My friend committed suicide.

Ronni

Well-known Member
Location
Nashville TN
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It has been a difficult week 🥺 Jaimee was larger than life, loving and warm hearted, an amazing and award winning champion competitive dancer. She was one of my instructors off and on for several years. She was also a dear friend.

Jaimee left behind her husband and 7 year old child. She was very religious. Her friends and her husband believed her to be religiously fervent and passionate. She was, but her recent behavior wasn’t that.. She was delusional and mentally unsound, and the ignorance or outright denial of her mental illness killed her. I’m so sad for her but outraged too. It needn’t have happened.

I’m becoming a warrior for normalizing mental illness. So many struggle unnecessarily because they’re ashamed or embarrassed, or their loved ones are, and that is just so archaic!!

it’s been a sad week.
 

I'm so very sorry for your loss Ronni and of course my condolences to her family as well. It's very hard to lose a friend. I lost one of my best friends unexpectedly (not from suicide) just before COVID hit and his death was devastating to me. Jaimee was a beautiful woman and it seems she had so much to live for! May she R.I.P.

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I am very sorry for your loss of your wonderful friend, Ronni,
and in such a difficult and tragic way.
I am also sad for her family, and for her.
Thank you for sharing all that you did, with us, Ronni. Every part of what you shared with us, is very important.
 
I know your pain. My brother took his life, after a lot of thought on that, I think there were a lot of factors. One was his activity during the 'vietnam' conflict, another was the drugs he got hooked on and finally I think life caught up to him and he couldn't handle it.
 
Incidents like this are so sad. How can a seven year old child possibly come to terms with his mother killing herself?

Although I agree with the sentiment, I wonder if there might be a better term than "normalizing mental illness." I don't think of illness as normal. Illness is something wrong with you, something to be corrected.
 
So sorry about your friend Ronni,

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Incidents like this are so sad. How can a seven year old child possibly come to terms with his mother killing herself?

Although I agree with the sentiment, I wonder if there might be a better term than "normalizing mental illness." I don't think of illness as normal. Illness is something wrong with you, something to be corrected.
It is very difficult for all left behind. My DD's paternal grandfather, a Viet Vet, killed himself in a graphic way, his teenage daughter and one of sons found him. Even tho they were older, it is something that colored much of their lives.

You make a valid about the point 'normalizing', however, it is important that we remove the stigma of seeking help with emotional problems. We also need to realize that some things the general public labels 'crazy', mental illness is more a disease of the soul not the mind. Extreme narcissism, lack of compassion.

Personally, i don't think real progress will be made till we recognise how over-rated 'normal' is. Too many people define it too narrowly, mostly based on what their families defined as 'acceptable' behavior.
 
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@Ronni, i am so sorry for loss and my heart goes out to her family.
Right now focus on your healing, and what you might be able to do to help her family deal with the loss---from practical assistance to emotional support.

Suicide always raises questions, but as someone who was suicidal for some 15 years of my youth i'd recommend reading 'The Savage God' by A. Alvarez. It is a 'study' of how suicide is perceived in western culture, but also touches on how suicidal ideations can reach a tipping point where the only thing that could stop a person is being physically restrained and confined long enough to get a proper diagnosis of their Issues and find a way to help them back to balance, to mental health.
 
Incidents like this are so sad. How can a seven year old child possibly come to terms with his mother killing herself?

Although I agree with the sentiment, I wonder if there might be a better term than "normalizing mental illness." I don't think of illness as normal. Illness is something wrong with you, something to be corrected.
I get where you're coming from @raybar. I was using a lesser used definition of normalizing: "To remove a prohibition or stigma from." Mental Illness has always been stigmatized until quite recently. It was something to be ashamed of, to hide, to be embarrassed about, to not disclose. Even now, though it's become more accepted as something to seek treatment for, it's still not normalized the way our other health issues are.

Break your arm? Go to the hospital and get the break set. Get strep throat? Head to the doctor for antibiotics. Have appendicitis? Get the organ removed. No one thinks twice about any of that, you have an issue you see the doctor. Seeking treatment for illness and accidents is normal and accepted and there is no stigma. But it's not that way with mental issues.

MY OWN SON suffered silently for months with severe anxiety and panic attacks, and no one knew. He finally reached out to me completely distraught because he thought he was going insane, or having a heart attack or dying (the racing heart, constricted chest, difficulty breathing sweating etc., ) even though intellectually he knew it wasn't the case. In spite of a very close family, a strong support system, even HE was reluctant to discuss his symptoms because when he wasn't in full blown panic he knew they were mental issues and he just felt like he could rationalize his way through them. No. You don't rationalize away panic attacks or anxiety, you get treatment for them! Just like you would for a broken arm or strep throat. He's doing well now. He's on medication, and also getting therapy with the ultimate goal of being able to manage his panic attacks and re-balance without the meds.

There's no shame in admitting to anxiety, or depression, or PTSD etc. But so many people still struggle silently because they feel ashamed. I want to do my part to end that thinking. I think it's important.
 
I feel I can say quite a bit about this thread topic, for many reasons, though whether I could provide anyone with an insight that might help in any way, either trying to assist those aware someone might be suicidal, or making family or friends of someone grieving their loss, feel any better about it I'm not sure.
I'd say this though, about the workings of the mind, that there remains many unknowns, and some professionals admit this, when assessing why someone successfully comes out of depression, whilst another fails to do so, (I'd guess luck plays a part too).
Suicide is a selfish act, though these days in the UK not punished as such, (as it was fifty or so years ago, the law criminalising those attempting suicide).
This is a good thing I'm sure we'd all agree, and being annoyed about all the hurt caused to other family members is a reasonable reaction in my view, though it may never be possible to say, "No one should go through the grief we're experiencing", as this terrible event will remain an all too common occurrence in some sections of the population.
 

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