuade my husband to downsize from this too big place (3 bedrm house on 1 acre) that's in a lonely neighborhood that most every1 is younger than us & still working so the place is a ghost town 40 hrs/wk and we're 4 miles away from a grocery store of any size or pharmacy so what in the world are we gonna do when we can't drive anymore. And sure, if you can afford it, you can hire more stuff (yard work, etc.) done which we've started doing. But then again, you hear so much about financial abuse of the elderly, sigh.

I would love to move into a nice little condo or apt.; there are some nice but inexpensive ones within walking distance of groc. stores, pharmacies, the library (my favorite place), etc. But Hubby says he's gonna have to be carried out of here feet first. We've discussed/argued about it for about 10 years and I've finally given up. It worries me all the time, espec. since I think our driving days won't last much longer and we never had kids who might be able to help. But he's determined to stay here and I'm sympathetic as to why: not only is this house the nicest place he's ever lived, it's the *only* nice place he's ever lived; he grew up very poor, they lived in their car sometimes (in a place where it gets up over 100 in the summer! And his poor mom was pregnant!). It's a constant worry to me but I don't know what else I can do; we've discussed it 'till we're blue in the face but he's not moving. Period.

One thing I've discovered: I'm a member of a really large club; I keep talking to & hearing about more & more women in my age group who are in the same position. I told a middle-aged gal on a caretakers site who was venting about having to run back & forth to take care of both her and her hubby's parents and why oh why didn't they downsize out of their great big, now-unmanagable houses; I told her that I could really sympathize--I was about the only caretaker for 5 elderly parents altogether over a 10-year period--but that it was possible that at least 1 parent (usually the wife) on each side did want to downsize/see the need for downsizing years earlier but the spouse (usually the husband) wouldn't hear of it so that is a lot of the time the reason for what she's was going through.

Thanks for letting me vent; most of the women around here in my age group are divorced or widowed or of a fund. religious thing that the wife (even if she worked outside the home her whole adult life) must always do what the husband wants. So I mostly feel alone in this except for online. Thanks for listening.
Officer, you are such a good, caring, charitable person. I wish things would get better for you!
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officerripley

Senior Member
Location
Porlock, Calif
Officer, you are such a good, caring, charitable person. I wish things would get better for you!
View attachment 143360
Thanks, Diva, you are so nice, you're the caring one :love: . I keep trying to tell myself that I'm still better off than a lot of others. For one, my poor, terminal bro-in-law; Huzz & I worry about his widow when the time comes having enough to live on due to their situation. Like I said, there are others way worse off than I.
 


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