The "Alone" Club

officerripley said:
Same here, plus I no longer drive much at all so I feel really stranded; there are some neighborhoods closer to town with some places I could walk to and shop or browse, that'd be something, but my husband is dead opposed to us moving.
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I love where I live, smack in the middle of a National Forest and own a nice chunk of land with only one neighbor bordering it. The other three sides are a road and the federal forest land. The woods are my sanctuary, built here 40+ years ago and will be carried out feet first.

I'm friendly with two neighbors within half a mile, nice people but they have their own lives. One is a very busy logger, the other a recently divorced lady who is happy as can be to be single. I get eggs from her and help her out now and then. She's nice but not my type anyway.
 

NorthernLight said:
Thank you, @RandomName . "Getting out of the house" takes a lot out of me, so it has to be really worth it.

I've always been a here-and-now kind of person. I left my parents' house at 16 and have been wandering ever since. But nowadays I seem to need another way of dealing with life.

I feel conflicted all the time. I'm bored, so I overeat, because why not? I'm torn between wanting to save money (e.g., for travel) and wanting to spend it (e.g., on household items). I have trouble making decisions because I don't know what my priorities are.

I am quite disciplined and organized, and I accomplish something every day. But, aside from a couple of online activities, I ask myself, "For what?" I feel like I'm my own servant. I don't get much personal satisfaction from housework. Yes, some, but not enough.

So I think making a decision about the future will help. If I'm going to travel -- say, in 2 years -- then I know I have to save money and look after my health.

This month I have to winterize my car. By then, I will have received the document that will get me the pool pass. I'll be able to swim once or twice a week. I already exercise daily at home.

But I will accept your weight loss challenge. Maybe not 5 pounds in 2 weeks, but at least a downward trend. Thank you.

My language partner commented that many people are feeling a bit lost these days, and that we need to hang on to some hope. I wish you all the best with your dreams!
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NorthernLights,

Thanks for your good wishes. I find your posts to be very interesting.

And I have a question for you and the other group members.

What are women over 55 looking for in a man over 60? I am 68, by the way, and have been dipping my toes into the dating scene lately, due to extreme loneliness, not just for s*x, which would be optional, but for emotional closeness.

It seems like a lot of them don't want any man at all, thanks very much, lol. And I can understand that. They don't want to be in a bad relationship ever again. Understandable.
In fact I am like that myself. I don't want to end up miserable in a bad relationship I have to extract myself from.

But hope springs eternal for this poor fool, lol. I guess I'm willing to take that risk.

And yes, I'm even praying for guidance.

So, if women over 55 want a man for any reason, what is it? I know there's probably a dozen things, and different for each woman, perhaps. But what are they?

Thanks
 
RandomName said:
It seems like a lot of them don't want any man at all,
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Dating is courtship for the young, for the instinct to have children and raise a family, as nature intended.

After a certain age, most or many women lose interest in certain urges as there is no longer a reason. Sadly, men never do.

We just don't want the pressure anymore.

There's a lot to be said for companionship, however.
 

@RandomName What do women our age want? It varies. A few years ago, when I was talking to another woman about such things, I said I wanted "s*x, of course." She said she didn't want that, she wanted a man with a car or boat so they could "drive around together." I was like, huh?

I can't have s*x any more, but I still want other aspects.

A male friend once said he wanted "someone to do things for." I relate to that a lot.

I have always wanted to have an other half. I hesitate to use the word partner because I feel it's misused nowadays, but yes, a real partner.

Sometimes I think, "Well, I could still do this or that with a friend, male or female." But it's not the same. (It looks like that's my fate though.)

I have pretty much given up. Not only because of my own bad experiences, but because men have become cynical too. They have their own version of "Never again." So what's left?

Regarding @RadishRose 's observation: I think men are the ones who lose the urge to pair up, if/when their sexual needs diminish. I never wanted to have children; I just wanted a husband. So I guess I'm weird.

I used to want true love. Now I mostly want someone who likes and appreciates me, who I can talk to or do things with. Maybe a hug or a kiss once in a while. Maybe someone to cook for and so on -- if he's willing to help me with my car or something!

Sometimes I think about having a traveling companion. But at our age, men expect a woman to pay her own way. Most men who travel can afford more than I can, so it wouldn't work out.
 
NorthernLight said:
@RandomName What do women our age want? It varies. A few years ago, when I was talking to another woman about such things, I said I wanted "s*x, of course." She said she didn't want that, she wanted a man with a car or boat so they could "drive around together." I was like, huh?

