My husband and I are having an argument

Sassycakes

Sassycakes

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Location
Pennsylvania
This morning me and my hubby got into a big argument. Our son's birthday is on Halloween. We haven't spoken to him in 2 yrs. He even moved to Las Vegas and didn't tell us. He has been mad at us since he got divorced from his wife many years ago.

He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her. When they got divorced she raised their 2 sons on her own. They were 5yrs old and 3 yrs old. She did a remarkable job raising them and they both are successful young men. He got mad at me and my husband because we are friendly with her. We love her and she did nothing wrong. I would never hurt my grandsons by not speaking to her. We gave my son financial support during the divorce. We gave him our Visa card and helped him in every way we could.

So the argument started because I want to send him a birthday card and a gift for his Birthday. My Husband said we shouldn't but in spite of it all, I love my son. What do you think?
 

Sassycakes said:
This morning me and my hubby got into a big argument. Our son's birthday is on Halloween. We haven't spoken to him in 2 yrs. He even moved to Las Vegas and didn't tell us. He has been mad at us since he got divorced from his wife many years ago.He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her. When they got divorced she raised their 2 sons on her own. They were 5yrs old and 3 yrs old. She did a remarkable job raising them and they both are successful young men. He got mad at me and my husband because we are friendly with her. We love her and she did nothing wrong. I would never hurt my grandsons by not speaking to her. We gave my son financial support during the divorce. We gave him our Visa card and helped him in every way we could. So the argument started because I want to send him a birthday card and a gift for his Birthday. My Husband said we shouldn't but in spite of it all, I love my son. What do you think?
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Please follow your Mother instincts and send him the card and gift. He's still your son, regardless of the circumstances. :)
 
IMO: Of course, follow your inner feelings!
He's YOUR SON! Love him unconditionally!
Even if he never responds, send love to him.
You are doing this to express your love for
him, not to invoke a response.
Love is the most important feeling a soul can know.
 

Sassycakes said:
This morning me and my hubby got into a big argument. Our son's birthday is on Halloween. We haven't spoken to him in 2 yrs. He even moved to Las Vegas and didn't tell us. He has been mad at us since he got divorced from his wife many years ago.He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her. When they got divorced she raised their 2 sons on her own. They were 5yrs old and 3 yrs old. She did a remarkable job raising them and they both are successful young men. He got mad at me and my husband because we are friendly with her. We love her and she did nothing wrong. I would never hurt my grandsons by not speaking to her. We gave my son financial support during the divorce. We gave him our Visa card and helped him in every way we could. So the argument started because I want to send him a birthday card and a gift for his Birthday. My Husband said we shouldn't but in spite of it all, I love my son. What do you think?
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Time for your husband to let go of the anger and judgement, that's your and his son, flesh and blood. Cherish that, you never know when family will be taken from you.
 
Sassycakes said:
This morning me and my hubby got into a big argument. Our son's birthday is on Halloween. We haven't spoken to him in 2 yrs. He even moved to Las Vegas and didn't tell us. He has been mad at us since he got divorced from his wife many years ago.He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her. When they got divorced she raised their 2 sons on her own. They were 5yrs old and 3 yrs old. She did a remarkable job raising them and they both are successful young men. He got mad at me and my husband because we are friendly with her. We love her and she did nothing wrong. I would never hurt my grandsons by not speaking to her. We gave my son financial support during the divorce. We gave him our Visa card and helped him in every way we could. So the argument started because I want to send him a birthday card and a gift for his Birthday. My Husband said we shouldn't but in spite of it all, I love my son. What do you think?
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Send it. Your husband can choose whether or not to sign it. I don't mind when someone says, "I don't like him" but when they say, "We don't like me" then I get suspicious.
 
My brother and my father had a big argument in the mid 1970's and never spoke again. Meanwhile my mother continued to call, write, even fly from West Virginia to San Francisco to visit her son and go on vacation with him and his live-in girlfriend, for the rest of her life.

