The Mindless Thread

Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease!"
Bartender: "Get your shots here!"
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Someone yells, "a round for everyone."
 

The retired Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No... not if I'll have to explain it five times.'
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There is no Case to rest, just get the casts cut off in a few months.
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Is there the stupidest compliment to my mate award ?

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MOST LIKELY THE SAND HAS RUN DOWN !
 
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Dr. is making his evening rounds at the local town Clinic.
He steps into a room and sees the worst case of Sunburn on the guy.

Well, the Dr exclaims, “how can I be of help?
the miserable squirming guy says, “ ya gotta help me!”
”The pain, O, God, help me for the pain!

So Dr. thinks and writes out ****** and
gives the patient the prescription.

The guy incredulously screams,
”How the hell can this help the sunburn, the Pain!”

Dr. says, “ it can’t but the sheet cant touch the sunburn either”
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Not everyone gets that joke unless they are squirming in absolute misery
 

papa tiger said:
The retired Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.

After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:

The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still want to tell that blonde joke?'
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,
'No... not if I'll have to explain it five times.'
________________________________________________
There is no Case to rest, just get the casts cut off in a few months.
__________________________________________________________________
Is there the stupidest compliment to my mate award ?

__________________
MOST LIKELY THE SAND HAS RUN DOWN !
Click to expand...
there where these two blondes sitting at the bar - gender either way ya think? - one said to the other " are you natural or died?" the other says " I used to be natural but have died many times| - now I can't remember what I am but they still call me blondie!"
 
Two elderly people are living in a Florida mobile home park.
He's a widower and she's a widow. They have known one another
for a number of years.

One evening there's a community supper in the big activity center.
These two are at the same table, across from one another, he making
a few admiring glances at her and finally gathers up his courage & asks her,
"Will you marry me?"

After a dramatic pause and precisely six seconds of careful consideration,
she answers. "Yes. Yes, I will."

The meal ends and with a few more pleasant exchanges and they go to their
respective Mobile Homes. Next door to each other. The next morning, he's troubled.

"Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He can't remember. Try as he can,
he just can't recall. Not even a faint memory. With trepidation, he Messengers her.

First, he types to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to,.
It was a lovely evening, "When I asked if you would marry me,
did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?"

He's delighted to read her answer. "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and
I meant it with all my heart." "I am so glad that you messengered me
because I couldn't remember who asked me."
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Let's see if that 1st cup of coffee is on the stove!
 
Three real hot chicks are walking casually Mid downtown street,
their talking amongst themselves. They's best friends.

The Wiccan Hotties cheesy smile. The Greasy Chicagoan's
tricky attitude and the Iowa Farm girls witty joking are fun.

Then they spot a tornado headed straight for them.
The Hottie In her Mini, spike heels and Halter top
reaches her arms frantically into the air,
"O Lord and Lady, she screams.

The hard Chicagoan falls down to his knees pleading,
"O Jesus help me, Jesus be with me & Am begging for mercy!"

The Iowa Chic runs to the Electric Pole and
grabs ahold of the ground tied cable,
yelling Yea-ha & Yahoo & "Oh Boy !" .....
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That business ended well!

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MOST LIKELY THE SAND HAS RUN DOWN !
 
The drill sergeant's trying to toughen up his latest bunch of recruits and
has chosen one kid from Mississippi as his example. He picks on him unmercifully.
One day he yells at the kid, "Hey, Goober! What does 'surrender' mean?"
"Gee sergeant, I give up".
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If you think your life is pure hell, someone else has it worser!
 
Before the beginning the Lord said, "SA-Tann" you are too beautiful a Chick to be destroyed.
Yet you fool around behind my back with other Angels. So, I banish you to Hell!"
Their offspring is sent to Mary to deliver was the Command the Lord gave.

Since then, there has been a War between Heaven and Hell!



Some Eternal soul ponders the continuous ongoing Wars between good and evil, Heaven & Hell.
"In all wars there are Casualties'!" "What happens to all those eternal Souls who will surely be perished in this one?"

