What makes a person date-able?Or relationship worthy.

J

Jane

Member
Location
Olympia,Washington
I thought I was an interesting person,I like a lot of different things and am open to new things.

No one I have dated seems to care about that.

I have given up on dating,not worth the hassle.
 

I think it's harder for retired seniors to meet people with similar interests sometimes. I meet people all the time, but men are mostly married or grieving widowers. It's a lot harder to hook up with someone worthy than it was when I was younger. It's probably that way for lots of us. If you have a hobby or an interest, you could join a group where you might meet someone with similar interests who will appreciate you.
 
I don't know, I've stopped looking a long time ago. After my divorce most of the men I met that I was interested in were married or uninterested in me. Once I reached 60 I lost interest in looking. Relationships can be too much of a hassle, especially when you're a loner and very private person like me who needs lots of privacy. Once I gave up looking I've never been happier and at peace. But, to answer your question, compatibility is VERY important, that's why chic's suggestion to meet someone in a group is the best advice.
 

PVC said:
I don't know, I've stopped looking a long time ago. After my divorce most of the men I met that I was interested in were married or uninterested in me. Once I reached 60 I lost interest in looking. Relationships can be too much of a hassle, especially when you're a loner and very private person like me who needs lots of privacy. Once I gave up looking I've never been happier and at peace. But, to answer your question, compatibility is VERY important, that's why chic's suggestion to meet someone in a group is the best advice.
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My position also!!
 
Laurie said:
In my case, simply still being warm.

Beggars can't be choosers!
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LoL. But seriously, no one is undate-able or should consider themselves as such. Having a positive attitude helps so much in live. I'd rather be solo than with a man who didn't consider me the sun of his universe. All women deserve to be treated special.
 
chic said:
LoL. But seriously, no one is undate-able or should consider themselves as such. Having a positive attitude helps so much in live. I'd rather be solo than with a man who didn't consider me the sun of his universe. All women deserve to be treated special.
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Absolutely. I’d rather be alone also than be with someone who didn’t treat me like the most important person in their world.

Otherwise, forget it.
 
This advice sounds crazy but it works. If you have a dog go to one of those pet stores that allow you to bring your dog in. Pet people get introduced to other pet people by their pooch. And even if you don't have a dog of your own, you can always meet someone whose dog wants a friendly pat. I gave this advice to a friend who is now happily engaged.
 
Having common interests is very often, in my experience, not the answer or any solution. Has not worked for me. Many friends I have had (including presently) have almost nothing in common/no hobbies, interests, background...People with the same job as me are often not for friendship. They are colleagues with their own lives and outside interests...some are jerks. Chemistry is extremely important. Also appearance, even for same sex friendship and especially for opposite sex. Some singles think appearance is about 80% but everyone is told to say that its what inside that counts more because it sounds nice. No. You will never get to know the inner person if you don't care for the external appearance--clothes, face, shape... Then chemistry. Over the years, joining clubs was a waste of time for me and not worth it. Meetup--very disappointing to me. Often club members are only there for club activities, not for friendship.
It is sad and lonely when you realize that you still want a BF or GF but you are perceived to be too old, out of date.Very hard for both sexes.
Not impossible. Don't worry that no one cares about your interests. No one cares about mine either--never did--and I have numerous variety.What one considers interesting conversation, is another's bore. This is an extrovert's world. Introverts just live in it.
 
Victor, I agree with everything you said except for the common interest part. I knew a couple that had NO common interest and they lived the life of singles, each one went their own way. What's the sense of being married or even living together if you can't share activities unless you smother your individuality? One loves hiking and the other loves watching TV, one loves the theater and the other hates it. Couples like that are lucky if they agree on food or sex, even. I'd rather be single and alone than married and alone.
 
Regardless of the situation a relationships takes two so it goes with dating. Some work from the start and some dissolve as the date goes on. For me it was always pretty sure thing because I would get to know the woman before even thinking about a date. People usually operate the opposite of that thinking getting to know the other person during the date. Never dive in to water before swimming in it especially if you think you a little on the picky side.
 
Jane said:
I thought I was an interesting person,I like a lot of different things and am open to new things.

No one I have dated seems to care about that.

I have given up on dating,not worth the hassle.
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IMO, it takes the exact two right people to come together at the exact right time. And again opinion but,... the odds of that happening are extreme.

And in the interim , as cold as it may sound?...I still think basically woman want forever & men want for the weekend. During the rare times when they both lay down their selfishness .....that's when they should meet....hence...long odds !
 
chic said:
LoL. But seriously, no one is undate-able or should consider themselves as such. Having a positive attitude helps so much in live. I'd rather be solo than with a man who didn't consider me the sun of his universe. All women deserve to be treated special.
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Really?...why ?...Why must you be the sun of his universe?...And why do all women deserve to be treated special?

If all women were treated special...then none of them would in-fact be special. They'd be just like all the rest.