My parents just agreed to disagree and I think my father was secretly glad to get updates on how he was doing.
 
Of coarse you still love your son and if you want to send something to him, you can. I have to wonder what good it will do. But if it makes you better, then that matters also.

I will point out one big red flag with your son (that I'm getting from your post) and it's something I know about because of my mother. It's that black and white thinking. Because he divorced his wife and it appears he wasn't much involved after the divorce, that you should also just drop her. Which is a big no. But I know how that thinking works. I had far too much experience with a mind like that.
 
Remy said:
Of coarse you still love your son and if you want to send something to him, you can. I have to wonder what good it will do. But if it makes you better, then that matters also.

I will point out one big red flag with your son (that I'm getting from your post) and it's something I know about because of my mother. It's that black and white thinking. Because he divorced his wife and it appears he wasn't much involved after the divorce, that you should also just drop her. Which is a big no. But I know how that thinking works. I had far too much experience with a mind like that.
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I'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but while the OP wasn't specific in what she meant by 'friendly,' and even though it sounds like the divorce was her son's fault, I don't believe parents should keep their kids' exes in their lives other than what's necessary for the sake of the children.
 
It's a 2 way street. Has your son sent you and your husband any birthday cards? Does he send his own children cards and gifts?
Be careful. Your husband has stayed with you. Your son has not.
 
JaniceM said:
I'm sure many will disagree with me on this, but while the OP wasn't specific in what she meant by 'friendly,' and even though it sounds like the divorce was her son's fault, I don't believe parents should keep their kids' exes in their lives other than what's necessary for the sake of the children.
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I definitely disagree as people have a right to be friends with whoever they want to irregardless of their kid’s opinions. Plus it’s what’s best for the grandchildren.
 
Sassycakes said:
This morning me and my hubby got into a big argument. Our son's birthday is on Halloween. We haven't spoken to him in 2 yrs. He even moved to Las Vegas and didn't tell us. He has been mad at us since he got divorced from his wife many years ago.He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her. When they got divorced she raised their 2 sons on her own. They were 5yrs old and 3 yrs old. She did a remarkable job raising them and they both are successful young men. He got mad at me and my husband because we are friendly with her. We love her and she did nothing wrong. I would never hurt my grandsons by not speaking to her. We gave my son financial support during the divorce. We gave him our Visa card and helped him in every way we could. So the argument started because I want to send him a birthday card and a gift for his Birthday. My Husband said we shouldn't but in spite of it all, I love my son. What do you think?
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I think you should follow your heart.
 
Sassycakes said:
This morning me and my hubby got into a big argument. Our son's birthday is on Halloween. We haven't spoken to him in 2 yrs. He even moved to Las Vegas and didn't tell us. He has been mad at us since he got divorced from his wife many years ago.He caused the divorce because he was cheating on her. When they got divorced she raised their 2 sons on her own. They were 5yrs old and 3 yrs old. She did a remarkable job raising them and they both are successful young men. He got mad at me and my husband because we are friendly with her. We love her and she did nothing wrong. I would never hurt my grandsons by not speaking to her. We gave my son financial support during the divorce. We gave him our Visa card and helped him in every way we could. So the argument started because I want to send him a birthday card and a gift for his Birthday. My Husband said we shouldn't but in spite of it all, I love my son. What do you think?
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Your son is being unappreciative and spiteful, being angry at you and your husband for all you've done for him, his ex-wife and his two sons. I know that hurts you and breaks your heart to have such a relationship with him, and he angers your husband very much, rightfully so.

But, in my opinion, sending him a card and an inexpensive gift does no harm. You're a sweet and loving person, and if it makes you feel better to do that, just do it. Your husband knows you have a big heart, even if he doesn't admit it, he understandss why you want to do it. Chances are your son will not even acknowledge what you send or say thank you.....but you know that's a possibility, and a likelihood. Even if that's the case, you'll feel better for doing so, you are his Mom, and your love will never fade. I think your argument will soon be forgotten if your hubby is a reasonable man. , Hugs.
 

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