Accept the gift, or not? For the ladies

As to what to do. How about "Thank you very much. That was very thoughtful of you. Why don't you let me take you out to dinner. My treat." ?
 

Denise I'm so happy for you that you've found some companionship and romance. It sounds like he's a very generous and thoughtful person and sweet of him to offer the gift card. I'd go with my level of comfort based on the value of the card and how long I've known a person. Maybe reciprocating with dinner out might be too costly, but cooking a meal for him or doing something else sometime in the future might even things out.
 
SeaBreeze said:
I'm so happy for you Denise, I would definitely accept the gift from him, I think it was very thoughtful. Hope you two click and have a wonderful relationship together, you deserve it dear lady. :)
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I sure don't know about deserving, but thank you Seabreeze;) It's been my experience that many "single" men my age are either interested in much, younger women, or, they are not gentlemen in the true sense. I know he has his faults as do I, but if they are not glaring to one another, maybe we can find our way together. It is awful to have to "walk" alone (no mate). I just never believed we were meant to do that. I do want someone to care for, and care about rather then me, myself, and I. huge hugs, denise
 

I would accept it with a simple "Thank you."

Enjoy his company but only give him what you are able to freely give. If it works out, wonderful. If it doesn't, you won't have any regrets.
 
Lon said:
His gift seems fine to me and was a nice gesture. Question? How old is he and what were the circumstances of his first wife's death & how long was he married? Does he have children? Take it slow and easy, no need to rush into anything.
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Wow, that's more then one question Lon, but I already asked them, or we just have shared a lot of info with each other:) He is 64, she had a died after a long-term illness, and they were married since 85. No children. I can't promise on any "term" of dating, or even if I'll continue to date him. I'm just going with it, and for now, he is very, good company. Very comfortable to be around:) He has his own things/schedule, as do I but we get together when it is convenient for both of us. denise
 
I appreciate everyone's input, so much, wow, I'm a little overwhelmed so I will just answer, to all those who have posted, here;)

Every post reminds me of the things that need to be aware of. Not paranoid, or on the instant negative. I do find myself being both of those with men. I won't even give them a chance. But I think it has been good for me to learn and grow on my own. No mistakes, just learning, and hopefully applying that "education";)

I know him the best of all of us, and I believe that his intention/motive was simple, and caring. More will be revealed, and I will keep you guys up to date (haha, pun) because I consider you friends, and respect ALL the input;)

I also wanted to commend both Dame and Phil on their "adult like" debate, LOL! It truly was very refreshing to see you two discuss their different opinions without slipping each other any "poison mushroom soup" LOL, love and hugs, denise
 
Mrs. Robinson said:
So THAT`S where you`ve been!!!!!! That thought never even crossed my mind-only because it seemed so far off YOUR radar lol! I kept thinking "Where`s Denise? What`s she up to?" I have been crazy busy-mostly letting them "put me under" (3rd time this month today) so trying to get important stuff done when I have the chance. But whoa-a boyfriend?!? You go,girlfriend!!
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People have always said, you'll meet someone when you are NOT looking, LOL! It happened just that way;) I am sorry to hear of all the medical goings-on, but it's good they are being thorough, hang in there buddy;) denise
 
SifuPhil said:
This probably won't make you happy Denise but in my far past, when I was still allowed to have contact with human females, I bought many pieces of clothing for them early on in our relationships. Although gift cards were not as much of a "thing" back then - I could have given them cash but that totally would have been wrong - I don't believe I would have given them one had they been available.

Why not?

To me (again, consider the source) it just seems too - easy. When I bought clothing I spent a long time determining the lady's size, style and color preference, then making the rounds of Macy's, Lord & Taylor, Ann Taylor, etc. to find that perfect item. Gift wrap it myself, even though it usually ended up looking like it had been run over by a garbage truck on 5th Avenue -

... all because I thought it was the personal touch.

I know things are different nowadays and a lot has changed with the dynamic between men and women as well as in society as a whole. Maybe I'm just hopelessly old-fashioned and romantic, but to me a gift card is sort of like "Hey, I saw one of these checking out of B&N the other day and figured I might have a use for it."

