Emotional/Psychological Abuse

My Ace score is 2

I grew up in a normal family.
But married a malignant narcissist. I see all my stories in this thread. I left twice but could not handle the stalking.
A closet smoker, I had become. I wish for all of us to be well. Mentally, emotionally and physically. ❤️❤️❤️
I dated one of those types once. He stalked me when things were going well. Once leaving his stalking became scary. I hope you are safe now. Good luck on quitting. One of our members here has quit smoking. It’s been 7 plus months for @Aunt Marg. Maybe she can give you some tips. Welcome to the site.
 

I find myself concerned around the perception by some that NPD is an easily managed, low level affliction. Perhaps there may be some narcissists who fit that description, but I have never met one. If an individual has had experience in dealing with NPD, and successfully escaped their clutches, yes, it is quite likely they will

recognise the pathology and avoid such persons in future. Otherwise, NPD has a catastrophic effect on the lives of the unfortunate victims tormented by an apex emotional predator who knows full well what they are

doing, and thoroughly enjoys it. It is difficult enough to deal with the fallout of such abuse without having to feel ashamed for being unable to avoid or control it. So many of the victims are young, children, teens, young

adults. They lack the knowledge, strength and coping skills of mature adults. Others
are simply too brainwashed/broken/poverty stricken etc to do anything but shutdown. I have been where they are, and I send, love, compassion, and support for their recovery. 💕
 
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I dated one of those types once. He stalked me when things were going well. Once leaving his stalking became scary. I hope you are safe now. Good luck on quitting. One of our members here has quit smoking. It’s been 7 plus months for @Aunt Marg. Maybe she can give you some tips. Welcome to the site.
Keesha, you got the 7 right, but in weeks. :)

Hoping and praying I can make it to the end...
 

I dated one of those types once. He stalked me when things were going well. Once leaving his stalking became scary. I hope you are safe now. Good luck on quitting. One of our members here has quit smoking. It’s been 7 plus months for @Aunt Marg. Maybe she can give you some tips. Welcome to the site.
Thanks Keesha. Yes I am safe now. With police records, now he keeps his hands to himself.

I disengaged emotionally. Civil, polite, respectful. A biblical wife.

When there’s “verbal diarrhea”, I can easily decipher his actual needs or wants. He used to burn down my whole forest. Now I feed him a log or two.

Ah yes, Aunt Marg! She’s great! I admire her resolute!
 
Thanks Keesha. Yes I am safe now. With police records, now he keeps his hands to himself.

I disengaged emotionally. Civil, polite, respectful. A biblical wife.

When there’s “verbal diarrhea”, I can easily decipher his actual needs or wants. He used to burn down my whole forest. Now I feed him a log or two.

Ah yes, Aunt Marg! She’s great! I admire her resolute!
I admire your strength, but I have concern for your emotional well being. 🤗
 
Thanks Shalimar.
Growing up, I was an extrovert. An outdoor girl, climbing trees and catching spiders. Then movies and disco...

I’m more introverted now, preferring and happy to spend time alone, by myself.

I do volunteer work with the intellectually challenged. I believe I’m still in touch with love and compassion. And I enjoy practicing Taichi.

That said, emotional well being is not a A+ grade. But it’s a pass.
 
Thanks Shalimar.
Growing up, I was an extrovert. An outdoor girl, climbing trees and catching spiders. Then movies and disco...

I’m more introverted now, preferring and happy to spend time alone, by myself.

I do volunteer work with the intellectually challenged. I believe I’m still in touch with love and compassion. And I enjoy practicing Taichi.

That said, emotional well being is not a A+ grade. But it’s a pass.
You are most welcome. T’ai Chi works wonders for me also. If you are able to serve others, yes, you definitely are in touch with love and compassion. Sometimes, under the circumstances, a pass is the best grade we can manage.

Funny how, for some, the broken places are where the light shines the brightest. Sister, I salute you. Often, our brokenness is the greatest gift we have to offer.💕
 
I find myself concerned around the perception by some that NPD is an easily managed, low level affliction. Perhaps there may be some narcissists who fit that description, but I have never met one. If an individual has had experience in dealing with NPD, and successfully escaped their clutches, yes, it is quite likely they will

recognise the pathology and avoid such persons in future. Otherwise, NPD has a catastrophic effect on the lives of the unfortunate victims tormented by an apex emotional predator who knows full well what they are

doing, and thoroughly enjoys it. It is difficult enough to deal with the fallout of such abuse without having to feel ashamed for being unable to avoid or control it. So many of the victims are young, children, teens, young

adults. They lack the knowledge, strength and coping skills of mature adults. Others
are simply too brainwashed/broken/poverty stricken etc to do anything but shutdown. I have been where they are, and I send, love, compassion, and support for their recovery. 💕
It was a difficult journey, an understatement. I would wet my pillow every night and (until now - out of habit) began to keep a towel under my pillow.

With the internet, I pray the young ones will (hopefully) reach out, or at least, search and read up to empower themselves.
 
It was a difficult journey, an understatement. I would wet my pillow every night and (until now - out of habit) began to keep a towel under my pillow.

With the internet, I pray the young ones will (hopefully) reach out, or at least, search and read up to empower themselves.
I do also. Certainly, there is more support readily available now.
 
Thanks Keesha. Yes I am safe now. With police records, now he keeps his hands to himself.

I disengaged emotionally. Civil, polite, respectful. A biblical wife.

When there’s “verbal diarrhea”, I can easily decipher his actual needs or wants. He used to burn down my whole forest. Now I feed him a log or two.

