Seniors, What Can You Say About Having Children?

SeaBreeze

SeaBreeze

Endlessly Groovin'
Location
USA
For those here who have had children, what can you say about the experience, what are your thoughts? Are your children a blessing? Has having children been good or bad for you in your life? Do you have a close relationship with your kids, or have you grown apart over the years? Do your children care about you now that you're older, are they there for you when you need them?
 

I'm sure there will be many happy stories on this topic. I know the pride I feel with my two sons. In my case though I should have lived a life then adopted in my later years. If I had an infant now knowing what I didn't know then, I would have so much to give. It's not about money. It's maturity and life experience. When I had the oldest I had babysat once and changed a diaper once. It took a long time to figure it out.
 
I had our only child, a daughter, the year I was turning 36. My biological clock was ready 10 years prior, but we were saving for a decent down payment for a house before starting a family. After being on the pill and having an IUD, pregnancy did not happen as quickly as we'd expected, but finally, here she was, our precious girl. I did suffer from post-op depression after the C-section, and felt somewhat isolated as we were living away from family at that time and my husband was working, and back at university in order to switch careers. However, we survived. A year later, we moved back to Toronto.

We thoroughly enjoyed being involved with the PTA all the way through her schooling. The teen years were a challenge, especially the year she was 16, but we all survived, despite separation and divorce. There were a couple of rough years, but we've all come full-circle and she is a doting daughter, very caring and knowledgeable about the needs of her parents who are now seniors. We're happy with the choices she has made for herself and pleased to see how fulfilled her life is.
 

I love my daughter and son, and have a good relationship with each. Without dwelling on sour grapes, I'd say this- that if I could have a "do over" in life I would have had my children with a different woman.
 
Our daughters are great. It was a bit of a challenge during their teen years, but they managed to avoid doing anything really dumb, and became responsible adults. Much the same goes for the Granddaughters. They have all found good husbands, and all have a stable family life. We have a family of girls, but finally have a new great Grandson...boy, will he be spoiled....but his Dad is a real good guy who loves hunting and fishing, so I imagine that will work well.
 
I would have my sons 10 years later and with a different man. I felt guilty not being able to give them a better childhood.
 
I have 2 children and I am close to both. I think I could have been a better Mother. My kids are not close to each other. I think I was the cause of the rift. I didn't show favoritism but the squeaky wheel got the grease, also we had bought a home which I prided myself in keeping spotless. If I had it to do over I would have let things go and enjoyed them more and hopefully had the patience to make sure they realized how lucky they were to have a sibling.
 
jujube said:
If I knew then what I know now, I would have had grandchildren first.
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LOL!

I kinda get that. I don't have grandchildren because my late wife and I never had any kids. We were told (repeatedly) we should see a professional to figure out what was "wrong", but we decided to not worry about it, to just enjoy each others company and let the chips fall where they may. Life was good.

It's decades later now. I've been alone all this time - not lonely, but alone - enjoying my own company for better or worse, through good times and bad. Suddenly two little ones show up.

My niece separated from her husband and moved into a house nearby. She started dropping off her two 5 year olds at my place when daycare is closed or whatever, or she wants a night out. Now they ASK to come here. I'm not sure but maybe I'm getting a little taste of what I missed. Frustration when I have work to do and when they ask a million off-the-wall questions. I feel guilty when I'm not even sure why....I just see this "Uncle, you did it wrong" look on their faces. But they're funny as hell, and they think I'm funny, and they try to help when I work, and we laugh a lot - and that makes up for the other stuff.

I'm a childless great-uncle and they make me feel like their grandpa. And I like it.
 
My son is 25 and daughter 17.

Not having a mom growing up and having an abusive stepmother,I made sure that every chance I have,I will tell my kids I love them.

Through my problems and all,they are the best things that happened to me.
If I had a do over,I would have at least 5 kids.

They have taught me so much. :)
 
I dunno, girls turn 14 and they lose their minds. The boys are different. My two boys have had their trying times but they got back eventually. The eldest has a baby boy I would give my life for. The younger had his stuff, but he turned into a personable young man despite all. Yep we are blessed.
 
Having children is a blessing to me. I have a son and a daughter.They are both married and my son has 2 son's,19 and 18 yrs old. My daughter has a little 5 yr old daughter. My daughter is an RN and constantly worries about me and my husband. Right before I got a chance to write this my 19 yr old grandson,who is in college,called just to say Hello and ask how I was doing and of course he asked about his Grand Pop too. I love my family with all my heart.
 
We only had the one son. He is a good person, but we realized much too late that he had attention deficit disorder. Wish we'd known sooner. He was naturally bright and did well in school up until college, when the distractions took their toll. His lack of focus caused much tension for our family. Now that he's married and living overseas, I wish he was better about keeping in touch and making more of an effort to keep us seeing our grandchildren on a regular basis. I love him, but also wish we were closer.
 
