A man is in a bar talking to his friend. “Last night, while I was out drinking, a burglar broke into my house while my wife was sleeping.”
“Did he get anything?” asks his friend.
“Yes,” says the man. “A broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs.”
“Yikes,” says his friend. “I didn’t know your wife was that brave and tough?”
"She's not, she thought it was me coming home drunk."