Anyone joined a dating site what are your experiences?

AnneTeak said:
i have used Meetup. It's an app. You post a pic of yourself so there are no surprises. Getting together with people who are single for whatever reason. All a little socially awkward. Meeting up as a group for hikes, breakfast, dinner, dancing, games, museums etc. All very safe. You come in your own car, leave when you want. It's the perfect scenario. You might click with someone when you least expect it.
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I agree. I met someone that way and we went on a couple of dates together. But I stopped seeing her because she was my age and had never been married. Not my cup of tea. She said later that she wasn't comfortable with a man who had children.

The problem I have is in finding a meetup that interests me. That one I attended was a group that was people of the iNFP personality type. I was interested to see if I felt a connection to people who tested the same as me. I did enjoy meeting those people. There was a kind of shared mindset. The woman I dated, of course, was not INFP. But I don't do well dating introverts anyway. They're much too quiet and you never have any idea what they are thinking about.
 

MaryM58 said:
OMG dating sites, I've considered them...just can't seem to do it. I would just like a friend that likes to travel, camp, drink coffee, have some fun. Not looking to support him, Don't want his support either. Just have fun. I have spoke to a couple men online...they want to know everything.. I felt they wanted a financial statement. They start conversations with the same boring lines..."Hey Gorgeous" Please! hate that. It’s like they lost the ability to communicate. Anyways If you find a decent site, let me know...lol
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I don’t think that any of the dating sites are any better or worse that most of the others.

Personally, I don’t care if the woman is worth 1/10 of me or is worth 10x more than me. In the case of money I simply want her to be financially independent. IOW, if I disappeared off the face of the Earth tomorrow she can still pay the rent, put food on the table, get her Car fixed, etc. etc. and do it all on her own. Personally, I think that’s healthiest for both parties.
 

I joined Meetup, not to find a future husband, but to do social things with other people. I have moved to a different part of the state, to be closer to my daughter. I came here knowing no one. I volunteer at a Senior Center to connect with people and I have met new people, but I haven't found that "friend" that I can call and go out to dinner with; whether it be male or female. Just need a friend.
 
When I was first widowed, a guy I worked with offered his condolences. He was divorced. I asked him if he ever looked for a second wife. He said no because women take all the fun out of dating.

I met a woman through a dating site and we enjoyed getting together (or so I thought) and we did so for 4 years. Finally she essentially asked me if we would likely get married some day. I said no. She dropped me like a hot potato. She had a guy move in with her for 2 years and eventually married him.

I thought about that divorced guy's statement.
 
There seems to be a ring of "reefs" around most people. Navigating through that without getting hung up or washed back out can be a challenge. There is no map and the tides can shift.

But moving into Stage 2 where most of the pretense is dropped isn't going to happen right away anyhow.
 
hollydolly said:
I'm considering joining a Senior dating site for over 60's.. ..it's not that I want to find a long term relationship... I would just like to find a casual friend basically... Nowdays there's no going down the pub or to a dance hall and meeting a guy like we did in our youth.. and now o/h's been gone almost 2 years it's time for me to start thinking about having a bit of a life before I get too much older... but I have no experience of dating sites per se.. except for some of the horror stories you read about people meeting weirdos and potential axe murderers...

So.. has anyone joined a dating site.. what were your experiences.. and thoughts..
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It has dangers. Be extremely careful who you meet and where.

I have a friend who did internet dating and she was appalled at many of the men and their motives. She stopped after a while for her own safety.

Maybe you are better finding local groups for mutual hobbies or interests? That way good safe friendships can develop.
 
Sadly, even in their senior years a lot of women still like the “bad“ boy. Some things don’t change much.

One gal I was interested in fell for a friend of mine. He was a real silver fox. About a year later, after borrowing about 2500 from her and filling her garage with his stuff (he had been evicted from his apartment) he left for for some gal in another state. The new gal was a widow, with a big paid for house, and a nice pension from her husband’s former employer.

He told her that meant he could keep all his SS check to spend on whatever he wanted. Apparently, the new GF was going to give him room and board in trade for his charming presence in her house. :oops: When my now friend asked about repayment of the money he told her to “Sell my stuff in your garage and keep the money in payment.” She ended up paying somebody to haul it all away.
 
Brookswood said:
I don’t think that any of the dating sites are any better or worse that most of the others.

