What to do if a friend is taking advantage of me?

[PreciousDove]

How much is too much when you believe that a friend is taking advantage of you? Are you the kind of person that would put a stop to it in a hurry or let it keep happening in fear of losing this friend?

How would you exactly handle this if it's a friendship of over 30 yrs?

 

[JaniceM]

How much is too much when you believe that a friend is taking advantage of you? Are you the kind of person that would put a stop to it in a hurry or let it keep happening in fear of losing this friend?

How would you exactly handle this if it's a friendship of over 30 yrs?

First I'd think what, if anything, does the person do for you in return?
And then, if it's been one-sided (you always doing the giving, the person always doing the taking) I'd politely bring this up to the person and see what he or she says.

 

[Pinky]

If someone has been a friend for 30 yrs., if they are users, they've probably tried taking advantage of you before now. I'm not a user, and don't tolerate users.

 

[Gemma]

No one can take advantage of someone unless they permit them to do so.

The key word to learn is "No." If this person is any kind of friend, you shouldn't loose the friendship when you tell them no.

 

[Been There]

Exactly what are we talking about? Is the situation a single time or a repeated habit? I have a friend that whenever we would meet for lunch, he continued to hand me the check and would say “here you go money man. You make a lot more than I do.” After about the fourth or fifth time of doing that, I said “how about we do separate checks from here on out?” Well, he got pissed and we haven’t had lunch since that day, but we still talk.

 

[jimintoronto]

Exactly what are we talking about? Is the situation a single time or a repeated habit? I have a friend that whenever we would meet for lunch, he continued to hand me the check and would say “here you go money man. You make a lot more than I do.” After about the fourth or fifth time of doing that, I said “how about we do separate checks from here on out?” Well, he got pissed and we haven’t had lunch since that day, but we still talk.

Nicely done. I have a few long time friends where I had to do that with them. Being cheerful about it is the best way to "educate them ". JimB.

 

[Paco Dennis]

What if your just imagining that this friend is taking advantage of you? Maybe they have different motives than what you perceive.?

 

[MarciKS]

my friend in new york spent over 20 yrs taking advantage of my friendship. i was only his friend when he was lonely. every time he got a g/f i became non-existent. this last time was at the beginning of the pandemic. hadn't heard from him in 2 yrs. he stopped answering my phone calls, my facebook messages, my emails and my letters. then he has the balls to try to contact me to tell me he's sorry to hear about mom. he emails or messages my dad to let him know he's having surgery. dad told me about it and i just said well since he hasn't spoken to me in 2 yrs or more, i don't worry about him anymore. it's the truth. you don't use your friends. it's one thing to help each other but to just flat out use your friends when it suits your needs is bs.

 

[JaniceM]

Everywhere I've been throughout the years/decades, although approaches varied the general idea was 'repay, replace, or reciprocate' depending on the circumstances. Current 'locale' is the only place I've ever been where nearly everybody thinks they're entitled to other people's resources.

 

[Sassycakes]

It doesn't seem like a 2-way friendship. More like you are the friend and they are not. I learned a few years ago about a so-called friend and the things she said about me. I walked away and ended the so-called friendship and have never regretted it.

 

[oldaunt]

If this person is trying to take advantage, it isn't a friend.

 

[Sunny]

It's really impossible to answer this question without knowing at least some of the details. What kind of advantage are you talking about?

Someone who is lonely and keeps calling you every day on the phone just to chat, which is annoying to you? No, I'd just try to find a kind way to ask them to make it a little less often. Or see if you can block their calls. But you can still consider them a friend.

Someone who invites you to lunch at a restaurant and then cheerfully hands you the bill, as Been There described? I would certainly put a stop to that in no uncertain terms.

"Someone who takes advantage" is too general to have a one-size-fits-all answer.

 

[Remy]

If you are getting that not good feeling, it's OK to drop them. I actually loaned money to someone, a co-worker, years ago. It was 200-250 dollars. Can't remember. Never got it back.

I had a former co-worker that used to call me. Going on and on about people I didn't even know. Then she came back to work at my present workplace. She then called and quit 1 1/2 hours before her shift. One guess who had to stay over because of that. I blocked her number. I think she tried to call me 9 times. I don't hate or dislike her. She just got on my nerves. And she also put down a heavy co-worker due to her size. And I didn't like that. This woman has had gastric bypass and has already lost 70 pounds.

I used to cringe when I heard her voice on the other side of the phone. She always seemed to call when I didn't want to talk. Glad she's block. Dump them if they are bothering you in any way.

 

[Lara]

How much is too much when you believe that a friend is taking advantage of you? Are you the kind of person that would put a stop to it in a hurry or let it keep happening in fear of losing this friend? How would you exactly handle this if it's a friendship of over 30 yrs?

As soon as I had an inkling that my "friend" was taking advantage of me I would open it up for discussion. I would simply say, "Over the years I have cherished our friendship but lately I get the feeling that you're not respecting me enough anymore to treat me with the same level of fairness as you used to....why is that...has something changed?"

 

[bowmore]

Here is one of my favorite quotes:
There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. Forget the bad, and focus on the good. Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living

 

[fuzzybuddy]

If he's truly your friend, you can tell him to knock it off, without losing the friendship. If you do lose the friendship, at least you're not being taken advantage of. As to how much is "too much"- we all set our own limits, it depends on you.

 

[chic]

If a "friend" takes advantage of you, they're not a real friend. Consider that.

 

[StarSong]

How much is too much when you believe that a friend is taking advantage of you? Are you the kind of person that would put a stop to it in a hurry or let it keep happening in fear of losing this friend?

How would you exactly handle this if it's a friendship of over 30 yrs?

Are you requesting advice for a specific situation in your life?

You start a fair number of threads by posing a series of questions about movie attendance, people's preferred movie snacks, people's favorite seasons, whether people attend live sporting events, whether they read health articles, and so forth.

I can't help but wonder if that's what's going on with this thread. If it's purely an academic exercise, that's ok, but you should probably state that in your opening post.

 

[Alligatorob]

How would you exactly handle this if it's a friendship of over 30 yrs?

Put distance between you and the "friend" As much as the offense and your relationship dictates. Could vary from a short cooling off, to permanent ending, only you know what's right.

Good friends are hard to come by, bad ones not so much.

 

[Gary O']

How would you exactly handle this if it's a friendship of over 30 yrs?

I pretty much let 'friends' think they're taking advantage
and if they truly are, there's an edge
We all know that edge
and when that edge comes in plain view
I just say no

Heh, if I lose that 'friend'?
No real loss
They never were

 

[JaniceM]

Good approach @Gary O' !!

 

[Gary O']

You start a fair number of threads by posing a series of questions

There's a few that do that
I find it entertaining, and some give me pause
a little self inventory
I hardly do that anymore
Get a certain age, things ain't gonna change much
You either know by now
or
you never will

 

[Aunt Bea]

I pretty much let 'friends' think they're taking advantage
and if they truly are, there's an edge
We all know that edge
and when that edge comes in plain view
I just say no

Heh, if I lose that 'friend'?
No real loss
They never were

It can be fun to watch the pitch and calmly block it at every turn.

 

[Hollow]

I think it's a conversation you need to have, and surely it's worth it for a 30 year long friendship? What you perceive as "being taken advantage of" may be how the friend has always viewed the friendship dynamic. A chat over a coffee is always worth it

 

[Packerjohn]

Hey! That sounds like you got a leech around the house. Get rid of the annoying pest and find another friend. When I was a kid, there was a saying, "When you got a friend like that, who needs enemies?"