Accept the gift, or not? For the ladies

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Denise1952

Well-known Member
but if you guys want to tell me if you've ever done something like this, and maybe even "what were your motives"?

Ok, I'm dating a guy, way nice, very comfy person, boocoo (lots) in common. But as I have learned in my 62 years, it takes "years" to truly know someone. And I admit I am on the lookout for red flags. I've been on my own for 18 years, and wasn't looking for anyone, but I was open to it. So we met, we enjoy eachothers company, and nothing pushy going on at all.

So the other day/evening, he picked me up for dinner and a walk at sunset as he knows I like to take photos, and have yet to catch any good ones here in Eureka.

I was nervous, and put on a blouse I haven't worn much, and I was "set" on wearing it (stubborn). It was the teeniest bit tight, so I could place a tiny pin and fix it. But, no, dang pin in this whole house! He is so compfy to be around, as I said, so I asked him if we could stop at the Dollar Tree so I could get some safety pins because I WANTED to wear that blouse, LOL! I know, I know:( He said sure, and so we did;)

Today we met up, and he handed me a letter. I thought it was cool he wrote me a real letter but when I got home and read it, he had written that he felt bad I had to worry about a blouse, and he wanted me to have something new, and that fit. It was a gift card to Kohls. He wrote they are having a good sale. Anyway, I just don't know, what do you guys think? We've been pretty inseparable since we met, and he is a widower 3.5 years. I feel he is honest, and I think maybe the "caretaker" type. I've never had that, and I am VERY independent, although, I think it is supposed to be give and take and I've been really wanting to do some things for him like make him dinner. He has a life, retired Navy, works out and walks (how we met) has his own place, doesn't seem needy or desperate at all, and I'm not either. I want my own place and he already has his.

We both want to share our life with someone though. I just worry about my "picker", and I admit I am even worried a little about his;)

Ok, I'll give you a chance to help me out here if you will. I will be open-minded, and appreciate anything you might want to say. denise
 

I think it was a kindly gesture in that it was a response to your apparent need. This is a lot different to him buying something for you to wear that would be some kind of indication of ownership of you. He's allowed you to have the pleasure of choosing something yourself and I think it is very sweet. Just be sure to tell him that while you appreciate the gift, he is not to keep doing things like this or you will be very embarrassed.

He might just be a keeper.
 
What a lovely thoughtful thing for him to do Denise. Sure you can inform him that you would not want him to do this on a regular basis, but I would accept the gift with a smile!
 

Dame Warrigal said:
I think it was a kindly gesture in that it was a response to your apparent need. This is a lot different to him buying something for you to wear that would be some kind of indication of ownership of you. He's allowed you to have the pleasure of choosing something yourself and I think it is very sweet. Just be sure to tell him that while you appreciate the gift, he is not to keep doing things like this or you will be very embarrassed.

He might just be a keeper.
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Thanks Dame:) Funny, I think you and I think alike for sure, on many things. But I told him that I just wanted to thank him first of all, and just so he doesn't do it again, until Christmas, LOL!! I also told him that I DID have plenty of clothing, and that I was just being stubborn about wearing that blouse, LOL:)

You have such a good point, I didn't think of it at all, so thank you Dame:)
 
fureverywhere said:
Um, at least Macys? But Yeah I'm good with gift cards...Barnes and Noble, more about books than clothes.
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Nice fur:) I use B&N all the time with my Nook Reader:) I was just talking to Bruce on the phone about how I love to read at night to help me fall asleep. I also love how I can check out books from the library, right onto my Nook;)
 
Shalimar said:
What a lovely thoughtful thing for him to do Denise. Sure you can inform him that you would not want him to do this on a regular basis, but I would accept the gift with a smile!
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Thanks Shalimar, I think he must have a huge heart;) I feel we are going to be good friends for sure;) He is anxious to taste my cooking, lol;) He is using the microwave so he really doesn't cook;)
 
I'm so happy for you Denise, I would definitely accept the gift from him, I think it was very thoughtful. Hope you two click and have a wonderful relationship together, you deserve it dear lady. :)
 
I think it was a nice gesture, Denise. Continue to enjoy getting to know each other and having a good time.:) I admire your independence and I know what you mean by wanting your own place. Some women would just be looking for a guy to take them in and take care of them and that comes with so many strings.
 