Ah yes, Aunt Marg! She’s great! I admire her resolute!
Sometimes getting police involved completely changes dynamics in these types of hostile relationships and nothing speaks louder than filing a report with the police. It’s also validating to the victim. There’s legal documentation of criminal behaviour which speaks volumes. Plus proper help is often offered at this point in time like ‘free’ counselling. Counselling thats geared towards domestic violence.

Now you feed him a log or two?
So you are still in touch with him?
That’s somewhat concerning.
If it were me, I’d do a ‘no contact’ relationship but that’s due to my own personal experience.

My ex called me about 25 years ago. I’m not sure how he got my number but it was the last time I heard from him.
 
I didn't know about the ACE test so just tried it, I got a 3, but I feel that the questions focus too much on physical abuse ,,, sure it's harmful both physically and mentally, but emotional neglect takes a mighty toll on a child too.
Both my parents were what's described as 'stoic', never showed any emotion, no hugs, words of endearment etc altho' I did well at school and I think now that I was always looking for something to make them show that I was worthy,

I find my past just too shameful to discuss, many,many failed relationships until I met and married my 2nd husband, a good and kind man who died too soon.

Now, I have only one friend and am almost a recluse, I just don't trust anyone and altho' I'd love to meet new people, I'm paranoid that if I like someone, that they'll use me in some way ... pathetic!!!
 
I didn't know about the ACE test so just tried it, I got a 3, but I feel that the questions focus too much on physical abuse ,,, sure it's harmful both physically and mentally, but emotional neglect takes a mighty toll on a child too.
Both my parents were what's described as 'stoic', never showed any emotion, no hugs, words of endearment etc altho' I did well at school and I think now that I was always looking for something to make them show that I was worthy,

I find my past just too shameful to discuss, many,many failed relationships until I met and married my 2nd husband, a good and kind man who died too soon.

Now, I have only one friend and am almost a recluse, I just don't trust anyone and altho' I'd love to meet new people, I'm paranoid that if I like someone, that they'll use me in some way ... pathetic!!!
it's not pathetic. it's one of today's realities. and some people are really good about hiding who they really are.
 
I didn't know about the ACE test so just tried it, I got a 3, but I feel that the questions focus too much on physical abuse ,,, sure it's harmful both physically and mentally, but emotional neglect takes a mighty toll on a child too.
Both my parents were what's described as 'stoic', never showed any emotion, no hugs, words of endearment etc altho' I did well at school and I think now that I was always looking for something to make them show that I was worthy,

I find my past just too shameful to discuss, many,many failed relationships until I met and married my 2nd husband, a good and kind man who died too soon.

Now, I have only one friend and am almost a recluse, I just don't trust anyone and altho' I'd love to meet new people, I'm paranoid that if I like someone, that they'll use me in some way ... pathetic!!!
Hi maybenot

It’s a pattern you need to break, hugs.
No shame. No blame.
Think about growth. Seek growth.
It took me ten years to get to where I am. More hugs :)
 
Thanks for those kind words Zen, but I'm afraid that I was fooled again 3 yrs ago, and altho' I knew from the 3 month mark that he was a narc, ( happened to stumble on a Q site that made me recognise the traits) I remained his supply for another 2 yrs before I found the guts to call it a day ... thus pathetic!
 
Of course you’re not pathetic!
You are brave! Cos you broke free!
And you are lucky too.
It’s not easy to break free from the full blown ones!!!
So take heart, some work and some luck and you will soon be at a good place <3

Hugs
 
One woman every week is killed in Australia by her ex-partner or partner and violence protection orders don’t work. One man who was consumed with hatred for his wife, drove his 3 sons into a dam and let them drown to ‘teach her a lesson.’ Last month, a man strapped his baby to his chest and jumped off a wall, killing them both instantly. Custody battles are out of control.

This man followed his wife from picking up the children after school and threw petrol into the car and burnt them all to death.

murder2.jpg
Baxter was offered "three days one week and four the next" in a custody arrangement, but rejected it against his lawyer's advice.

He rejected his lawyer's advice in mediation and refused to sign a consent order offered by Hannah allowing him 165 days of custody a year."He had three days one week and four the next," the source said.

"He got the children back but... he wanted 50-50, that was it. It was his way or nothing."………
.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02...ree-children-dead-car-fire-camp-hill/11979628
 
🙏

Education on narcissism is important. The ability to put into practice is more important.
Most importantly, the *decision* and the *determination* to learn and practice.
 
One woman every week is killed in Australia by her ex-partner or partner and violence protection orders don’t work. One man who was consumed with hatred for his wife, drove his 3 sons into a dam and let them drown to ‘teach her a lesson.’ Last month, a man strapped his baby to his chest and jumped off a wall, killing them both instantly. Custody battles are out of control.

This man followed his wife from picking up the children after school and threw petrol into the car and burnt them all to death.

View attachment 163686
Baxter was offered "three days one week and four the next" in a custody arrangement, but rejected it against his lawyer's advice.

He rejected his lawyer's advice in mediation and refused to sign a consent order offered by Hannah allowing him 165 days of custody a year."He had three days one week and four the next," the source said.

"He got the children back but... he wanted 50-50, that was it. It was his way or nothing."………
.

https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-02...ree-children-dead-car-fire-camp-hill/11979628
The people of this world have truly lost their way.
 
We all manipulate others to do what we desire. When the manipulation is subconscious we try to make others like our selves. This all very normal. This can become a dynamic that can turn ugly and does. The victims of abusers automatically have some degree of PTSD. To some degree we all have it too. When violence is involved a new level has been reached. We all agree the act is illegal, expect the perps. What we each do with it varies widely. Learning how to control ourselves, not suppress, is a worth goal.
 

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