What's over that hill? I want to go see!

Part 2: Going to go off roading here with my current thoughts.

This brings me to my Mothers generation of my family.
I would say my Grandfather had higher hopes for me in a career than my Mom did.
She never worked when we were young and she really stressed to me that working even part time
would ease things and give me more purpose in life. This was her way of changing how she was raised.
My Grandfather was well informed and knew how financial security was most likely going to achieved
was but working for a company in a career I could grow in, invest in something and put money into a
savings account just like paying a bill each month. This was his way of changing my future for the better.
His top advice was "Don't you dare marry a brain lazy man!" He never explained in detail on that.
In our family, the same as many others, we were taught to respect others, don't excuse their faults just
accept them and work around them, help them if you can but don't cut off an arm for them.

The main thing I changed or tired desperately was to allow my children to talk, share their thoughts, make them
think and not to just give orders until they grew up.
Was this the next crack in the foundation leading to where we are today? It seemed the right thing to do, seemed
fair as I always hated the "Seen and not Heard" mentality of my growing years. It was my biggest frustration and reason
for crying out of anger.
Another thing I changed was teaching my (oh My!") boys how to do laundry, houseclean and cook. The reason for
that was actually not due to my family experience, it was talking with the girls going to school with my sons and their
comments such as : "No, I don't know how to cook, Mom says she isn't raising me to be a man's slave"
Not just One girl, nearly all of them and I realized where this was headed and taught my sons the rigors of keeping
a home livable. I have had 5 DIL's and none of them cooks and 3 of them helped with other chores.
The one thing I know was very different I changed was to work out your problems by yourself, if at all possible.
Don't rely on others coming to your aid, chances are if they do, they are now invested in your life and will try to
own it. I can say I burned this deep I guess because my sons have always told me when they got into a tight spot
and I offered help: "Mom, I got myself into this, I will get myself out, but I will keep your offer in my mind."
This seems like a good thing, it has it's good and bad parts. My sons are self reliant but with that comes the
big ego in the end.

What did my sons change from my parenting? To be continued
 
Part 3: Going to go off roading here with my current thoughts.

The biggest changes I noticed in parenting styles with my sons was
the slowly increasing drive to "keep their children entertained".
When they were young due to financial reasons we weren't able to go
away from home for a day out very often. I guess this made a big impact
on them.

Soon as their children reached the age of enjoying amusement parks and
movies in theaters it became nearly an every week thing. I saw how the kids
changed and began getting bored if they weren't running someplace.
Then came the video games and phones so if they had to stay home they
had those to entertain them self.

Then came the lack of open communication, you know what I mean. If you
did get them to speak with you it had to be about what they wanted and they
rarely if ever asked us things or was interested in hearing it.

I look back and see how slowly all this got to where we are now as a society.
I grew up knowing I was not always going to get what I wanted or hoped for.
When I did get something special; a dinner out, a movie trip or even that once
a year Disneyland visit, I knew it was special and savored it.

My sons must have taken a different view of it and decided their kids would have
more of what they felt they didn't get enough of maybe? Or is it easier to get kids
to behave, not fight when you have them away from home. I can't make up my mind.

Did this lead us to the entitled generations? So used to getting what they wanted
without communicating about it. Not showing very much true caring about others
hopes and wishes unless it fits with theirs?
We always express concern about how certain generations act so "entitled". We older
ones notice it and don't understand it. I think I am beginning to see how we got there.

I had a conversation with my now 20 year old grandson in college when he was 15 about
his constantly being in trouble for not at least making his bed each day when their house
was being shown to possible clients. He sat whining to me about it.
Me: Why do you fight making your bed?
Him: I just don't want to do it. Sometimes people are not even coming to see the house.
Me: Could it maybe be you don't want to be told what to do sometimes?
Him: Yes!
Me: Tell me which feels better. When you are tired and wanting to go to bed and you have
to spend time cleaning your bed off, straightening your covers and wasting 20 more minutes
of sleep. Or, wanting to go to sleep, pulling back covers down off a clean neat bed with sheets
and blanket all straight. Which feels better to you?
Him: (smiling sheepishly) The clean one
Me: Then try doing something nice for yourself and make your bed for you and I bet you won't
get nagged again.

He never got in trouble again over it once he could see he could do it for himself. Once he began
college he called me to tell me he was the only one in his dorm with a neat bed and said Thanks Nonnie.

When children reach a certain age they really do desire to be independent. They want to make
their own choices and show they are maturing. I don't see where being entitled can give them
that feeling in an appropriate healthy way.
Sure letting them choose to go to a movie or an amusement park is a choice but is it the type of
choices that truly help produce true maturity?

My final thoughts on this is I think each of us contributed in some way to lead us to where this is today.
Our lifestyles changed, our relationships changed, society changed and we got pulled along with it.
The changes happened slowly and began gathering more and more until it overflowed and the population
of those changes became quite large and so noticeable.

We didn't plan it nor did we see what the future was going to be 3 generations later. Be it good or bad,
who knows for sure. Maybe those types we see that we don't understand has a reason, a purpose so
that the future will continue as is or the crack will crumble
and begin to reverse again.

