How does a person live alone and not get lonely?

Robin was wrong. If he wound up with people who made him feel alone he had the material means to ............ leave. And that goes for most people. Alone is alone. There's no comparison to being alone with people. Outrageous complaint, meaningless, not the same, not at all.
 
Pepper said:
Robin was wrong. If he wound up with people who made him feel alone he had the material means to ............ leave. And that goes for most people. Alone is alone. There's no comparison to being alone with people. Outrageous complaint, meaningless, not the same, not at all.
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Different strokes, Pepper, different strokes. You think he got it wrong, I think he got it right. I don't believe there's a right or wrong here, just a difference of perspective and life experiences... Don...
 
Irwin said:
I like it that other people have the same attitude as me about being alone. It makes me feel like I'm not alone. :ROFLMAO:
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That's just it: you're NOT alone!
Today I made myself a terrific sandwich for brunch.
Then I went to a youth hockey game - and a terrific one it was. We lost at the very last minute as our foes put on a phenomenal effort to score. As I left the arena, a parent from the opposing team gave kudos to my team for putting on such an honorable effort.
Then when I got home, a neighbor was kind enough to leave a can of spaghetti sauce in our community pantry which is what we do every week in our building. I'm leaning towards leaving a bottle of maple syrup probably tomorrow.
As I got my mail a neighbor asked how I was feeling since my back was so bad last month. He genuinely was concerned over my back's pathetic condition which, thankfully, is now much better.
Then I reach my floor in the apartment building, was greeted very kindly by my neighbor.
Then I went into my apartment and had myself a nice bowl of ice cream.
Now I'm here at home, warm, my tummy feels good after that tasty ice cream. I started to defrost a steak for tomorrow and will leave it in the fridge overnight and will season it up real good.
Tomorrow afternoon, another youth team that I root for is scheduled to play. They are a Class AA team which means they are one of the highest ranked youth teams in the state. That should be fun as well. Hopefully, they will win and the steak will be utterly magnificent.

See? Who said anything about being lonely?? Sorry folks, but there just ain't no such thing.
 
I agree, Oldie. There are always groups to join, friends to spend time with (harder than it used to be, but we can still do it with a mask on), volunteer work, sports, etc. And at the end of those activities, it feels kind of good to come back to the silence and privacy of my own home. We are only as "alone" as we want to be.
 
Laine said:
Humans are social creatures. I think it is the exception rather than the rule that some of us don't need other people.
Loneliness is a serious issue, like depression and studies show it can shorten the life span.
Just know that like depression, saying "just get out there" or "snap out of it!"
is not only unhelpful, but shows a serious lack of compassion and understanding.
Congratulations to the two of you who are so happy being alone.
Much love and sympathy to those of you who are not.
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QUOTED FOR TRUTH
 
oldiebutgoody said:
~ no one size fits all ~

That is so true. Not everyone thinks alike or has the same needs.


My old friend called me from NY yesterday. Told me he absolutely hates to be alone, even for more than a couple of hours. Rather than spend time in his apartment, he prefers to be in his old apartment where his physically & developmentally disabled daughter lives. She is barely capable of recognizing him but even if she raises an eyebrow in his direction that much attention is good enough. The rest of the time her full time medical attendant's attention is all he needs as the attendant cooks and keeps everything clean.

Then he said, "I've known you for over 45 years. In all that time you've always been alone - no wife, no girl friend, almost no friends at all. How do you do it? Doesn't it bother you to always be alone?" My reply was that you don't miss what you never had. I spend the day cooking and baking, reading books, listening to oldies music or napping and writing online. Those are the cards life handed me so, I guess, that's good enough for me since I had no choice in this matter. If some wealthy heiress wants to walk into my life, that's her business. Meantime I've got my life to live. And one thing more: when you say 'treat others as we would hope to be treated' he also said that in all these years I have never been one to trouble another for anything. I never, never bother anyone and always stay out of people's way though I've always been willing to help others where need be such as filing tax returns for others.

My friend is emotionally dependent on others, I am not. Life gave him a loving family, but it did not do the same for me. This is why we are how we are today. That's just how life goes.
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Perhaps you are emotionally dependent on solitude. Nothing wrong with that. 😊
 
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In my opinion, not all loneliness can be alleviated by keeping busy. Even if one interacts with others on that basis, it may not be enough. Some of us need deeper connections, I certainly do. I would rather entertain myself than drown in surface stuff.

