officerripley
Well-known Member
- Location
- Porlock, Calif
So sorry, Bingo; my condolences.
Aging in Place - Have you made preparations?
- Thread starter palides2021
- Start date
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
I'm so sorry for your loss, @bingo! It took me awhile to get used to being without my husband, but I have gotten used to it. I have remained in the same house since his death. I hope to remain here as long as I can. <<Hugs>>
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
You made very good points, and I have been weighing everything carefully. I do not know what my life will be in the "sunsetting years" but I would like to be as independent as I can, if that makes sense. I never thought I would fall in love with my house, but it has come to that! It has become a part of me. So, I will see how much I can do to age in place. At least I will give it a try.
Warrigal
SF VIP
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
Just saw an earlier post of mine, #25, about plans Hubby and I had to modify our home with a government allocated package. Things didn't go according to plan.
As Rabbie Burns wrote in his poem "To a Mouse, "
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
Just over a year ago Hubby had a fall and broke his wrist. He was admitted to hospital where he contracted a severe infection followed by Covid. He was very unwell and unable to be discharged to home. He entered a local nursing home for respite but has never left. The package we had been allocated has been passed on to someone else. It is unfortunate that we had not acted swiftly enough on the bathroom alterations, but it is also fortunate because it is clear that dementia is advancing steadily.
He is being well cared for where he is, I can easily visit and do so five days a week and I get my rest because I am not on duty 24/7. We go out together 2 or 3 days every month. I get to be his wife rather than his full time carer and family and friends can visit him easily.
None of us has a clear 20:20 view of the future. We can make all the future plans we want but all we can actually do is make the best of the present.
As Rabbie Burns wrote in his poem "To a Mouse, "
The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men
Gang aft agley,
An’ lea’e us nought but grief an’ pain,
For promis’d joy!
Just over a year ago Hubby had a fall and broke his wrist. He was admitted to hospital where he contracted a severe infection followed by Covid. He was very unwell and unable to be discharged to home. He entered a local nursing home for respite but has never left. The package we had been allocated has been passed on to someone else. It is unfortunate that we had not acted swiftly enough on the bathroom alterations, but it is also fortunate because it is clear that dementia is advancing steadily.
He is being well cared for where he is, I can easily visit and do so five days a week and I get my rest because I am not on duty 24/7. We go out together 2 or 3 days every month. I get to be his wife rather than his full time carer and family and friends can visit him easily.
None of us has a clear 20:20 view of the future. We can make all the future plans we want but all we can actually do is make the best of the present.
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
You are right! No matter how hard we make future plans, things do change.
My condo is in a 55+ community, but I have done improvements.
I have replaced all the door knobs with lever handles, much easier especially when you are carrying something.
With ceiling fans I need less AC. The bathroom lights are on motion sensor switches. Touch lamps are a great convenience in other rooms.
I have replaced all the door knobs with lever handles, much easier especially when you are carrying something.
With ceiling fans I need less AC. The bathroom lights are on motion sensor switches. Touch lamps are a great convenience in other rooms.
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
Great! I also read that if you use dimmer lights in the bathroom, they can be used like a night light. I am thinking of doing that.
Muskrat
Senior Member
- Location
- Mainly arizona
I've been giving some thought into getting rid of a bathtub/shower combo and installing a low entry shower stall. But it would be in the hall bath, which I've heard is a bad idea when you go to sell the house. Most families want a bathtub in the hall bath for the kids, not in their master bedroom. But the master bath in our house is my husband's bathroom (it's very small) and my bathroom is the hall bath, and I'm the one that wants the shower conversion.
At this point, I'm not sure I should be concerned about resale since I plan to never leave this house until forced to. Shower conversion kits have come a long way in recent years and some are really stunning, but I just don't know if people still think they're tacky and will hurt resale value.
I keep thinking I should make the house convenient for me, not the next owner, but I don't want to destroy the home's value either. What to do...what to do???
At this point, I'm not sure I should be concerned about resale since I plan to never leave this house until forced to. Shower conversion kits have come a long way in recent years and some are really stunning, but I just don't know if people still think they're tacky and will hurt resale value.
I keep thinking I should make the house convenient for me, not the next owner, but I don't want to destroy the home's value either. What to do...what to do???
John cycling
Healthy Person
- Location
- Central Coast California
If you feel you want and need to change it then do.
Any new owners could change it back if they wanted, or keep it as it is.
hearlady
Every Day is a New Day.
- Location
- N Carolina
This is such a good thread! Not sure how I missed it.
Thank you for some good advice and insight.
We've discussed "our plan" throughout the years and it seems we're settling on staying in our current home. Pros outweigh the cons.
I just ran into an old co-worker who had moved to The Villages in Florida several years ago. She said she moved back to NC in 2020 during covid. One reason is that she suffers from asthma and Florida was so crowded she was afraid of catching the virus.
Someone mentioned nursing homes during covid and thinking about it, that would be a big concern.
Anyway, we are now looking at what we need to do to make this a good plan.
Thank you for some good advice and insight.
We've discussed "our plan" throughout the years and it seems we're settling on staying in our current home. Pros outweigh the cons.
I just ran into an old co-worker who had moved to The Villages in Florida several years ago. She said she moved back to NC in 2020 during covid. One reason is that she suffers from asthma and Florida was so crowded she was afraid of catching the virus.