Your reasons / reasoning are exactly why so many people are alone. That constant craving for attention is THE real mood killer of relationships.

You speak of a positive attitude ?? You mean as long as it is positive in your direction right ?
 
chic said:
LoL. But seriously, no one is undate-able or should consider themselves as such. Having a positive attitude helps so much in live. I'd rather be solo than with a man who didn't consider me the sun of his universe. All women deserve to be treated special.
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I'm a woman, but I have to say that I'd amend your statement to be "all PEOPLE deserve to be treated special." My hubby and I have been together for 30 years and we still treat each other "special." It works both ways.

As far as the OP about "datable", I think a lot depends on chemistry. That's a huge deal when we are young, and it kind of fizzles as we get older and compatibility becomes the main thing. (Just IMO.) Like a lot of seniors, if anything were to happen to my hubby I would be happily alone. No desire to get back into dating in my 60's. I'm far too set in my ways. :D

Oh, and I'll kick the hornet's nest and say that I think older men want younger women. :eek:nthego:
 
Two weeks ago I was in a local shop and an attractive 30 something looked me up and down, told me I was looking good and mused,"If I was only ten years older",

I'll be 81 next birthday!
 
Physical appearances cease being of prime importance after you grow up. Unfortunately, some never do.

We all age, we all get liver spots and lines and Buddha bellies. So what? It's externals.

If you can't look beyond those, then yes, you're pretty much relationship unworthy.

Common interests? It helps to have similar world-views / philosophies, but the small stuff takes care of itself if both parties are sensitive to each others' needs and wants.

We should all treat our partners as hanging the moon. Why be together if only to take each other for granted?
 
If all women were treated special...then none of them would in-fact be special. They'd be just like all the rest.
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No, you misunderstand. It's not like all women as a group deserve to be special to all men. It's in a one-on-one relationship. Your friend's woman is not going to be special to you (hopefully not :p ) but your woman does deserve to be special to you; otherwise why bother? And if you're not special to her, too, then again, why even bother.

As to what makes a person dateable or not; I think that's simply undefinable.
 
"but your woman does deserve to be special to you; otherwise why bother? And if you're not special to her, too, then again, why even bother."

I agree , to a point..but that "deserve" must IMO be earned...like respect is.

It should never be demanded or taken for granted.
 
SifuPhil said:
Physical appearances cease being of prime importance after you grow up. Unfortunately, some never do.

We all age, we all get liver spots and lines and Buddha bellies. So what? It's externals.

If you can't look beyond those, then yes, you're pretty much relationship unworthy.

Common interests? It helps to have similar world-views / philosophies, but the small stuff takes care of itself if both parties are sensitive to each others' needs and wants.

We should all treat our partners as hanging the moon. Why be together if only to take each other for granted?
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J’t’adore. You are so right, Philly. SF brought us together, the Taoist monk and the psychotherapissed mermaid, much to our mutual surprise. Gave you a run for your money, my fine Yankee! Avoided marriage all my life, yet, here I am, engaged to a New Yorker. I must be mad, medic! Seriously, I am blessed to have you in my life, no one has ever loved me as you do. Your mind is a wonderland, oh how I love brilliant men. Scholar, warrior, man of honour, who could ask for more?
 
rgp said:
"but your woman does deserve to be special to you; otherwise why bother? And if you're not special to her, too, then again, why even bother."

I agree , to a point..but that "deserve" must IMO be earned...like respect is.

It should never be demanded or taken for granted.
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If demanded or taken for granted, that would not even be close to the definition of "special". Respect is important, too, but there's just something different about "special". It's in the soul.
 
Shalimar said:
J’t’adore. You are so right, Philly. SF brought us together, the Taoist monk and the psychotherapissed mermaid, much to our mutual surprise. Gave you a run for your money, my fine Yankee! Avoided marriage all my life, yet, here I am, engaged to a New Yorker. I must be mad, medic! Seriously, I am blessed to have you in my life, no one has ever loved me as you do. Your mind is a wonderland, oh how I love brilliant men. Scholar, warrior, man of honour, who could ask for more?
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Thank you, m'lady.

You are the very definition of "special".
 
In answer to the original question...

In my opinion the most important thing, at first, is to just be a good listener. But you have to be genuinely listening and interested in the other person, and be honest. You can't fake that kind of stuff, at least not for very long. After that, it gets more complicated. lol

fmdog44 said:
... For me it was always pretty sure thing because I would get to know the woman before even thinking about a date. People usually operate the opposite of that thinking getting to know the other person during the date. Never dive in to water before swimming in it especially if you think you a little on the picky side.
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I totally agree. Being in a group really helps, at first. That's the way I first met everyone I've had any kind of relationship with. Too much pressure meeting a stranger on a first date. They could be fine people, but you didn't get a chance to find out, because folks are nervous and sometimes try too hard to make an impression. If it doesn't work out, you usually don't get a second chance. Being in a group also gives you a hint about how people treat others. That's important, I think.
 

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