Most empathetic people are rather allergic to small talk. I am also not drawn to comparisons re which of us are dysfunctional or dependent. There are a wide range of perfectly normal needs on the relationship scale. No one is healthier than

anyone else based on that placement, I wish everyone the best as they travel their life journey. It is ok not to need people, it is ok to need them. Loneliness is normal, as is a lack of it.
One thing is certain, loneliness is real. Just as depression,

anxiety, grief, and a whole lot of other emotions which western society attempts to have us suppress. That suppression is toxic,
 
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WheatenLover said:
Self-pity keeps people from moving forward, from making changes that can be scary. I no longer engage in it, to the very best of my ability. I can't think of anything right now that I pity myself about. The best lesson I learned, so far, is to live in the present. The past can't be changed, and no matter what, the future is unknown. I've learned that in the past, but this time it seems to have stuck. If I falter, I think of something else, in the present.
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As I and others have said here, loneliness is self imposed and is imaginary at worse. There are dozens of things that anyone can do about it and hundreds of people in professional or volunteer agencies who would happily help if given the opportunity. By contrast, there is virtually nothing you can do about the onset of cancer, paralysis, heart ailments, arthritis (I'm living proof of that as I am a former athlete who used to do yoga every day and never expected to get this painful ailment), and other debilitating medical conditions. None of these crises are volitional. "Loneliness" is.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
As I and others have said here, loneliness is self imposed and is imaginary at worse. There are dozens of things that anyone can do about it and hundreds of people in professional or volunteer agencies who would happily help if given the opportunity. By contrast, there is virtually nothing you can do about the onset of cancer, paralysis, heart ailments, arthritis (I'm living proof of that as I am a former athlete who used to do yoga every day and never expected to get this painful ailment), and other debilitating medical conditions. None of these crises are volitional. "Loneliness" is.
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Speaking as a psychologist, I adamantly disagree with you. There is nothing imaginary about loneliness. I find your perspective lacks an understanding of those who are simply wired differently than you, or whose life experiences affected them differently.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
As I and others have said here, loneliness is self imposed and is imaginary at worse. There are dozens of things that anyone can do about it and hundreds of people in professional or volunteer agencies who would happily help if given the opportunity. By contrast, there is virtually nothing you can do about the onset of cancer, paralysis, heart ailments, arthritis (I'm living proof of that as I am a former athlete who used to do yoga every day and never expected to get this painful ailment), and other debilitating medical conditions. None of these crises are volitional. "Loneliness" is.
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On the contrary, loneliness is most certainly not self-imposed, for instance, on shut-ins or the elderly who can no longer drive and are dependent on others to come to them, said others, whether you're talking about relatives (since people are having fewer and fewer kids) or volunteer or hired government assistance workers, becoming scarce due to both Covid and the too-low pay for such hard, heartbreaking work.

And a lot of the activities that have been mentioned above that one can get out and do, volunteering, etc. are just not available in some of the smaller towns. I know someone, for instance who lives in a small enough town that there are literally no volunteer opportunities, no even part-time jobs (seriously; very few places are still open), no clubs of any kind, nothing to do but go drink in a bar (which is not her cuppa tea). Oh, okay, you might say, "Move to somewhere better." Not an option due to her husband's job and the lack of affordable places to live in the nearest larger town, which is an hour away. And no, her husband should not quit his job so they could move; he's been there so long now that he'd be ruining his retirement and he's too old to get something just as good.

So, no, loneliness is not always self-imposed; it simply is not. (You know, there are so many people here in the U.S--and probably other countries too--who just don't realize what life is UNvoluntarily like for too many other people in this country, people for whom the standard advice is unusable.
 
officerripley said:
On the contrary, loneliness is most certainly not self-imposed, for instance, on shut-ins or the elderly who can no longer drive and are dependent on others to come to them, said others, whether you're talking about relatives (since people are having fewer and fewer kids) or volunteer or hired government assistance workers, becoming scarce due to both Covid and the too-low pay for such hard, heartbreaking work.

And a lot of the activities that have been mentioned above that one can get out and do, volunteering, etc. are just not available in some of the smaller towns. I know someone, for instance who lives in a small enough town that there are literally no volunteer opportunities, no even part-time jobs (seriously; very few places are still open), no clubs of any kind, nothing to do but go drink in a bar (which is not her cuppa tea). Oh, okay, you might say, "Move to somewhere better." Not an option due to her husband's job and the lack of affordable places to live in the nearest larger town, which is an hour away. And no, her husband should not quit his job so they could move; he's been there so long now that he'd be ruining his retirement and he's too old to get something just as good.

So, no, loneliness is not always self-imposed; it simply is not. (You know, there are so many people here in the U.S--and probably other countries too--who just don't realize what life is UNvoluntarily like for too many other people in this country, people for whom the standard advice is unusable.
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QFT.
 

There is a key difference between "being lonely" and "being alone." Being alone is a state of being - loneliness on the other hand is : a feeling.

People can be perfectly happy being by themselves - but - they can also be lonely even if they are with a group of people.

