My husband retired - I'm so depressed!

I can only say that you should never retire without sufficient finances and something else lined up to keep you occupied. Having nothing to do or no goals to strive for sounds like a recipe for disaster. We retired in our mid 50's and I think that Mrs.L and I could have driven each other mad, but as it happens, life has never been busier and we have both mutual and individual interests.
 

Anybody who is stuck in a marriage with a controlling bully such as she is describing has serious, serious problems. Probably not appropriate for a group of complete strangers to provide help with. This is a marriage in serious trouble and they need a good marriage counselor, pronto. If she can't get him to go with her, she should go alone.
 
better the devil you know. I wish i had used that mindset when i was in my last well paid job. Because after that i discovered there are much more devilish workplaces than the one I was at.
Every where ya go Hypochondriac! That's life. I don't know of many people who are (or were) 100% happy with their places of employment.
 

Welcome to Senior Forums.

I really don't mean to come across as crass here, but I probably will. Aside from the money issue these things seem like petty issues that should have been ironed out long ago, especially in a 41 year marriage. You had to know this time was coming and it appears neither of you prepared for it. I don't see all the blame being on either side, to me you both could give a little to make things easier.
Then you have not experienced what she is referring to, because she is "spot on"
 
Sorry to hear all the sad retirement stories here. My late wife and I were retired but we were soul mates and were always together and never got tired of one or the other. Of course, giving your spouse space and room to grow is very important. Best of luck. Just want to leave here saying that I don't like "bossy" men. Reminds me of that proverbial cow named "bossy." You know the one who pushed the other cows around. Men should be loving help mates; not bosses. Marriage should be a partnership. Leave the bossing out!
 
This thread has been resurrected from August 2019, be interesting to see how Babs is doing if she’s still a member, hopefully she ....
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She was active three days: Aug 5-Aug 8, 2019, posting 16 messages during that stint. Like a lot of SF members, her stay was very short. It seems extremely doubtful that she's reading responses to a thread she started 3 years ago.
 

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I think their (men that is) main problem is boredom. They are used to spending the day with other people and inter-acting with them. Being in a domestic situation all day is mind-numbing for them. This is why everyone needs to prepare themselves for retirement.
I turned one of the bedrooms into a sitting room so that I could sit in there and do my own thing without having to put up with him all the time.
 
I think their (men that is) main problem is boredom. They are used to spending the day with other people and inter-acting with them. Being in a domestic situation all day is mind-numbing for them. This is why everyone needs to prepare themselves for retirement.
I turned one of the bedrooms into a sitting room so that I could sit in there and do my own thing without having to put up with him all the time.
never mind men... it's Mind numbing for most women in a domestic situation too ..
 
My o/h went to College after retirement. Got his teaching certificate, and has been doing volunteer teaching - ESL (English As A Second Language) in-class before Covid, online during Covid. He is one of those people who are life-long learners. When he was still working, he took courses, and also learned to play violin.

There are always options out there for those who bore easily.
 
My o/h went to College after retirement. Got his teaching certificate, and has been doing volunteer teaching - ESL (English As A Second Language) in-class before Covid, online during Covid. He is one of those people who are life-long learners. When he was still working, he took courses, and also learned to play violin.

There are always options out there for those who bore easily.
That's a more positive attitude. Retirement is supposed to be a time when we catch up with all the things we never had time for. For too many people it is the countdown to death.
 
My o/h went to College after retirement. Got his teaching certificate, and has been doing volunteer teaching - ESL (English As A Second Language) in-class before Covid, online during Covid. He is one of those people who are life-long learners. When he was still working, he took courses, and also learned to play violin.

There are always options out there for those who bore easily.
tell me where to find them...cuz I am beginning now after almost a year of being on my own, to be bored witless..:eek:
 
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get yer bike out Holly,take yer camera and get some good pics to post on here,,,,bored,,a young lady like you ;)
jet.. I have 70,000 plus photos on my computer, I've run out of places to go around here to take pics.. ..... and I can't ride a bike because of my dodgy knee... and now racing towards 68..I've not got as much energy as I once had for travelling all over the place , and no partner to do it with now
 
Yeah, that "in the house" thing. I don't understand it. Like I said, the sewing and crafting have gone by the wayside pretty much unless it's knitting in front of the TV (and I have a one year old granddaughter who I starting sewing for a year ago!) because that room is upstairs as is my work from home office. If he's there and I'm upstairs, I get the 'what are you doing???' "Uh, sewing!" I feel trapped sometimes like I'm not even able to move about my own house. That why, when he's gone camping, it's like Ferris Bueller's day off because I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT. To make matters worse, I am the guardian and conservator for my 93 year old father because none of my other siblings would do it. Guess I drew the short straw. Dad does not live with us and luckily he can afford the use of a care manager and caregivers to help but I am there every Saturday afternoon. Hubby hates it so I know better than to discuss with him. I do not wish this guardianship thing on anyone. It is a lot of work. I am going to petition the court this fall to allow me to move him to assisted living. He shouldn't be in his house anymore. If I am not allowed to move him, I will probably request a private guardian.
Why are you still married?
 
I would guess that other women would not have put up with this as long as I have but I never wanted to start over so I've stayed around all these years. Not worth the financial impact or what it would have done to my kids. I've spent all these years just trying to keep the peace, doing whatever I can to eliminate doing things that I know he will make 'comments' about (the constant 'digs' grate on a person after awhile) and then of course, I get mad at myself when I didn't catch a situation that sends him off. I love waking up in the morning, staggering down to the kitchen for coffee and immediately getting called out because I didn't load the dishwasher correctly.
Sometimes you get what you deserve. Afraid to leave for whatever reasons? Frankly you get what you deserve. I know it's harsh but just sitting around moaning about things that could be changed does nothing. You're going to spend the rest of your life in misery ...for what?
 
My suggestion?....maybe it's time to get a lawyer and get yourself an apartment or condo. That's no way to spend your remaining days. If he wouldn't care if he lived in a tent (your words, not mine), then maybe that's what he should do. Get those finances taken care of before he sucks it all dry and you're really in a pickle with nothing.
 
I have zero clue as to problematic marital relationships and what is the best solution. As far as long time finances are concerned as a rule of thumb every time I get a raise or bonus I act like I never even received them and bank the increases. I live on the salary I received when I was hired on my present place of employment. I pay for every necessity in cash so I don't have to stress out and lose any sleep wondering how I would survive in the unfortunate case of being furloughed, suspended or worse terminated for cause.
 
Sometimes you get what you deserve. Afraid to leave for whatever reasons? Frankly you get what you deserve. I know it's harsh but just sitting around moaning about things that could be changed does nothing. You're going to spend the rest of your life in misery ...for what?
She does not deserve this torment. Relationships are complex, they fall into the lateral basket rather than linear. Leaving is usually a process, rarely helped by judgement from others. Adding blame to the mix is counterproductive.
 


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