My husband retired - I'm so depressed!

hollydolly said:
It's very difficult around here in the rural shires
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How about doing some exploring to areas that you’d probably like to move to. View a few places so you learn the neighbourhoods and what homes are like there. If nothing else, it’s something to do.
 

hollydolly said:
I do... and I don't want to live here any more, but I can't even think of moving until the Divorce is finalised..
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If your divorce will be finalized within the next year, maybe you can start planning for the move. Take everything you won't use and don't love looking at and put them in boxes.

Write a list of things you want to do, and can do, once you have moved. It will give you something to look forward to. Research it! That's how I found out there we more things to do in Boston and New England than I ever could have contemplated. Many of them I wouldn't have known even existed. I read a lot of books and websites about things to do in the area. I included books for people with kids because some of the most fun things were in there.

Do some things now that you'd wait until later to do, ordinarily. If you are a joiner, research groups to join in your new city/town, so you can meet people with common interests. To me, it is always more fun to do things with another person who is as enthusiastic about it as I am.

Daydream about what will be - that should be very pleasant.
 
WheatenLover said:
If your divorce will be finalized within the next year, maybe you can start planning for the move. Take everything you won't use and don't love looking at and put them in boxes.

Write a list of things you want to do, and can do, once you have moved. It will give you something to look forward to. Research it! That's how I found out there we more things to do in Boston and New England than I ever could have contemplated. Many of them I wouldn't have known even existed. I read a lot of books and websites about things to do in the area. I included books for people with kids because some of the most fun things were in there.

Do some things now that you'd wait until later to do, ordinarily. If you are a joiner, research groups to join in your new city/town, so you can meet people with common interests. To me, it is always more fun to do things with another person who is as enthusiastic about it as I am.

Daydream about what will be - that should be very pleasant.
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Can't do that, because without knowing how my finances will be after the divorce.. I can't know where I'll ultimately be able to afford to live , or if in fact I'll even be able to move
 
I invariably get all caught up in these threads, wondering about new member Babs and clicking likes on comments ... before I notice it all happened several years ago.

I expect Babs needed to talk to someone and this was the place. Maybe just getting her thoughts out was all it took and she was able to make some much needed changes with the thought that people here supported her and believed she was right.

I had to have a serious talk with my husband shortly after he retired about how it was unlikely he would watch me sweep the porch and come up with a better way to do it that I hadn't thought of in 50 years. I had to be gentle because he's sensitive and always extremely surprised over any criticism.

Fortunately he heard me. He doesn't like yard work or hobbies. He likes computers and accounting, so he volunteered to be treasurer at local food pantry and to help people with their taxes. He's there four days a week! Yay! Our marriage saved and poor people helped!

It's all a matter of figuring out what you like to do and going for it. Breathing down your spouse's neck all day is not one of the choices.
 
hollydolly said:
..but I already know those areas well...:D
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I find it fun to look at houses when I‘m considering moving. The incredible demand of the housing market in Canada has meant no Open Houses. They said it’s cooling off now and I’ve seen a few open houses listed for this weekend. Do the realtors in the UK have these open to the general public showing too?
 
Jules said:
I find it fun to look at houses when I‘m considering moving. The incredible demand of the housing market in Canada has meant no Open Houses. They said it’s cooling off now and I’ve seen a few open houses listed for this weekend. Do the realtors in the UK have these open to the general public showing too?
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yes they do but like Canada, they're few and far between. now... no sooner is a house on the market it sells..

My daughter bought a house in February, she rang the agents within 30 minutes of it being listed, and 15 people had called before her.. , she had to offer much more than the house was actually worth to ensure she got it. ..and she discovered afterwards that every one of those 15 people had put in an offer higher than the asking price..
 
Shalimar said:
She does not deserve this torment. Relationships are complex, they fall into the lateral basket rather than linear. Leaving is usually a process, rarely helped by judgement from others. Adding blame to the mix is counterproductive.
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So stay in a bad relationship and suffer. No skin off my nose
But life's too short not to try to be happy
 
hollydolly said:
I hate art..I'm not artistic in that way at all.. Don't you think I've thought of how to break the monotony ?.. It's very difficult around here in the rural shires
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I can attest to the same thing where I live. I'm not artistic either but there aren't any real offerings around here to learn many techniques. Rural living has many advantages but also disadvantages, too.
 
hollydolly said:
I do... and I don't want to live here any more, but I can't even think of moving until the Divorce is finalised..
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How long do divorces usually take in the UK? I can't speak for everyone here that is from the US and who went through a divorce but mine took about 6 months. The fact that we didn't argue very much about the distribution of the property (he got most of the furniture and household things as ordered by the judge....long story), it expedited the entire process.
 
