The Mindless Thread

A judge's interviewing the Wife regarding her pending divorce, and asked, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"
Karen replies, "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."
"No," he says, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?" "It is made of concrete, brick and mortar," she responds.
"I mean," he continues, "What are your relations like?" "I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband's parents."
He said, "Do you have a real grudge?" "No," she replied, "We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one."
"Please," he tries again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?" "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes." "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?" "Yes," she responded, "about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do." Finally, in frustration, the judge asks, "Lady, why do you want a divorce?"

"Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can't communicate with me!"
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Woman asks a wise old Guru where she can find the Perfect Man. The Guru ask what she would like in this perfect man.
He wakes up every day at 6 am - - Makes his own bed - - Cleans his room - - Exercises every day for 2 hours - - Works
sincerely at his job - - Does not touch alcohol - - Helps in the kitchen - - Does not indulge in night life - - Is always punctual
- - Prays daily - - Reads lots - - is in bed by 9 pm every night - - The Guru says that is easy for the woman to find. - -
Excitedly the woman asks “Great. Where do I find such a Perfect Man?” - -

The Guru says, “In Jail”.
 
A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?”

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, ``Norma Finlay, Room 302.” The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said, "I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News.” The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?” The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Finlay in Room 302. No one tells me ****."
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Girl comes a knocking on his front door today.
He agrees to the deal the bowling Babe gives him.
It's Buy the Booze at Her Costs or its the Gutter!

He heads out to play 18 holes of golf, Tees off then
puts his hat down beside his ball on the golf
course to mark it & looks in the woods for
some more balls, someone takes it and his ball.
 
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If you have spent years writing and reading "Thoughts for Today slogans," ... well;
you wasted all those years writing and reading nothing but total crap.
 
Paco Dennis said:
Looks like you forget the punch line, the setup with the "not peeing for over 30 years and all the hotties blowing out the back door of the bar" sounds like it could lead to a pretty wild and hilarious punchline. 😂
Click to expand...
Back, shortly after the Earth cooled, I heard a version of this joke. The punchline was: "swim for the rafters girls; this guy ain't had a pea (pee) in thirty years".
 
I’m thinking of a Pee Biscuit joke now! …. :ROFLMAO: …

How to change a sodden, very nasty Pee Biscuit Plastic Mat-Assy? Very Carefully.
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How do you clean the floor under the Urinal? Hire it done.
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What’s the nastiest place you ever been in? The Men’s Room & Urinal.
 
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Talent knows pros have the right tools to make everything ok. I still am
Shutting ;up early tonight. …. (y) …. :ROFLMAO: … It sort of moves my soul though!
Maybe a bag of peanuts will fill my hunger tonight.
 
I guess it’s a blessing having 17 neighbors in the HOA that are boring.
At least they don’t have Jack Ryan movies playing in the front yards!
 


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