Personally, I don’t care if the woman is worth 1/10 of me or is worth 10x more than me. In the case of money I simply want her to be financially independent. IOW, if I disappeared off the face of the Earth tomorrow she can still pay the rent, put food on the table, get her Car fixed, etc. etc. and do it all on her own. Personally, I think that’s healthiest for both parties.
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I agree, But, I don't think dating should involve finances. If he starts inquiring about my finances, I'm out! Makes me wonder what he is searching for. Asking about my finances while having coffee? Dating, sometimes I feel I should just send in my Resume and Financial Bank Statement...lol
 
hollydolly said:
NO, I disagree I don't think the first questions should be about someone's finances..why should it be ? .. we'd only be friends..
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I agree, I hate being asked about finances.. OMG, we met for coffee......Not for you to gander at my finances. I won't support a man, don't give loans...I'm not a sugar mama and I do not expect anything from him...Not looking for a sugar daddy...Sugar is bad for you...lol
 
MaryM58 said:
I agree, I hate being asked about finances.. OMG, we met for coffee......Not for you to gander at my finances. I won't support a man, don't give loans...I'm not a sugar mama and I do not expect anything from him...Not looking for a sugar daddy...Sugar is bad for you...lol
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This is why online dating doesn't work. It's a job interview not a date. This mostly true about people later in life. You must get to the reason you would be together.

When you meet someone IRL it's usually not a date or a qualifications interview. It's just 2 people talking informally about whatever. And if there's a mutual attraction, it leads to more talking. It only leads to dating when a person needs a plus one to attend events involving other couples.

Online dating also carries with it a fake it until you make it approach. That's weird.
 
OldFeller said:
Online dating also carries with it a fake it until you make it approach. That's weird.
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I disagree.

I've been around that block quite a few times. I gave up on it fairly quickly.

What I came to realize is that it doesn't differ from meeting the right person "in real life" very much, aside from the proportion of hookup-seekers masquerading in the pool as earnest.

The big difference is the number of people "looking" when you are. The dating sites winnow the population down by a large factor.

So what happens in real life is that you do (rarely) encounter somebody interested in some relationship and interested in you. But you still have the issue of compatible endgames. You can hit it off only to find the other person was interested in a friendbot with an off switch for when they are self-absorbed ("busy") when you were hoping for something long term or even committed.


As far as I can tell, younger people might just as well do things "the old fashioned way" as we did when young. But today they are a smaller fraction of the overall population than we were, lots of them work from home and don't attend a church, etc. etc., and they (like us) have to deal with a toxic culture that makes the first move potentially litigious if not criminal.

But...

They aren't old and they have more non-dating social scenarios available. They can afford to wait. We are out here hobbling as fast as we can, sands falling through the hourglass, as we try to Beat The Reaper.

So...

You can sit - in a cafe alone, in your ice fishing shanty, or on a park bench feeding pigeons - hoping for a miracle. Hoping that your blue hair and shiny spectacles or flatcap and elbow-patched cardigan while leaning on a cane will draw the "bees" to your "honey" like a magical magnet.

Good luck with all that!

But that's just one grumpy old fart's opinion.
 
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OldFeller said:
This is why online dating doesn't work. It's a job interview not a date. This mostly true about people later in life. You must get to the reason you would be together.

When you meet someone IRL it's usually not a date or a qualifications interview. It's just 2 people talking informally about whatever. And if there's a mutual attraction, it leads to more talking. It only leads to dating when a person needs a plus one to attend events involving other couples.

Online dating also carries with it a fake it until you make it approach. That's weird.
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I so agree. I feel my finances do not matter since I take care of myself and frankly I have no intentions of ever getting married again. Don't get me wrong...I loved being married and I did the "Till death do we part". I just don't ever want to do it again. I guess I look for companionship/Adventure, not marriage! and many men think differently.
 
Brookswood said:
Sadly, even in their senior years a lot of women still like the “bad“ boy. Some things don’t change much.

One gal I was interested in fell for a friend of mine. He was a real silver fox. About a year later, after borrowing about 2500 from her and filling her garage with his stuff (he had been evicted from his apartment) he left for for some gal in another state. The new gal was a widow, with a big paid for house, and a nice pension from her husband’s former employer.

