How alone are you?

Debbie, my situation is something like yours. My 20-year relationship with my female domestic partner ended in April 2018, and the going has been rough for me. Even though I'm relieved of my sometimes bad, sometimes not bad at all caregiver duties, I'm challenged to reorient my life and make my existence meaningful. That's not an easy task, but I'm trying and will continue to try. What else can I do ?
 

Bad Penny, my situation is somewhat like yours. I lost my twenty-year female domestic partner 6 months ago, and the going has been no picnic. But I have to get myself back on track emotionally. That's what life is about--dealing with setbacks, sometimes severe ones. I hope you and all the others in a similar situation can find your way to better times and back to feeling good about things. I don't know how to do that, but I'm trying.
 
Every person is different, when I went home from the hospital . I think I was 22, I would not talk to anyone about what happen, so I had myself, it felt like I was having a heart attack a lot of the time , it hurt so bad at night, my dad was not doing so good, he was having heart trouble, I got remarried in a hurry to the wrong person , both our faults, it took me at least 20 years just to stop thinking about my first wife every moment, I would think I saw her in a car, along the road exc.. just took me along time, I married after my second wife, we have been married now for 45 years, we have raised three kids, have 11 grandchildren, I care for my wife deeply, but you know I'm still lonely, I pray sometimes at night for god to take me, that's all I have to say on the subject.
 

John, of course I don't know you and so I'm not speaking specifically about your circumstances, but with that you have brought up a thought of mine when I allow myself to think about it, is that just being human as ourselves, even when being among other human beings, is actually a lonely thing. We live in our minds where no else can enter and we can't get to read anyone else's minds either. That makes us alone.
 
Aunt Bea said:
I'm at the other end, LOL! B
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Other than being 35 minutes from my son and preferring this more solitary life you and I share a common lifestyle.
In fact when I do go over to my sons place my vocal cords actually have to strain to speak because of not talking for so many days.

For me my only gripe is not having that one or two people I could reach out to when I needed to bounce some ideas off of.
Sure there are people in this new 'civilized' living arrangement I now have but they are 'civilized' and thus come with preconceived notions.
You would not believe some of the things we bounced off of one another and no one was ever judgemental
....why did I ever leave that home on the frontier
 
Pete said:
Other than being 35 minutes from my son and preferring this more solitary life you and I share a common lifestyle.
In fact when I do go over to my sons place my vocal cords actually have to strain to speak because of not talking for so many days.

For me my only gripe is not having that one or two people I could reach out to when I needed to bounce some ideas off of.
Sure there are people in this new 'civilized' living arrangement I now have but they are 'civilized' and thus come with preconceived notions.
You would not believe some of the things we bounced off of one another and no one was ever judgemental
....why did I ever leave that home on the frontier
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Don't give up, Pete!

No matter what happens they can't take your memories.

Keep writing, keep telling your story, keep bouncing those ideas off of the people you meet and eventually one will bounce back.

QST-Sep-1924-p37-2-CQ-cartoon-1024x1019.jpg
 
Seniors Living Alone + How alone are you? reply to Debbiei n Seattle

debbie in seattle said:
I too, am alone. My husband passed May 14, this year. It’s terrible. I have friends, but they’re married, have kids, grandkids, etc. one of my daughters live in Az., the other not 10 miles away, but hates me, yes, hates me because she feels I should split the money my husband and I had prior to his death into thirds, naturally, 1/3 to her. Yes, it’s crazy. I am at a total loss, what do I do with all my time? It’s terrible.
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I feel alone too but I like it this way. I can look like a bag lady and I don't care. My family (kids and siblings) are scattered all over and they have family of their own so when they remember to call of email is when I connect with them. Also has a daughter that after buying a mobile home for her and her kids and paying for mobile home lot for 7 years for them, I transferred the title for her to pay to make rent payment to lot as I am retiring and will not have extra money. Well after 2 months, lost the mobile home - non-payment of lot rental. I was again faulted for abandoning her (she's 41 now - her father will not give me a divorce unless he has the kids (already in their teens) so I can pay child support which I did and had to pay twice (he sued me for back child support) as I gave the monies directly to the kids since he spending the money on the ponies. She cursed me and was called a bitch. I had since said for her not to contact me. In the meantime, I have her oldest child living with me as I sent her to take secretarial skills. Sometimes it is better to be alone!
 
