Nothing Beats Marriage

I married twice and divorced twice. I have been with the same person for over 30 years....unmarried. I think people should make agreements to live together and be imamate if that is what they want. No marriage is needed. I would say being unmarried beats being married. It is also like asking "Could a squirrel beat a hedgehog"? :)
 

I'm wondering if one can fall in love again. This time around, real love which was missing...

After hubby died, I was unceremoniously told while registering his death, that his pension was now gone and that if I wanted to receive it, I'd have to wait a full four years AND remaining single...

WTH???

I knew that we should have had more happy years together, we were planning to rebuild our lives and our love after losing our son in 2017.

I'm still raw inside, as much as I'd love to have love, I've lost trust in sharing anything with someone new. I've never been angry, I still loved my husband but I was disappointed of how he left things ran out. So after 30+ years of trusting, loving, caring and hoping.

From hearsay from GPs office, a possible diagnostic of Autism... Yes, that explains so much of what went wrong but still... As when younger, had a total of 3 boyfriends. The difference is extreme, I liked the first two but never loved them. The one I fell in love with was the one who became my husband.

Now, I'm looking for the return of love that was missing, but recovering trust into another person, that'll take time.

As @Mitch86 said "Don't look for looks and sex. Look for empathy and sympathy."

Looks count a wee bit as my husband was a silver fox, woof! So, big shoes to fill. However, I'm not interested in lust but real love, sympathy and empathy, the missing half of myself, which is lonely nowadays...

If I get married again, I lose husband's pension, what a conundrum...
 

Many years ago, my mother's friend remarried after her husband died. Unfortunately, she married an old friend of her husband's. This particular man was a Batchelor all of his life. Well, did he give her the run around. He turned out to be a very nasty man and made great demands on her. Even told her to iron his shirts inside and outside. The poor woman was broken but Nature has a way of fixing things. He was very overweight and had a heart attack which put him in to a nursing home. When she went to visit him, he demanded she bring him all kinds of food. She eventually stopped visiting him and he died within 2 years. At least she had her own life back again.
 
Supernatural said:
I'm wondering if one can fall in love again. This time around, real love which was missing...

After hubby died, I was unceremoniously told while registering his death, that his pension was now gone and that if I wanted to receive it, I'd have to wait a full four years AND remaining single...

WTH???

I knew that we should have had more happy years together, we were planning to rebuild our lives and our love after losing our son in 2017.

I'm still raw inside, as much as I'd love to have love, I've lost trust in sharing anything with someone new. I've never been angry, I still loved my husband but I was disappointed of how he left things ran out. So after 30+ years of trusting, loving, caring and hoping.

From hearsay from GPs office, a possible diagnostic of Autism... Yes, that explains so much of what went wrong but still... As when younger, had a total of 3 boyfriends. The difference is extreme, I liked the first two but never loved them. The one I fell in love with was the one who became my husband.

Now, I'm looking for the return of love that was missing, but recovering trust into another person, that'll take time.

As @Mitch86 said "Don't look for looks and sex. Look for empathy and sympathy."

Looks count a wee bit as my husband was a silver fox, woof! So, big shoes to fill. However, I'm not interested in lust but real love, sympathy and empathy, the missing half of myself, which is lonely nowadays...

If I get married again, I lose husband's pension, what a conundrum...
Click to expand...
Absolutely people can fall in love again. Would you necessarily want to get married again though?
 
oscash said:
Many years ago, my mother's friend remarried after her husband died. Unfortunately, she married an old friend of her husband's. This particular man was a Batchelor all of his life. Well, did he give her the run around. He turned out to be a very nasty man and made great demands on her. Even told her to iron his shirts inside and outside. The poor woman was broken but Nature has a way of fixing things. He was very overweight and had a heart attack which put him in to a nursing home. When she went to visit him, he demanded she bring him all kinds of food. She eventually stopped visiting him and he died within 2 years. At least she had her own life back again.
Click to expand...
Love a happy ending ;) :)
 
Mitch86 said:
My advice to all seniors living alone is to find a wife as soon as possible. You can find them in churches and even here in Senior Forums. I'm married to the same woman for 62 years (I'm 88). If she does die before me, I'd have another wife within 30 days. Don't look for looks and sex. Look for empathy and sympathy.
Click to expand...
Timewise 60+ said:
I don't think I would look for a wife if I lost my wife of 53 years. I might hire a maid/ housekeeper but nothing more. I saw my mom and father-in-law live alone for some time after the death of their spouse. I know how hard it is, but having someone new with all the problems that could cause, is not what I would do. I would get out and be with people, but not looking for a new mate...
Click to expand...
 
Supernatural said:
I'm wondering if one can fall in love again. This time around, real love which was missing...

After hubby died, I was unceremoniously told while registering his death, that his pension was now gone and that if I wanted to receive it, I'd have to wait a full four years AND remaining single...

WTH???

I knew that we should have had more happy years together, we were planning to rebuild our lives and our love after losing our son in 2017.

I'm still raw inside, as much as I'd love to have love, I've lost trust in sharing anything with someone new. I've never been angry, I still loved my husband but I was disappointed of how he left things ran out. So after 30+ years of trusting, loving, caring and hoping.

From hearsay from GPs office, a possible diagnostic of Autism... Yes, that explains so much of what went wrong but still... As when younger, had a total of 3 boyfriends. The difference is extreme, I liked the first two but never loved them. The one I fell in love with was the one who became my husband.