We all did what EVERY parent in the world wanted to do : Make life better for my children.
 
Today, I have the kids from my Day Care years on my mind.
I am lucky to have parents that still share their growing years with me on FB.
It's more because of them I haven't closed it yet.

I chose pre-school for a reason, I had very little patience with kids talking back rudely
so I chose those younger years mainly for that reason.
Went to college, got my degree and began with a Home Day Care due to lack of regulated
licensed care in my rural area.

I filled up pretty fast also and my licensing rep and I got along terrific. I was her only one who
had formal education in Childhood Development and Education. She loved that.

My first children to enroll were 2 sisters Megan 6, and her sister Amanda 2.
They both have 2 children each now. Amanda was the one that always surprised me with
things she said or did.

I was doing an experiment with Marshmallows one day. I put one on a plate and sat her down
then told her "Here is ONE but I have to go into the other room just for a minute. If you can
wait until I get back without biting it I will give you another".
I came back and there sat the marshmallow and her smiling. She was the only one out of 6 others
who didn't have a bite in it. I applauded her and was putting the other on the plate and saw when
she picked it up, a huge bite off the bottom.
She basically was lying to me but to think to bite the bottom and then put it down on the bite mark!
That was sneaky but talk about prediction, cause & effect and planning ahead!
Yes, I gave her the 2nd one with stern words that now I know and don't try to be tricking me again.
She said " Ms. Sharon, I won't do that again, here you can have this one back" and handed me the bit one.
That little girl is a lawyer now.

I don't recall the report on that test in college had a single child who did what she did and hundreds
of children were tested with that.
 
Very interesting.

In my grade school years,,, somehow my mother took the kids my age & few older ones for doing Summer stuff .
Long walks with bits of information tossed in.Turtle & snakes were seen & talked about,.
Same for flowers & weeds.

Weeny roasts became a treat beside.
Walking through. the pasture trying to Not step in cow poop.
Trying to gather fire wood & the right stick to roast the weenies on.
Tales were told over the fire ,, along with a ghost story once in awhile.

Walking back out with out a light was a treat as by then the curious cows were checking us out.

I don't think she got do that with my sons.
 
Sliverfox said:
Very interesting.

In my grade school years,,, somehow my mother took the kids my age & few older ones for doing Summer stuff .
Long walks with bits of information tossed in.Turtle & snakes were seen & talked about,.
Same for flowers & weeds.

Weeny roasts became a treat beside.
Walking through. the pasture trying to Not step in cow poop.
Trying to gather fire wood & the right stick to roast the weenies on.
Tales were told over the fire ,, along with a ghost story once in awhile.

Walking back out with out a light was a treat as by then the curious cows were checking us out.

I don't think she got do that with my sons.
Click to expand...
That's the kind of stuff that rounds out a child in many ways. Plus, they fight less when they are exploring
and sharing things they find more easily. Beautiful job your Mom did.
 
Comparing Home Day Care with School Environment Day Care.

I have done both over a 32 year span.
Finding a really good Home Day is not easy and the right questions need to be asked right off.
the main question is "What is your Discipline Policy"

Choosing a school type facility needs questions too: The main one is
"What is your record for turnover in staff?"

Having a classroom of 10 or more children under the age of 3 is not humanly natural for a child.
That is why the majority of families have one child at a time usually no less than a year apart.
We don't have litters for a reason.
I experienced the unsettling nerves, tempers, emotions that a class of 14 -3 years go through.
They do not develop empathy until around age 4. That is why sharing toys, friends and yes, the teacher
is so hard for them. Many go home and misbehave from the full day of having to do things unnatural
for their life stages. Many teachers do not understand this reality.

The children get used to a teacher then are whisked away from them as soon as they are settling in
to a new teacher because they had a birthday. It's cruel to me. No matter how you try and prepare
them for it, it's heartbreaking. The younger ones need a stable relationship with a dedicated caregiver.

That is why I left the school environment and went back to Home Care.
They have one trusted adult their stay there. An Adult with one regimen of
schedules, discipline and history of that child up close and personal.
Plus all different ages, all different stages. They not only learn from the adult
they learn from the other children older than them, and help teach the younger ones
and care for them, thus heightening that much needed empathy deeper.

It is hard for a child where there can be as many as 25 adults with different discipline policies,
personalities, depth of interest in ALL children present all in a span of at minimum 3 years
(from age 2 to 5). Twenty Five adults on the average, how could you handle that?

I loved my years with all these children. I only had one family I had concerns over and then
when they told me they were divorcing and she and the child were moving out of state, I realized
why I was feeling something off with them.

When I hear grandparents talk about their grandkids and how selfish they are, I often ask
"Did your grandchild attend a Day Care School or Home Day Care?"
Bet you can figure out what 80% of them answer.
 
The topic of Genealogy came up and the mention of skeletons in closets.
This brought back a memory that took place in 2001.
My youngest Uncle, seven years older than myself had been a welder for
sea ports along the Northern California coast for many years. When he was
about 56-57 years old he was laid off and not expected to be called back, why
I am not sure of. Downsizing, cutbacks, his age, I don't remember.

