Men are losing their role as primary breadwinners!

Men have always built their identity around themselves and it is nothing to feel sorry about, it is just a fact of life...
 

Certainly with both parents playing the corporate game the kids are suffering - this is why our society is so poor these days.

Personally I'd love to be a stay-at-home Dad; in fact, I was for a while. No shame.

We cannot, however, go back to the '60's/'70's model of Mom going back to work after the kids are grown, because now all of those jobs are held by illegals.

It's a new world and we need a new model.
 
I guess the day of keeping the little woman barefoot and pregnant are over, Ralphy.
 

I've never been married so I'd better support myself or no one else will. Working in the medical field I've certainly known plenty of women who made more than their husbands. Nurses, therapists. Though their husbands had good jobs. Unfortunately I've also known the women who had the husband or live in who didn't work and she supported everything. If I had to go home to someone like that after an exhausting day at work.... I'll just say I couldn't do it. I applaud anyone who can make it on their own, married or not.

My policy is: If you don't have fur and a tail, I"m not supporting you.
 
A lot of older women say that they don't want to be "a nurse or a purse" after the loss of a husband so would never marry again...
 
From personal observation. Not surprising for several reasons including many entry level jobs like retail or hospitality prefer women. Many other businesses prefer women as well, especially moms because they know they will working for their kids as much as anything. This a loyalty card they like to hold over a women's head. Also some places will hire mom returning to workplace after an absence more readily than a male with blank time on their resume. Throw in 'wimpier' men who look for a sugar mama as hard as a women looks for sugar daddy this a natural evolution.
 
Ralphy1 said:
Women are gaining higher education skills in greater numbers than men. This allows them to become the main support of families that was traditionally a man's a role. This change in our society is causing stress for both men and women. I don't think that this shift is a good thing and surely you agree with me...
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I am new here. My wife is the breadwinner and I am a stay at home daddy. It has affected my self esteem and my wife goes along with the role but believe you me, it has killed our romantic relationship. I don't know who I am or what to do with myself anymore.
 
KindofScared, when you married you each gave an implied promise to be each other's helpmate, through thick or thin. For various reasons over time the nature of the help tends to change. What you are doing now is fulfilling that promise. Give yourself a pat on the back for that.

You have the privilege of forming really close bonds with your children. You will realise further down the track that this is a blessing, that you are a blessing to your family.

When I was younger I found being a stay at home really difficult. I became depressed. If that is happening to you I recommend that you find some outlet away from the home - a hobby group, sport or a men's club - so that you can get a break. It will help you keep things in perspective.

Good luck mate, and remember that what you are doing is of the highest value.
 
Dame Warrigal said:
KindofScared, when you married you each gave an implied promise to be each other's helpmate, through thick or thin. For various reasons over time the nature of the help tends to change. What you are doing now is fulfilling that promise. Give yourself a pat on the back for that.

You have the privilege of forming really close bonds with your children. You will realise further down the track that this is a blessing, that you are a blessing to your family.

When I was younger I found being a stay at home really difficult. I became depressed. If that is happening to you I recommend that you find some outlet away from the home - a hobby group, sport or a men's club - so that you can get a break. It will help you keep things in perspective.

Good luck mate, and remember that what you are doing is of the highest value.
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Thank you Dame Warrigal. I understand what you're saying. But I also understand that the romantic element in my a marriage is dead. And nothing is worse than being frustrated in a lonely marriage. ;) In addition, I have had more than a few failure in my career path that has effected my own self esteem and the Mrs in me. Don't get me wrong, she never criticizes me. But it's an unspoken reality between us. In another forum everyone is saying I have to work for her to respect me and for me to get my own self respect back. I think they are right. I love being home for the kids. But I am also hurt and scared that I have not worked in years because no one will hire me. :( My prayers go unanswered. My attempts are futile. And I am darn tired of it all. Every morning I wake up with the thick cloud over my head feeling this way. Sorry for my negative username.
 
You sound depressed, and no wonder. Get help for that first. You may need to get some work to help you do this but it doesn't have to be a top level job. Research says that women are more responsive to a man who helps around the house but you have to value yourself before you can woo her. How long since you had a weekend away together or a holiday? These things are important for both of you.

A week of walking and talking by the seaside or in a mountain retreat can allow you both to re-establish intimacy. It is important to relax and find space for each other. You may also need some relationship counselling too but I recommend dealing with depression first.

Whatever you do, make sure you hang in there. Don't give up.
 
