Single Seniors - Are You Happier Being Single than Married?

I am happily single, such as living alone after leaving my husband of 24 years (21 married) because I was not in a good situation. I have been married three times and I am not doing that again. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who lives about 45 minutes away. I see him at least twice a week and we talk on the phone daily. I chose not to own a car when I moved here so he takes me shopping and appointments or what ever. We do a lot of things together and it is fun to have someone to share that with. I love him and I know he loves me. But I do not ever want to give up living on my own. I am an introvert and value my alone time.
 

I have been solo now for about 10 years after two disastrous, relatively short marriages. I didn't get married until my early fifties (probably far too late) and think my first wife chose me because she hated to see someone having so much fun. The second one is anyone’s guess.
When ever loneliness appears, I remember past marriage trauma I endured and my thoughts soon turn positive. I am content living alone and don't envy those with long marriages, so perhaps any problem is with me? I feel the longer one lives alone one can get a tad selfish, in pleasing ones self when to do anything, go anywhere or buy anything etc
Loneliness can appear at Xmas when other families get together – many of whom cant stand each other, to exchange unwanted or pointless gifts– but not having family I share that time with my old dog.
 
CrackerJack said:
I feel as you do about eating aloneafter 51 years cooking and loving it for my Husband.

No, Old Salt, its not easy adjusting and adapting to living alone after a long marriage or partnership and Ive struggled on solo and faced my future and have had to man-up as we say here and get on with it and take everyday as it comes.

I have times when at home I can get comfort from sheer silence for hours and cant bear telly or radio on but I do love Music and play my discs and listen to Spotify as and when. I like my phone and coming on SF which for me is a good place to escape. I dont need or do social media except this forum. I dont need company indoors, am a private person but I like to go out and about and got great friends and close family and have aquired a good balance in the 5 years ive been a Widow.

My Hubby loved a good book and enjoyed thrillers and Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman and tales about UFO's and liked a romance story too and like me he liked paperbacks and we didnt do Kindle.
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Sorry to keep you waiting for a reply, CrackerJack. I think your husband and I would have had much in common when it comes to reading material. I had stacks of Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman books on my shelves until recently. I especially loved Douglas Reeman because I had spent thirteen years in the Canadian Navy. I gave up on Clive Cussler after having read many of his books when one of the settings of a thriller I have now forgotten was Baden-Baden, Black Forest, Germany. His researcher let him down, I am thoroughly familiar with the town, and he (or Clive himself) was raving about the view of the Alps which cannot be seen anywhere from that location. As to my switch to Kindle, I felt the same way you do at first. Nothing like the feel and smell of a paperback. But many of my favorite authors kept expanding the contents of their books and reading a paperback that's close to 900 pages is pure torture to read, so ... Kindle. To my surprise I got used to it quite quickly!
 

Murphy said:
I have been solo now for about 10 years after two disastrous, relatively short marriages. I didn't get married until my early fifties (probably far too late) and think my first wife chose me because she hated to see someone having so much fun. The second one is anyone’s guess.
When ever loneliness appears, I remember past marriage trauma I endured and my thoughts soon turn positive. I am content living alone and don't envy those with long marriages, so perhaps any problem is with me? I feel the longer one lives alone one can get a tad selfish, in pleasing ones self when to do anything, go anywhere or buy anything etc
Loneliness can appear at Xmas when other families get together – many of whom cant stand each other, to exchange unwanted or pointless gifts– but not having family I share that time with my old dog.
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You've got the right outlook.

Anytime I start feeling a bit lonesome, I think of all the miserable married and divorced people I've known.

I'd be perfectly happy to have one or two good friends to talk to and hang around with once in awhile.
 
CrackerJack said:
I feel as you do about eating aloneafter 51 years cooking and loving it for my Husband.

No, Old Salt, its not easy adjusting and adapting to living alone after a long marriage or partnership and Ive struggled on solo and faced my future and have had to man-up as we say here and get on with it and take everyday as it comes.

I have times when at home I can get comfort from sheer silence for hours and cant bear telly or radio on but I do love Music and play my discs and listen to Spotify as and when. I like my phone and coming on SF which for me is a good place to escape. I dont need or do social media except this forum. I dont need company indoors, am a private person but I like to go out and about and got great friends and close family and have aquired a good balance in the 5 years ive been a Widow.