I've lived alone for the majority of my adult life. I got married when I was 49 years old. (Late bloomer?!). It was a very lonely 5 years. I knew almost from the start that the marriage was a mistake. We agreed to part as friends. It was a bit of an adjustment for me. By that time I found it much harder to cope with housekeeping, shopping etc. At the same time many aspects of my life picked up! I got new dentures, started making YouTube videos etc. After a few years I stopped doing videos. Eventually I moved from Maine back to Minnesota to be near family. I moved into the same building as my brother. I hadn't seen him in over 30 years. I found the relationship stressful because he was so self-centered. Now my brother has moved into a nursing home.. he's too far away for me to visit. I miss him just a bit. I had limited our visits to once a week because that was about all I could stand. It's harder for me to cope with housecleaning, and grocery shopping. I sometimes fear that I'm being overwhelmed by everything, and may pass my remain days alone. But I insist that any relationship will be mutually beneficial.. No more family abuse for me.
 
Aunt Bea said:
keep bouncing those ideas off of the people you meet and eventually one will bounce back.
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....as long as the one that bounces back is not at the end of a two by four!

thanks for the thoughts and that image brought a smile to this old mans face.
 
I've been on my own for 20 years now. Haven't even really dated anyone. I've had the odd coffee date. My last relationship 20 years ago ended badly and I decided to take time to get to know me. Of course I was only 47 years old then. Now at 67 years old, I feel pretty invisible to the male species. I am independent for sure but still wonder if I will ever meet someone to spend whatever years I have left.
 
Curious, those living alone, how often do you have a social personal conversation
with someone (not business or medical) that lasts more than a few minutes--on phone
or in person? For me it is weekly or so.
 
just about every day with female friends...Victor. I meet up with friends when my dog and I go hiking. Plus I have a horse and lots of barn friends. I also work part time at the farm so boarders stand around and chat. And I still work full time as well so chat with co-workers at shift change. The home I work at is single staffed.
 
I live alone. I also live in a fairly rural area. Plus, I'm disabled- I'm in a wheelchair. Now, I can't drive. That keeps me at home. Transportation is a big problem. A taxi ride to my neurologist costs me $40-50 ONE way. Also, I've been disabled for 18 years, and home bound, so my circle of friends has deteriorated.
 
Sounds like you're hanging in there, Rick. I like your favorite books, but you left out Puff, mother and father! I'll bet a nice set of those would cost a pretty penny now! Keep your chin up, Chuck
 
fuzzybuddy said:
I live alone. I also live in a fairly rural area. Plus, I'm disabled- I'm in a wheelchair. Now, I can't drive. That keeps me at home. Transportation is a big problem. A taxi ride to my neurologist costs me $40-50 ONE way. Also, I've been disabled for 18 years, and home bound, so my circle of friends has deteriorated.
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I'm confused fuzzy, I thought that you had relocated to an assisted living facility.

Are you back home?
 
Yeah, right now I'm at the home. I'm going back home in a week or two. But I'm going back to the same situation as before I got ill. While I met some good friends here,at the home; I want to be back home, even if socializing is limited.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Yeah, right now I'm at the home. I'm going back home in a week or two. But I'm going back to the same situation as before I got ill. While I met some good friends here,at the home; I want to be back home, even if socializing is limited.
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At this stage in your life situation, you need some help with care. I remember reading that you were looking at selling your big rural place and moving to a more central location closer to available help. Here in AZ we have a Council of Aging where they can look at your situation and either give you or suggest help. Do you have something like that there, where someone can come to your house and analyze your situation and options? If you're in a wheelchair your independence is already compromised and limited. Take care of yourself.
 
fuzzybuddy said:
Yeah, right now I'm at the home. I'm going back home in a week or two. But I'm going back to the same situation as before I got ill. While I met some good friends here,at the home; I want to be back home, even if socializing is limited.
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I hope you reconsider.

I hate to see you go back to a life of isolation especially if you have had to give up driving.

Good luck, fuzzy!
 
I'm new here, nice to "meet" you all!

I live alone, in the woods, on a dirt road in the boonies of NYS (yes, we have boonies) -- I've been here since 1982. Twice divorced, no kids, I am 68 now, BD coming up in August. Self-employed at home since 1985, still working because I enjoy it and it gives me a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

My main social function is going to the diner in the nearest town (one traffic light) five miles away. My main lunch buddies are 78 and 84 -- who make me feel young. We have a great time for an hour til it closes at 1 PM. Small town, everybody knows everybody, there are no secrets.

I'm enjoying life such that it is, in reasonably good health, although I would like a woman in my life somehow. But that isn't going to happen, so I'm just coasting along, taking life as it is, realizing that I cannot stay here forever.

The biggest negative in my life right now is estate planning. I hate all of it; it is the worst thing I've had to do in my life. So far, nothing has really been done.
 

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