Anyone feel like their family only cares about their money?

Trish said:
Wishing you all the best @PenelopePlum and hopefully you will be in a happier situation in the not too distant future (y)
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Thank you. I appreciated everyone who gave me feedback and let me talk about things that have been bothering me “out loud” so to speak. It really helped me figure out my next steps. I love all of my children and my grandchild very much but I’m not helping them by staying in this situation, and hopefully I’ll be able to find a good time to suggest counseling after we’ve moved out so she can get the help I think she needs.
 

hollydolly said:
Run don't walk... It's so sad that your own daughter can treat you this way, but sadly not unusual... and she would no doubt be appalled and angry if she were to be confronted by the fact that it's elder abuse.. but she's unlikely to change her ways even IF she was confronted... so it's imperative you get out now, while you are still able..
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Thank you for your support. Yes, I don’t think confrontation would work in this case. She becomes very combative and angry when confronted about her behavior. She needs help, hopefully some day after I move I will find a good time to suggest counseling.
 
I'm so sorry you are experiencing that Penelope! It must be not only uncomfortable but hurtful. I sincerely hope that the next steps you take will work out well for you. Thank God I don't feel that way as my loved ones are not that way. I have heard and read stories about children who were greedy and callous like that. What makes them feel so entitled? If I had a child and grandchildren like that, they would not be included in my will.
 

My only heir is my niece. When we have discussed future happenings, she told me to leave my estate to several charities or whatever suits me, but she will be fine without receiving anything from me. She lives in San Jose and has done very well for herself. She knows she has been a bit lucky and also has received a few breaks along the way. She will also be surprised when I move on. Of course, things will change if I should marry.
 
A fellow we play cards with is very, very well off or at least that’s the impression he gives. I doubt if he is ostentatious, but it’s always possible, I guess. He does get a new car every 2 years, but maybe that’s his lease and when we sit down at the card table to buy chips, he pulls out the proverbial wad big enough to choke a horse. Why he carries so much money, I have no idea.

He tells the rest of us that his 2 grown kids ask for money at least once or twice a month. He tells us and it’s not for like a $100 or so, but more like anywhere from $1000-$2000. We tell him to tell them it’s time for them to stand on their own 2 feet, but he said he’s afraid to because he’s been giving them money for so long, they may decide to kill him to get their hands on his full worth.

I asked him if he was serious and he said “hell yes, I’m serious.” The rest of us just looked at each other. One of the guys said ‘it sucks to be you.” The man answered, “do you think?” I think he really is afraid of his kids. He won’t eat or drink at their homes because he said he’s afraid they will poison him.
 
I guess I am lucky, neither of my children have ever asked for financial help since they left home. I am generous with them at times simply as a way of helping out but they don't ask and don't seem to have any expectations.

I will say my daughter wants my home and property though, not out of greed but because it's such a nice piece of the world she wants to live her life here.lol
 
PenelopePlum said:
I can do laundry when they aren’t here. I just can’t store all my cleaning tools and supplies in there as I could if it were truly a shared home. I have to keep anything I don’t want to be ruined or discarded in my room. They complain that I don’t do enough cleaning. When they complained about the kitchen floor not being mopped I bought a special bucket a mop so I could do it without bending and they didn’t like where I stored the bucket on the floor in the laundry room and moved it to a high shelf where I can’t reach it. I have some limited room for food storage in the kitchen, but I can only keep things there that I know they won’t eat. I asked them not to eat items I put in one of the crisper drawers and they resent that. Items I’m forced to store in the fridge otherwise they will eat if they want to. I’ve had no cream for my coffee in the morning on more than one occasion so I have to keep two bottles in the fridge to make sure I’ll have some. These things happen even though I buy groceries and cook meals when they ask me to, and I buy most of the cleaning supplies even though I do clean every day and pay them $400 a month for cleaning (which they don’t do). I told them when I moved in that I can’t do floors anymore, can’t run around picking up things off the floor all the time, because I have scoliosis. I have 3 curves in my spine, that’s why I really miss having access to a bathtub to soak the aches and pains away. I honestly believe at this point I could give every nickel I have to them and it still wouldn’t be enough and they would still treat me like an unwelcome, uninvited guest. Some days I feel like Cinderella Granny. 🙄
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@PenelopePlum, reading all of this I have concluded that you are being subjected to elder abuse. IMO it is time to seek help from organisations that deal with this problem. At the very least you need to see a financial councillor, first by yourself, then if they are willing, with your family members. You also need to see an attorney to review/revise your will and arrangements for your disabled son. Do not surrender your autonomy but get good professional advice and help to find somewhere that you can afford now and as time goes by.

I hope you can find a way to improve the family dynamics soon.
 
Been There said:
My only heir is my niece. When we have discussed future happenings, she told me to leave my estate to several charities or whatever suits me, but she will be fine without receiving anything from me. She lives in San Jose and has done very well for herself. She knows she has been a bit lucky and also has received a few breaks along the way. She will also be surprised when I move on. Of course, things will change if I should marry.
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Santa Clara County, San Jose is where my aunt lived. They claim to be so progressive and attentive to seniors but the fact is that seniors are just a disruption to their day. After three years, I had to point out them that my aunt's son had failed/refused to file the required annual financial reports for my aunt's finances. As long as no one noticed her treatment it was fine with them.
 
