You're A Senior Living Alone and You Start Having Trouble Due to Failing Health....

SeaBreeze said:
Thanks for your thoughts and advice Gianna. You misunderstood, as I'm not in that situation yet either, just pondering about the possible distant future in my case. The assisted living facilities, from what I understand, can be quite costly for the average person in the USA. Something like a medical alert button that you wear on your person is a possibility for emergencies.

I'm not very trusting of people, so I'm wary about having anyone in my home, especially if I didn't have all my strength and wits about me. My mother had someone coming into her apartment to help with light cleaning several times a week, and soon discovered that some of her jewelry was missing from her drawers. It wasn't very expensive, but it had sentimental value that you can't put a price on. :(
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Hi, SeaBreeze! I hope I didn't offend you by misunderstanding.

You're right, though. ALF and SNF are very expensive, some states more than the others. And a lot of times, the cost does not always equal the quality of care, either. I can understand about having strangers in the home. It's unfortunate but it seems that even when one has all their "strength and wits" about them as you say, bad people still find ways to do bad things. :(
 

I've thought a lot about this even though I'm only 58 and still working. I have no children and am no longer married. I'll have a pension, SS, and own my condo but I do have some health issues that may or may not get worse. I plan on staying here as long as possible. I have someone to clean and will no doubt have enough of a monthly income if I need some basic assistance. Other than that, I have good friends.
 
CPA-kim, Sounds like you've given it a lot of thought, and preplanning. When the time comes for your retirement, find a good hobby, and make lots of inline friends. LIKE US!!! :star:
 

I worked as a certified home health care nurses aid when I lived in Delaware. Here is the agency I worked for: http://www.ghcde.org/
There are similar agencies set up all across the USA. If you need assistance you tell your doctor what difficulties you're experiencing. He is the one who can arragne for you to be admitted as a home health care patient. It is all paid for by various assistance you are eligable for. That could mean Welfare, or social security can pay for it because you will be considered disabled, or Medicare, or Medicaid. I never heard of anyone having to pay a penny out of pocket. How often someone comes to the home and how long they are there for depends on how disabled you are. I know some people who were bed-bound (unable to even take one step), living completely alone who insisted they wanted to remain in their home. You have that right. They would get 3 hours in the afternoon and 3 hours in the evening, 7 days a week, holidays, snow. It didn't matter. They were a high priority because they were deemed completely helpless.
 
I would do the best I could most probably getting a Medical Alert and also sign up for my town's "Call me service". I will eventually have to hire someone to help clean and quite possibly cook. Shopping I can do on line and have it delivered. If it came to to the point where I was no longer mobile then I would have no choice but to go into assisted living or a nursing home, but I would certainly not stay in NY. There are places charging 2/5 to 1/3 of what the NYC Metro area which now range from $5000 to $10,000 a month. Not being Ms. Gotrocks, I could never afford that.
 
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I have had much experience with parents that could no longer take care of themselves, and I have already decided that I would move to an Independent Living community, with the options of adding assistance when needed. I have done a lot of research in the area where I live (for my parents), so I already know where I would like to go. My best advice is to make sure that all of your financial information is in order, and you have done the research yourself. There is no shame in needing help and in the Independent/assisted living communities one can be as social or alone as them want.

I have also researched nursing homes and have placed both of my parents (at different times), in the same one. I have left instructions with my attorney that this is the one I would liked to be placed in if the time should ever come when I could not make decisions on my own any longer.

The sad think is that both of my parents suffered incapacitating dementia, my father is Alzheimers, and my mother with Vascular Dementia. They lived like there was no tomorrow, never planned for the future, always stated "you can't take it with you", and spent and went into debt right up until their later years. Therefore there were not a lot of choices for either of them, as they never saved any money or even had life insurance. There are very few options for low income seniors, other then getting social workers involved in your life, which we had to do. They both ended up on Medicaid, and that is not a situation I want for myself. It was not an option for them to have someone come in and help them, they just didn't have the money for it. In fact I had to file bankruptcy for my mother when my father passed away, she was 83 at the time. That is a really sad situation to put yourself in.

This will not happen to me, I have seen an attorney and made sure that I have savings, long term care insurance, and I am making as many of the decisions that I can myself. I have elected a Personal Representative that I trust to look out for my well being, should I not be able to make decisions for myself. I will divest myself of property and sort through my own house full of memories. That is not a burden I wish to leave for anyone else. Within the next 10 years or so I will have placed myself in the Independent/assisted Living community of my choice. I should have enough with my savings and the sale of my house to keep me comfortable for the remainder of my life.