Everyone needs human interaction to varying degrees. It takes a person with iron clad core stability to exist without it. Oh yes, it can be done, for a long while but eventually there comes a time when that person’s mentality suffers greatly.

It is good for anyone’s health to seek outside stimulation. But it is always good to enjoy your solitude when you return home, if that is what you want.

Social interaction can also be achieved over the phone, one really has to investigate and not give up.
 
Shalimar said:
Speaking as a psychologist, I adamantly disagree with you. There is nothing imaginary about loneliness. I find your perspective lacks an understanding of those who are simply wired differently than you, or whose life experiences affected them differently.
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At one time I did study psychology including numerous works by Freud, Jung, and Erikson but lost interest in the subject. Thus, I am not unfamiliar with its teaching. As a psychologist you know that there is a co-relation between loneliness and self esteem. While you are certainly entitled to your viewpoint I uphold the more popular notion that,

https://quotefancy.com/quote/41097/...neliness-There-is-only-the-idea-of-loneliness
 
officerripley said:
On the contrary, loneliness is most certainly not self-imposed, for instance, on shut-ins or the elderly who can no longer drive and are dependent on others to come to them, said others, whether you're talking about relatives (since people are having fewer and fewer kids) or volunteer or hired government assistance workers, becoming scarce due to both Covid and the too-low pay for such hard, heartbreaking work.

And a lot of the activities that have been mentioned above that one can get out and do, volunteering, etc. are just not available in some of the smaller towns. I know someone, for instance who lives in a small enough town that there are literally no volunteer opportunities, no even part-time jobs (seriously; very few places are still open), no clubs of any kind, nothing to do but go drink in a bar (which is not her cuppa tea). Oh, okay, you might say, "Move to somewhere better." Not an option due to her husband's job and the lack of affordable places to live in the nearest larger town, which is an hour away. And no, her husband should not quit his job so they could move; he's been there so long now that he'd be ruining his retirement and he's too old to get something just as good.

So, no, loneliness is not always self-imposed; it simply is not. (You know, there are so many people here in the U.S--and probably other countries too--who just don't realize what life is UNvoluntarily like for too many other people in this country, people for whom the standard advice is unusable.
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This is not the experience we see here in Minnesota. On the contrary, we often have tv news features which show how ideal small town life is in the rural tundra. Many of these towns have proportionately more churches than we do in the cities, have town ball and/or Legion baseball, agrarian societies, Masons, etc. Before the current plague started, I communicated with the Christian Good Samaritan organization as I was looking for a possible move to senior housing. They have no vacancy in the cities but do out in the rural areas. I understand that other church based groups have the same experience. Thus, all the opportunities mentioned above are readily available in the rural regions. In fact, there are possibly more available than in the cities. I cannot speak for other states but that is the way it is here in Minnesota.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
This is not the experience we see here in Minnesota. On the contrary, we often have tv news features which show how ideal small town life is in the rural tundra. Many of these towns have proportionately more churches than we do in the cities, have town ball and/or Legion baseball, agrarian societies, Masons, etc. Before the current plague started, I communicated with the Christian Good Samaritan organization as I was looking for a possible move to senior housing. They have no vacancy in the cities but do out in the rural areas. I understand that other church based groups have the same experience. Thus, all the opportunities mentioned above are readily available in the rural regions. In fact, there are possibly more available than in the cities. I cannot speak for other states but that is the way it is here in Minnesota.
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As to the churches, although the friend I mentioned above in that hopeless small town does happen to be a Christian, the only churches in her town number 3: one Catholic church (she does not care for Catholicism) and the other 2 are extreme fundamentalist (not her cuppa tea either). So she worships alone. I knew someone else who used to live there and said that the people who went to all 3 of those churches were the craziest, meanest in town. I think that happens a lot in towns small enough--maybe not in Minnesota but there are a whole lot of other rural small town in states other than Minn. here in this country with a whole lot of problems.
 
oldiebutgoody said:
At one time I did study psychology including numerous works by Freud, Jung, and Erikson but lost interest in the subject. Thus, I am not unfamiliar with its teaching. As a psychologist you know that there is a co-relation between loneliness and self esteem. While you are certainly entitled to your viewpoint I uphold the more popular notion that,

https://quotefancy.com/quote/41097/...neliness-There-is-only-the-idea-of-loneliness
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Again, we disagree. I have found that all too often the notion of poor self esteem is used as a convenient catch all for any number of human conditions. I work in the trenches, loneliness,

like despair, trauma, etc, is all too real. Human emotions are rarely tidy, and almost always resistant to a linear format. Very few of us follow a Mr. Spock approach. For those who have

been spared loneliness, I applaud your good fortune. You have dodged an emotional bullet.😊
 

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