His gift seems fine to me and was a nice gesture. Question? How old is he and what were the circumstances of his first wife's death & how long was he married? Does he have children? Take it slow and easy, no need to rush into anything.
 
So THAT`S where you`ve been!!!!!! That thought never even crossed my mind-only because it seemed so far off YOUR radar lol! I kept thinking "Where`s Denise? What`s she up to?" I have been crazy busy-mostly letting them "put me under" (3rd time this month today) so trying to get important stuff done when I have the chance. But whoa-a boyfriend?!? You go,girlfriend!!
 
This probably won't make you happy Denise but in my far past, when I was still allowed to have contact with human females, I bought many pieces of clothing for them early on in our relationships. Although gift cards were not as much of a "thing" back then - I could have given them cash but that totally would have been wrong - I don't believe I would have given them one had they been available.

Why not?

To me (again, consider the source) it just seems too - easy. When I bought clothing I spent a long time determining the lady's size, style and color preference, then making the rounds of Macy's, Lord & Taylor, Ann Taylor, etc. to find that perfect item. Gift wrap it myself, even though it usually ended up looking like it had been run over by a garbage truck on 5th Avenue -

... all because I thought it was the personal touch.

I know things are different nowadays and a lot has changed with the dynamic between men and women as well as in society as a whole. Maybe I'm just hopelessly old-fashioned and romantic, but to me a gift card is sort of like "Hey, I saw one of these checking out of B&N the other day and figured I might have a use for it."

I hope I'm wrong - I probably am.
 
From the female perspective there is a very fine line between sweet and creepy. In this case, I think it is on the right side of the line. Too much attention to "the lady's size, style and color preference" in the very early stages can have the effect of causing unease. Later it is a welcome sign of serious interest.
 
... and too little attention is equally creepy, as it denotes only a desire to get into their good graces (read - pants) in the fastest, easiest way possible.

I agree that a perfect balance needs to be struck but in her case I don't believe it has been.

Sorry - she asked for the male perspective / experience and I gave mine.
 
Dame Warrigal said:
Fair enough. I missed the bit about asking for the male perspective.
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Typical woman. :tongue:

Sorry - couldn't resist. :cower:

I don't know ... it just seems ... too little. Like throwing a bare bone to a dog. Like grabbing last weeks leftovers to bring to the party. I understand there may be a kinder, gentler motivation involved here - I'm just not seeing it, perhaps - but to me, an old-world type in many ways, putting at least a little more effort into saying "Hey, I care about you" seems appropriate.
 
I know this guy. He put my socks on this morning. I think his motives were the best, but I know even though I do that stuff, I hate having people give me gifts. He sounds like a carer who really wants someone to care for. There is good and bad that goes with that. From your posts, I get that you understand that. I think he has serious intent, so think carefully, whether you want to continue on. Sorry to jump in ladies. Denise did throw out the invitation to the guys. Maybe I'm totally wrong, but I recognize the signs.
 
Dame Warrigal said:
:hit: Now you've done it with the typical woman jibe.
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If I send you a gift card will you stop being mad at me?

I was letting you off lightly because Denise doesn't seem to have asked for the male perspective at all.
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And yet, from the opening line of the OP ...

[h=2]Accept the gift, or not? For the ladies[/h] but if you guys want to tell me if you've ever done something like this, and maybe even "what were your motives"?
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Are we becoming sexist here, only accepting the female input? I certainly hope not ... especially not when it seems that male commenting is enabled by this first line.
 
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