"Are there other Places for good souls to hang out?"
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You got to Listen to Rober Duval and consider if it's where it is.

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i LIKED THE KID FROM mAD mAGAZINE.
 
Last Week I selected a Head of Cabbage at a Grocery, it said $4.99.
It ate good. Did you know a wedgie of raw Cabbage is a Meal.

Cabbage is rich in nutrients and vitamins. It is also more versatile in cooking
as you can use cabbage for plenty of recipes. A head of Cabbage cooked with
a Couple Lbs. of Bacon, wows a!
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I didn't have one Chocolate Bar or treat all week. Flatulence refueled too.
 
Two Daughters are brought before the Wise King by their Mothers and Fathers.
King gets up from the Throne and walks off. His Courtly Jester asks him, "what to do?"


Says, "Bedtimes now."
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BOUGHT 2 DOUBLE LITERS OF DIET ROOTBEER,
DUMPED THEM, FILLED WITH GAS,
Dumped them INTO THE MT TANK.
__________________________________________true story. "The Last Gas-p trip! ↑
 
I'm 22 and like hanging out at this cool bar with live entertainment. I think the chick delivery is cool.
The Bar maid delivers my beer and I ask her, her name, she turns and walks away.
I want to know the waitress's name, so I look on the receipt and am shocked to see
that her name is Mario. Mario! The waitress is blond, not a hint of Italian in her looks
or manner, and her name is Mario! I comment to the cashier, she looks at me
with the strangest look and says, "sir, your server is Caroline. Today is the tenth of March".

Sure enough, the date on the receipt MAR10. It certainly looks like MARIO to me!
Most likely I am a dumb ass! So I need to open up and receive better for sure!
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COOL MAY BE DETERMINED MOSTLY BY GENTLY, HANGING THERE ON A THREAD OF HOPE !
 
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There was a time of belief that the future would take care of itself.
There now is a time where the future is so screwed that cares forgotten.
A time has happened and just what the heck will you choose to forget?
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I walks into the police station and asks to speak to the burglar who broke into the house last night.
"I’m sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,” says the duty officer.
“No, you don’t understand, I want to know how he got in the house without waking the wife."
"I've been trying to do that for years.”
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Two blonds are sitting on a bench and the one says, "Which do you think is farther away, the Moon or Florida?"
Duh! Can you see Florida tonight!
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The future keeps moving forward doesn't it?
 
I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me...."Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"

She replied...."Your sense of humor, dear."
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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people
describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this,
the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for
legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."

The doctor was shocked but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
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John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, Mom couldn't help noticing how attractive
and shapely the housekeeper was, and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye. John sensing what his mother was
thinking said to her "I know what you're thinking, Mom, but I assure you my relationship with the housekeeper is purely professional."

A week later, the housekeeper told John that ever since his mother's visit a silver gravy ladle has been missing. John sent his mother
a note which said, "Mom, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains one has been
missing since you were here".

A few days later he receives a note from his mother. "John: I'm not saying you sleep with your housekeeper, nor am I saying you're not.
But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom".
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A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.
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While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers are discussing everything from cattle, horses
and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turns
to the fellow on his right and asks, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are.,"

"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asks. The old gentleman ponders this for a moment, then replies,
"For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."
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Miss. Reynolds has just returned from New York City and is having refreshments at the Local Pub with her southern girlfriends.
She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound."You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City."

"They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."Her friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"
"They call them homosexuals." "Oh my! Oh my," proclaim Her girlfriends and they fan themselves lots more!

"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!" "Oh my! Oh my," exclaim Her girlfriends!
"What do they call them," they scream? ... "They call them lesbians."

"They also have men who go down between the legs, there in New York City," she breathes deeply and sighs loudly!
"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," scream her girlfriends sitting on the edge of their chairs and fanning themselves much faster.
"What do they call them?" they ask in unison.

Miss. Reynolds leans forward and says really quick in a hush, "When I caught my breath, I called him Precious."
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I'm learning wood carving. It's tough, but I'm getting better. ... Whittle by whittle.
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Having arrived at the edge of the river, the fisherman soon realized he had forgotten to bring any bait.
Just then he happened to see a little snake passing by who had caught a worm.
The fisherman snatched up the snake and robbed him of his worm.

