The General Humor Thread

Have You Got Some Money?​

by Pam Ayres​


Have you got some money? Are you getting on, like me?
Are you heading for retirement? Being wild and free?
Are you looking for investments? Somewhere canny for your cash?
Be careful. There are fraudsters who will steal it in a flash.
They are thieving people's savings, taking everything they've got.
Especially the older folk who have a pension pot,
They do not stalk the foolish, no, that isn't what they do,
They target able, well-researched investors. Just like you.
You might find a website, which invites you to invest,
Offering returns much more attractive than the rest,
A company you recognise and trust, you know the name,
Though, if you read the detail... then it isn't quite the same.
And if you were to ring them just to chat, and get the facts,
There'll be a nice "advisor" You're encouraged. You relax.
His tone will be persuasive, in his voice a friendly smile,
This company is cloned... you should hang up and run a mile
 

They Should Have Asked My Husband​

By Pam Ayres
You know this world is complicated, imperfect and oppressed
And it’s not hard to feel timid, apprehensive and depressed.
It seems that all around us tides of questions ebb and flow
And people want solutions but they don’t know where to go.

Opinions abound but who is wrong and who is right.
People need a prophet, a diffuser of the light.
Someone they can turn to as the crises rage and swirl.
Someone with the remedy, the wisdom, and the pearl.

Well . . . they should have asked my ‘usband, he’d have told’em then and there.
His thoughts on immigration, teenage mothers, Tony Blair,
The future of the monarchy, house prices in the south
The wait for hip replacements, BSE and foot and mouth.

Yes . . . they should have asked my husband he can sort out any mess
He can rejuvenate the railways he can cure the NHS
So any little niggle, anything you want to know
Just run it past my husband, wind him up and let him go.

Congestion on the motorways, free holidays for thugs
The damage to the ozone layer, refugees and drugs.
These may defeat the brain of any politician bloke
But present it to my husband and he’ll solve it at a stroke.

He’ll clarify the situation; he will make it crystal clear
You’ll feel the glazing of your eyeballs, and the bending of your ear.
Corruption at the top, he’s an authority on that
And the Mafia, Gadafia and Yasser Arafat.

Upon these areas he brings his intellect to shine
In a great compelling voice that’s twice as loud as yours or mine.
I often wonder what it must be like to be so strong,
Infallible, articulate, self-confident …… and wrong.

When it comes to tolerance – he hasn’t got a lot
Joyriders should be guillotined and muggers should be shot.
The sound of his own voice becomes like music to his ears
And he hasn’t got an inkling that he’s boring us to tears.

My friends don’t call so often, they have busy lives I know
But its not everyday you want to hear a windbag suck and blow.
Encyclopaedias, on them we never have to call
Why clutter up the bookshelf when my husband knows it all!

© Pam Ayres 2012
 
11a00cb95945704f1722feee887c8c07--so-funny-funny-pics.jpg
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Back
Top