I hope I'm wrong - I probably am.
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I always appreciate your input Phil:) It didn't make me unhappy at all, I would not ask on this forum if I didn't expect to get different views then my own;) I learn from others off-line and on;) hugs my friend, denise
 
Cookie said:
Denise I'm so happy for you that you've found some companionship and romance. It sounds like he's a very generous and thoughtful person and sweet of him to offer the gift card. I'd go with my level of comfort based on the value of the card and how long I've known a person. Maybe reciprocating with dinner out might be too costly, but cooking a meal for him or doing something else sometime in the future might even things out.
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He uses the microwave, and I had already (before the gift) asked if he might like me to cook a dinner for us sometime;) He said he would enjoy that so much;) He took me to dinner the other night, and it was so hard for me to just say thank you because I don't go out to restaurants, and this one was especially high, imo. Marie Callendars. My meatloaf alone was 15 bucks. But I did ask if we should maybe split the bill, go dutch, but he said no, that he wanted to pay so I just let him. Somehow he does these things without "trying to impress" but just because he is a gentleman from the old school. hugs cookie, denise
 
Accept it gracefully and feel no obligation to other than that which with comes from friendship and a feeling of wanting to reciprocate maybe in fixing a dinner within your budget or something of the sort. Sounds like a sweet gesture on his part. Don't pain yourself by overthinking the matter. But, I do understand your reservations, enjoy this new relationship at your own pace, sounds like you are having fun. Don't stress yourself girlfriend . :)
 
AprilT said:
Accept it gracefully and feel no obligation to other than that which with comes from friendship and a feeling of wanting to reciprocate maybe in fixing a dinner within your budget or something of the sort. Sounds like a sweet gesture on his part. Don't pain yourself by overthinking the matter. But, I do understand your reservations, enjoy this new relationship at your own pace, sounds like you are having fun. Don't stress yourself girlfriend . :)
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Oh you hit it on the head April, do NOT overthink it;) My mo, LOL!! Thank you so much;) I feel we are going at a good pace, he and I, but I admit it was a surprise, but I didn't feel it was wrong in any way, until I started to "over-think" it, LOL:) hugs, denise
 
It sounds like you have found a perfect old school gentleman. One thing to share about gifts. My best buddy has always been super creative with presents. One of his specialties is finding a special handbag or backpack or sectioned box and tucking something wonderful in each pocket. So there might be a book here, a bracelet there, a gift card, perfume in the middle, complete with a card and confetti.
 
fureverywhere said:
It sounds like you have found a perfect old school gentleman. One thing to share about gifts. My best buddy has always been super creative with presents. One of his specialties is finding a special handbag or backpack or sectioned box and tucking something wonderful in each pocket. So there might be a book here, a bracelet there, a gift card, perfume in the middle, complete with a card and confetti.
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Oh, idea!! We should start (how about you start it fur)a thread on either gifts we've given or received that were well, thought out, or that's how we felt;) ty Fur, denise
 
nwlady said:
... I also wanted to commend both Dame and Phil on their "adult like" debate, LOL! It truly was very refreshing to see you two discuss their different opinions without slipping each other any "poison mushroom soup" ...
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I enjoyed it as well, mainly because I was right and she was wrong! :flamewar:

nwlady said:
I always appreciate your input Phil:) It didn't make me unhappy at all, I would not ask on this forum if I didn't expect to get different views then my own;) I learn from others off-line and on;)
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Thank you, Denise - I knew you wouldn't be offended by my form of insanity.

fureverywhere said:
It sounds like you have found a perfect old school gentleman. One thing to share about gifts. My best buddy has always been super creative with presents. One of his specialties is finding a special handbag or backpack or sectioned box and tucking something wonderful in each pocket. So there might be a book here, a bracelet there, a gift card, perfume in the middle, complete with a card and confetti.
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/\/\/\ This! :encouragement: Creativity is everything.

I was once going with a 30-year-old lady when I was 22 and her birthday came around. I gave her a red wheelchair festooned with balloons and a box of Depends.

We broke up that day for some reason or another, but in my heart I knew I had gifted her with a very creative present! :upset:
 
nwlady said:
but if you guys want to tell me if you've ever done something like this, and maybe even "what were your motives"?

Ok, I'm dating a guy, way nice, very comfy person, boocoo (lots) in common. But as I have learned in my 62 years, it takes "years" to truly know someone. And I admit I am on the lookout for red flags. I've been on my own for 18 years, and wasn't looking for anyone, but I was open to it. So we met, we enjoy eachothers company, and nothing pushy going on at all.

So the other day/evening, he picked me up for dinner and a walk at sunset as he knows I like to take photos, and have yet to catch any good ones here in Eureka.

