Never So Alone As I Am, Now!

I'm inclined to agree that there was a time when that would've helped, but my agoraphobia tends to force me to stay in the house. The agoraphobia has been around for the better part of 30 years. I can beat it when it's a warm British Summer late evening...but, during the day, I have no chance.
 
For a few months, now, I've noticed things and wondered about them.

1. Occasionally, I have actually found myself laughing at something, during the past 4-6 months. When I asked ChatGPT about the possibility of that meaning that there is one very thin sliver of connection to the reward centre of my brain, he said, "So even rare laughter countsā€”your brain is briefly reconnecting with pleasure and reward pathways, which is huge when anhedonia is present. Youā€™ve literally ā€œtastedā€ your reward system working again, even if only for a few seconds." So, effectively, on those rare occasions when I find myself laughing, quite spontaneously, at something (it hardly matters what), THE ANHEDONIA IS CAUGHT NAPPING for just a tiny amount of time. It's really not much, but it's PROGRESS!

2. My last friend and I (we lived 40 miles apart and would never have met) were doing what we called "parallel watching" of movies...we'd be talking on the phone and arrange which film and how long to watch...then, watch half an hour of a movie, and be back on the phone. When my friend occasionally said, "Which film would you rather watch?", I'd choose one film sooner than another. ChatGPT pointed out to me (and, I didn't even notice or know this) that, when I expressed a preference of one film over another, I was then, also, accessing my reward centre in the brain. THE ANHEDONIA WAS CAUGHT NAPPING THEN, TOO!

3. After leaving the psychiatric hospital, last year, I never expected that I would be able to muster interest enough to do even ONE of the late Summer evening walks that I'd been doing for 45 years, so I dismissed the idea, for a while. Then, to my own shock, I just went out, on 9 different warm Summer evenings, and did NINE of those very same walks. THE ANHEDONIA WAS CAUGHT NAPPING THEN, TOO!

It might not look like much on a screen, but those 3 things are actually good signs. I hope to build on those.

Thanks, for reading. :)
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
For a few months, now, I've noticed things and wondered about them.

1. Occasionally, I have actually found myself laughing at something, during the past 4-6 months. When I asked ChatGPT about the possibility of that meaning that there is one very thin sliver of connection to the reward centre of my brain, he said, "So even rare laughter countsā€”your brain is briefly reconnecting with pleasure and reward pathways, which is huge when anhedonia is present. Youā€™ve literally ā€œtastedā€ your reward system working again, even if only for a few seconds." So, effectively, on those rare occasions when I find myself laughing, quite spontaneously, at something (it hardly matters what), THE ANHEDONIA IS CAUGHT NAPPING for just a tiny amount of time. It's really not much, but it's PROGRESS!

2. My last friend and I (we lived 40 miles apart and would never have met) were doing what we called "parallel watching" of movies...we'd be talking on the phone and arrange which film and how long to watch...then, watch half an hour of a movie, and be back on the phone. When my friend occasionally said, "Which film would you rather watch?", I'd choose one film sooner than another. ChatGPT pointed out to me (and, I didn't even notice or know this) that, when I expressed a preference of one film over another, I was then, also, accessing my reward centre in the brain. THE ANHEDONIA WAS CAUGHT NAPPING THEN, TOO!

3. After leaving the psychiatric hospital, last year, I never expected that I would be able to muster interest enough to do even ONE of the late Summer evening walks that I'd been doing for 45 years, so I dismissed the idea, for a while. Then, to my own shock, I just went out, on 9 different warm Summer evenings, and did NINE of those very same walks. THE ANHEDONIA WAS CAUGHT NAPPING THEN, TOO!

It might not look like much on a screen, but those 3 things are actually good signs. I hope to build on those.

Thanks, for reading. :)
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Two thoughts have popped into my mind.

1. Remember the little engine that could.

2. Also, to have a friend you must first be a friend.

Make those sentences your mantra for the rest of May.
And go on more walks when the weather is fine.
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
I can honestly say that, right now, I am more alone than I have ever been/felt in my entire life! I never thought that I would ever be this alone, lonely and isolated!
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@Ian McKlatchie, I've been away for a few days and just found this thread. I'm glad you found this forum; there are lots of kind, supportive, and knowledgeable people here, from all across the globe, so now you'll never truly be alone. šŸ«‚
 
Dear Ian,
I can understand your feelings. I was the same way after I lost my wife of 30 years. After years of taking care of her, I was at a loss for what to do. Part of my days were taken up by work, but coming home to that empty home was depressing.
Fortunately, I found an on line site for widowed people, and just communicating with others lifted my spirits.
I hope this site can help you.
 