Jobs were tight, his wife made a mediocre salary as a waitress and as was part
of his family genetics, he had developed Diabetes. No insurance, no state help, too
young to get Social Secruity and bills were stacking up and foreclosure was
around the corner on his home.

He had bought a van and set himself up with a handy man mobile service.
Times were tight for everyone and he would manage a job or two here and there.
His wife became irritable, his diabetes was getting worse and he couldn't get
health care to help with the cost. He woke up one morning and noticed his
foot was turning black and he knew. He managed to pay for an office visit and was
told he was probably going to lose his foot.

I can't imagine how his insides were churning, his heart breaking and how desperate
and alone he must have felt. He never called family to let us know, he knew every one
had their own battles right now. So he came up with a plan how to get his leg operated
on and not have a huge debt he couldn't pay or put on his wife.

His van had a painted sign of his handyman business with his phone number in full
view. He used his van and a simple paper bag with a small sized shoe box inside,
went into a bank branch, bare faced, walked up to the teller, placed the bag on the counter
and a note. The teller did as the note said and gave him cash (not sure how much) and he
actually thanked her and walked out. Got in his van and drove away.

He went straight home and waited and waited and waited. No Police came.
He did this 4 more times in different areas hoping to get caught so he would
be arrested, jailed and his leg would be taken care of while in prison.
He had no weapon, a simple paper bag with an empty shoe box inside and a van
with his phone number on it. Did not even use a mask, took him 5 banks to succeed
with his plan.

He went to jail, was sentenced 5 years as he hadn't used a weapon. His leg was operated
on, he was given physical therapy while in prison and released owing nothing.

copied from the newspaper: A Sonoma bank robbery turned into a Napa traffic nightmare on Wednesday, as police searched for explosives in the suspected getaway van. Clifford (name deleted) , 58,

Sometimes skeletons can give us such a wrong impression when we don't know the story and person behind the story.
I am not proud that my beloved Uncle had to go to these extremes but I can see how he planned it so unselfishly and
took the cost upon himself. The funny thing is, he didn't use the money or spend it. It was all still intact and accounted for.
Some skeletons are evil manifested, some may just appear to be.

My Uncle tells his story humorously with his laugh that infects you to laugh too as he tells it. He went home and behaved
himself and his wife made sure his diet met his needs for his diabetes.
 
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Today some of the threads have my late hubby on my mind so since I am in solitude with
songs and memories flooding my head after we just drove an area he and I used to drive a lot,
It's like an omen... let it out, caress it, remember it, smile and let him know he's still remembered.

The 1st song we slow danced to, I was so nervous.

Waylon Jennings Sweet Dream Woman

His voice so much like Waylon in my ear, gently leading me around the dance floor.
What can I say except you had to experience it. When he took me home he walked me
to the door, gave me a sweet kiss, then asked in that slight southern drawl of his
"Can I take you out dancing again next week?" Somethin bout those Missouri boys!
 
2nd memorable song:
Next dancing date I found one on the jukebox and asked my Mom (the one who introduced us) to
play such and such number when we got on the dance floor for next song. She sauntered over to it, looked
and turned around laughing and shaking her head with the OK sign on her fingers.
He was very country, I was by then semi-hippy, we looked quite the opposite of each other.
The song playing had ended we stepped onto the dance floor, and on it came:
Carl heard it, grinned real big and said "If I dance to this, you hafta sing this one to me"


and I did. When it ended
He twirled me around and kissed me in the dunk style kiss.

Little did I realize how true this song would portray our future. We did have
not one but two lil bumpkins. And a short 18 years later it would be him, not me, on his death
bed with me whispering "See you later Country Bumpkin, go now and rest, I love you and always will"

Songs reflect so many important and precious memories. They also reflect so much about the lives
between two people and how they felt by the reaction they feel when they hear them. I am so thankful
we had many more beautiful and fun songs in our life.
 
3rd memorable song:
Having two sons of our own and my son from my previous marriage we took a good
look around L.A. where we met and were living and decided not to raise our sons there.
So the next song suddenly had a big meaning in our life. As we drove cross country
to move to Missouri (his home state) everytime this song came on he sang it with so
much passion and happiness that there was no doubt his heart had been calling him home.

 
4th memorable song:
Life in Missouri began very rough, hard times, recession, you name it, it happened.
Life tried to push us apart but we wouldn't let it, we couldn't let it. And songs helped
the bad days be good ones.
He'd come in from a 12 hour or more work day and sing "Fishin in the Dark" as he danced
me around the kitchen and the boys squeeling "Ewwwww" but laughing at the same time.
Whatever song he happened to have heard on the radio coming home he'd come in singing,
But my vary favorite was this one because his voice was softer, filled with love and he again
would sing it in my ear just for me.

 
5th memorable song : the hardest one to hear

We sang this one together in full if on the radio or in parts just to each other spontaneously.
He sang it with teary eyes in bed holding me after he received his cancer diagnosis.
His voice a bit crackly but with love and a silent prayer behind it. He wasn't a man of spoken words too
much. I guess because songs said it all for him. This one I never thought I would post for any reason
but if by chance he knows - This is for you! I still remember and cherish it all.

 
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