My Hubby loved a good book and enjoyed thrillers and Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman and tales about UFO's and liked a romance story too and like me he liked paperbacks and we didnt do Kindle.
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Thank you Old Salt for reading my post and Liking it. Im slowly getting my mojo back and interest in prepping and cooking but eating on my own is still a struggle.
Its been said to me that try having someone round and share a meal once in a while and even that is a struggle but I do have one friend who comes to meals every so often and I can manage this.
Also love my family here when they can pop in.

My probkem is a common one with people who are bereaved and grieving and it takes a long time if ever to recover lost interest in the domestic cooking at home alone.

I hope you are okay and keeping well ☺
 
Old Salt said:
Sorry to keep you waiting for a reply, CrackerJack. I think your husband and I would have had much in common when it comes to reading material. I had stacks of Clive Custler and Douglas Reeman books on my shelves until recently. I especially loved Douglas Reeman because I had spent thirteen years in the Canadian Navy. I gave up on Clive Cussler after having read many of his books when one of the settings of a thriller I have now forgotten was Baden-Baden, Black Forest, Germany. His researcher let him down, I am thoroughly familiar with the town, and he (or Clive himself) was raving about the view of the Alps which cannot be seen anywhere from that location. As to my switch to Kindle, I felt the same way you do at first. Nothing like the feel and smell of a paperback. But many of my favorite authors kept expanding the contents of their books and reading a paperback that's close to 900 pages is pure torture to read, so ... Kindle. To my surprise I got used to it quite quickly!
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No worries its good to see you. Yes hubby loved a goid yarnby Reeman and Custler Dirk Pitt stories. Ive still got his Reeman's in his cabinet in the "office" and it saddens ne when I look in there once in a while.

We went to Canada in1980 for a five week holiday in London Ontario and had a fabulous time with my in law rellies. They all moved to Nanaimo Vancouver years ago and then to Edmonton Alberta
 
I read both your posts, Josiah and was moved by both. Your a good man. I've been married for forty years and the only time we've been apart was 7 weeks when I set up a new home in a different city. I enjoyed the break, but it was a great re-union. That was 20 yrs ago. Again, I respect your posts, as I do all the others. I can't put my locale on here, so I'm Dave from Sydney.
 
CrackerJack said:
Thank you Old Salt for reading my post and Liking it. Im slowly getting my mojo back and interest in prepping and cooking but eating on my own is still a struggle.
Its been said to me that try having someone round and share a meal once in a while and even that is a struggle but I do have one friend who comes to meals every so often and I can manage this.
Also love my family here when they can pop in.

My probkem is a common one with people who are bereaved and grieving and it takes a long time if ever to recover lost interest in the domestic cooking at home alone.

I hope you are okay and keeping well ☺
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I am doing okay, CrackerJack but miss daily just holding my wife. Strange that you should mention losing interest in cooking at home. That's exactly what happened to me except worse! I used to be a decent cook but lost that skill during the past few years. Nothing I cook tastes okay. My daughter is trying to be helpful by cooking some meals for my freezer but there's nothing like a full meal with fresh veggies. Microwaved food will never replace that! I usually go over to her place for a Sunday meal, so that's great, but the rest of the time I eat alone and can't wait to be done with it. BTW, you mentioned London, Ont. in another post. That's the place where I started my new life in Canada. I lived there for two year until I joined the Navy. I hope your day is going well!
 
Old Salt said:
I am doing okay, CrackerJack but miss daily just holding my wife. Strange that you should mention losing interest in cooking at home. That's exactly what happened to me except worse! I used to be a decent cook but lost that skill during the past few years. Nothing I cook tastes okay. My daughter is trying to be helpful by cooking some meals for my freezer but there's nothing like a full meal with fresh veggies. Microwaved food will never replace that! I usually go over to her place for a Sunday meal, so that's great, but the rest of the time I eat alone and can't wait to be done with it. BTW, you mentioned London, Ont. in another post. That's the place where I started my new life in Canada. I lived there for two year until I joined the Navy. I hope your day is going well!
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Yes...I know full well how you are feeling about wanting to hold your Wife. I feel exactly the same . I have his dressing gown on a hanger in my bathroom and each time I go there I cuddle it tight and talk to his spirit and weep but feel stronger and carry on with my days. Some may think this is not good and to put the DG away out of sight but for me I feel right about these little gestures and it gets me by. Us who grieve have to do what's right for ourselves...listen to others but do what we feel is okay as the days elapse.