Someone mentioned nursing homes during covid and thinking about it, that would be a big concern.
Anyway, we are now looking at what we need to do to make this a good plan.
Had to get rid of the stairs in our large home, which ended up with us moving back to the east coast (where we were both from originally) to be near one of our children. We moved to a senior independent community. No meals or medical services as part of the deal here, it's all independent living, but you have to be 55. Beautiful apartments, no stairs.
Since then,my husband passed away, and I decided to move again, to a smaller apartment in the same community. (One person does not need three bedrooms.) That was 8 years ago, and I am so happy I did it. This building has a very lively and friendly social life, also it's newer and prettier. I still live independently, but finally broke down and got a cleaning lady once every two weeks. So far, this is an ideal setup for me. I hope it lasts; I'm enjoying my life. Most people seem to be happier living "independently," but near at least some of their family and friends.
Since then,my husband passed away, and I decided to move again, to a smaller apartment in the same community. (One person does not need three bedrooms.) That was 8 years ago, and I am so happy I did it. This building has a very lively and friendly social life, also it's newer and prettier. I still live independently, but finally broke down and got a cleaning lady once every two weeks. So far, this is an ideal setup for me. I hope it lasts; I'm enjoying my life. Most people seem to be happier living "independently," but near at least some of their family and friends.
Warrigal
SF VIP
- Location
- Sydney, Australia
Thanks Muskrat. We are doing OK, with lots of support from family, friends and the carers in the nursing home. It is indeed a challenging time but to my mind that is what marriage is for. We made vows that included loving each other through the rough, and the smooth. At our age caring for each other during the rough is not a trial, it is a gift and a privilege. The icing on the wedding cake, so to speak.
Tomorrow Hubby and I will celebrate Fathers Day in our home with our daughter and son. Every milestone will be an occasion for rejoicing from now on. No regrets now or in the future.
Thanks, John, that made sense. Just the kick in the pants I needed. Yesterday I bit the bullet and contacted Jacuzzi for an estimate on a walk in shower. The guy came to the house, they seemed like they had high quality materials, had some beautiful enclosures, etc., we settled on a price (they will negotiate, by the way) and the deed is done! Lead time is 10 weeks, so it will be awhile before I get to actually use it. Can't wait!
Muskrat
Senior Member
- Location
- Mainly arizona
Something else to consider. Living in any home independently is MUCH less expensive than assisted living. Even if rehab costs are in the thousands of dollars…but keep you functional in your home years longer they are well well worth it.
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
Now you have me thinking along those lines. Keep us posted on how it works out! Photos would be great! Thanks!Thanks, John, that made sense. Just the kick in the pants I needed. Yesterday I bit the bullet and contacted Jacuzzi for an estimate on a walk in shower. The guy came to the house, they seemed like they had high quality materials, had some beautiful enclosures, etc., we settled on a price (they will negotiate, by the way) and the deed is done! Lead time is 10 weeks, so it will be awhile before I get to actually use it. Can't wait!
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
I had learned that also. Yes, it is MUCH less expensive to stay home independently. I just have to "tweak" it as the needs arise.
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
It seems you have found your happy place! It is independent living, as you state, but it also has amenities, like no stairs, newer and prettier, and a social life. I'm glad you are enjoying your life!
Will do!
When I bought this house (40 years ago), I planned to age in place. The house was perfect fit (single mom with 3 teens) - 4 bedrooms with a self contained "Granny suite" (aka basement suite). My plan was to eventually move into the suite as there are NO STAIRS if entered from the back (3 steps from the front).
Also why I chose my house. 4 beds, 3 baths, 2 bedrooms with baths in case the parents needed to come live with us. My inlaws passed before they needed it but my Mom came to live with me for a couple of years.
Put her in the master large room, got a shower chair, and pull down shower head. When she got to where she could not shower I could still get her in the shower to bath her. There were also wide open spaces so she would not have trouble with her walker. When things got hard for her to get to the toilet I put in a bedside toilet.
She was only put into care when things got so bad with the dementia. She would get up during the night, not know where she was and fell many times. I had a baby monitor but would not hear anything until she fell. She could not remember to call for me.
I still have everything as I am sure I will need it as I age. I just pray the dementia is not in my future. The rest I can handle.
Put her in the master large room, got a shower chair, and pull down shower head. When she got to where she could not shower I could still get her in the shower to bath her. There were also wide open spaces so she would not have trouble with her walker. When things got hard for her to get to the toilet I put in a bedside toilet.
She was only put into care when things got so bad with the dementia. She would get up during the night, not know where she was and fell many times. I had a baby monitor but would not hear anything until she fell. She could not remember to call for me.
I still have everything as I am sure I will need it as I age. I just pray the dementia is not in my future. The rest I can handle.
oscash
Senior Member
- Location
- Sydney - Australia
bingo - So sorry to read about the passing of your husband.
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
It looks like you've planned well! I like the idea of the suite not having stairs! That is something I am trying to tackle with my house, which has stairs anyway you enter!
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
Wow! You really understand what aging in place is all about! The shower chair, pull down shower head, and bedside toilet. All smart ideas. Sorry that your mom had dementia! That must have been tough for you.
palides2021
Well-known Member
- Location
- MidAtlantic, USA
Beautifully said! Enjoy Father's Day with your family!