Do you have a gay family member?

I stand corrected Ameriscot, I didn't think about that aspect at all, it didn't occur to me. To be honest, I still think of "gay" as a sexual act. I'm not going to apologize for the latter because I have not been exposed or around enough gay people in my life (that I know of) to realize that it is now about a couple of people in love. Yes, you would want your other half to meet the family. I also don't understand it, the act of having sex with someone of the same sex grosses me out. But, I have met gay people and liked them, mainly just 2 lesbians I puppy-sat for. I liked those ladies, but I didn't care to think about what they did in the bedroom. That was there business.

So to clarify before people start hammering on me, I don't like cigarette smoke, but I do not dislike smokers because they smoke. It's the same with anyone that I don't agree with their lifestyle, sexual preference. I may not agree, but if I dislike anyone, it's because they are a jerk, or a mean person.
 

QuickSilver said:
I absolutely agree.. and you've put it very well. If one of my sons were gay, I would still want to be involved in his life. That would mean knowing and loving his chosen mate, being involved with grandchildren, and any and every occasion families celebrate. I would hate to be denied this.. or to deny my son this because of my bigotry. It would be such a loss for everyone.
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My sister asked me once if I would have a problem if one of my sons was gay. I said absolutely not. She didn't believe me. I said the only reason if would be difficult is I'd worry about him having to deal with all the homophobia. She then said but you wouldn't have grandchildren. Huh? Being gay doesn't mean you can't produce children, you just go about it a different way. Doh! Plenty of gay parents.
 
nwlady said:
I stand corrected Ameriscot, I didn't think about that aspect at all, it didn't occur to me. To be honest, I still think of "gay" as a sexual act. I'm not going to apologize for the latter because I have not been exposed or around enough gay people in my life (that I know of) to realize that it is now about a couple of people in love. Yes, you would want your other half to meet the family. I also don't understand it, the act of having sex with someone of the same sex grosses me out. But, I have met gay people and liked them, mainly just 2 lesbians I puppy-sat for. I liked those ladies, but I didn't care to think about what they did in the bedroom. That was there business.

So to clarify before people start hammering on me, I don't like cigarette smoke, but I do not dislike smokers because they smoke. It's the same with anyone that I don't agree with their lifestyle, sexual preference. I may not agree, but if I dislike anyone, it's because they are a jerk, or a mean person.
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Denise, do you think all heterosexual relationships are all about sex?
 

I am heartened by seeing the tolerance and acceptance expressed by many who posted in response to this question. I have a gay cousin (older than I) and he had to hide his true self for most of his life because he had a high government post and would have been fired if his situation had become known. Now that things are better for LGBT people, in many states they can live their lives without being harassed or discriminated against. But the situation is not perfect, and our extension of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness still does not extend to all people.
 
Not that it would matter to me either way, but I don't think any of my own family members are gay.

My late parents were very conservative with traditional values and they assumed everyone was straight. If they thought any of their children were gay they would be devastated or worse. If I were a young gay person still living at home, I would never have talked about it with them.
 
AZ Jim said:
I do not believe anyone should be compelled to be silent about sexuality to make us more comfortable.
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I think there's a lot to be said for folks that may not mention, lets say, their drinking spree around a recovering alcoholic, because they respect the other persons comfort and struggle not to drink. Yes, homosexuality has a place to be discussed, but the boy also could have been trying to protect his mother. People that shoot their face off with no consideration to who might be listening are not just being selfish, they are showing they care nothing about others.

But then it seems in our society people are caring less and less about others. I'm not saying live your life to please others, but there should be some sort of happy medium, like say what you like, but say it with tact, and consideration of others. Many here think christianity sucks, but there are things about it that have helped me be a better person. I don't claim to be a christian now, but I studied it for many years.
 
I have stayed out of this one, because, I thought, at some point, it would likely go down hill, but good to see many see human beings as just that, people with different ways of being but still no different really, just not as they've been taught to believe everyone is supposed to live, love and be.

It took growing up and educating myself away from what I was taught to believe to get to this point. When I don't understand something, I look to learn and understand.
 
tnthomas said:
My son is gay, I absolutely love and respect him, and categorically reject any notion that there is anything "wrong" with him.

you can't pray away the gay, being gay is not a 'choice'. I don't have any contact with his mother, but I know her to be rigid in her views, and the word "tolorence" is not in her vocabulary. Everyone else in the family accepts him, without reservation.
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Thank goodness he has a loving father, I'm not saying his mother doesn't love him in her way, but I was just reading a story last night. It was about a family that there son was 6, and couldn't speak(supposedly) or walk, lots of issues. The father was very prideful and basically ignored the boy. The mother was loving and caring but there seemed to be not help she could find for the boy. Long story short, she took him to a specialist that worked with autistic children etc. They discovered he had limitations yes, but that he was also capable of learning some things, plus, he was a genius with music. His father was made to realize and he picked the boy up and carried him home, which he had not touched him ever and the boy had to ride in a stroller since the mother couldn't carry him.