I have the same problem with eating a meal Ive cooked at home and for me sitting down no matter where it is indoors and eating it, I look at my plate and my stomach just tightens and a few of mouthfuls I cant finish it and struggle and at times throw the remainder away. This is after five years.
I like fresh food and my own prepping and cooking and not keen on ready meals or microwaving food except breakfast cereals. Cooked for me and Hubby for 51 years and it stands to reason that this no longer happens after decades of lifetime and its a terrible shock to have to adjust to.

It's good your Daughter is helping you and caring about her Dad. My Sons are very caring but there's no one else to check up on me and they are so busy with their own lives.
Iused to read some Reeman books but couldnt get into Custler's yarns. I love a good thriller especially a psychological one. Yes we liked London Ontario and eent to Niagra Falls and Port Stanley and Ontario and did the sights and the Eaton shopping Mall which I dont think is there now

Good chatting to you Old Salt and you take care ☺
 
Old Salt said:
I am doing okay, CrackerJack but miss daily just holding my wife. Strange that you should mention losing interest in cooking at home. That's exactly what happened to me except worse! I used to be a decent cook but lost that skill during the past few years. Nothing I cook tastes okay. My daughter is trying to be helpful by cooking some meals for my freezer but there's nothing like a full meal with fresh veggies. Microwaved food will never replace that! I usually go over to her place for a Sunday meal, so that's great, but the rest of the time I eat alone and can't wait to be done with it. BTW, you mentioned London, Ont. in another post. That's the place where I started my new life in Canada. I lived there for two year until I joined the Navy. I hope your day is going well!
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Yes...I know full well how you are feeling about wanting to hold your Wife. I feel exactly the same . I have his dressing gown on a hanger in my bathroom and each time I go there I cuddle it tight and talk to his spirit and weep but feel stronger and carry on with my days. Some may think this is not good and to put the DG away out of sight but for me I feel right about these little gestures and it gets me by. Us who grieve have to do what's right for ourselves...listen to others but do what we feel is okay as the days elapse.

I have the same problem with eating a meal Ive cooked at home and for me sitting down no matter where it is indoors and eating it, I look at my plate and my stomach just tightens and a few of mouthfuls I cant finish it and struggle and at times throw the remainder away. This is after five years.
I like fresh food and my own prepping and cooking and not keen on ready meals or microwaving food except breakfast cereals. Cooked for me and Hubby for 51 years and it stands to reason that this no longer happens after decades of lifetime and its a terrible shock to have to adjust to.

It's good your Daughter is helping you and caring about her Dad. My Sons are very caring but there's no one else to check up on me and they are so busy with their own lives.
Iused to read some Reeman books but couldnt get into Custler's yarns. I love a good thriller especially a psychological one. Yes we liked London Ontario and eent to Niagra Falls and Port Stanley and Ontario and did the sights and the Eaton shopping Mall which I dont think is there now

Good chatting to you Old Salt and you take care ☺
 
SeaBreeze said:
Are there any single seniors here that are happier than when they were married? Are you content to live alone and stay that way for the rest of your life? Those who never married, do you think that marrying someone would make you happier?

I've been married for a long time now, almost thirty nine years, and we lived together before that. I'm happy in my marriage, but if anything happened to my husband, I think I would rather be single and on my own. I doubt I'd have the desire for another serious relationship at all with another man.
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I personally have been divorced for 10 years and do not want to remarry. I think I would feel trapped. I guess it has a lot to do with my previous marriage and how traumatic my divorce was . most people I know say they will never remarry and end up married again.
 
Aintgettinanyyounger said:
I personally have been divorced for 10 years and do not want to remarry. I think I would feel trapped. I guess it has a lot to do with my previous marriage and how traumatic my divorce was . most people I know say they will never remarry and end up married again.
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Hi. Not having divorced it hard for me to comment but to my mind any kind of separation in human relationships whatever the reason can be and is for many traumatic and painful

A divorce must be a terrible wrench even if its a bitter one. I suppose it like having one's guts torn out and with the anger and bitterness a degree if sorrow can be experienced. I can never fathom out when people who split up and divorce say they are still good friends and rub along together, but I suppose it depends on the relationship.