Feeling sorry for the little snake with no lunch, he snatched him up again and poured
a little beer down his throat. Then he went about his fishing.

An hour or so later the fisherman felt a tug at his pant leg. Looking down,
he sees the same snake with three more worms in his mouth...
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The Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potential employee’s application and notices that the man has never worked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high wage.” “Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harder when you don’t know what you’re doing!"
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Guy goes to the police station to file a report on his missing wife. Man: "I lost my wife (Misty)" .... Inspector: "What is her height?" Guy: "I never noticed." Inspector: "Slim or healthy?" Guy: "Not slim, can be healthy." Inspector: "Color of eyes?" Husband: "Never noticed." Inspector: "Color of hair?" Guy: "Changes according to season." Inspector: "What was she wearing?" Husband, "I don't remember exactly." Inspector: "Was somebody with her?" Guy, "Yes my Labrador dog, Romeo, tied with a golden chain, height 30 inches, healthy, blue eyes, blackish brown hair, his left foot thumb nail is slightly broken, he never barks, wearing a golden belt studded with blue balls, he likes non veg food, we eat together, we jog together"... And the Guy started crying. Inspector: "Lets search for the dog first."
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A guy took a wonderful hot chick out on a date one night.
Eventually, they ended up parked at 'lovers point'
where they started making out.

After things started to progress, the guy thought he might get lucky.
After a few more minutes of fooling around, he asked Karen,
"Do you want to get into the back seat?"

"NO!" she answered. Okay, he thought,
maybe she's not ready yet. Now he has her shirt and
Bra off and the windows are steamed.

Things are getting really hot, so he asks again,
Do you want to get into the back seat?"
"NO!" she answers again.

Now he has her panties off, they're both very sweaty,
and she even has his pants unzipped.
Okay, he thinks, she HAS to want it now.

"Do you want to get into the back seat NOW?" he asks again.
"NO!" she answers yet again.

Frustrated, he asks the blonde, "Well, why not?"
"Because I want to stay up here with you!"
 
Teacher: "Class, who can tell me the name of Robin Hood's girlfriend?" Larry raises his hand, "Yes, Larry?" "It was Trudy Glen Miss James."
"Trudy Glen. Where did you get that from?" "The song Miss James, Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding Trudy Glen."
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Me and My Old Lady, We like to ride around in our Toyota. Just me and my old lady.
We just hang in our Corolla. Me and my old lady, We like to hang out and do stuff.
........................................................................................ Cheeks & Chong ...................................
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Parker comes home after a hard week at work,
tells his wife, she is Pouring Red Wine,
fixing Steaks & Baked Potatoes, "I'm heading out
To the back porch," Porch covers half of the house!

Three hours later, Dinner's finished
"It takes time, but it was easy." Says his Wife.
Her large open green eyes alluring with Makeup,
She then asks, "Do Plants feel Pain?"
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I am feeling the pain right now!
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Its been raining now for days. The rivers and creeks are flooded.
The City streets are pools of water. Cars splash slowly through them.

People on their way to work or home, no stop lights work.
After days of flooding the people start to become complacent.
They know eventually the waters will recede and things will get back to norms.

One day Phillip and Don meet at an intersection with a loud Caca Crunch-bang.
Donald gets out of his mangled car and beseeches Phillip.

"Why are you in such a great hurry to go through this flood water that you wreck us"
"I couldn't help it, its in my nature!"
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Have you ever seen the most beautiful woman?
 
I met a beautiful brunette in a bar, pole dancing.
I took her to a supper club/bar, with the live band &
all she wanted to do was dance! Then I found out
the piano player, Jerry Reed type was her Husband.
He was getting jealousies, standing and doing the Jig,
while playing and singing. Her name was Mary Anne,
his Jerry Reed type guy. They left for Las Vegas soon.
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I FEEL LUCKY TODAY!
 


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