Love and affection

Wren

Wren

Well-known Member
Location
Europe
Were you lavished with love and affection as a child or were your family more reserved ? Has it affected you at all ?

My father was a very cold man who could not express affection, mum was a bit softer and we always had a goodnight kiss from her but neither ever said, 'I love you' I don't think people did so much in those days

I've always been very affectionate, especially with my daughter, lots of cuddles and let her know I love her, my friends and I always kiss when we meet and when we say goodbye, I think it's important, certainly now as we're getting older, to let people know you care, one day it may be too late ...
 

Only when I was very young. That was when my parents still got along. They showed no affection to each other, but I didn't know any difference. My parents rarely hugged or kissed us until we were adults. How it affected me-I guess minimally. I learned to become more comfortable with it, but it took time.
 
I can still close my eyes and feel the warmth and smell the fragrance of my Mom's robe. She would rock and sing to me until I was almost big enough to squish her. Hearing gospel music makes me feel all warm and fuzzy...she knew every tune. I've always been kissy huggy with animals and small children. As I've gotten older I've learned huggies are lovely with adults too.
 
I grew up in an ice cube. It made me far too self reliant, with a tendency to live in my head. I am warm, but not that easy to know, at least according to some of my friends. Loving with kids and animals. A little more reticent with adults. Such are the
perils of a feline nature. Lol.
 
My parents were not too demonstrative, ether, particularly my father. I was always well treated and well taken care of, but never fussed over or coddled. I don't remember whether they told me they loved me or not. But I figured they did. Maybe it was a generational thing. I got the idea that the purpose of being a child was to learn how to grow up and be a responsible adult and take care of yourself.

After I grew up my mother became my very best friend.
 
Outward shows of love and affection growing up not so much but I always had food in my belly, clothes on my back and a roof over my head till I left home and went out on my own at around age 15.....that's all I required.
 
I was a only child/only grandchild for my first five years. I was loved and coddled within an inch of my life. We lived with my grandparents until I was two, so I had four adults whose prime objective in life was to dote on me. Of course, when the "little interlopers" started showing up after that, I wasn't the sole darling any more but I still had more love and care than I think most people did. I consider myself very, very lucky. I had the best parents and grandparents in the world.
 
Yes, I was lavished with love and affection. But never spoiled even though I was an only child. When I think back, members of my family had many different ways of showing it. Some with hugs and kisses, acts of kindness above and beyond. My Dad didn't show it outwardly but I was absolutely,positively sure he loved me with all his heart. Just something I could feel. He was always there for me no matter what.
 
I come from an Italian family,so there were always kisses and hugs. My Dad was the gentlest most loving and caring man. He has been gone 24 yrs now and the Children,Grandchildren and Great grandchildren talk about him all the time and how much they miss him and his generous caring ways.My Mother was very loving also,and every girl grandchild and great grandchild has her name Elizabeth as part of their name. Molly Elizabeth,Carley Elizabeth,Sara Elizabeth, and many other kids also.
 
I can't help feeling that any love I received was conditional. My parents lived in a very 'binary' world - everything was black or white, right of wrong. There was no middle course with them. Anything we did, right or wrong, was seen as reflecting on them as parents. This was especially true of my mother although my father was a bit more easy going.

On reflection, I think mother felt that life had dealt her a 'bad hand' and underneath her hard shell, she was quite insecure and afraid or criticism. I wanted them to be on 'my side', but they weren't.
 
My parents were only affectionate to each other, and the kids only when we were very young. They never said they loved us. I'm just the opposite - very huggy, and tell people I love them. My youngest son was very affectionate and open and he sometimes embarrassed my parents and other people by telling him he loved them.
 
My parents were both dramatic narcissists, trying to outcompete the other. There was a popular psychology book at that time called Games People Play, and in that there was a game called See What You Made Me Do? That was parent's game day in, day out.

Us kids created our own life and occasionally were noticed by our parents. I remember my dad once promising me if I learned to play the guitar, he would buy me a nice one. I did learn and then he went out and bought a nice guitar for himself and wouldn't let me use it. This kind of thing happened much too frequently in our young lives. I found love and acceptance with friends' families, in particular my high school boyfriend's family who knew what was going on and smothered me with acceptance. It was a great relief to leave for college and never look back. Although I tried a few times to establish some kind of relationship as an adult, it was the same script over and over.

I raised my son completely differently and we have a close and loving relationship.
 
When I was very young my parents were affectionate towards me. My mom complimented me often. My dad called me his "little peanut" and because I was a tiny kid. My parents didn't say I love you much if at all that I can recall but my mom liked to make and buy gifts and things to show her love. I can't recall all of my childhood and that may be a good thing..
 
Wow, this thread brings back some memories. Some not so good. I was raised by my mother and grandparents (they lived with us, no father present). I have an older sister and she was loved so much by the whole family. Not to say I was not loved but it was just different with me. I can remember from a young age my mother and grandmother saying they were hoping for a boy when I was born. My mother even had a boy's name picked out. And my grandmother even said "I was so sad when you were not a boy." Can you even imagine as a young child hearing this how I felt? I spent my whole life trying to "please" because I thought I was such a disappointment to everyone! My Grandfather on the other hand must have noticed and he took me under his wing and we did everything together from growing vegetables, fishing and just being friends. Heck, he bought me my first car but would not let me drive it until I learned how to change a tire. There was not a lot of "I Love You" or hugs but I made sure with my children and grandchildren there would be no doubt how precious they are to me!
 
I don't know.. I was raised in turmoil.. Love and affection one day... Beatings and verbal abuse the next... I never could be sure what kind of day it was going to be., It depended on my mothers mood.. and if my father came home drunk or not.
 
Yep, Hoot N Annie, I did not realize how many of us had some sad experiences growing up! But on the "Up" side, seems like we learned and became better people for it! ((HUGS)) to all of you!
 
I didn't go into too much personal detail when I started this topic but can identify with many of your posts, thanks for sharing, and a great big hug to all from me too ! :bighug:
 
I feel like it can sometimes take a long time to realize and understand things about our parents' lives that may have affected our childhoods. In my case, I was oblivious to the influence that alcohol played in their lives and didn't realize until about 10 to 15 years ago that they were alcoholics.
 
Wren said:
I didn't go into too much personal detail when I started this topic but can identify with many of your posts, thanks for sharing, and a great big hug to all from me too ! :bighug:
Click to expand...
and here's one for you:
ZYSqgTJ.gif
 
My family was not soft, fuzzy and warm all the time, but I new I was loved and cared for, even when my parents were angry with me.
 

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