He told her that meant he could keep all his SS check to spend on whatever he wanted. Apparently, the new GF was going to give him room and board in trade for his charming presence in her house. :oops: When my now friend asked about repayment of the money he told her to “Sell my stuff in your garage and keep the money in payment.” She ended up paying somebody to haul it all away.
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Doesn't that borrowing money send up a huge red flag? Not to mention the fact the guy couldn't pay the rent and used her garage for storage. She really should have known better, IMO. The signs were there.
 
birdy said:
Doesn't that borrowing money send up a huge red flag? Not to mention the fact the guy couldn't pay the rent and used her garage for storage. She really should have known better, IMO. The signs were there.
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Some sort of high or rush from the behavioral conditions that make dangerous men attractive?

If there isn't some sort of hard wiring for such patterns they probably wouldn't occur so often.
 
birdy said:
Doesn't that borrowing money send up a huge red flag? Not to mention the fact the guy couldn't pay the rent and used her garage for storage. She really should have known better, IMO. The signs were there.
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Exactly my point.

All too often women choose the ‘bad’ boy, even when it’s obvious he would not make a good partner. Do you have any idea how many of my children’s female friends ended up single mothers in their 20’s? About a third. Some were married to jerks but the marriage didn’t last. Try getting child support from them. You might as well try to pull teeth from a grizzly bear. Other women just let jerks father their child. The signs were obvious. Lots of great guys were there for them to choose. They simply chose the bad boy.

OK, I’ll get off my lecture podium now. It gets me upset because of all the women and children who get hurt when it doesn’t have to happen.
 
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MaryM58 said:
I agree, But, I don't think dating should involve finances. If he starts inquiring about my finances, I'm out! Makes me wonder what he is searching for. Asking about my finances while having coffee? Dating, sometimes I feel I should just send in my Resume and Financial Bank Statement...lol
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I agree with you. Finances are a more personal matter. Finances should be an issue when marriage or other legal contracts will be entered into together. For example, buying a house together.

Dating has no financial or legal obligations involved with it. It is by definition a time of exploration and discovery with another person. So date and see what happens.
 
Remember, we don't only look like this to a bunch of drunk aging millennial guys, we look like this to each other!

Caution, F-word. But so many of us aren't able to laugh at ourselves that few will finish the video:
 
MaryM58 said:
I agree, I hate being asked about finances.. OMG, we met for coffee......Not for you to gander at my finances. I won't support a man, don't give loans...I'm not a sugar mama and I do not expect anything from him...Not looking for a sugar daddy...Sugar is bad for you...lol
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When I met in-person with ladies I met online, I always asked "What do you do for a living?"

I didn't ask for too many details, but their general financial situation interested me because I wasn't going to be anybody's sugar-daddy.
 
dilettante said:
Remember, we don't only look like this to a bunch of drunk aging millennial guys, we look like this to each other!

Caution, F-word. But so many of us aren't able to laugh at ourselves that few will finish the video:
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The video guy’s name - Gary Null - says it all.

The definition of Null
  1. Of no consequence, effect, or value; insignificant.
  2. Amounting to nothing; absent or nonexistent.
    "a null result."
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hollydolly said:
what ?...have you been hiding your millionaire status from us all this time ? :D
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I was about a half-a-millionaire for a little while, and that was while I was using online dating sites (bc I was in a wheelchair).

That 60ft fall from off a ridge I've talk about?...that happened at a state park, and there was supposed to be guardrails and warning signs up there. Park administers had the old ones removed but didn't put up the replacements.

I won a lawsuit against them.
 
Murrmurr said:
I was about a half-a-millionaire for a little while, and that was while I was using online dating sites (bc I was in a wheelchair).

That 60ft fall from off a ridge I've talk about?...that happened at a state park, and there was supposed to be guardrails and warning signs up there. Park administers had the old ones removed but didn't put up the replacements.

I won a lawsuit against them.
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that how you bought your house ? ...god what a way to have to get it...:(
 
hollydolly said:
that how you bought your house ? ...god what a way to have to get it...:(
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Yes, after all the years since the award, I had enough to get the house.

After buying cars and a few other things for my sons and paying for my daughter's college tuition (they had a choice of one or the other), I put what was left in an interest-bearing acct in my older brother's name, and mostly left it alone.

That was a good decision.
 

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