OneEyedDiva said:
I'm so sorry you are experiencing that Penelope! It must be not only uncomfortable but hurtful. I sincerely hope that the next steps you take will work out well for you. Thank God I don't feel that way as my loved ones are not that way. I have heard and read stories about children who were greedy and callous like that. What makes them feel so entitled? If I had a child and grandchildren like that, they would not be included in my will.
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I’ve spent the day reading about bipolar disorder because it’s occurred in my family (my brother and my father), and I’m more convinced than ever that’s what I’m dealing with here. I love my children very much and knowing the problem behavior is likely caused by a disorder gives me compassion despite the difficulties. I hope I’ll be able help them get counseling after I get into a safe living situation. It helps just to realize the puzzling behavior is probably involuntary.
 
Been There said:
A fellow we play cards with is very, very well off or at least that’s the impression he gives. I doubt if he is ostentatious, but it’s always possible, I guess. He does get a new car every 2 years, but maybe that’s his lease and when we sit down at the card table to buy chips, he pulls out the proverbial wad big enough to choke a horse. Why he carries so much money, I have no idea.

He tells the rest of us that his 2 grown kids ask for money at least once or twice a month. He tells us and it’s not for like a $100 or so, but more like anywhere from $1000-$2000. We tell him to tell them it’s time for them to stand on their own 2 feet, but he said he’s afraid to because he’s been giving them money for so long, they may decide to kill him to get their hands on his full worth.

I asked him if he was serious and he said “hell yes, I’m serious.” The rest of us just looked at each other. One of the guys said ‘it sucks to be you.” The man answered, “do you think?” I think he really is afraid of his kids. He won’t eat or drink at their homes because he said he’s afraid they will poison him.
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Wow, I guess he’s created a monster. Either that or maybe he’s paranoid.
 
Warrigal said:
@PenelopePlum, reading all of this I have concluded that you are being subjected to elder abuse. IMO it is time to seek help from organisations that deal with this problem. At the very least you need to see a financial councillor, first by yourself, then if they are willing, with your family members. You also need to see an attorney to review/revise your will and arrangements for your disabled son. Do not surrender your autonomy but get good professional advice and help to find somewhere that you can afford now and as time goes by.

I hope you can find a way to improve the family dynamics soon.
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I think the first step is getting safety, which means distance, then I will try to get them help. It’s been episodic behavior, not an everyday thing, which is why it has dragged on so long before I realized I really need to take action. It was mild at first, and I thought of it as having a bad day or hormones or something like that. But as I’ve been processing everything and writing it down I’ve realized I’m dealing with a mental health issue that’s getting worse. It helps a lot just to realize that.
 
I would move out as soon as you possibly can. The situation sounds unsafe and abusive. I wouldn’t contact agencies for help as your daughter might try to pursue a guardianship portraying you as unstable. Once you are a senior younger people can have weird expectations of what is normal.

Many seniors in Las Vegas had all their money /assets taken legally by a professional guardian and placed in horrible group homes against their will. It took years for their kids to be able to rescue them legally and they never got their assets back. This went on for years until the guardians were finally prosecuted. So sorry you are going through this ordeal.
 
Kika said:
Maybe focus first on getting whatever help you need for yourself and your disabled child. The way you have been treated has done some damage to you and you may not realize at this time, but it will surface. 🤗
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Thanks for your feedback. I think like another poster suggested, I’m realizing I don’t have just one disabled child. I’m about 90% sure I’m dealing with mental illness, probably bipolar which runs in the family. So now instead of feeling resentment and fear I’m feeling more compassionate and have a better understanding what I need to do. Now that I’ve put 2 and 2 together I’m surprised I didn’t figure it out earlier.
 
Teacher Terry said:
I would move out as soon as you possibly can. The situation sounds unsafe and abusive. I wouldn’t contact agencies for help as your daughter might try to pursue a guardianship portraying you as unstable. Once you are a senior younger people can have weird expectations of what is normal.

Many seniors in Las Vegas had all their money /assets taken legally by a professional guardian and placed in horrible group homes against their will. It took years for their kids to be able to rescue them legally and they never got their assets back. This went on for years until the guardians were finally prosecuted. So sorry you are going through this ordeal.
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Thanks for your feedback. I’ve heard stories like that before and I am aware of those dangers. That’s why I’m not going to do anything to rock the boat before I’m moved out. I’m just going to keep it friendly.
 
PenelopePlum said:
I’ve come to the conclusion if I can afford this kind of thing I can afford to live by myself.
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Way back I questioned if you were financially able to live away from the situation you are in. As it is now from all you describe you have no control over what comes next for you.

Look at it like this.

If I were the one writing all that you are experiencing. What would you advise me to do?
 
Knight said:
Way back I questioned if you were financially able to live away from the situation you are in. As it is now from all you describe you have no control over what comes next for you.

Look at it like this.

If I were the one writing all that you are experiencing. What would you advise me to do?
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It will be difficult, but I think I can do it if I stop giving so much money to them and focus on moving. My biggest challenge will be getting a landlord to rent to me. They make you prove you have 3 times the rent in income here, and the rents and deposits are high.
 

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