KindOfScared, Dame Warrigal is right about the taking care of your depression first off. You don't say much about your circumstances, or what part of the world your in, which makes it hard to try and come up with helpful suggestions.
A lot of women go through the "I'm worthless" feeling when they make the decision to home care their families. Try making up a list of what kind of help, and what it would cost your family, if you went back to working in the work force. Add it up. You are providing that much income now.
If your children are in school, find a part time job, even if it's at your local store bagging groceries, or Jack-in-Box flipping burgers. Add that to what you are already providing by being a stay at home father. Believe me when I say, it counts.
You need the social contact, and it will also help with the depression.
When you hear young adults say things like, "My mom took care of our family, worked, made sure we went to school, and brought us up as best she could." That is pride your hearing.
When you start valuing yourself again, it will show even in your bearing, and that could help your marriage. Your wife will see that you are doing the best you can, and that you value yourself.
I hope your circumstances allow for you to change and rebuild your situation.
Many women and men fall into depression when they don't remember that "job" doesn't set their value.
Also remember how many times you've heard, "I just wish my father had been more a part of my life when I was growing up." You have this chance, so look and see the true value you are giving your family.
Be proud of who you are today, and so will your family. Good luck! :wave:
 
Yes, you sound pretty depressed to me, as well. People on this forum will give you their ideas/help, but none of us are professionals in counseling. If you have had/are having a hard time finding a job, hopefully your wife would understand..........mine did with no problems. She knew I didn't have the major college/university degree that she does. After using up all of my UI, I ended up having to take "early retirement" thru Social Security. It's not nearly as much as my last salary was, but it's some and my wife is very grateful for that.
 
Highlighted in red below.........Ina has this 100% RIGHT!!
Thanks Ina for telling him that!

Ina said:
KindOfScared, Dame Warrigal is right about the taking care of your depression first off. You don't say much about your circumstances, or what part of the world your in, which makes it hard to try and come up with helpful suggestions.
A lot of women go through the "I'm worthless" feeling when they make the decision to home care their families. Try making up a list of what kind of help, and what it would cost your family, if you went back to working in the work force. Add it up. You are providing that much income now.
If your children are in school, find a part time job, even if it's at your local store bagging groceries, or Jack-in-Box flipping burgers. Add that to what you are already providing by being a stay at home father. Believe me when I say, it counts.
You need the social contact, and it will also help with the depression.
When you hear young adults say things like, "My mom took care of our family, worked, made sure we went to school, and brought us up as best she could." That is pride your hearing.
When you start valuing yourself again, it will show even in your bearing, and that could help your marriage. Your wife will see that you are doing the best you can, and that you value yourself.
I hope your circumstances allow for you to change and rebuild your situation.
Many women and men fall into depression when they don't remember that "job" doesn't set their value.
Also remember how many times you've heard, "I just wish my father had been more a part of my life when I was growing up." You have this chance, so look and see the true value you are giving your family.
Be proud of who you are today, and so will your family. Good luck! :wave:
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My Dad was in the military until I was 25. So, he did 30 years in the Army and then decided it was time to move on. He wasn't going to go any higher in rank and he began to feel not needed, so he says. My Mother was a stay at home Mom until I went into the third grade and then she decided to go to work. As I found out in later years, my Dad supported her doing this, but only after a few hours of discussion. We always had to give our Dad a reason or reasons as to why we did the things we wanted to do or had already done. 'Because' was never a reason. Like, "Why did you take those cookies?" "Because." It wasn't going to work.

My Dad was an outstanding cabinetmaker and that's the path he took post military. There was a local kitchen manufacturer and installer in our little town and he worked for them. That's back when a lot of wood was hand sawed and sanded. The kitchens that came out of that little company were beautiful.

Anyway, my Mother did not have a higher education, so she settled for being a clerk in a department store. She ran the house and took care of everything inside. My Dad did the outside work and my sister and I helped out on my Dad's orders. He was harder on me than my sister. I did the usual stuff like mow the grass, take out the trash, help with the shoveling of snow, rake leaves and so on. Basically, anything that Dad didn't want to do was my job.

I don't know where this story is going. Sorry, I lost my train of thought and ended up rambling. My bad.
 
There is lot of research showing that the role confusion caused by the changes in society in the past few decades has led to the need for counseling as recommended for KindofScared...
 
In red below.........because people are curious, like myself. I'm always wondering "why, why, why???" about people and even about myself! LOL

Butterfly said:
I don't see what earthly difference it makes whether the husband or wife is the main breadwinner. Or why it is any of our business anyway . . . .
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Ralphy1 said:
Some situations demand that women have to work to support their family. But you would have to admit, as many women do, that something is lost by not seeing their children's milestones. Many men, on the other hand, feel something is lost by not having a career...
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Why is it ok for Dad to miss the "milestones"... but not mom? Sorry Ralphy... but this is a pretty sexist post. I have been a stay at home mom.. and I have worked at low wage jobs.. I, however, went back to school in my late 20's and got a degree.. I have been the primary breadwinner ever since and have more than out earned my husband for the last 20 years. No one laments over dad not being in the home... why is that? Ok... I'll answer why... I believe men feel they have lost "control" over the little woman is she gets too independent. So let's use the kids to lay some guilt on the ladies and get them back where they belong.
 
Ok... I'll answer why... I believe men feel they have lost "control" over the little woman is she gets too independent. So let's use the kids to lay some guilt on the ladies and get them back where they belong.
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That rings a bell with me.
 
Wasn't Mrs. Robinson the role model for what came after the children were grown?
 

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