Just senior humor

Home Depot Scam
Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men.
I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco, or even Wal-Mart. This one caught me totally by surprise. Over the last month, I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends.

Here's how the scam works; Two nice-looking, college-age girls will come over to your car or truck as you are packing your purchases into your vehicle. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts, almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts.
(It's impossible not to look). When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' but instead,
ask for a ride to McDonald's. Ok, this is when it really gets scary.

You agree and they climb into the vehicle. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them starts
crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet.

I had my wallet stolen MAY 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, again on the 17th, 20th, 24th,
and the 29th. Also JUNE 1st, 4th, 8th, twice on the 16th &17th, and very likely it will happen again this upcoming weekend.

So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take advantage of us older men.
Warn your friends to be vigilant.

P.S. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found even cheaper ones for $.99 at the Dollar Store. Also, you never get to eat at McDonald's. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth from Lowe's to Home Depot to Wal-Mart.

So please, send this on to all the retired men that you know and warn them to be on the lookout for this scam. (The best times are just before lunch and around 4:30 in the afternoon).
 

The Miracle Show
An old couple were sitting in their living room on a Sunday morning watching a religious program.
The preacher on this show would go to all the people in the audience and asking them what they wanted fixed,
then he would have them cover the part of their body they wanted fixed. Many of the people were elderly so they were covering their eyes and hearts. Then the preacher said "Ok now for you at home put your hand on the part of your body you want fixed and say this prayer with me. "So the little old lady put her hand on her heart,
because she had a very bad heart. And the little old man put his hands on his crotch. The little old lady
turned to her husband and said "He said he could heal the sick, not raise the dead!"
 

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4 Husbands
The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time. The interviewer asked her question about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80,
and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing
time to reflect on all those years. After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker
when she was in her 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now - in her 80's - a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married
four men with such diverse careers.

(Wait for it)

She smiled and explained,

"I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."
 
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