How alone are you?

rgp

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 22, 2017
Location
Milford,OH
My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.

I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.

"we don't have anything in common except blood. "

Strange how blood relatives can be so 'unattached'....but I am aware of it / heard of it before.

Anyway, Welcome !!
 

Radrook

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2018
Location
USA
I am totally alone. No friends, no family.
 

RadishRose

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2014
Location
Connecticut USA
My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.

I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.
Just wondering, do you take a meal with them on a regular basis throughout the week? These days it's hard to have the family sit down together each evening for a meal, but I'm hoping you can, often.

If I may ask, hold old are your great grandchildren?
 

PVC

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2017
Location
Southern AZ
Victor,

I'm at the other end, LOL!

I have no close family or friends left.

My only human contact is with merchants, chance meetings on the street and the internet.

It's not a life I chose it's simply the life I have.

I have made efforts to meet people and develop new friendships but for me, it's just too uncomfortable a process so I stay in my comfortable little rut.

My only concern at this point is that I don't have anyone that I can depend on in an emergency but I've decided that is what 911 is for.

Why do you ask?

B
Aunt Bea, I am exactly in your shoes. BUT, I am a loner and a b1tch and want it that way, but you sound so sweet and kind and wise. I'm very surprised!
 

PVC

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2017
Location
Southern AZ
I know you’re right April about a pet. It’s like I’m frozen as far as making any decisions. Dog? Cat?
I love animals, so please make sure you want a pet before you get one. I hate it when they're given away when situations change or they become a chore or an inconvenience. You might want to travel when you are healed and pets can be a hindrance to travel. Wait a year or more before you decide to get one and only if you truly love animals. Sorry about your loss.
 

PVC

Active member
Joined
Apr 17, 2017
Location
Southern AZ
My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.

I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.
You came to the right place. I can honestly say this is the nicest forum I've even been a member of and thank my lucky stars that I found it. I am not very sociable but still need human interaction once in a while and this forum fills that need for me. WELCOME!
 

Morningglory

New member
Joined
May 27, 2018
Location
Missouri
Sorry Rad, but I know how you feel somewhat, I do a e family and a couple friends but don't see often, I would like to be your friend��
 

John Bull

Banned
Joined
Aug 25, 2018
Location
Luton UK
[h=1]"How alone are you?"[/h]100% and it is soul destroying, living in a nice house but more like a mausoleum, full of contents belonging to my two beloved dead wives and several worshipped pets. No friends or family and no interest in bouncing around trying to socialise.
 

Morningglory

New member
Joined
May 27, 2018
Location
Missouri
HI John Bull, Welcome to senior forum, we all here have something in common, hope you can find some comfort knowing you are not alone.
 

Ronni

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 22, 2018
Location
Nashville TN
I have 5 kids (one girl 4 boys) and 10 grandkids. My oldest lives across the country with his wife and 4 kids, but I go visit once or twice a year. The rest live here in the Nashville area. My daughter and I are very close, we talk every day, I spend a lot of time with her and her husband and the three kids, at their urging. It helps that I do a lot of babysitting here and there ;) but I'm very lucky to have a son-in-law who is so accepting of me and enjoys having me around whether I'm watching his kids or not! There are many family get togethers through the year, whether it's someone's birthday or a celebration of a seasonal event, plus my I see my boys at other times too...lunch, or we go to a movie, or they want help with something or I do.

Because I'm a dancer as a hobby, I have a number of close friends and many acquaintances through the dance community here, and we're always up to something...going to a new dance venue, heading out to a movie, doing lunch, whatever strikes the fancy. I belong to several groups too, and have more friends there, and there are lunches and drinks and other get togethers that have evolved from that as well.

It's funny, because I am also perfectly happy with my own company...I don't NEED all this, don't have to have it, but life has evolved this way for me. I am NOT the sort who feels the need to get out every day. If I wasn't working, and didn't have as many demands on my time as I do with the many events and outings and appointments that are always popping up, I would be perfectly happy to stay at home for days on end. When I was married and a stay at home mom, nothing pleased me more than to not have to go out anywhere. A full week straight of being at home was heaven!!
 