I have three children all grown now ofcourse. I did such a good job making them like me that two are still at home. I love them and would not throw them out but it would not hurt my feelings if they wanted to start a life of their own and move out.They do all they can to help out. I worry what they will do when I'm gone.
 
I never had any kids, and I'm still glad. Most of the people my age are not treated well by their children. I saw that when I was young. Oh, they say they are, but I have eyes and ears. My main concern is what to do about who will handle my estate affairs once I'm gone. I have nephews and nieces, but I've taken better care of myself than they have. So I may outlive them. They aren't that much younger than me. My step kids are flighty, and would not handle things well. So...
 
I'm glad we had our 4 children but I wish we had waited till we were about 10 years older. 16 and 20 is just too young. We were really stupid human beans and, I think, bad parents. But the end result is our kids are close to us and keep an eye on us. One lives in Europe but calls often and visits when he cans. The oldest passed away just before his 50th BD but left us 2 grandsons who are now in their 20s. The other 2 kids live about 3 hours away and play a big part in our life as do their children. So yeah, I guess it's all good. There were some rough times though.
 
i wish my kids had a better dad---i live with my youngest daughter so i see her every day ---my oldest son 2x a week the youngest son 3x a year--(phone calls) the oldest daughter dont speak to me
 
I was never going to have children but the biological clock started tolling strongly within so hubby and I decided to have one. Almost exactly two years later we were um, surprised with a set of twins. Yikes! Three kids in a smidge over two years. Talk about baptism by fire!

I wish i had the level of patience for my children that I now have for my grandchildren, but that seems a common theme and is probably the natural order of things. It was a very worthwhile ride though, and we are emotionally and geographically close to all of our kids - and they are close with each other.

Our payoff for raising children reasonably well has been the adult friendships formed with them when we stepped out of the parenting role.
 
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I've only had one child. There's been ups and downs, but I love him very much and it's apparent he loves me too. I couldn't imagine life without my son, even though we don't see each other a great deal, it's regular enough to be satisfactory.

So yes, it's a good thing.
 
I have not spoken to my son since the day about eight months ago he informed me that he had exhausted all compassion for me while in his teens, and that went for emotional support as well. Why? I have no idea, particularly since I have been nothing

but compassionate and supportive all his life. Shelled out ten grand during the university years to help he and his wife. She would have lost her place in law school if I had not stepped up to the plate. The kicker was when he told me I just had to get used to it. Well, no. I refuse to be complicit in a relationship where I am made to feel difficult to love, and repeatedly hauled on

the carpet by someone channeling a stern Victorian father remonstrating with his wayward daughter. For whatever reason, my beloved son has become a hanging judge where I am concerned. Guilty as charged, no day in court. Yet his dad who did not

pay child support, and did a brief stint in jail for domestic abuse years after I kicked him to the curb somehow gets a clean slate. Hmm. He did thank me once for dumping his dad and sparing him from growing up with

violence. His dad grew quite violent after we parted. Oddly enough, my mother who was not my best fan, would become incensed when young Jesse would act up toward me. She always maintained I was a good mother. She was very close to him while he was growing up, and as a young adult as well.
 
Shalimar said:
I have not spoken to my son since the day about eight months ago he informed me that he had exhausted all compassion for me while in his teens, and that went for emotional support as well. Why? I have no idea, particularly since I have been nothing

but compassionate and supportive all his life. Shelled out ten grand during the university years to help he and his wife. She would have lost her place in law school if I had not stepped up to the plate. The kicker was when he told me I just had to get used to it. Well, no. I refuse to be complicit in a relationship where I am made to feel difficult to love, and repeatedly hauled on

the carpet by someone channeling a stern Victorian father remonstrating with his wayward daughter. For whatever reason, my beloved son has become a hanging judge where I am concerned. Guilty as charged, no day in court. Yet his dad who did not

pay child support, and did a brief stint in jail for domestic abuse years after I kicked him to the curb somehow gets a clean slate. Hmm. He did thank me once for dumping his dad and sparing him from growing up with

violence. His dad grew quite violent after we parted. Oddly enough, my mother who was not my best fan, would become incensed when young Jesse would act up toward me. She always maintained I was a good mother. She was very close to him while he was growing up, and as a young adult as well.
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Shali, I cannot express how much your story distresses me. Although I've been active on these boards for only a few short months, I quickly recognized yours to be a voice of intelligence, gentleness, kindness, reason and balance. Compassion like yours is like the finest steel. It is borne only of blistering fires, it cannot merely dug up from a sheltered place that has never known pain.

Be well, my friend. I sincerely hope that the brokenness between you and your son is healed soon.
 

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