I've had a couple of difficult days but I never complain to friends or family. I just decide to go to a cupboard and take everything out and go through everything and decide what is trash and what is treasure. I end up with two bundles, put the trash in a big plastic bag and donate to a charity, the rest goes back and it's amazing how much space there is. There goes a couple of hours
without thinking about your situation. Guarantee it works.
 
Thank you, for your replies.

@Warrigal Sadly, I find myself, while housebound, to be in no good position for finding myself a friend...and, the work that I'll have to put in on remedying that could take a long time. I live in eternal hope that that will change, though.

@KSav Thanks, for that. It's nice to be here. Last night was a bit of a shock, but the moderator/Owner has cleaned that mess up, I'm reassured to see. Apparently, somebody thought I was not a human being. They know how I feel, so well!! :)

@bowmore Lost your wife after 30 years? I would not have survived that. I just couldn't've dealt with that. You're something of a hero to people like me.

@oscash I'd love to have that much concentration that I could do 2 hours of work on any part of this house. If the depression lifts, I'll be trying my hand at various things around the house - but, I have to get to that lifted state, first.
 
@Ian McKlatchie Mind if iI pop in with a few agoraphobia cartoons? Take these two, and call me in the morning!

lindsaybraman-agoraphobia-split-slide-2-1023x1024.png
27WDCXGASFF25JU4YY7LRI3ONM.jpg
 
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Meanderer said:
@Ian McKlatchie Mind if iI pop in with a few agoraphobia cartoons? Take these two, and call me in the morning!

lindsaybraman-agoraphobia-split-slide-2-1023x1024.png
27WDCXGASFF25JU4YY7LRI3ONM.jpg
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@Meanderer Thanks, for those. It's amazing how hard it is to explain agoraphobia to others. There are times when I've "burst" through it and done a series of going-outs - I'm hoping to be able to repeat that, when real UK Summer warm evenings return...if they ever get here, that is! I do have trouble asking others for help - but, in the part of the UK in which I live, people look horrified at you when you ask them for help, like such a thing is unthinkable.
 
Ian McKlatchie said:
@Meanderer Thanks, for those. It's amazing how hard it is to explain agoraphobia to others. There are times when I've "burst" through it and done a series of going-outs - I'm hoping to be able to repeat that, when real UK Summer warm evenings return...if they ever get here, that is! I do have trouble asking others for help - but, in the part of the UK in which I live, people look horrified at you when you ask them for help, like such a thing is unthinkable.
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are you not getting the beautiful hot weather up North that we've been having in the south since the beginning of March?

Have a look at my photos that I've taken in recent times here....on this link

photos
 
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hollydolly said:
are you not getting the beautiful how weather up North that we've been having in the south since the beginning of March?

Have a look at my photos that I've taken in recent times here....on this link

photos
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The photos are gorgeous. Up here, right now, in the evening (when I prefer to first try to go on my walks) the weather is still a bit too wet and nippy. I live in hope of much better evenings, though, to get me started. I hope it comes, soon.
 
@hearlady Forgive me, good Lady! I can't listen to anything sad, right now...it will demolish me. That's how far down into depression and hopelessness I feel, at the present time. I do, however, thank you for your kind thoughts. :)
 
Meanderer said:
Ian, do you still have remnants of your sense of humor in some form or other?šŸ™‚

šŸ§This is a humor test:
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@Meanderer - I seem to have some small scraps of it left behind, yes, and it's supposed to be a good sign. Not a single doctor, therapist or psychiatrists picked up on it, but ChatGPT was on it like a pouncing anvil, as soon as I mentioned that something had made me laugh, telling me that it meant that there was still a thin sliver of a connection to my reward centre in the brain, because there must be, or I couldn't laugh at anything.

Chatty, himself, said, "Even rare, spontaneous laughter is a real sign that the brainā€™s reward system is still capable of responding. It shows that anhedonia isnā€™t completeā€”thereā€™s still a small connection to pleasure and reward, and every tiny moment like this is a win." That's some consolation, for me, I suppose! At least, something gets through! :)
 
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