Make decisions for yourself while you still can.
 
I have no experience/information regarding CCRC's and any help that you can provide would be much appreciated. My dad who had Alzheimer's past away in 2009 and I'm now looking after my mother who has another form of dementia and it isn't easy. I am single with no children. I have a nephew and a niece in name only as they don't take even 5 minutes a year to call and ask how I or their grandmother is. Needless to say any funds I have saved will be spent on my own care and they can fare for themselves.

I am sure that this kind of information will be helpful to many here.
 
This is one of the saddest threads I've ever read!
A subtle indictment of the younger generations who were nurtured, housed, fed, until they were good and ready to leave home (some not until their late twenties), and who now eagerly warehouse or dump their elderly, ailing parents into ghetto type institutions.
I have learned from these "selfish" younger ones, am not going to worry about maintenance or decluttering, but plan to enjoy those few years still left of my life!
Please excuse my "sidetracking"!
 
I would rather stay in my own home. If I couldn't afford a live in helper I might find a person who needed a place to live and would be willing to live with me for room and board. But the challenge of that is, I've seen people who have taken advantage of the elderly and slowly drained off their money, and in one case I know, even moved some of the furniture to their own home! :( So really I'm not sure what I will do if it ever comes down to it. I don't want to go to a nursing home and I don't want to be a burden to my kids and live with them either.
 
Well, if I am left on my own and my health gets so bad that I can't take care of myself, then I have a plan. A nice long sleep, I mean a very long endless sleep. If it is the other way around my husband is of the same mind. And yes our children know.
 
This is one of the threads that attracted me to this forum. But, being at just this point in life, I just couldn't bring myself to read it until today. I do not know that it has enlightend me though. :confused: Rather it has saddened me further. Not that it did not present some interesting views/information. Guess just overwhelmed with it all.
 
Our state Dept of Aging (and other social services) have low/no cost services to help seniors with cleaning, shopping, cooking, laundry, transportation, even bathng and medication. I know of people who moved into assisted living, but it costs a fortune. Nursing home would be a last step. (An aunt w/dementia and serious mobility issues moved to a nursing home last year.)

However, this is a large city. Smaller towns and rural areas might not have all these services.
 
I definitely want to remain at home. One reason is to be with my beloved companion, a Beagle named Pikey. There are a lot of home assisted living businesses in the area, and I have done some research using the internet. It seems the best solution for me would be to choose one that will send someone over daily to do whatever you need done. I believe there is a minimum requirement of six hours per day, but there may be some whose requirements are less. The going rate appears to be $18-$20 per hour, which is pretty expensive for most of us. Also, as we get older, we should keep in mind that we want the benefits of a Hospice for our later days. Medicare pays most Hospice expenses. And, many years ago, I made out a Living Will so as to avoid possible traumatic decisions by our families.
 
I've become kind of a "proxy caregiver" to a bachelor in his mid 60's who lives about 1/2 mile away, in the woods. His nearest relatives are about 350 miles away. He has several health problems and is rather Obese. We have become good friends over the years, and I check on him every couple of days. Over Christmas in 2013, we were up in the city for 3 or 4 days visiting the kids and casinos, and when we came back I went up to his place. He was barely mobile, could hardly speak, and he had had a stroke. I called an ambulance and they rushed him to the hospital. I called his relatives, and they came down for several days. They tried to convince him to move into a care facility, but he will have nothing to do with that. Now, over a year later, he still has trouble speaking, he gets tired just doing a few minutes of chores, but he still drives himself up to town for groceries, etc. I have a key to his house, and if I don't see or hear from him every couple of days, I go over to check on him. I know that some day, I will not see him, or get him on the phone, and I will go up there and find him laid out on the floor.
 
I would try to stay in my home and pay someone. Scotland provides home help to OAPs but you have to be fairly low income to get it free. There are some who work independently to provide home help but don't know what they charge. I don't know if there is an equivalent to assisted living here. There is sheltered housing but this is for those who are trying to remain independent but help is nearby and someone checks on you daily. But these are self-contained flats or cottages with your own kitchen. So unless you get a free home help or pay someone, you do your own cooking and cleaning.

I did this job when I got tired of office work and it's what I retired from. There is one sheltered housing in the town nearest me that is appealing. Nice flats, and the building faces the loch, actually the Firth of Clyde, and people get on the list to have their flat facing the front. Nice seating areas in the front of the building on each floor. And group activities frequently.
 