I was nervous, and put on a blouse I haven't worn much, and I was "set" on wearing it (stubborn). It was the teeniest bit tight, so I could place a tiny pin and fix it. But, no, dang pin in this whole house! He is so compfy to be around, as I said, so I asked him if we could stop at the Dollar Tree so I could get some safety pins because I WANTED to wear that blouse, LOL! I know, I know:( He said sure, and so we did;)

Today we met up, and he handed me a letter. I thought it was cool he wrote me a real letter but when I got home and read it, he had written that he felt bad I had to worry about a blouse, and he wanted me to have something new, and that fit. It was a gift card to Kohls. He wrote they are having a good sale. Anyway, I just don't know, what do you guys think? We've been pretty inseparable since we met, and he is a widower 3.5 years. I feel he is honest, and I think maybe the "caretaker" type. I've never had that, and I am VERY independent, although, I think it is supposed to be give and take and I've been really wanting to do some things for him like make him dinner. He has a life, retired Navy, works out and walks (how we met) has his own place, doesn't seem needy or desperate at all, and I'm not either. I want my own place and he already has his.

We both want to share our life with someone though. I just worry about my "picker", and I admit I am even worried a little about his;)

Ok, I'll give you a chance to help me out here if you will. I will be open-minded, and appreciate anything you might want to say. denise
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Denise I think you should keep the gift card but I don't like what he wrote in the note although I'd forgive him for it as his heart was in the right place it sounds like. If someone gives me a gift I want it to be for some reason other than they think I wear cloths that are held together by a safety pin. I keep thinking about the pin but I guess no one else did so maybe I'm just weird. I'm wondering why you were stubborn and had to wear the blouse if it didn't fit right? I'm wondering where you put the pin and why did you need it? If you are going to have to pin it every time you wear it shouldn't you just give it to someone it fits? I might be overthinking the pin as I think you are overthinking your relationship with this man. Don't worry about it and just see where it goes. He sounds like a nice guy and as long as he gives you your independence, which you said is important to you, then you should be fine dating him. I think someone said you should tell him no more gifts till Christmas. If he is the sort of man who likes to give gifts I'd let him keep doing it. Some people aren't happy unless they are giving things to those they care about. Also I think it was very nice of him to give you a gift card and NOT a blouse. Buying a lady a garment has no place in a new relationship, except for maybe a hat or a scarf. (If you need anymore dating advise ask me as I haven't dated in over 50 years so naturally I'm an expert :)
 
I would take the gift card and use it. Some guys are more "givers" than others and this could have been just an innocent way of wanting to do something for you. He could have been wanting to do something for you but didn't know what for some time and he saw this as an opportunity and took it. It sounds like he just wanted to show you he cares. Take it and enjoy it!!!!
 
He sounds like a lovely man. I would accept the gift. If you were to turn the tables, how would you feel if your genuine gift was refused.
It is so sad that society has turned us all into such skeptics when it comes to acts of kindness.

Just my humble opinion :)
 
fishfulthinking said:
He sounds like a lovely man. I would accept the gift. If you were to turn the tables, how would you feel if your genuine gift was refused.
It is so sad that society has turned us all into such skeptics when it comes to acts of kindness.

Just my humble opinion :)
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Skepticism often arises from experience ... just like cynicism. :crushed:

If all we experienced were altruistic actions then yes, we could relax.
 
He sounds like a real gentleman. Since you were having a little wardrobe malfunction that he became privy to, he really had no choice but to help, safety pins wouldn't cut it, neither would a new blouse, so it had to be a gift card. You have to accept and next time, remember to keep it to yourself, or there will be another gift.

Years ago, I was going with a guy and mentioned I needed a coffee grinder. What do you know, but next time he shows up with a coffee grinder. I had it for years and even long after the relationship ended, I always felt a bit weird about that coffee grinder.
 
I enjoyed it as well, mainly because I was right and she was wrong! :flamewar:
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And I am happy to admit my mistake
As to a flame war, remember that the Ents are slow to rouse, but when they do go to war you should be very afraid.

Figwit_td_11_Fires_and.jpg
 
Dame Warrigal said:
And I am happy to admit my mistake
As to a flame war, remember that the Ents are slow to rouse, but when they do go to war you should be very afraid.

Figwit_td_11_Fires_and.jpg
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Shalimar said:
Oh no, not the wrath of the Ents, save us!
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I have to admit that I'm not much of a Tolkien scholar anymore but I DO remember how terrified I was when I first read of them.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I'd rather you threw me to the Orcs!
 
Hmmm. Phil, I am bemused. All this time I thought you WERE an Orc. Sigh, just another pigment of my hallucination. So many flashbacks, so little time......lol.
 

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