Gaslighting - how it works.

Warrigal

Warrigal

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The term gaslighting refers to a movie starring Ingrid Bergman. In the movie a woman is manipulated by her husband into doubting her own perceptions of things that were happening to her.

This article talks about what the term means in the modern context of complaints against sexual predators.


https://www.npr.org/2017/11/25/5657...doubt-warps-our-response-to-sexual-harassment

People use "gaslighting" to refer to those times when a man makes a woman believe she's crazy. He manipulates her, turning what she knows to be true into what she thinks to be true until, in her mind, it is no longer true at all.

Women don't often apply it to ourselves.

My new moon pledge to stop gaslightingmyself was about the slew of sexual harassment I'd encountered throughout my life that I'd learned to discount. The assaults, the gropings, the unwanted invitations, the catcalls, the glances. I was referring to how, for many of the things that happened to me, like that day by the Connecticut River more than a decade ago, I'd been conditioned to believe that my first instinct — to bristle, to snap back — was an overreaction. Maybe even unfair...

See full article if interested. https://www.npr.org/2017/11/25/5657...doubt-warps-our-response-to-sexual-harassment
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My ex-wife engaged in "gaslighting" me, ever denying the affair that she was carrying on. It took a year of detective work on my part, but I uncovered conclusive evidence.

I probably would have stayed with her, had she admitted the affair...but she never did.

For years I kept the documentation I developed(the paper-trail) to remind myself that

what I saw happening was real. Eventually, it didn't matter anymore, so I let it go to the shredder.

Psychology Today article on Gaslighting.
 

First of all, I like the movie Gaslighting, and have watched it any number of times. It's a bit melodramatic now, from a different era of acting, but Bergman was sublime.

Haven't many or most women been gaslighted by authority figures who told us things that happened came from our imaginations, or that he must have been joking, or it's not possible he meant that the way we took it?

As for her encounter with the naked man, I'm often reminded of my sister's little boy and his delight when he discovered his *****. He wasn't even two years old at the time. It's amazing how many people get stuck in those infantile stages of sexuality.

Yes, it's definitely a "thing."
 
tnthomas said:
My ex-wife engaged in "gaslighting" me, ever denying the affair that she was carrying on. It took a year of detective work on my part, but I uncovered conclusive evidence.

I probably would have stayed with her, had she admitted the affair...but she never did.

For years I kept the documentation I developed(the paper-trail) to remind myself that

what I saw happening was real. Eventually, it didn't matter anymore, so I let it go to the shredder.

Psychology Today article on Gaslighting.
Click to expand...


Oddly enough the only time I ever heard that term was 30+ years ago, and it too was a woman doing it to a man. Drove him to a nervous breakdown. Although his did include physical....she set fire to his car, and then attempted to do the same to his mother's house. That is where she was caught....Hospitalized.

I was working P/time as a bartender [bartenders hear everything] :) I witnessed some of her whack-job behavior .
 
People use "gaslighting" to refer to those times when a man makes a woman believe she's crazy. He manipulates her, turning what she knows to be true into what she thinks to be true until, in her mind, it is no longer true at all.

What? A woman is that stupid? I don't believe it. Sorry I think more men are manipulated by sex than women.

There's a term for that among guys. It has something to do with where his brains are if you get my drift.

Now here in Canada here's how it works.

A prostitute can sell her favors and that is legal.

However, if a guy buys those favors he can be charged. Make sense?
 
tnthomas said:
My ex-wife engaged in "gaslighting" me, ever denying the affair that she was carrying on. It took a year of detective work on my part, but I uncovered conclusive evidence.

I probably would have stayed with her, had she admitted the affair...but she never did.

For years I kept the documentation I developed(the paper-trail) to remind myself that

what I saw happening was real. Eventually, it didn't matter anymore, so I let it go to the shredder.

Psychology Today article on Gaslighting.
Click to expand...

Yes, it is not just something men do to women.
 
Camper6 said:
What? A woman is that stupid? I don't believe it.
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It isn't a matter of being stupid.

Ask any POW how it works. It's a sublime and powerful psychological technique.

Sorry I think more men are manipulated by sex than women.
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Gaslighting doesn't always - or even usually - involve sex.

Now here in Canada here's how it works.

A prostitute can sell her favors and that is legal.

However, if a guy buys those favors he can be charged. Make sense?
Click to expand...

Again, it isn't about sex. It's a power play performed at the mental level. Mentioning prostitution in regards to this thread is a bit of a non sequitur.
 
SifuPhil said:
It isn't a matter of being stupid.

Ask any POW how it works. It's a sublime and powerful psychological technique.


Gaslighting doesn't always - or even usually - involve sex.



Again, it isn't about sex. It's a power play performed at the mental level. Mentioning prostitution in regards to this thread is a bit of a non sequitur.
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Why. I'll give you a role in a movie if you give me a roll in the hay.

What's the difference?
 
Like Phil said, gaslighting is about power, control, manipulation. My old boss was a gaslighter. Dismissive and demeaning to everyone who was not useful to her.

It was subtle, belittling you one day, friendly the next, like nothing happened, always kept you off guard, always claiming you misunderstood what she said, or denying she ever said it. At first you questioned your own memory. She cultivated, socially, two or three higher ranking members in the organization, outside our department, around whom she put on a completely different face. They were being used, too---for support whenever she got into trouble. They would always vouch for her, while she claimed the people that worked under her that didn't toe the line, were just soreheads and losers.

One day I'll never forget, she called me in her office and said,

"I feel sorry for you Nancy. You don't seem to have any friends. If I weren't your boss we could be friends."

After that weird meeting I stayed as far away from her as I could get. I think that's the only way you can deal with a gaslighter.

She gave me lower raises than any of the others. I finally filed an official grievance against her, went through formal hearing procedures, and got a 20% raise from the division head, to get my salary up close to that of some of the men doing the same job.

Eventually everyone figured her out, but it took 8 years, finally noticing the lies and inconsistencies. They couldn't fire her for fear of a lawsuit, so we went through a series of new bosses after her. None lasted more than 3 years, because she tried endlessly to undermine them, constant complaining to higher ups. I think she always held out hopes someone would finally realize how great she was, and put her in charge again.

What destruction one person can cause. It is still going on, from what I heard this spring. The current employees in our group have lost all sense of community and common purpose. It has been just everyone looking out after themselves ever since.
 
It probably doesn't work with everyone. A woman (or more rarely, a man) would have to have a lot of self-doubt, and not be too secure about her own sanity. She would then be ripe for this type of abuse.
 
Sunny said:
It probably doesn't work with everyone. A woman (or more rarely, a man) would have to have a lot of self-doubt, and not be too secure about her own sanity. She would then be ripe for this type of abuse.
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Agree. In my case I've always had this bad habit of trying to get along with everyone. It can often be a disadvantage. LOL!
 

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