Not that anyone is asking

Pepper said:
I know who you mean @hollydolly. She was an excellent person.
For some reason, name GrannyJo is in my mind as well as GrannyG but probably her name sounded nothing like it. Australia I'm sure of, as well as small cell lung cancer, doctors unwilling to treat, and finally, hospice, then her son writing us, a son she was estranged from until her illness. Doesn't matter.
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your memory is way better than mine....

Update on cancer
 

I'm glad I posted those pictures of Bonnie. She looks very different right now. The baldness is no surprise, but she's bloated from head to toe from steroids and she can't wear her own clothes, so I whipped up a few slip-on house-dresses for her, but she doesn't keep her clothes on anyway. She keeps taking out her dentures, too. That's no big deal, but it makes her even more unrecognizable.

She's argumentative, uncooperative, and she cusses me out every once in a while. I was hoping most of that was the heavy drugs they gave her before transport, but not all of it is. I have to keep in mind her brain isn't working right.

She has no strength, so I have to do a lot of lifting. I won't let Meesh do any lifting...I want to keep her spine healthy.

Bonnie's incontinent, and nobody told me that. That's bad enough, but she arrived with only one adult diaper and one waterproof bed pad...I have to keep changing her bed and mopping the floor.

So, this is really hard. Bonnie's boyfriend came to help, but he kinda gets in my way. He did keep her calm, though, but only after I reminded him a few times that she's not herself....or maybe it's more like, she's herself X10. :p

The hospice nurse and an aid are coming over in about an hour. I'm gonna talk to them about my particular challenges and what kind of help I can get, and we'll go from there. If I can't do this, Bon won't go back to the hospital, she'll go into hospice care at a separate facility. That'll make us all unhappy, but I have to accept my limitations.

Meanwhile, I might not be on SF much.
 
Feel free to vent here Frank... it must be sooo difficult caring for someone in this dreadful tragic condition. Poor Bonnie... her brain is now her enemy....
You are right, you may have to send her to hospice care if it proves it's all just too much for you to handle by yourself.. much as you want to do the best by your sister, you're not trained, and you're not well yourself... so if it comes to it then so be it.. you can be there for her as her brother and S-i-l as support, while trained staff take care of her physical needs.

Your intention was and is pure, but you do have to recognise your limits... for all of your sakes..

....soo vent away we're all here as your friends..to listen... and not judge..
 
Frank, me & mom did all of dad's care. Hospice would visit. Mom was 24/7, while I spent half week w/her and half w/husband (who was very generous and not jealous over my time ❤️). So, I know exactly this part of the experience as well.

One of the proudest things I've ever done --- showing love to my father when he needed it the most. He'd have done the same for me.

That's what you are doing, Frank. You're showing the essence of love. ❤️
 
Murrmurr said:
I'm glad I posted those pictures of Bonnie. She looks very different right now. The baldness is no surprise, but she's bloated from head to toe from steroids and she can't wear her own clothes, so I whipped up a few slip-on house-dresses for her, but she doesn't keep her clothes on anyway. She keeps taking out her dentures, too. That's no big deal, but it makes her even more unrecognizable.

She's argumentative, uncooperative, and she cusses me out every once in a while. I was hoping most of that was the heavy drugs they gave her before transport, but not all of it is. I have to keep in mind her brain isn't working right.

She has no strength, so I have to do a lot of lifting. I won't let Meesh do any lifting...I want to keep her spine healthy.

Bonnie's incontinent, and nobody told me that. That's bad enough, but she arrived with only one adult diaper and one waterproof bed pad...I have to keep changing her bed and mopping the floor.

So, this is really hard. Bonnie's boyfriend came to help, but he kinda gets in my way. He did keep her calm, though, but only after I reminded him a few times that she's not herself....or maybe it's more like, she's herself X10. :p

The hospice nurse and an aid are coming over in about an hour. I'm gonna talk to them about my particular challenges and what kind of help I can get, and we'll go from there. If I can't do this, Bon won't go back to the hospital, she'll go into hospice care at a separate facility. That'll make us all unhappy, but I have to accept my limitations.

Meanwhile, I might not be on SF much.
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Providing the level of care which Bonnie now needs, sounds beyond that which can be provided at home so, I think you and Meesh are wise to recognise that. A hospice would be a good option as, Bonnie will get the care she needs and you will be able to have some respite between visiting her. Whatever decision you make, there is no doubt that it will be the right one. x
 
Pepper said:
Frank, me & mom did all of dad's care. Hospice would visit. Mom was 24/7, while I spent half week w/her and half w/husband (who was very generous and not jealous over my time ❤️). So, I know exactly this part of the experience as well.

One of the proudest things I've ever done --- showing love to my father when he needed it the most. He'd have done the same for me.

That's what you are doing, Frank. You're showing the essence of love. ❤️
Click to expand...
Me & Michelle worked out a good schedule: she works from 6:30am til about 4 (no school, cuz summer break), so I have the early-shift. When she gets home, I go nap for an hour or so, and then I cook dinner. Then Meesh takes care of Bonnie while I do some housekeeping and change Bonnie's bed. Then we all watch a movie or TV show, but Meesh is in and out because she's doing laundry at the same time. Bonnie always falls asleep while we all watch TV, and then me & Meesh can turn in...usually at 9 or 10pm.

Bonnie always wakes up at 2 or 3 in the morning, and that's my "get". I give her a PRN pain med, which is a pretty big dose of liquid morphine, change her diaper, and change her bed again if it's needed. Then I just hang out with her til she goes back to sleep; usually within a couple hours.


I had to throw her boyfriend out this evening. I thought Bonnie was stripping herself, but it was him! Almost every time I leave the room to get her meds or make lunch or whatever, her gown is off when I get back. Like I said, I thought it was her because she has brain tumors, and she never said otherwise and never looked upset or anything. But today I realized it only happens when he's here, so I peeked at them from the kitchen this time and saw him do it! Not only did he take off her gown, he did it in such a rush, he scratched her arm and made it bleed!!

The dude was already on thin ice because he was always waking her up to kiss her goodbye before he left. I told him to knock that off. I specifically said "The only time Bonnie is not in pain is when she's asleep, so please stop waking her up." So when he did it yesterday, I yelled those same words at him, and he said "Oh, yeah. Sorry Frank, I forgot."

How do you forget that the only time your loved one is NOT in terrible pain is when they're asleep??? You don't forget a statement like that. And why's he apologizing to me anyway? Bonnie's the one who has to suffer because he's a self-centered fecking idiot and a horny old bastard who can't keep his hands and face off her.

Anyway, I popped him in the nose and tossed him out after I saw him take her gown off her. Disgusting POS. Then I had to do some first aid on Bonnie's poor little arm, where he scratched her. It wasn't deep but it bled pretty bad....probly because of the radiation and chemo and all the meds she has to take. Plus she has diabetes.

Well anyway, I better get some sleep. Think I'm still a little worked up, though. That guy's a freaking idiot. Acts like he has more brain damage than she does.
 
Frank, I, I, I,
Dammit, you're making me wish I believed in god so I could bless you, talk about good deeds, heaven's chariots awaiting you some day.........Damn Frank. You & Meesh. One in a million, make that billion.

I'm babbling........I know it, you have me overwhelmed with emotion.

eta
maybe boyfriend trying to stimulate her back to life?????? or is that giving him too much credit?
 
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