Victor

Active member
Joined
Nov 19, 2014
Location
midwest USA
Original Poster
Imagine you are on a baseball or football field and you are totally alone.
The only people who know you and will have personal conversations are on the sidelines
or in the bullpen or the bench. Others are outside the stadium or park completely. part of your
life only indirectly.
Then you may understand the situation of some loners. This is not a nightmare. It is reality.
Or perhaps on a tennis court with walls around it.
People who say they are happy alone may be or they may be talking sour grapes--or "sweet lemons"
that is rationalizing that a sour situation is really better or sweet.
 

CindyLouWho

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 19, 2017
Location
USA
Imagine you are on a baseball or football field and you are totally alone.
The only people who know you and will have personal conversations are on the sidelines
or in the bullpen or the bench. Others are outside the stadium or park completely. part of your
life only indirectly.
Then you may understand the situation of some loners. This is not a nightmare. It is reality.
Or perhaps on a tennis court with walls around it.
People who say they are happy alone may be or they may be talking sour grapes--or "sweet lemons"
that is rationalizing that a sour situation is really better or sweet.
Victor, I think I can empathize with your situation. There surely are individuals out there in the world that truly enjoy being alone (loners), others who possibly might rationalize being alone as being "content" and "happy", because that is how they cope with their unchanging, seemingly inevitable situation, and then, of course, those who are truly alone and lonely and do not wish to be alone.

For the people who are lonely and unhappy being alone, maybe the best solution is to first accept that you are alone, try to make the best of each day, in hopes that you're situation is temporary and that you will eventually, make friends or a special someone will come into your life. I realize, as we get older it does seem more difficult to be motivated to put ourselves out there and try to develop meaningful relationships, especially, if you are one to stay in the comfort of your home and not venture out.

I wish I knew the quick and easy answer.
 

C'est Moi

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 31, 2017
Location
Houston Y'all
Imagine you are on a baseball or football field and you are totally alone.
The only people who know you and will have personal conversations are on the sidelines
or in the bullpen or the bench. Others are outside the stadium or park completely. part of your
life only indirectly.
Then you may understand the situation of some loners. This is not a nightmare. It is reality.
Or perhaps on a tennis court with walls around it.
People who say they are happy alone may be or they may be talking sour grapes--or "sweet lemons"
that is rationalizing that a sour situation is really better or sweet.
Victor--I think you are defining "lonely" as opposed to "alone." Many people truly do prefer their own company. The older I get, the more I appreciate being left alone. If I craved the company of others, I'd seek out senior centers where I could interact with people my age and experience.
 

CindyLouWho

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 19, 2017
Location
USA
Victor--I think you are defining "lonely" as opposed to "alone." Many people truly do prefer their own company. The older I get, the more I appreciate being left alone. If I craved the company of others, I'd seek out senior centers where I could interact with people my age and experience.
C'est Moi, I'm not sure in your case, but I think the big difference too to those who appreciate being left alone or to be alone and can say that...but they know they are going home to family members or friends that will be there, versus being alone, living by yourself and 24/7 alone time results in being lonely. Each wants the opposite.
 

C'est Moi

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 31, 2017
Location
Houston Y'all
C'est Moi, I'm not sure in your case, but I think the big difference too to those who appreciate being left alone or to be alone and can say that...but they know they are going home to family members or friends that will be there, versus being alone, living by yourself and 24/7 alone time results in being lonely. Each wants the opposite.
I'm sure that's true for many people, Cindy. I have never had the experience of being totally alone in the world, so alone time is something I look forward to.
 

CindyLouWho

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 19, 2017
Location
USA
I'm sure that's true for many people, Cindy. I have never had the experience of being totally alone in the world, so alone time is something I look forward to.
Oh, you are so fortunate, C'est Moi, best of both worlds, so to speak.

I had a that style of life until I divorced a few years back. It was like going through a horrible whirlwind....I fought my way back, but it flips what you once knew as normal upside down, as far as all the people that you didn't expect to leave your life, leave too. Found out you don't just divorce the spouse, you are left quite alone. (Was fine with leaving spouse, for the better).