I experienced a rough patch in my long marriage which was a strong marriage but we had a difficult personal realtionship and needs and this led to problems back in the 80's but we stuck it out and reason being the love was so strong it overcame the trauma: However, it left scars on both of us which took decades to overcome and it was painful but we did it and were together until 2015 when my Hubby passed away.

I can fully understand your reluctance in forming relationships after your divorce but have you got a friend where there is no romantic connection? I have and he is a goid friend and companion and that's all and I never thought it possible to have a friendship like this.

Take care...can I abbr. Your user name to a shorter one if this is ok with tou?
 
Hi Old Salt...how you doing? Wondering how you are getting on prepping cooking and eating since our last convo in here? Do you find that you can go out and tuck into a good meal in a social setup and a diner and enjoy it? I can and do and only at home alone I struggle on and off
 
CrackerJack said:
Hi. Not having divorced it hard for me to comment but to my mind any kind of separation in human relationships whatever the reason can be and is for many traumatic and painful

A divorce must be a terrible wrench even if its a bitter one. I suppose it like having one's guts torn out and with the anger and bitterness a degree if sorrow can be experienced. I can never fathom out when people who split up and divorce say they are still good friends and rub along together, but I suppose it depends on the relationship.

I experienced a rough patch in my long marriage which was a strong marriage but we had a difficult personal realtionship and needs and this led to problems back in the 80's but we stuck it out and reason being the love was so strong it overcame the trauma: However, it left scars on both of us which took decades to overcome and it was painful but we did it and were together until 2015 when my Hubby passed away.

I can fully understand your reluctance in forming relationships after your divorce but have you got a friend where there is no romantic connection? I have and he is a goid friend and companion and that's all and I never thought it possible to have a friendship like this.

Take care...can I abbr. Your user name to a shorter one if this is ok with tou?
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Sure you can abbreviate my user name. I probably should have picked a shorter one. I am currently in a relationship but I have never considered marriage. Nothing to do with my girlfriend she is great. My ex and I don’t get along but I do know some that are absolute best friends. It certainly makes life easier on the children.
 
There's so many things you can do as a pair that are just not the same as a single. I'm widowed.
Travel for one. Going out to a show. Even eating a meal. Golfing. All kinds of stuff are just not was much fun alone. Too old now to hook up again. Friends are not reliable as a source of sharing interests. They go to bed early and are to me party poopers. You need someone with the same interests.
 
Camper6 said:
There's so many things you can do as a pair that are just not the same as a single. I'm widowed.
Travel for one. Going out to a show. Even eating a meal. Golfing. All kinds of stuff are just not was much fun alone. Too old now to hook up again. Friends are not reliable as a source of sharing interests. They go to bed early and are to me party poopers. You need someone with the same interests.
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Yes know just how you feel Camper. Its the caring and the sharing I miss and my widowed friends say the same. I went to see a live show last year on my own and the auditorium was packed with couples all hapoy and chatting in the interval and post show and I felt so alone..not lonely just alone and bereft the show was very good but it lost the dazzle not having my Husband sitting next to me.
 
I lived with 2 men common law at 2 different times and the relationships ended up badly. I did enjoy the companionship we had early on and miss that but not the arguing over the same things or the cheating or in law problems.

I am moving too slow at this point in my life for a relationship. To make a new friendship would be nice but even that seems hard to do energy wise.
 
Beautiful story CJ I’ve been married 40 yrs My teaching took me away for 7 weeks I thoroughly enjoyed the break It was great to get back together though 😀
 
Ruthanne said:
I lived with 2 men common law at 2 different times and the relationships ended up badly. I did enjoy the companionship we had early on and miss that but not the arguing over the same things or the cheating or in law problems.

I am moving too slow at this point in my life for a relationship. To make a new friendship would be nice but even that seems hard to do energy wise.
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Such a shame that as we get older, the only good friendships are the ones that just happen naturally and by chance. The kind that are also, for most people anyway, rare occurrences. Try to go out and find a friend or force a friendship to happen and all you get is disappointment.

