Scenario: Would you tell your friend? read below.

I've read several studies about finding out your friend's husband/wife is cheating. A large margin of females WANT to be told. With STDs (as someone said) so prevalent, the omission can be as deadly as telling them.

However, a dinner date, even with passionate kiss isn't evidence enough that "cheating" is going on. But, smoke/fire
 
Happened to me years ago, small town, everyone knew except the wife, she deserved to know... I thought. Apparently she didn't want to know, called me a whole bunch of nasty things, and then never spoke to me again. Would I do it again? Maybe, depends on the circumstances, you do what feels right at the time.
 
Indiana Joe said:
Look up history, kiddo. Men cheat. It's in the bone marrow. I'm sure your mamma explained that to you. You should have listened to your mamma instead of thinking you knew it all. 😋
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Oh my, what an odd perspective. Most of my clients are male, I doubt 15% would agree with you. Of those that did, the majority would have substance abuse problems, or deep seated misogyny, or both. 😁
 
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RadishRose said:
Remember the Betty Broderick Story? True!

No one thought she'd lose her mind like she did when she found out her husband was cheating with his much younger assistant. He was a lawyer and Betty was the super wife, super mom who was well liked in the community. She did everything for him and the kids during his long years of work and part time law school.

When she found out, the pain of the betrayal set her off on a course no one would ever think of. He moved out and he and the assistant began living together. Betty harassed the hell out of him. Left filthy, crazy and numerous phone messages. Even the kids were getting upset with her. He ultimately married the assistant.

Finally she bought a gun, went to his house with the key her gave to his daughter, found them asleep and shot them both to death.

No one really knows how someone will react to a devastating thing like this. That is why I'm against telling her.
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Not the same scenario.
Betty was a terrible wife - impossible to please, always criticizing & putting her husband down, no matter what he did for her or what he accomplished. That's how she drove him elsewhere. That would drive any man away.
Her husband (like any husband) has the right to divorce a miserable psycho nag like Betty & marry someone else. Everyone has the right to happiness.
Betty was also incredibly stupid. Instead of life in prison, she would have lived a luxurious life, considering her incredible alimony payments & a free mansion she would have received - which was part of their divorce settlement.
 
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It wasn't my friend. It was the wife of my husband's friend that I saw. I was at work one afternoon when I saw Barb walking down the street with a man, and I stepped outside to say hello. It didn't occur to me that something was amiss until I saw her face. When she saw me, she looked like she'd been electrocuted. That's when I put two and two together. She didn't introduce me to her companion and quickly went on her way.

That evening, I told my husband that I'd seen Barb downtown with a guy who wasn't Charlie and that she acted squirrelly. My husband didn't tell Charlie what I'd seen. We soon found out they'd been on the rocks for awhile, and not too long after that, they were divorced.

I've been friends with Carol since we were in our late teens. She and her husband, Danny, got married a week after my husband and I got married. We socialized a lot with them. Carol and Danny had problems from the beginning. I suspect that stemmed from his serial cheating. Danny and my husband worked for the same company. It hit close to home when Danny began cheating with another mutual friend who also worked there. Other friends also knew about it, but nobody said a word about it to Carol. She wouldn't have taken it well. She periodically left him, but they eventually worked it out somehow because they're still married.

So, no, I'm not telling on anybody.

BTW, as far as I'm concerned, "a warm, passionate kiss on their mouths" is cheating! acute
 
JaniceM said:
If you saw/knew for fact, I believe you should have told your friend.
I'm sure many people would disagree with this viewpoint, but in my opinion it'd be harder in the longrun for her to know "everybody but herself" knew what he was doing.
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People have a right to their opinions and to choose not to interfere with in marriage of others, which could backfire and cause them a big problem. Just because the observer "knows" the "victim", does not relate in any way to the depth of such a friendship. There might not be any relationship, but merely a neighborly acquaintanceship. Besides, how do you know the guy wasn't stuck in a sexless marriage? One of the figures I see is that maybe 20% of marriages are such.

What makes you so sure the wife does not already know he is cheating? Maybe she is also cheating. And if you say he should then get a divorce, that brings up another problem. He could lose at least half of everything he owns. If children are involved, he could lose three-quarters, or more, of what he owns, or will earn in the future.

There are number of reasons for his "cheating". I never judge the marriage of anyone I know. I have learned through a long life that only two people know they truth regarding a marriage. Those two people are the couple involved in the marriage.
 
My best friend in high school was fooling around on his girlfriend. She asked me one day if he was, and I told her he was. WOW! Bad mistake. That just about ruined everything between all of us, including my friend threatened to kick my A#@. So whenever that kind of situation even got close to me, I said no way am I getting involved.
 
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Indiana Joe said:
People have a right to their opinions and to choose not to interfere with in marriage of others, which could backfire and cause them a big problem. Just because the observer "knows" the "victim", does not relate in any way to the depth of such a friendship. There might not be any relationship, but merely a neighborly acquaintanceship. Besides, how do you know the guy wasn't stuck in a sexless marriage? One of the figures I see is that maybe 20% of marriages are such.

What makes you so sure the wife does not already know he is cheating? Maybe she is also cheating. And if you say he should then get a divorce, that brings up another problem. He could lose at least half of everything he owns. If children are involved, he could lose three-quarters, or more, of what he owns, or will earn in the future.

There are number of reasons for his "cheating". I never judge the marriage of anyone I know. I have learned through a long life that only two people know they truth regarding a marriage. Those two people are the couple involved in the marriage.
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I believe in doing the right thing. If nothing comes of it, & no changes are made, that's fine with me; I did my part in protecting the health
(and possibly the life) of someone I care about. After that, the ball is in their court.
 

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