Single Seniors - Are You Happier Being Single than Married?

I was happy being married to my husband...I might not have been happy married to someone else.
 

My marriage was successful apart from the sex which was not good, but after my wife died and being alone for a very short time, I started a series of affairs and longer term relationships. I was essentially a serial monogamist, occasional bigamist :confused:

I have never really been alone, but for the last 13 years I have had a long distance relationship, and get to alternate between being on my own and being with my partner. I actually enjoy both, the freedom to be totally self indulgent when alone, and sharing and enjoying coupledom when together. I don't feel I would want a permanent 24/7 relationship/marriage, as from my experience a boredom and lack of spontaneity creeps in. :confused:
 

I never married, it always seemed too much like bondage to me. Also, I was the last of my family, I wanted my children to have my name for that reason, and strong feelings around a matriarchal viewpoint in a patriarchal society as well. Remaining single kept things simple. Fortunately, my son's father did not mind. He has three brothers after all. Jesse has both our names, mine being last. He chose to use mine. I stayed with this man too long as it was. At least there was no divorce to deal with. Now, I have a new lover. A lovely, kind, and charming man. I suspect he may want more from me than I am willing to give. Loving him is not the obstacle, belonging to him would be.
 
merlin said:
My marriage was successful apart from the sex which was not good, but after my wife died and being alone for a very short time, I started a series of affairs and longer term relationships. I was essentially a serial monogamist, occasional bigamist :confused:

I have never really been alone, but for the last 13 years I have had a long distance relationship, and get to alternate between being on my own and being with my partner. I actually enjoy both, the freedom to be totally self indulgent when alone, and sharing and enjoying coupledom when together. I don't feel I would want a permanent 24/7 relationship/marriage, as from my experience a boredom and lack of spontaneity creeps in. :confused:
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You seem to have the perfect life now, Merlin .....I am envious.
 
I agree LynnD, that sounds perfect and I had something a little similar, that was till my ex-partner just wasn't happy with that arrangement anymore and wanted to make it more of a together everyday here and forever thing. Sigh. He will always remain friends, but we haven't seen each other in nearly three years now, because this thing hangs in the air. If I call it's always, you're not calling me for a one time get together and then it gets awkward, for me anyway. We actually spoke about a week ago.
 
I did have a live in BF a few years ago, that was enough to turn me off to anything like that again. I wouldn't mind having someone to date, a companion...someone to do things with but at the end of the day...He goes to his home and I go to mine.

Not saying a weekend together wouldn't happen...I'm not a prude, lol!
 
Yeah, I didn't mind the weekend thing, as he usually would travel to me, plus if we moved in together, I would have been the one to have to move to his area where he live, another strike as I really like my area as compared to his where there would be less public transit available to me, I would be too dependent on him for many needs.
 
Also add differences in the way we like things. I don't like clutter and I like things clean....he didn't. If I fell asleep before he did and then would come out to a mess in the kitchen, my day was ruined. At this stage I think most people aren't going to change their ways.
 
Well that would have been the one good thing, he's very neat and organized; that would have helped to me keep the place company ready at all times. LOL. For some reason, when left to my own, I'm never able to keep things in one place, but when I live with others everything stays in place. I'm not sure why that is.
 
It's the crafts, AprilT...projects can get messy and all over the place, lol. I know from experience. My house is neat and clean because I don't do anything it. I'm not so OCD about dust and such...things just have to be put away.
 
I think to a large degree you are quite right about that, another is I'm pretty absentminded and then there's the if I drop something, due to my back, I'm not likely to bend over to pick it up right away, so it just might stay put for a day or two. LOL!
 
LOL! Sounds pretty familiar to my number one rule I've followed for a while, but have tried to break on occasion, but, seems, I've been able to stick most closely to rule 1. But I do envy neat freaks to a slight degree, not the one guy who I dated who nearly had a heart attack when I mishung something in his walkin closet. OMG, he was extremely anal when it came to his home.
 
I don't like too OCD either! Anybody that puts spices in alphabetical order is just too OCD for me.

I just don't like seeing things laying about it upsets my equilibrium ....shove it under the bed....I don't care, unless I look there and I'll know better not to.
 
AprilT said:
I married once, been nearly married a couple of times since, I did break off an engagement two decades ago, I am happy with my status, my last relationship ended over two years ago, because, he wanted to take things to the next level and I didn't feel the same about him in that way, same with the one prior, not to say, I wouldn't be more with someone I felt a real deep connection, I just wasn't feeling a need to combine households with either men, nor marry.

