I feel like I’m losing my relationship with my adult daughter and teenage granddaughter, even though we live right next door. A few years ago my health problems started limiting my ability to do normal household chores and cleaning. I asked my daughter if she could offer me a little help. I know she’s busy, as a single mom, but wasn’t asking for a lot. I now live in a hoarder house that is beyond caring for at all. They don’t want to talk about it, they don’t even want to acknowledge the reality. I can’t afford to pay anyone and refuse to have anyone to come to my home, even for needed for repairs.They never come to my house because it’s too disgusting for them but don’t have a problem with me living in these conditions. It is embarrassing and humiliating. I spoiled my daughter too much growing up. I’m still providing her a place to live. Her job doesn’t pay enough for her to live on. My granddaughter tells me I’m selfish and only care about myself. This coming from the person I love more than anything in the world. I considered suicide, but I don’t want to make my family feel guilty. So I decided that was not a option. I’m not qualified for a nursing home and would really prefer dying to that. I can only be thankful for my dogs and cats, who give me greatly needed love. I’m also thankful for the years that my girls and I had a loving, laugh- filled relationship. I have tryed to initiate a meaningful conversation but it never works out well. I am at the point now that I’m giving up and my destiny is to live and die in these circumstances. Never could I imagine that my life would be like this.