I asked my wife the other day what she liked best about me...."Is it my firm, trim, athletic, body? Or, rather, is it my astounding intellect?"
She replied...."Your sense of humor, dear."
__________________________________________________ __
A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people
describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this,
the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for
legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill."
The doctor was shocked but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
__________________________________________________ __________________
John, a well-to-do bachelor, invited his mother over for dinner one night. During the meal, Mom couldn't help noticing how attractive
and shapely the housekeeper was, and wondered if there was more going on than meets the eye. John sensing what his mother was
thinking said to her "I know what you're thinking, Mom, but I assure you my relationship with the housekeeper is purely professional."
A week later, the housekeeper told John that ever since his mother's visit a silver gravy ladle has been missing. John sent his mother
a note which said, "Mom, I'm not saying you did take the gravy ladle, and I'm not saying you didn't, but the fact remains one has been
missing since you were here".
A few days later he receives a note from his mother. "John: I'm not saying you sleep with your housekeeper, nor am I saying you're not.
But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom".
__________________________________________________ ________________________________________________
A little boy wanted $100.00 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write GOD a letter requesting the $100.
When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to GOD USA, they decided to send it to President Clinton. the President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill. President Clinton thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 and sat down to write a thank you note to GOD, which read: Dear GOD, Thank you very much for sending the money, however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Washington D.C. and, as usual, those jerks deducted $95.00.
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ ____________________
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers are discussing everything from cattle, horses
and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turns
to the fellow on his right and asks, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are.,"
"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asks. The old gentleman ponders this for a moment, then replies,
"For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."
__________________________________________________ _________________________________________________