Not like when we were young and friendships happened easily.

All of my friends are online anymore and live several states away from me.
 
Jim W. said:
Such a shame that as we get older, the only good friendships are the ones that just happen naturally and by chance. The kind that are also, for most people anyway, rare occurrences. Try to go out and find a friend or force a friendship to happen and all you get is disappointment.

Not like when we were young and friendships happened easily.

All of my friends are online anymore and live several states away from me.
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Very true Jim. I have a very good friend like you describe: a widower of three years and grieving. We met by pure chance a while back and are good companions and platonic which suits us both in our mid seventies.
 
CrackerJack said:
I would give my all to have my Husband with me and not laid to rest in the cemetery 5 years on. I have no desire to form a close relationship with a man but do have a good friend/companion who I met about a year ago. He is a good man, decent and trustworthy whose wife died about 2 and a half years ago and is grieving forher as I am for my Husband. There is no romance and platonic and we feel comfy with oneanother..so suits us both. My family like him and pleased we are good friends.

So...In reply to the OT....I would give my all to still have my Hubby beside me like he was for 51 years and before that courting from teenagers and as he isnt I am okay being single and settled as I am.
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@CrackerJack I love your post. Glad you found a good friend. God forbid anything happen to my hubby, that's somewhat the type of companionship I would want. Sounds like the two of you have something very special...PRICELESS!
 
katlupe said:
I am happily single, such as living alone after leaving my husband of 24 years (21 married) because I was not in a good situation. I have been married three times and I am not doing that again. I am in a relationship with a wonderful man who lives about 45 minutes away. I see him at least twice a week and we talk on the phone daily. I chose not to own a car when I moved here so he takes me shopping and appointments or what ever. We do a lot of things together and it is fun to have someone to share that with. I love him and I know he loves me. But I do not ever want to give up living on my own. I am an introvert and value my alone time.
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Sounds like a great companionship. My hubby is an introvert and I am the extrovert. Sometimes, although for the most part we get along fine, I think he will do good living alone but I don't think he wants to live alone. After being married 35 years I think he feels a bit comfortable with me. And he is a good man and I do love him. I ask him the other day was he happy with us, our marriage he said yes... and did not hesitate.
 
CrackerJack said:
Hi Old Salt...how you doing? Wondering how you are getting on prepping cooking and eating since our last convo in here? Do you find that you can go out and tuck into a good meal in a social setup and a diner and enjoy it? I can and do and only at home alone I struggle on and off
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Woe is me, CJ! I tried scrambled eggs this evening, with chives and bacon bits. And hated every bite. I think my sense of taste is going because there are more and more items of food that I used to love and now dislike. Eggs were one of my staples and now ..blechh! I appreciate my daughter's Sunday meals, but only because they contain all the necessary food groups, sadly I don't enjoy them any more. And in her defence: she is a good cook. She is going to make me some lobster rolls for Sunday night's Oscars ( long standing tradition) and I just hope that my taste for lobster hasn't gone along with a multitude of former favourites. Now THAT would be a disaster!!! :)
 
Old Salt said:
Woe is me, CJ! I tried scrambled eggs this evening, with chives and bacon bits. And hated every bite. I think my sense of taste is going because there are more and more items of food that I used to love and now dislike. Eggs were one of my staples and now ..blechh! I appreciate my daughter's Sunday meals, but only because they contain all the necessary food groups, sadly I don't enjoy them any more. And in her defence: she is a good cook. She is going to make me some lobster rolls for Sunday night's Oscars ( long standing tradition) and I just hope that my taste for lobster hasn't gone along with a multitude of former favourites. Now THAT would be a disaster!!! :)
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Hi again...I am exactly the same as you: and with me I shop,prep and cook my meals with a heavy sinking heart and this has been for 5 years this April and feels like yesterday. Ihave no one to cook for me no daughters and have two Sons who have their own families. I get invited to theirs from time to time but for the most part look after myself and its for me a lonely upsetting scenario.

Im so pleased you have a caring daughter who keeps her eye on you. Did you enjoy your lobster rolls? Sounds yummy! My tummy churns eating dinners even sarnies at times it all tastes weird and unpalatable. So its not just us two have this problem as I know others who are tbe same who are widowed and some for many years.

Take care my friend. 🙂
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