I'm young, relatively (50's), and refuse to give up or give in. Temporary situation, must be meant to be.
 

GeorgiaXplant

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Location
Georgia
My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.

I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.
I'm sort of in that kind of situation except it's my daughter and son-in-law and two grands, and I'm not housebound. I have more than a room, a whole small apartment attached to their house, and I sometimes feel like they don't like me, too, then remind myself that they have their owns lives. I still do my own housekeeping and laundry, and join them for dinner on the rare occasions when my daughter cooks or when she sweet-talks me into cooking.

It's the human contact I miss so when I'm not in the garden, I just surf from site to site looking for somebody to "talk" to.
 

Keesha

Playful Scamp
Joined
Mar 28, 2018
Location
Canada
Victor--I think you are defining "lonely" as opposed to "alone." Many people truly do prefer their own company. The older I get, the more I appreciate being left alone. If I craved the company of others, I'd seek out senior centers where I could interact with people my age and experience.
I’ve gotta agree here. Some people enjoy their own company and don’t feel lonely when they are alone so there definitely IS a difference. I’m by myself 50% of the time and marinate in my alone time.
Of course I’m not totally alone because I have two dogs that follow me around like shadows.

I have friends and know where to go to interact with others if I ever want company and of course have a husband that’s here sometimes :laugh:but I never crave others people’s company and I don’t feel bad or like there is something seriously wrong with me. In fact I’m happy with being interverted loner.
 

Brent Stangel

New member
Joined
Oct 3, 2018
Nobody tells me I can't
Nobody tells me I shan't
No one to say, "You're doing it wrong"
I'm at my best, I'm where I belong: alone
~The Pretenders
 

BadPenny

New member
Joined
Sep 13, 2018
Location
Dallas, Texas
Oh dear, I am so alone since my husband died 2 1/2 years ago. I was always somewhat of a loner as I never feel like I fit in most of the time, but my time with Earl transcended all that, and we really never needed anyone but each other. More than anything I miss the way he would smile anytime I walked into a room.

I have family, a couple of brothers and a son, but I rarely speak with them and they don't visit me either.

But I do have a support system. I have played these online games for years, and my friends on them have really stepped up, and I feel less lonely because of them.

It's only late at night, when the TV goes off for the day and things get quiet that I really suffer. The silence is maddeningly quiet and there are many times I give up on sleep and get back up and turn on the TV just for noise, then it's back on the internet to play games. I often wonder when I will return to normal.

The biggest obstacle I face now though is decision making. Earl always handled the major life decisions. He asked for my input, granted, but it was always his final word. I struggle with my finances and prioritizing basic aspects of my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed to failure.
 

hollydolly

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 29, 2014
Location
London England
BadPenny you're not doomed to failure...don't think like that please. This is where we're a lucky generation because we get to meet people at the tip of our fingers, we get to ask questions, we get to gain advice and wisdom from those we never meet but who care about us... We get to find clubs and meeting places that we might never have known about without this machine at our fingertips.. so please never feel alone or in despair, we're all out here for you all .. whenever you feel lonely just turn the computer on for a chat, whenever you need advice do the same thing..if none of us can help with anything, we can find information for advise for you.. but for all of you, who are lonely, please just come and chat with us, we're all here to be your friend, despite the distances between us !!
 

debodun

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 6, 2014
I'm alone but not lonely. I never had any close relationships, so like the old saying - you don't miss what you never had. I find little ways to keep busy, even if it's working as a volunteer.
 

john19485

Active member
Joined
Feb 19, 2018
Were you in the pacific WW11 , my dad did the landings
My granddaughter, her husband and 4 great grand kids live in my house with me. Even so, I am alone in my room 90% of the time. They have their own life and since I'm housebound, it almost never includes me. It's not like they don't like me, although sometimes I think it is, but they have their own lives and because of the multi generation gap we don't have anything in common except blood.

I'm not complaining, without them I could not live here and would probably have to go to the old folds home. They do the shopping and take care of the house, things I couldn't do myself. In return I provide them with free housing. I just need human contact so resort to the computer. I had very good friends on another site but they appear to be closed. I hope to make new friends here to maybe chat with and exchange ideas.
 


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