Your ex-spouse

I am in touch with my second wife of 22 years via email and phone. I am completing our 2014 Income Taxes and have had to get some data from her to finish the taxes. Our contacts are somewhat strained, but cordial.
 

I'll try to tread as lightly on this subject, but I see the contributors to this thread as a group of really consequential people (well mostly women) and yet a significant number of your ex's turned out to be real low lifes. Am I naive in thinking that this really isn't normal?
 
Josiah said:
I'll try to tread as lightly on this subject, but I see the contributors to this thread as a group of really consequential people (well mostly women) and yet a significant number of your ex's turned out to be real low lifes. Am I naive in thinking that this really isn't normal?
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Hopefully it's not typical. But we did divorce these men for a reason. I think many of us married too young and make poor choices.
 

It's been about 45 years since my divorce from my first wife. We have not spoken since then and I seriously doubt we would recognize one another. I don't know where she is nor do I know if she's still living. If we should, by chance, meet someday...I would be cordial, nothing more.
 
My husband got dumped by his first wife after only a year because she was fooling around with some other guy. The weird thing is that after we got married, he started taking his motorcycle to his ex's boyfriend (now husband) and we got along pretty well. The guys would even go fishing together.

It turned out for the best in hindsight because he did come to the place where he realized that they would have made a terrible couple long term and yet as two new couples, we were all enormously happy with our second (my first) choices and our marriages lasted for several decades. As far as I know the ex is still with her husband too.
 
Our divorce became final on February 2, 2015 and I have not seen my ex wife since our final Mediation appointment with the attorney in October 2014. Not sure if or when I might see her again. There is an occasional message left on my answering machine or a email re: her daughters. We live 200 miles apart.
 
I don't know... My ex and I have been divorced for 38 years.. and it was nasty.. he was a cheat. We have seen each other over the years because we have 2 sons and 3 grandchildren in common. We have been able to navigate weddings, Christenings, holidays, and birthday parties without problems. No.. I have not forgiven him for what he did to me and the boys, but what would the point be for one of us to miss those occasions because of not being able to be in the same room together? He lost his wife of 37 years nearly 2 years ago. She was the one he cheated on me with. My husband and I went to the wake. He really is grieving very hard.. he must have loved her.. I feel bad for him..
 
I just commented about my ex-wife in today's thread about Conspiracy Theories and the mentality of people who believe in them. When we separated in 1973 she seemed to be a normally rational woman. Passionate about political views, but otherwise not exceptional. I've had very little to do with her in the ensuing years, and so I was really taken aback when my two sons informed me of beliefs that she held which fell squarely in the category of absurd conspiracy theories. I associate conspiracy theorists as being extreme right wingers and my wife is at the extreme opposite end of the political spectrum. Everyone in the extended family now knows better than to engage with her about anything more controversial than the weather (and just today's weather at that).
 
Luckily my ex lives far away in another country and continent, so we don't run into each other, or even talk on the phone except for very rare occasions. But I can understand how an ex can really push a lot of the same buttons they did in the past, which can be so annoying and stressful and would confirm why they are our exes.
 
I have a good relationship with my ex wife and communicate via email and phone from time to time but I doubt if we will ever see each other again. Our divorce was a Estate Planning decision and saved a potentially very expensive settlement of our respective estates if either of us died while married.
 
Lon said:
I have a good relationship with my ex wife and communicate via email and phone from time to time but I doubt if we will ever see each other again. Our divorce was a Estate Planning decision and saved a potentially very expensive settlement of our respective estates if either of us died while married.
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Gee Lon, if your divorce was just a way to pass through some legal loopholes, why didn't you just continue living together?
 
Josiah said:
Gee Lon, if your divorce was just a way to pass through some legal loopholes, why didn't you just continue living together?
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Logistics Josiah She has family --daughter & grand daughters sister/ brother in New Zealand and spends several months of each year there. She has two daughters and a grand son living near her in California. I am in a different part of California and close to my daughter,grand children, great grand children. In addition, we had separate assets and financial interests before we married and during the 24 years of our marriage we co-mingled and acquired new joint financial assets. By divorcing we were able to completely separate our respective financial interests for the benefit of our heirs to the extent that I do not have or even need a will. My ex does have a will for New Zealand as well as the U.S.
 
Having a "late" spouse instead of an "ex-spouse", I don't have any of these problems (I even kept the in-laws....) The SE, though, has had an unpleasant relationship with his ex-wife. She tried to turn his sons against him and misses no chance to bad-mouth him. At his son's wedding last year, no opportunity was missed to insult us. He never bad mouths her to his sons; he prefers never to even mention her. They tend to complain about her, though.
 
I don't have an ex. Hubby and I have been married for 52 years but I do have an ex daughter in law.

When my son's marriage failed I made up my mind not to take sides because I was hoping that the marriage could be rebuilt. I let both of them know that I was there for them, especially with the children, and we helped our DIL with legal fees because our son was being very difficult. Our son was extraordinarily bitter and quite nasty towards his ex wife but I managed to keep contact and we are still on good terms.

Both eventually re-partnered. Our son found someone first and had moved away from Sydney to a country town, He has now mellowed towards his ex wife but she is wary of being hurt further so she keeps her distance. She married again but her husband died just one year later from aggressive melanoma, leaving her devastated. I still think of her as a daughter and she is still very much part of the family.
 
Dame Warrigal said:
I don't have an ex. Hubby and I have been married for 52 years but I do have an ex daughter in law.

When my son's marriage failed I made up my mind not to take sides because I was hoping that the marriage could be rebuilt. I let both of them know that I was there for them, especially with the children, and we helped our DIL with legal fees because our son was being very difficult. Our son was extraordinarily bitter and quite nasty towards his ex wife but I managed to keep contact and we are still on good terms.



Both eventually re-partnered. Our son found someone first and had moved away from Sydney to a country town, He has now mellowed towards his ex wife but she is wary of being hurt further so she keeps her distance. She married again but her husband died just one year later from aggressive melanoma, leaving her devastated. I still think of her as a daughter and she is still very much part of the family.
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DW, you deserve all the credit we marriage failures can muster for showing that ""til death us do part" is the way it's suppose to be.
 
It's a family tradition with us to stick together as poo sticks to a blanket (except that we don't call it poo).

As for the " 'til death do us part" bit, I used to tell my husband that I would honour that promise but I had nothing against homicide.
That's my tip for a lengthy marriage :grin:
 
Dame Warrigal said:
I don't have an ex. Hubby and I have been married for 52 years but I do have an ex daughter in law.

I still think of her as a daughter and she is still very much part of the family.
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I'm still quite close to my ex son-in-law. The marriage ended bitterly, but I felt that it was just a case of two people who had no business getting married to each other. He's a great father to my granddaughter and would do anything for me. I get along fine with his current wife and her kids consider my their grandmother, too. My being close to him infuriates my daughter and her second husband (I don't usually refer to him as my son-in-law, just "the asshole my daughter is married to", which is another matter altogether).
 

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