To be honest, the only thing I miss is the sex, not the stay overs, I'm still friends with them both, one there never anything beyond kissing anyway,, I've known one for more than 10 years the other nearing 8. Can't say I miss the friendship since I'm still friendly with both, I could call either of them and have long chats any time, problem is my last guy, won't come over unless I agree we're going to be a couple again and why should I lead him to believe we can be anything more than just friends. I care for him and if he needed me for anything, I would be there for him, I just don't love him in that way that makes me long for him when he's not around. He and I are such opposites, but, for some reason, he always gives this speech about how much alike we are, we're nothing alike. I admit, I do miss him sometimes, if only he wouldn't push that love nonsense. Sigh.

Do I get lonely, sometimes, but not for a romantic relationship, maybe a hug here and there and mostly for my platonic friends and family, but, every time I've tried doing the romance thing, it just never seems to work anymore, I have little patience for the whole dance of it all.

And before anyone jumps all over this, I'm not afraid of commitment, I'm just sure of what I don't want and am not desperate to be in a relationship with someone, I know for sure I will regret being in it with. Plus I'm a grouch, I would have to be pleasant, and share the bathroom. ack!
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AprilT for the most part your words echo my thoughts exactly! Thanks for sharing :D
 
Josiah said:
Although I am not technically single (because my wife persists mute and immobile in a nursing home) I am experiencing living alone for the first time almost sixty years and I have been startled by the difference that truly being alone makes. I haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. I miss the fact that before I was always present in someones consciousness, I was in effect performing. Now there's no audience and it feels very different.
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Josiah, your eloquent statement about always being present in someone's consciousness, and in effect performing, really struck a chord with me. I've had a few relationships in recent years that failed, and I think they failed because either I was simply with the wrong person, or because I no longer have the energy or desire to "perform". I see that you haven't posted for a while. Wishing you well.
 
I had one marriage, one horrible divorce and I NEVER wanted re-marriage. Once was enough for my lifetime. Had a couple live in bf's and other bfs over my life, worked 40 yrs, played a lot, raised a daughter and love to do what I want to when I want to. I'm 80.
 
Viewing this I almost had a change of heart.

This isn't about race as some will make a point out of, I saw what I thought was a lovely couple nothing more nothing less and all some can do is see race. I took the video down, but, I'm putting it back in here. I figure why should I let others feel like they won by stirring the pot of bringing up race. If race is what you think most of when you view the video, you have issues, not the couple.


And btw, WM/BW marriages, statistically, have the lowest divource rates. Just saying since it was brought up.
 
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Sweet, lovely, wonder how the marriage is going.

I took care of a little boy in a mixed marriage home and the mom/dad seemingly got on well for the years I knew them and then caught up with the mom later and they were divorced.

I have no issues with interracial relationships, but for me one marriage was ENUF.

I had a mixed relationship for a while and boy, it was really a lot of highs and lows.
 
Josiah said:
Although I am not technically single (because my wife persists mute and immobile in a nursing home) I am experiencing living alone for the first time almost sixty years and I have been startled by the difference that truly being alone makes. I haven't entirely come to terms with it yet. I miss the fact that before I was always present in someones consciousness, I was in effect performing. Now there's no audience and it feels very different.
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I'm sorry for the situation you are both in. That must be difficult. The lack of "audience" you mention is interesting to me...I live alone and have for many years (was married once for 4 years and have had some relationships but not for a long time now) and I often think of myself as that tree in the forest, wondering if my life really matters if no one "hears" or sees it. I suppose it could be liberating in some ways to be free of "performing" as you say but for me I am questioning how much my life really matters when I am mostly alone, i.e., not sharing experiences, moments with someone over time. I feel I've missed out on much.
 
I divorced in 86 after 11 years of marriage and an additional 7 of dating and engagement so in total we were together for 18 years. From the very first night living alone I was completely content and since then have never missed having another person in the house. I did marry again in 98 but it only lasted 6 months because I could not tolerate living with another person or having to consider what they want (I know I should have figured that out BEFORE I married; but he swept me off my feet :rolleyes:
 
I don't know what it is like to share my life with someone for that many years but thought I'd share a story.

I worked with a woman (I think she was Hindu). Her husband of 30 years passed away without any warning (no prior illness etc). She was devastated. They were one of the happiest couples I'd ever seen. A year later on the anniversary of his death, her family invited lots of people to a celebration and I was honored to be included. All of her children and most of her siblings were in attendance plus old family friends.

The ceremony was not in English but they did have an interpreter. I can't remember everything but there was a golden cord involved. She could either choose to continue to dedicate her life to her deceased husband or she could choose to be released from the bond of grieving and begin dating again. She chose to remain single and the full cord was wrapped around her wrist. Had she chosen to date, the cord would have been severed and half of it would be released in the fire(which in this case was a bar b q pit). I don't know if that is something that her village did or the Hindu people do but I think it was a nice way for the family to celebrate and share the transition with her. It was a beautiful thing to see and her words were, "it would be most difficult to find another man half as good as the one I had."

Sometimes tradition is a beautiful thing, I wish we had more of them to share the different transitions we go through as seniors.
 


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