When I was married I found my sanctuary in my bedroom. I had my own TV and watched what I wanted. I read or whatever. Also had my own laptop. It’s none of his business what you are watching. You need to claim a space or room to yourself where you can do what it is you like to do. You deserve it, and must not be controlled anymore. A couple or few hours a day is not unreasonable. I think you both would be happier. I’ve heard a lot of couples take separate bedrooms. If you are happy and can maintain a happy peaceful marriage together, who cares. But then again, I am divorced. But I do not believe it was for these reasons.
 
Leann said:
How long do divorces usually take in the UK? I can't speak for everyone here that is from the US and who went through a divorce but mine took about 6 months. The fact that we didn't argue very much about the distribution of the property (he got most of the furniture and household things as ordered by the judge....long story), it expedited the entire process.
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it can take just a few months or it can be long drawn out like mine is going to be... apparently according to my lawyer, we're looking at , at least 10 months before it gets to court..
 
babs75 said:
I would guess that other women would not have put up with this as long as I have but I never wanted to start over so I've stayed around all these years. Not worth the financial impact or what it would have done to my kids. I've spent all these years just trying to keep the peace, doing whatever I can to eliminate doing things that I know he will make 'comments' about (the constant 'digs' grate on a person after awhile) and then of course, I get mad at myself when I didn't catch a situation that sends him off. I love waking up in the morning, staggering down to the kitchen for coffee and immediately getting called out because I didn't load the dishwasher correctly.
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jujube said:
Oh, Babs, you have my sympathy. As the saying goes, "I married him for better or worse, but not for retirement."

My grandfather retired early and almost drove my grandmother insane. He no longer had anyone to supervise, so he supervised her. She had been doing housework and cooking and laundry for many, many years but now wasn't doing them correctly. The carpet wasn't being swept in the correct direction, the dishes weren't being stacked correctly or put away correctly and the laundry....well...you get the picture. I think men just need to supervise; it's in their genes.

Can you get him to join a men's club or volunteer somewhere where he can be "in charge" of something?
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Well I’m a 66 yr old single male. I don’t even watch TV and canceled DISH last year. So if I ever did marry she could RULE the TV w/o interference from me.
Think I would make a pretty good mate as micromanaging isn’t a thing with me and she could have plenty of her free space and time. We would have to generally follow a budget and avoid debt. We hear about some older couples who have virtually no physical affection in their relationships. While that may work with some it’s definitely a ‘must have’ in mutual desire on my list.
Also none of us likes to be around uptight people- let’s not be one of those either.
 
hollydolly said:
yes they do but like Canada, they're few and far between. now... no sooner is a house on the market it sells..

My daughter bought a house in February, she rang the agents within 30 minutes of it being listed, and 15 people had called before her.. , she had to offer much more than the house was actually worth to ensure she got it. ..and she discovered afterwards that every one of those 15 people had put in an offer higher than the asking price..
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Pretty much the same thing here. And rentals have just gone out of sight, too.
 
No need to feel so blue. Take a cruise. Everyone is cruising these days. Last week I saw 4 monster cruise ships in Skagway all in the same day. Lots of retirees walking the streets of Skagway these days. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves and having a wonderful time You and hubbie could too!
 
Packerjohn said:
No need to feel so blue. Take a cruise. Everyone is cruising these days. Last week I saw 4 monster cruise ships in Skagway all in the same day. Lots of retirees walking the streets of Skagway these days. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves and having a wonderful time You and hubbie could too!
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that's why I won't take a cruise because everyone is doing it
 
Blessed said:
@hollydolly , you don't need a cruise right now, just go out and enjoy the beauty all around you. Most of us are jealous that we don't live in a place as beautiful.
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lol bless you, but I've lived here since 1974... It all gets a bit samey after the first 40 years :LOL: I definitely need some kind of break but currently with the airlines in chaos here and in Europe I can't fly abroad..
 

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