I would go to one of the Assisted Living Facilities in my community that have a indoor/outdoor pool & spa. housekeeping, two/three or one meal per day. personal needs care, gardens etc. They are pricy but I think I have the resources to handle it.
 
Lon said:
I would go to one of the Assisted Living Facilities in my community that have a indoor/outdoor pool & spa. housekeeping, two/three or one meal per day. personal needs care, gardens etc. They are pricy but I think I have the resources to handle it.
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My dad was in assisted living before he was in 24 hour care. Very nice place. He had his own 'apartment' except there was no kitchen. Meals served in a big dining room and coffee/tea etc all day.

I don't know if they have anything like that here in the UK. Sheltered housing is different from assisted living. It's actually a flat or cottage with kitchen and you cook your own meals. Many clients have a helper come in, but they must be fairly able to do things on their own.
 
My husband and I live in a retirement community in a villa. We live independently and enjoy it very much. We moved because the care of our house was getting to be too much for us. Plus, we had a cottage on the river which also took up a lot of care and time. Also, our daughter is handicapped and I know she worried that she would not be able to help us as we needed more help. We wanted to set her mind at ease.

When people want to stay in their houses, it involves a lot of people helping them - going to the bank, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, driving to
doctor's appointments, cooking etc. Do you want to burden your children with these chores? Plus, there may come a time when staying in your house isn't possible. Then it involves calling around to find a facility that can take you. Many are full and you might end up in one that you wouldn't choose.

We just had that situation with a family member. She and her husband lived in a condo and she fell and had a compound fracture of her ankle. That happened in November and she is still using a walker and getting therapy. She had to go to various facilities until she could go home and some of them were not very nice. Had they
lived here she could have gotten care at our nursing care part and gotten care right on the premises. Her husband could have just walked to visit her from their apartment which would saved him driving. Plus, the cafe offered meals and he wouldn't have had to worry about cooking.

Just some food for thought.
 
Dreamplanter said:
My husband and I live in a retirement community in a villa. We live independently and enjoy it very much. We moved because the care of our house was getting to be too much for us. Plus, we had a cottage on the river which also took up a lot of care and time. Also, our daughter is handicapped and I know she worried that she would not be able to help us as we needed more help. We wanted to set her mind at ease.

When people want to stay in their houses, it involves a lot of people helping them - going to the bank, cleaning the house, going grocery shopping, driving to
doctor's appointments, cooking etc. Do you want to burden your children with these chores? Plus, there may come a time when staying in your house isn't possible. Then it involves calling around to find a facility that can take you. Many are full and you might end up in one that you wouldn't choose.

We just had that situation with a family member. She and her husband lived in a condo and she fell and had a compound fracture of her ankle. That happened in November and she is still using a walker and getting therapy. She had to go to various facilities until she could go home and some of them were not very nice. Had they
lived here she could have gotten care at our nursing care part and gotten care right on the premises. Her husband could have just walked to visit her from their apartment which would saved him driving. Plus, the cafe offered meals and he wouldn't have had to worry about cooking.

Just some food for thought.
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Your question ignores one fundamental fact, many cannot afford any option but trying to get by where they live. This country is very easy for the "well off", not so for many others.
 
I am a senior living alone. Yesterday I tried shoveling some earth today I spent the whole day in the lazy boy chair taking pain pills. I look around the house and find it isn't as neat or tidy as it used to be but there is no one here except me so who cares. Some days I think I should find an apartment in town or a senior's residence. then other days I think no way I am only 68. I am not a senior senior. I just creak a lot.
 
You can't overdo with things like outdoor work Busy Bee, but I'm glad you're getting outdoors and doing things in nature. A nice long soak in an epsom salt bath is great for the muscle soreness and relaxes you nicely.

As I've said in the past, if I end up being alone, I would do my best to stay in my house, even if I had to hire someone to mow the lawn and do some other things. Right now I'm 62 and able to do a lot of stuff, hopefully I can swing it for a long time.

I grew up in an apartment, and my husband and I live in a few apartments when when we were young and saving up for our first home. They were okay at the time, but after owning my own home, I really wouldn't want to go to apartment life again unless it was mandatory. Plus, it's hard to keep pets in an apartment.I think we all have some creaks, lol. :eek:ld:
 
Busy Bee said:
Some days I think I should find an apartment in town or a senior's residence. then other days I think no way I am only 68. I am not a senior senior. I just creak a lot.
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I can so relate, Busy Bee. As I was trying to weed, the past few days, the same things were going through my mind. Wondering why am I forcing myself to try and do this. I am a lot older than you...but, still the thought of a apartment or senior housing....:sour:
 

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