I can't have s*x any more, but I still want other aspects.

A male friend once said he wanted "someone to do things for." I relate to that a lot.

I have always wanted to have an other half. I hesitate to use the word partner because I feel it's misused nowadays, but yes, a real partner.

Sometimes I think, "Well, I could still do this or that with a friend, male or female." But it's not the same. (It looks like that's my fate though.)

I have pretty much given up. Not only because of my own bad experiences, but because men have become cynical too. They have their own version of "Never again." So what's left?

Regarding @RadishRose 's observation: I think men are the ones who lose the urge to pair up, if/when their ****** needs diminish. I never wanted to have children; I just wanted a husband. So I guess I'm weird.

I used to want true love. Now I mostly want someone who likes and appreciates me, who I can talk to or do things with. Maybe a hug or a kiss once in a while. Maybe someone to cook for and so on -- if he's willing to help me with my car or something!

Sometimes I think about having a traveling companion. But at our age, men expect a woman to pay her own way. Most men who travel can afford more than I can, so it wouldn't work out.
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Wow. I could do without sex too, just hugs and affection, and knowing she loved me. And I would get jealous if she flirted. And so would she. We would be in love. In my unicorn dream, ha ha.

She would have her own place. She would not move in with me, but we could sleep over at one another's house.

I would change her oil and do simple repairs on her car, like I did for my former girl friend.
We would go to movies, and travel anywhere we wanted, staying in cheap motels.

Heaven would be having her come over and sit next to me on the lounge chair and watch movies on TV with me. That's all I need, really.

I need a very nice, loving, intelligent, and kind woman in order to feel comfortable. And I need to find her attractive, of course.

Why does it have to be so hard, right?

Oh, by the way, NL, I did make my girl friend split the cost when we traveled.
 
rhett48 said:
I love where I live, smack in the middle of a National Forest and own a nice chunk of land with only one neighbor bordering it. The other three sides are a road and the federal forest land. The woods are my sanctuary, built here 40+ years ago and will be carried out feet first.
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Sounds really nice--I don't like where I live: too flat, hot & dry--but then again, living way out away from civilization will limit your chances of meeting people, just saying.
 
RadishRose said:
Dating is courtship for the young, for the instinct to have children and raise a family, as nature intended.

After a certain age, most or many women lose interest in certain urges as there is no longer a reason. Sadly, men never do.

We just don't want the pressure anymore.

There's a lot to be said for companionship, however.
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Hi all. Just an update from one of us who has decided to 'just get out there' to end the loneliness.

I am less lonely, it is true.

At first I thought it would just be a matter of bravery. But it's a whole host of things that have to be 'perfect'. Being in the right place, right time, right mood, right other people, and on and on, it seems. Being self confident, happy, positive, all that usual good stuff, lol.

And when you're lonely, you don't have those things, of course.

I am making very slow progress on finding my unicorn. No one really clicks yet, when meeting at a social group, and I have been tempted to just give up and ask anyone out, just to have a date. Haven't done that yet, fortunately.

I think I may end up with my unicorn being someone at one of my social activities and that we gradually realize over many meetings that we are right for one another.

Bus stop, wet day
She's there, I say
Please share my umbrella
Bus stops, bus goes
She stays, love grows
Under my umbrella

All that summer we enjoyed it
Wind and rain and shine
That umbrella, we employed it
By August she was mine

(The Hollies)
 
Ruthanne said:
I just had an idea of creating a thread especially for those of us who are finding ourselves alone now.

How are you doing today, what's new, anything special on your mind? You are all welcome here.


View attachment 219275

View attachment 219388

Bring whatever you wish to this thread to share for all of us lonesters! ;)
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excellant idea ..someone ..maybe you should open up a webcam something or another zoom or whereby whatever open a room and leave it open for folks to bop in talk about their gout undraine lookign miray careys nose etc......I never knew she had a nose.....what good is it for me to look at??
 
If I was as young as many of you and not disabled I would go for a nice walk.
More so if I still had my dog but unfortunately I am confined to the home because I cant get anywhere on my own now.
There must be social or craft clubs of some description where you live so why not look them up. ?
My own passion is playing Scrabble so I would be on the look out to see if there were any clubs locally.
Mind you I can play it on the net but it would be great if I could meet the person I was playing against.
 
boliverchadsworth said:
excellant idea ..someone ..maybe you should open up a webcam something or another zoom or whereby whatever open a room and leave it open for folks to bop in talk about their gout undraine lookign miray careys nose etc......I never knew she had a nose.....what good is it for me to look at??
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Sorry but I am too shy to use a webcam. I also don't have a camera on my computer.
 