Anyway, that just came to mind. Loving conditionally is not love in my opinion. Thanks for sharing TN;) denise
 
Well I personally don't want to think about what ANYONE I know does in the bedroom.. Unless they look like Brad Pitt and Angie.. it's not apt to be a pretty sight. I would have to poke out my mind's eye.. :magnify:
 
Josiah said:
Please don't feel I am offering any judgement, but weren't you hurt by the fact that your son chose to keep this secret from you. Have you speculated why he wouldn't reveal this important fact to his mother?
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I'm sure you don't mean this the way I took it Josiah, even though you said you were not offering judgement, I guess I felt like this statement could hurt the OP. I'm sure many things go through a parents mind when they lose a child, gay or not gay. A child, and I think I would wonder where I went wrong here or there, or why didn't I do this or that. It is true in our society, at least I have heard from others, the many gay people are very troubled, but then a lot of children, younger folks are troubled for one reason or another. Sometimes it has nothing at all to do with parents, or the way they were raised. Just some thoughts. I don't really like our world much today, so much wrongs, so much pain and confusion:(
 
QuickSilver said:
Well I personally don't want to think about what ANYONE I know does in the bedroom.. Unless they look like Brad Pitt and Angie.. it's not apt to be a pretty sight. I would have to poke out my mind's eye.. :magnify:
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I feel the same, except I don't want to watch even them unless I got to be Angie.
 
Ameriscot said:
Exactly. It's important to be able to talk to parents about the feelings when a child/teen realizes they are gay.
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I think it's safe to say there are a lot of kids that know better then to talk to their parents. If their parents are the type that would start subjecting them to doctors, faith healers. I definitely not saying that the boy didn't talk to the OP because of that. These kids are already struggling with society, they shouldn't have to at home, which if we lived in a perfect world, would be the one, safe place they knew they could always go to be truly loved.
 
If gays are troubled, it is probably due in large part to the fact that the views of some in our society think their lifestyle is wrong and that they are being judged by these people.
 
nwlady said:
I think it's safe to say there are a lot of kids that know better then to talk to their parents. If their parents are the type that would start subjecting them to doctors, faith healers. I definitely not saying that the boy didn't talk to the OP because of that. These kids are already struggling with society, they shouldn't have to at home, which if we lived in a perfect world, would be the one, safe place they knew they could always go to be truly loved.
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I think most kids will know how their parents will react. If they already have good communication then it will be easier to be open with them.
 
Jackie22 said:
If gays are troubled, it is probably due in large part to the fact that the views of some in our society think their lifestyle is wrong and that they are being judged by these people.
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There will always be those of different mind-sets and some are more verbal then others. I think the worse thing any person can do is focus on blaming others and their ideas. Look at folks that invented things, like the Wright Bros. I mean there is always going to be those that disagree. Somehow each of us has to be true to ourselves, do as WE believe. It is our own attitudes and reactions to others nastiness, or disbelief that can make us troubled, unsure, etc. Ultimately, I totally believe our own happiness lies within us, not on outside forces.
 
Ameriscot said:
I think most kids will know how their parents will react. If they already have good communication then it will be easier to be open with them.
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This is very true. I knew how my parents would have reacted if I had become pregnant as a teen. I knew that I could never tell them and would have chosen to run away or something worse. I imagine this is the same feeling gay teens have knowing how their parents would react.
 
Staying completely out of this one also, but must say this.......by now, most members here know how wife and I feel about it. But, years ago, I did work, for a short time, for a lesbian couple and they were nice. There are gay and lesbian celebrities that are really cool.
 
QuickSilver said:
This is very true. I knew how my parents would have reacted if I had become pregnant as a teen. I knew that I could never tell them and would have chosen to run away or something worse. I imagine this is the same feeling gay teens have knowing how their parents would react.
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I'm pretty sure my parents would have reacted with 'what did I do wrong to make you this way?'.

I had already graduated high school and was engaged when I had to tell my mother I was pregnant. She was not happy, but didn't say anything. My grandmother who lived with us said 'Blue Cross won't pay for it!'. Good ole granny.
 
Ameriscot said:
I think most kids will know how their parents will react. If they already have good communication then it will be easier to be open with them.
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I agree, kids know their parents, I knew mine because nothing was hidden. They's send us outside but if they thought we didn't know, they were wrong.
 
rporter610 said:
I am heartened by seeing the tolerance and acceptance expressed by many who posted in response to this question. I have a gay cousin (older than I) and he had to hide his true self for most of his life because he had a high government post and would have been fired if his situation had become known. Now that things are better for LGBT people, in many states they can live their lives without being harassed or discriminated against. But the situation is not perfect, and our extension of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness still does not extend to all people.
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I agree Rin, I was very pleased with the tolerance expressed, although I was somewhat surprised at how few members had much in the way of first hand experience with a close gay family member.
 

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