Now, I'm looking for the return of love that was missing, but recovering trust into another person, that'll take time.

As @Mitch86 said "Don't look for looks and sex. Look for empathy and sympathy."

Looks count a wee bit as my husband was a silver fox, woof! So, big shoes to fill. However, I'm not interested in lust but real love, sympathy and empathy, the missing half of myself, which is lonely nowadays...

If I get married again, I lose husband's pension, what a conundrum...
Click to expand...
At this age, I’d be seeking security first; keep your pension. Love yourself.
 
Good for whom? I waited for 70 years for my inheritance via my Father, who was killed in the War in 1942. The house was left by my Aunt and allowed my Uncles to live in it for their lifetimes. One married and his wife outlived them all, she soon remarried aged 84 and died after a few months as did her new husband and his kids who we have never heard of inherited the house in a few months, and the one next door, regardless that I had been waiting 70 years and the five-bed house overlooking the river had been built by my family 150 years ago.
 
Mitch86 said:
My advice to all seniors living alone is to find a wife as soon as possible. You can find them in churches and even here in Senior Forums. I'm married to the same woman for 62 years (I'm 88). If she does die before me, I'd have another wife within 30 days. Don't look for looks and sex. Look for empathy and sympathy.
Click to expand...
I would urge great caution for anyone who has had a long marriage and finds themselves alone. You become very very vulnerable through loneliness.
 
Avon said:
Good for whom? I waited for 70 years for my inheritance via my Father, who was killed in the War in 1942. The house was left by my Aunt and allowed my Uncles to live in it for their lifetimes. One married and his wife outlived them all, she soon remarried aged 84 and died after a few months as did her new husband and his kids who we have never heard of inherited the house in a few months, and the one next door, regardless that I had been waiting 70 years and the five-bed house overlooking the river had been built by my family 150 years ago.
Click to expand...
That is dreadful, I am so sorry. But it happens and is hard to bear.
 
EmptyCup said:
When I see a happy marriage, it makes me happy.
Even though it ended suddenly for me at age 60, I am not bitter. I was angry/sad for a year, but it passed. Now it is almost six years. I have adapted to this single life probably a little too well. Maybe I have become selfish? Could be.
Click to expand...
You are wise.
 
Rose65 said:
I would urge great caution for anyone who has had a long marriage and finds themselves alone. You become very very vulnerable through loneliness.
Click to expand...
Very vulnerable indeed. Jumping right into another relationship as soon as possible is just plain ‘bad advice.’ People need adjustment time and need to discover themselves without a partner before even thinking about being an instant couple again.
 
Rose65 said:
Indeed. Generally men want to be cared for. This can mean rash hasty decisions. Bereavement is a terribly tough thing.
Click to expand...
This is a gross generalization! No doubt some men do look for this first. Not me, I would rather find love and a best friend that enjoys what I enjoy. Then we pay to have meals cooked, laundry done, and house cleaned! I believe many men in my age group would feel the same...and be willing to spend the money...life is short, and you cannot take it with you!
 
Timewise 60+ said:
This is a gross generalization! No doubt some men do look for this first. Not me, I would rather find love and a best friend that enjoys what I enjoy. Then we pay to have meals cooked, laundry done, and house cleaned! I believe many men in my age group would feel the same...and be willing to spend the money...life is short, and you cannot take it with you!
Click to expand...
Only speaking very generally.
 
Any one entering a second marriage (whether old or young) should have a pre-nuptial agreement drawn up by a lawyer.

We (2nd husband and I) had an agreement drawn up by our lawyers (I have the house and he, a pension - both was not the joint assets if we decide to part ways). After he passed, I was entitled to his "surviver's pension as this agreement was a legal document.)
 
I presume another way is each make a will, to ensure your own loved ones are treated fairly as per your wishes. If you are older people with existing families that is. Otherwise marriage we will override all previous wills. Most certainly see a solicitor before making financial decisions.

Unfortunately, romance, love and all the fluffy stuff counts for nothing against cold hard legal fact, which in fact is what marriage is. It is a legally binding contract the moment you say 'I will'.
I have seen old widower's marry younger women who targeted them and widows be conned of everything. All because they were lonely, vulnerable and fancied themselves in love.
 
Last edited:
BC Flash said:
Any one entering a second marriage (whether old or young) should have a pre-nuptial agreement drawn up by a lawyer.

We (2nd husband and I) had an agreement drawn up by our lawyers (I have the house and he, a pension - both was not the joint assets if we decide to part ways). After he passed, I was entitled to his "surviver's pension as this agreement was a legal document.)
Click to expand...
Well done, my word is a pension important.
 
Timewise 60+ said:
This is a gross generalization! No doubt some men do look for this first. Not me, I would rather find love and a best friend that enjoys what I enjoy. Then we pay to have meals cooked, laundry done, and house cleaned! I believe many men in my age group would feel the same...and be willing to spend the money...life is short, and you cannot take it with you!
Click to expand...
There are a lot of men who can look after a house far better than I ever could plus know how to cook like a chef as well as do handy work inside and out.
 
Mitch86 said:
My advice to all seniors living alone is to find a wife as soon as possible. You can find them in churches and even here in Senior Forums. I'm married to the same woman for 62 years (I'm 88). If she does die before me, I'd have another wife within 30 days. Don't look for looks and sex. Look for empathy and sympathy.
Click to expand...
sad sad response. I hope you find that person for you.
 

You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top