Where have I been? I just ran across this thread. I am never alone as my dog shadows me constantly. She's such a baby. Every little thing throws her into a tizzy. Heaven forbid if my phone "Pings." It's ok if it rings, but, please do not ping. lol.

Seriously, I am beyond the dating or even looking at this point in my life. I live in a senior living facility and there are loads of neighbors of both genders with apartments here. Some have hooked up, but, I am not seeking that. We do have parties and cocktail hours as well as clubs, so, I guess being alone isn't troublesome for me.
 
Lewkat said:
Where have I been? I just ran across this thread. I am never alone as my dog shadows me constantly. She's such a baby. Every little thing throws her into a tizzy. Heaven forbid if my phone "Pings." It's ok if it rings, but, please do not ping. lol.

Seriously, I am beyond the dating or even looking at this point in my life. I live in a senior living facility and there are loads of neighbors of both genders with apartments here. Some have hooked up, but, I am not seeking that. We do have parties and cocktail hours as well as clubs, so, I guess being alone isn't troublesome for me.
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I'd love to live in a place like that with all the activities and clubs. I am getting ready to stop trying to date someone. It's a real pain in the rear. And I haven't dated in ages anyways...lol...
 
Lewkat said:
I live in a senior living facility and there are loads of neighbors of both genders with apartments here. Some have hooked up, but, I am not seeking that. We do have parties and cocktail hours as well as clubs, so, I guess being alone isn't troublesome for me.
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Ruthanne said:
I'd love to live in a place like that with all the activities and clubs.
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I'd love to live in a place like that too. I think it'd really be my cuppa tea. Too bad they're just too expensive for most of us. :(
 
officerripley said:
I'd love to live in a place like that too. I think it'd really be my cuppa tea. Too bad they're just too expensive for most of us. :(
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I am on a very low fixed income and get subsidized housing. If I didn't get the housing I'd be up a creek. I do wonder though how much a place like that costs.
 
@Lewkat (and others who said similar things): Yes indeed, there are different ways of being not-alone.

In my previous location, there was a community feeling, and many acquaintances, even if they weren't really friends. I could go to the nearby cafe and always find people to shoot the breeze with. (I seldom went, but it was there if I wanted it.) I had various dealings with various people from time to time. It was enough.

Now, no matter how hard I try, it's never quite enough. One reason is that I'm still being careful about Covid. This means no card games, etc., where people sit close together and pass items back and forth.

@debodun I get it about trying to give up on dating. I once said I will want a "relationship" until I take my last breath. I still think it's true. But relationships have usually been too disruptive or destructive, so I guess I'll avoid them. Not that anyone has expressed an interest!
 
NorthernLight said:
Now, no matter how hard I try, it's never quite enough. One reason is that I'm still being careful about Covid.
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Maybe try to stop living in fear, especially about spurious unproven theories.
Personally I've been looking for a virus for decades, and as of yet have found zero evidence that one even exists.
No shots, no unusual precautions trying to avoid invisible things, no mask, no testing, no symptoms and I'm perfectly fine.
Where exactly is the virus??? In hospitals?? Now those are something to fear, but I stay far away from them with good reason.

Why hide away from something that's not only highly theoretical and questionable, but also never proven to exist.
Even the tests are admittedly flawed. A person can test negative, then positive, then negative again less than 5 minutes later.
Are those the same tests that proved they existed? Hmmmmmmm..... Yes..... How much more questionable could they be.

Okay, end of rant.
The point is to get out there and enjoy your life however you want to enjoy it, while you're still able to do so.

@NorthernLight - just trying to be helpful. :) 😇
 
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Ruthanne said:
I am on a very low fixed income and get subsidized housing. If I didn't get the housing I'd be up a creek. I do wonder though how much a place like that costs.
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Around here, a place like that starts at about $3,000/month, for a studio (smaller than a 1-bedrm) apartment. And that was the price about a year ago; might be more now.
 
Locally a studio apartment in an independent living facility starts at 3400/month. They have an assisted living unit which starts at 5k and goes to 8k depending on what level of assistance is needed. It was a blessing for my friend but I couldn’t afford it.
 

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