The General Humor Thread

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An elderly couple are at McDonald's​

They order one meal between the 2 and go and sit down.

The guy in the booth next to them notices they've only got one meal and offers to buy them another one.

The elderly man says "no thank you we share everything"

So the elderly man then cuts the burger in half and gives half to his wife. She starts to eat and the elderly man just sits there.

The man in the booth looks over again and this time notices the elderly man isn't eating yet. So he asks "why aren't you eating as well?

The elderly man replies "I'm waiting for the dentures"
 
Through the years, I have heard a lot of lawyer jokes. I guess some people are not very fond of lawyers. The one I remember the most is this one. A man with a gun got on an elevator with a rattlesnake, Saddam Hussein, and a lawyer. He only had 2 bullets left in his gun, so he shot the lawyer twice. Needless to say, lawyers never laughed at that one. The reasoning I guess is if he had 3 bullets, he would shoot each one. But since he only had 2 bullets, he better shoot the worst of the 3 twice.
 
Stole this from one of my Facebook groups:
"A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed."

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